Expression Through Poetry | Avery Laur | [email protected]

it's raining out and now I know that you're awake hiding behind the sound of thunder why don't you show yourself are you that afraid to lose that part of you are you that desperate to conceal the madness that you truly are maybe that's why I like thunderstorms so much I know you're awake yet you keep being drowned out by the sounds and flashes of lightning how do you expect to make it in this world if you awaken during storms only to be drowned out where is poetry who is poetry what is poetry the answers to those questions may vary depending on who you ask but for me poetry's everywhere from the way the rain falls to the cracks in the sidewalks poetry is a young girl constantly on the look for a new adventure or an old man staying up all night stargazing in hopes that he finds his true love poetry is unable to be described yet able to be talked about in millions of ways it crosses a language barrier a distance barrier but most importantly poetry is the way to express yourself it's a way to express your thoughts your feelings your visions your dreams your emotions your experiences I've always had trouble expressing my feelings but ever since I started writing poetry I found it easier to convey what it is that I was feeling it can still somewhat be a bit hard to connect with others but it's a lot better than it used to be there's just something about being able to write down what it is that you're feeling without having to say it aloud you're able to strip away your exterior and show your vulnerability without having to project it physically plus with poetry or you can put together words and create a sentence that you usually don't hear in everyday life a sentence like it's the feeling of driving home alone at night with the buzzing z' of the moon beating down on you envelope in your body and soul and honey and creating an all-too-familiar bittersweet feeling of a lost home how often do you get to say something like that when talking to a friend poetry is also a really good way to let out whatever is inside of you and healthily in a healthy way which is something that I would have trouble doing and I would let things bottle up inside of unknowingly but with poetry it's an effective way that you can get things out of your system and into her onto another object which I again always had trouble doing I have depression and by the end of my eighth grade into my freshman year it got worse it wasn't really ever clinical but it was always there a nagging feeling of apathy low self-esteem I didn't want to do anything but I wanted to do everything I hated the way I looked I hated the way I acted hated the way my voice sounded I thought my friends were just being my friends like out of pity and when you combined a mental state like that with the pressures of a social life and the pressures of academics it can really take a toll on a person you can't build a tower on an unsteady base and expect it to hold up so I turned to self-harm I was writing poetry at the time but it wasn't like that it wasn't releasing what I needed to release immediately because I didn't know that it takes time to get better and poetry wasn't doing it right then and there so I kept self firming and I kept indulging myself in unhealthy coping mechanisms and my poetry at the time was just a turmoil of my mind of what I was feeling and what I wanted to feel versus what I thought I was feeling on what I thought I wanted to feel and this mindset of mine and these actions just kept building up and building up and just kept bringing me down until one day I broke it was my sophomore year in July and I was in my room and I was just so done I was so numb and tired and I can say with 100% honesty that if I had had access to a gun then I would not be here right now so I had texted my friends and I told them that I love them and it was ok and things would get better and a couple minutes later one of them showed up at my house and she hugged me and she made sure I was okay and she stayed with me for a bit and once she was positive that I was going to be fine she left and after that moment I wrote a poem based on that and I found myself writing more poetry but it wasn't like the poetry that I used to write of depression and what was only going on inside my head it was poetry of what I saw poetry of nature of my friends poetry of me and as I continue to write poetry like that I found myself making a slow climb towards being better mentally I found it was easier to express myself I started to notice different things like how the sky would look like certain friends of mine or I heard how the wind would whisper the names of lost souls I saw how the sun's rays yearn to touch the earth one last time it was a change completely 180 from the poetry odd right as a freshman in 8th grade me which is full of self-harm references and very depressing and it was didn't click together well to the poetry I write now which has more metaphors and abstract sayings and just flows better I'd asked some of my friends how poetry helps them and one of them said it helps me cry things out get over my mistakes whenever I'm there and whenever I'm there and feeling down it's always there instead of self harming another side it's helped me cope with situations that I thought I had no control over and allowed me to express myself when I thought no one would listen and another one said that it helped me in expressing feelings I would otherwise keep hidden the thing that you all have in common is a way to express yourself whether you're writing it down or reading it poetry is there because it allows you to hear what you want to hear and make you feel less alone in this world we can interpret it how we want to and we can read it and listen and make it so it will connect with our soul I never really knew how much I loved writing and poetry until I was reading my friend Haley told his PO chibok always think the moon because I was sitting there reading it and something just clicked in my soul because I realized that Haley had written all those poems with a thought in mind she knew who they were about she knew what she was trying to convey but I was reading them and interpreting them slightly differently than she had intended and another person reading them was interpreting them slightly differently than I was and the next and the next and so on and so forth and it just goes to show you that poetry connects us all no matter what race religion ethnic the gender language barrier whatever so I challenge you to voice your vision of hope a fear of joy of anger whatever write a poem if you're having trouble expressing yourself write a poem if you're feeling down write a poem maybe you're just bored write a poem it can be a haiku it can be a sonnet it can be a Chaucer's tale it can be whatever but just write because it may help you to get out any emotions you didn't know you were keeping inside of you and it might help you to express yourself better you've galaxies in your mind and stars in your eyes yet you don't see the intricately designed piece of artwork that you are you look at yourself through the dirty shards of a broken glass mirror that you picked up from the bottom of your chest of doubts if only you could trust me enough so I could clean the dirt off of the mirror piece the shards back together and make you see that yes you do have flaws but they're what make you more beautiful they make you more unique they make you more you because only you have those galaxies in your mind and only you have the stars in your eyes thank you you

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