Avengers Cast Reads New Thanos Children’s Book


THE BAND TONIGHT. YOU KNOW, THE LAST AVENGERS MOVIE, “INFINITY WAR” WAS VERY DRAMATIC. GROWN ADULTS LEFT THE THEATER CRYING. WHILE CHILDREN LOVE SUPERHERO, I’M NOT SO SURE ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT INTERGALACTIC GENOCIDE. IT’S NO FUN TO SEE SPIDER-MAN DIE. SO TO GET THE KIDS BACK, WE WROTE A VERSION OF THAT MOVIE THAT IS KID-FRIENDLY. IT’S A CHILDREN’S BOOK, AND WE ASKED THE AVENGERS THEMSELVES TO READ IT FOR US. SO GO WAKE YOUR YOUNG ONES AND GATHER THEM AROUND THE TV SET, BECAUSE IT’S STORY TIME WITH THE AVENGERS.>>GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO INTELLECTUAL DIALECTAL THEATER OF THE ABSURD. I AM YOUR HOST, MARK RUFFALO, AND TONIGHT’S PERFORMANCE WILL BE AN EXCERPT FROM “‘TWAS THE MAD TITAN THAN THOSE ♪ >>’TWAS THE MAD TITAN THANOS WHO TRAVELED THROUGH SPACE. >>WITH A BIG CREEPY SMILE. >>INFINITY STONES HE COLLECTED WITH LOVE AND INSERTED EACH ONE IN HIS GAUDY GOLD GLOVE.>>HE HAD SIX STONES IN ALL, REALITY MIND AND SOUL, SPACE POWER AND TIME, HE COMPLETED HIS GOAL. WHAT A NAUGHTY BOY.>>HE GOT ALL THE STONES? REALLY?>>LOOK AT HIS CHIN IN THIS. REALLY LOOK LIKES A — CHIN LOOKS LIKE A [ BLEEP ].>>HIS GOLD GLOVE WAS GLOWING, AND WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT, HE WENT TO ACONDA, EXCITED TO SHOW IT. >>I DIDN’T GET TO GO TO ACONDA. I THINK THEY LET THE BLACK CHARACTERS GO TO WHERE THE BLACK PEOPLE WERE.>>THE AVENGERS STOOD STRONG, AND THEY SAID WE GOTCHA. BUT THANOS TORE THROUGH THEM LIKE DISCOUNT PINATAS. >>I’LL FINISH, THIS THOR EXCITEDLY SAID.>>UNFORTUNATELY, THOR SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR THE HEAD.>>YEAH, HE BLEW IT.>>[ BLEEP ] THOR.>>STILL GOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY GO THROUGH SOMETHING, UNLIKE THE REST OF THE PATHETIC LITTLE USELESS [ BLEEP ] AVENGERS. DIDN’T PUT A SCRATCH ON HIM.>>THEY REALLY SHOULD HAVE JUST CALLED ME. I WOULD HAVE GOT THIS DONE REAL QUICK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?>>THANOS SHOWED THEM HIS FINGERS, AND THEN WITH ONE SNAP — >>HE MADE HALF OF THE UNIVERSE SAY WHAT THE CRAP.>>BUCKY AND SCARLETT WHICH FALCON AND GRUT SUDDENLY BEGAN TO TURN INTO SOOT.>>GROOT, SUIT.>>YOU CAN’T FIND SOMETHING THAT TURNS INTO SOOT? I KNOW IT’S SOOT. BUT HIS NAME ISN’T GRUT. SO I COULDN’T SAY INTO GRUT AND SOOT. [ BLEEP ]. >>I MEAN, ARE WE RHYMING GROOT AND SOOT?>>BLEW AWAY IN DUST, EVEN POOR SPIDER-MAN TURNED INTO DUST. >>DUST, GUST, THAT RHYMES.>>IT’S A [ BLEEP ] — WHAT’S HIS NAME, THEIR STAR LORD. YOU KNOW? HE IS THE ONE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO STARDUST. HE GOT ALL EMOTIONAL ABOUT HIS GIRLFRIEND OR SOMETHING AND THEN BLEW THE WHOLE THING UP. THEY HAD HIM. THEY HAD HIM. BUT ANYWAY, GLAD YOU GOT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ORDERED. HALF THE UNIVERSE IS DEAD.>>THEN WITH SMOKE BILLOWING FROM HIS HAND AND HIS ARMS. >>THANOS RETREATED TO A LOVELY SPACE FARM.>>EVIL, NO, COME ON. SAG BY NUTS.>>THAT’S THE END OF OUR STORY? YOU’RE SAYING I’M GUESSING. THE ANSWER IS YES, I KNOW THAT’S DEPRESSING.>>REALLY, THAT’S A VERY UNFORTUNATE RENDERING OF ME.>>BUT THE AADVANTAGERS MAY HAVE A FEW MORE LAST TRICKS. YOU CAN FIND OUT IN THEATERS ON APRIL 2-6.>>BUT YOU PROBABLY WILL. [ BLEEP ] THOR.>>YEAH.>>[ BLEEP ] THE AVENGERS.

100 thoughts on “Avengers Cast Reads New Thanos Children’s Book

  1. Who thinks Starlord ruined infinity war? Reply if you agree! Also, it was hilarious watching the avengers read this! 😆👌

  2. I feel like Chris Evans, when he's just being himself, is more like Johnny Storm than Captain America.

  3. Is nobody going to notice Don said that he didn't go to Wakanda, but in the movie War Machine was there

  4. Whats cheedle talking about not going to wakanda? He laid down fire just as the outriders broke through the barrier and he was calling for sam just as he dusted.

  5. ”Great that you sorted out your relationship. Half of the universe is dead.”

  6. Every time someone new stars reading the crowd cheers, it’s kind of getting on my nerves

  7. 3:58 Something that we didn't see in the book is that THERE IS RONIN OVER THERE IN THE BACK

  8. Well about spiderman dying… you mean peter parker.. Yeah I don't mind, I prefer Miles Morales or O'hara (spiderman 2099)

  9. When Chris Evans swore Captain America decided to pop into my head and say "language!"

  10. I got one for the endgame portal scene (SPOILERS)

    Captain america lost his shield
    And without his shield, no one will yield

    Thanos looked at cap with a devil grin, thinking to himself, "i'm so gonna win"

    Thanos summomed his army, and the team was beaten, but cap's still standing, he will not be defeated

    He stood up, ready to fight in this mess. Until a familiar voice tells him "cap, on your left"

    A portal not far was seen in the back, and when they came out, everyone crapped.

    Panther, okoye and shuri stand in back of cap, now cap knows some heroes got his back.

    But panther wasn't the only one who's back. This new army will make thanos's army lack.

    Falcon, bucky, wanda and groot, also return, ready to fight too.

    And spiderman, strange, wasp and drax, come back to kick some thanos a**

    Ant man grows and survives as giant man, putting more heroes to safety, on the ground that looks sand

    All of the heroes group up, ready to win or cremble, then caps weild mjolnir and says "avengers assemble"

  11. I just remembered Hawkeye wasn't in the 3rd movie, so that's why he's surprised Thanos got all the Infinity Stones.

  12. Chris Hemsworth's reaction , "well at least Thor got close enough to do something, unlike the other avengers." Lol I died laughing.

  13. I love the guy who played Hawkeye was like thanos got all the stones really

  14. Did Don Cheadle forget that he spent almost the whole movie in Wakanda. His schedule isn’t that busy how could he forget

  15. Love how it was so peaceful in the beginning then after it’s just the team blaming each other 😂😂

  16. A bold effect is a meme edit.

    Twas the mad titan Thanoid who traveled through Roblox
    With a big creepy smile

    Dead memes he collected with love and inserted each one with his gaudy gold glove

    He has six memes in all, Creeper Aw Man Oof and Shrek, Rage Minecraft and Bad 2018 Rewinds, he completed his goal

    His gold glove was glowing and wouldn’t you know it, he went to Asia, excited to show it.

    The Gucci Gang stood strong, and they said “We gotcha!” But Thanoid tore threw them like Steve with Sharpness V

    “I’ll finish this!” Thory excitedly said, unfortunately Thory should’ve gone for the head.

    Thanoid showed them his fingers, and then with one Sharpness V, he made half of the universe say, what the B O O M

    Cleetus and Minecraft Steve Yoda and Pepe, suddenly began to turn into soot.

    I’ll think of some more give me suggestions

  17. Soot and Groot…?

    …then Scarlett witch, Bucky Groot and Sam, whistled away into the air like a cold winters jam…

    I don’t really know but, it’s kind of better than soot and Groot…

  18. Jingle Bells
    Thanos Smells
    Half of them dusted away
    Peter died
    We all cried
    Avengers all the way
    Hey!

  19. Thor is 9999,0000000000000000 present right and the chest has very special things inside presides Thor did the most damaged to thanos then anyone so 😤😤😤😤 and war machine was there at wakanda remember 😌

  20. I like how Don Cheadle says he didn't get to go to Wakanda…he was literally in Wakanda for a good portion of the movie

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