Content warning this is about suicide 40%
Off the top of my head I can think of 10 friends of mine that are transgender. Easily. 40% meaning four out of the ten of us have attempted suicide I heard that statistic a few weeks ago and I shook my head. Shocked. 40% Shocked. So I thought I knew the meaning of the word. I woke to a message from a friend that morning simply asking me, “Are you okay?” And I was confused.
How did he know I was one in that four?
What gave me away? 40%
I’ll never forget that statistic. It’s embedded in my brain. But it never occurred to me how many of us actually succeed. Until they did 22
That’s how old they were. He asked me “Are you okay?”
Not because I was one in that four,
But because they were. And they are gone 1995
Born in the same year as my sister.
The first thing she asks when I tell her; “Did they have any siblings?”
Because she can’t even imagine the pain of losing hers Six
The amount of times I sent the message;
”Are you safe?” in a single day 40% he could be next 40% she could be next 40% they could be next 40% I could be next The twelfth of the eighth, 2017 The date where I type the same numbers over and over writing this fucking poem because god knows I must keep my hands busy tonight 0800 745 477 The number my therapist makes me repeat over and over in her office until the digits ring through my brain each time I think about stepping out into traffic 40% 40% 40 fucking percent You must think to yourself Standing in solidarity with a trans person using the correct name
the right pronouns Its a kindness
A reason to give yourself a good old pat on the back But for us it’s not a kindness But rather for some; Its one less night spent crying ourselves to sleep
On less scar on our arms
One more day spent on this earth My chest is already tight enough with this binder compressing the breasts I should never have been born with Give me anymore of this anxiety and I will implode
Crumbling inwards the stares the hers the misses the maams,
they are deadly And we are dying so Reach out
and hold your friends close Because this world can be a dark and lonely place for transgender people and remember; 40 fucking percent