I think we should do a poem right now, if that’s okay. This poem is a little bit sappy, a little bit
romantic, so… get it out of the way now. And we will go back to the dirty stuff. Everyone loves a little late show or whatever. It’s called “I Fuck Sluts”. It’s not a role call, but thank you. Sluts, sluts. I fuck sluts. Sluts get fucked when I fuck sluts. No “ifs”, “ands” and/or “buts”. I fuck sluts. Nice girls are nice, but no good for nut-sucking. They’ll need a serene night to green-light a butt fucking. But that’ll be easy with sleazy old
slut fucking. Boo to the nice girls. Praised be the slut-fucking! I have a list. A list?
Yes, a list of all the sluts I’ve missed. I never fucked or sucked these sluts
and thus my nuts are fucking pissed. So when I fuck the lucky slut,
my nut removes her from the list. Another dumb cum-bucket struck from my
nut-sucking suck it slut, slut-fucking bucket list. Yes, you hear the influences! Chaucer, Keats Pages are blank, I know it.
Why am I lying to you? Sluts can be white, black, brown, pink or almond. They can be skinny with big tits or be skinny with small ones. Sluts can be perky, preppy or posh with their
brains and their clothes all shrunk from the wash. Excuse me. But other sluts are pretty and funny and smart. These sluts can lift all your thoughts from your dick to your heart. They can talk about science, music or art.
They can put you together or they can pull you apart. But don’t trust these sluts, don’t. Don’t you dare.
They’ll force you to trust them, and love them and care. But then they’ll be gone and you’ll be aware
of that hole in your heart that that dumb slut left there. Thank you very much. So… he was lashing out with sexist language ’cause he had his heart broken. We all learned something.