Carlos Andrés Gómez & Katie Kramer – “If a Princess Tries to Kidnap Your Daughter”

If a Princess Tries to Kidnap
your Daughter. Face the shadow. Know a princess can never evade this. The faceless men above,
holding her translucent strings, shrouding her in darkness. They have spent millennia
readying this role for your daughter. Learn the chronology of what
they will try to project her into: Princess pretty. Princess precious. Princess mixed-girl. Princess fetish. Princess sassy. Princess sexy. Princess hot girl. Princess harlot. Refuse the epithet
defended as compliments. It will not make her more special. It will not make her more safe, the word as dangerous and ubiquitous as a shaking chamber baptized by gunfire. Refuse the pink tutus
made for a three-week-old girl. Refuse the relentless pretties
they toss her way like glittering wreckage. I respond, “President.” I respond, “Call her President Grace.” “President Penelope.” They say, “Well-behaved little lady.” They say, “Pretty as a peach,” “pretty little princess.” They comment on her eyelashes
and skin tone as though we baked her
from a ready-made biracial cake mix. Trip over themselves apologizing
after mistaking her bald head for a boy, as if all girl babies
are born with luscious long hair just waiting to be held back. I respond, “resilient,” “firestorm,” “brilliant,”
“renegade,” “Joan of Arc.” I yell back, “Fannie Lou Hamer,” “Frida Kahlo,” “Alice Paul,”
“Dolores Huerta.” I tell them how she arrived, writhing in a full-throated yell,
how she shrieked into life. – 38 hours into labor.
– 21 hours into labor, my daughter’s pulse
stuttering towards mute, trapped and crooked inside of me, demanding the complete
attention of the room. How seconds away from being choked
to death by the umbilical cord, she screamed her airways open so that oxygen
could buoy her tiny lungs. How she waited
until the last possible second to force my body open. How her head rose up on its own, a stubborn orchid from sturdy shoulders, just seven seconds
after emergency surgery, seven seconds from suffocating. My daughter will be a neuroscientist, a biochemist who discovers
the cure to progeria or Ebola. My daughter will shoot 90%
at the free-throw line and adore Sophocles, Audre Lorde,
and Mahmoud Darwish. My daughter white-knuckles
her way to sleep, eyelids strained, afraid that she might
miss something if she blinks. She is many things. She is everything. All things radiating at once. But one thing she will never be… is a princess. (cheers and applause)

15 thoughts on “Carlos Andrés Gómez & Katie Kramer – “If a Princess Tries to Kidnap Your Daughter”

  1. This was amazing! Lol my name is Penelope and this just made my night thank you!

  2. Lovely composition. Solid delivery. However i disagree.
    Who says she cant be a princess and a fighter or a scientist??
    I guess what I'm saying is while focusing on a girl's looks is not health, the over correction of not letting her embrace her femininity (in whatever way she should choose) can also have harmful effects

    Let the person you created be a neuroscientist princess that wears tutus as she shoots from the freethrow line.

  3. Everyone like, "Well what if she Wants to be a princess?," ask yourself how feasible that is if she's not born royal. The chances are very very very slim. Tell her to have backup plans. Besides, what people seem to forget is that Real, good, hard working princesses are diplomats and humanitarians. They don't flounce around in big dresses and only marry for political gain anymore and they Certainly don't wait around to be rescued.

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