Hasan Talks The Desi Experience With ‘Subtle Curry Traits’ | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix


Hey guys, it’s Hasan. a few months ago we did
an AMA on Subtle Asian Traits. And it was really successful. I had a great time talking
to everybody there. And then you guys suggested I
need to do Subtle Curry Traits. And so, I clicked on the link; I saw that banner of a bunch of dudes
partying underneath that waterfall. And I was like, “This is my kind of group. Let me put on a banyan and
let’s chase these waterfalls.” (Laughs) Alright, “What was the one thing
that blew your mind (the most) while researching for the
Indian politics episode?” Indian cable news. Indian cable news was like, “Release the pundits.” “He had nothing in mind, not
his family, only the country. That I salute—” “—No, but they want proof!” “Now I’m coming to that.” “But they want proof!” “No, Navika—” “You are a shameless
person, whoever you are—” It was just…amazing. We did show one clip on the show where we had “Indian Nancy Grace” calling the shots and,
yeah, she’s awesome. I also love how she uses
everyone’s full name. It’s incredible when she’s like, “Mr. Poonawalla, I will
not tolerate that!” “As for you, Ashish Malhotra, we cannot allow this!” It was– she’s really great. I love her. It’s just as if she’s about to like, read you your full name and
your social security number. “Mr. Hasan Minhaj: social
security number…” [bleep] Navika Kumar, if you’re
watching this – holler at me. I would love to be a
guest on your show. It would truly be an honor. I would love to be one of 19 guests. um, I know you’d give
me special attention and, um, I just love how you use
everyone’s full names. “What is your favorite type of biryani?” Ok. Uh, for me – any type of biryani that
minimizes that amount of black balls. Black balls are sort of, like, aromatic landmines that
people put in their biryani. I don’t even mind, like, the acorns,
the walnuts, the random sticks– Sometimes you’ll get biryani and there
will just be like, straight up sticks in it. Like, “Oh, I just went on a hike.
Here’s some sticks from my hike. Just like, a twig or two.” I don’t even mind those. Those are big; like, surface area-wise
you can move them to the side. These black balls are a nightmare. And if you get black balled, ugh, it fucks up your whole day. Also, apparently, I
asked my mom about it. She’s like, “Oh, it’s for aroma.” And I’m like, “It already smells great. Why do we have to add these incredibly dangerous
things to our meal?” If I was running for,
like, school president, and I had, like, a
biryani-based agenda I’d be like: My first policy position
is no black balls in biryani. And I think I’d win by a landslide. “Did you get grounded for doing
the episode on Indian elections?” Yes, I got grounded and I can only
use my computer for the next hour, so…we gotta hurry this up. “Did Shashi Tharoor smell good?” He actually smelled like a dictionary. “How do you feel about Birkenstocks?” To me, Birkenstocks are luxury
chappals. Uh, it’s kind of an excuse, um… It really is just the
first class version of Batas. Bata, if you’re watching this video,
um, I could be the face of Bata. “Your first cousin Faiz teaches
me Professional Ethics in law school. He’s also hilarious. Cool fam, Hasan.” Faiz actually did help us with our
Indian Elections script, so, what’s up Faiz? It’s my cousin,
he actually really is my cousin. This is wild, this is the first time
someone on the Internet has done that and they’re actually right. You know, like, how sometimes
people on the Internet are like, “Oh I know your cousin!” And it’s like, not my cousin. They’ll
be like, “I know your cousin, Harun!” I’m like, “I don’t have a cousin Harun.” But this time, they actually do know
my cousin, which is really cool. “What do Brown Aunties say about
you during their gossip sessions? Also, how desi is it that
everyone is asking for a job here.” First of all, um, I think it’s amazing.
You should shoot your shot. I love the ambition.
I love the drive and I love the hustle. How crazy would it be if someone
actually got a job via Facebook? Where it’s like, “Hey, how’d you
get that job at Patriot Act?” They’re like, “I don’t know…
I just like… I just dropped a resume in an AMA and I got hired.”
That’d be amazing. The one thing aunties say all the time is,
“He’s not that funny,” which, I’m used to. “I loved your rendition
of tum paas aaye on air,” [sings] Like, “tum paas aaye…” “But what’s your
favorite Bollywood song?” For me, uh, Kabhi Kabhie
is like, an all-time classic. My dad – and I think a lot of Indian
dads would sing that just as, like, a go-to. “Yo, like, you know I can sing, right?” So, yeah, my dad would definitely
hit that Amitabh deep baritone at the beginning where he’s like,
[impersonates Kabhi Kabhie]. He would, like, really
hit that part of the song. For those of you guys who’ve
never heard that song, it’s almost like, you know how, like, rap
albums have, like, little interludes? Kabhi Kabhie has, like, a little interlude
in the beginning, where Amitabh Bachchan is sort of, like, doing, like, a little
poem before he sings the song and so… Yeah, any time I knew my dad was
trying to, like, you know, impress my mom – he’d drop some Kabhi Kabhie. Also, the video’s iconic. The clothes that Amitabh
is wearing in that video– it’s great. His swagger is uncanny. “What do you think about
the repeal of Section 377?” I think it’s an amazing
step in the right direction and it’s a huge victory for civil liberties. “What do you prefer – Kuch Kuch Hota Hai or
Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham…?” It’s kind of messed up that you’re
asking me that question because those are both Karan Johar
movies, so they’re very similar. It’s like being like,
“uh, would you want Jaws or E.T.?” Like, they’re both Spielberg classics, so,
you asking me this question is very messed up. But I like both of them
for different reasons. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, I love for the love
story between Shah Rukh and Kajol. And then “Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham…”
for the family dynamics and drama. “When you were a kid, what did
you want to be when you grew up? If you could go back
and tell 5-year-old Hasan and his parents what you do now,
what do you think they’d say?” So, when I was 5, I actually
was really into drawing. So, I wanted to be an
animator. And my dream was to be an animator for
“Batman: The Animated Series.” That was, like, my
favorite cartoon growing up. And then, if I were to tell
my parents what I do now… First of all, they’d
be, like, “Who are you?,” cause I’ve gone back in time,
which is insane. So they’d be like, “Who is this bearded man who
showed up and like, ‘Hey, mom! Hey, dad!’” That’d be really weird for them. They’d also not believe
what I’m doing is a real career. I’d be like, “Oh,
I do comedy on television.” They’d be like, “What is that?” Actually I’d be like,
“I do comedy on the Internet.” And they’d be like,
“What are you talking about? Where have you come from?
You’re a demon.” I’d be like,
“But, Ami, Abu. I’m your son.” “If you could have someone
appear as a special guest host on Patriot Act,
who would you want?” I think Nathan Fielder would
be an incredible host for Patriot Act. And I would want Nathan to do it at the same pace that
I do Patriot Act episodes in. I think that’d be incredible. “Will you connect
with me on LinkedIn.” Uh, I don’t have a LinkedIn.
Why do people ask me this all the time? They’re like,
“What’s your LinkedIn?” I don’t– Comedians
don’t have LinkedIn’s. Also, if we did,
it’d be really sad. It would be like,
“Occupation: Stand-up Comedy.” And then you’d, like, would list
the number of years and then… no. It just wouldn’t work. Isn’t it kind of crazy that you’re
just putting your resume on blast? Like, it’s just straight-up
public knowledge. Isn’t that wild? This was a huge thing at
family dawats you’d have, like, some auntie who’d come up to you
and be like, “What’s your SAT score?” And you’d be like,
“What? Why are you–” Like, it was like someone
was looking at you naked. And now, people are just like,
“Here’s my resume.”? Just publicly look at it? People list their GPA on it, right? –Yeah. People straight-up list their GPA. So, Indian people –
in the comments, please let me know: do you list your GPA on your LinkedIn?
And if so, how are you so brave? I would never list my GPA.
Ever. I’ve given away my SAT score but at this point,
you know, there’s no going back. LinkedIn is basically, like,
the first 5 minutes of, like, a conversation you
have with someone in a bar. Like, “Hey, where are
you from? What do you do?” “What’s your GPA?” You know, like, the first three
questions you ask at a bar? “What’s your GPA?” “What’s something about
being South Asian that you think non-desi folk
really struggle to understand?” I have to call my parents.
It’s just a non-negotiable thing. Like, sometimes I’ll be with friends.
My phone will be ringing. It’ll be like “buzz buzz,”
and it’ll be like, “Mom Cell,” and they’re,
like, “Nah, don’t pick up.” And I’m like, “You don’t understand.
I– I have to pick up.” Like, “It’s not an emergency.” And I’m like,
“I– It just– You don’t understand.” I’ve sometimes been with friends
and I’ve been hanging out with them and they’ll be like, it’ll be like “Dad Cell”
and they’ll be like, “Not right now.” And I’m like,
“Goddamn, Brian.” “What was the hardest episode you’ve done so
far, in terms of research on the topic?” So, I would say Indian Elections,
for sure was the hardest in terms of the breadth and the depth
of it cause the episode’s 30 minutes but there was a lot of other
stuff that we wanted to include. There’s just tons and tons
and tons of information – it could have been
multiple episodes. And then also, just how tense and
loaded of a topic Indian Politics is, especially being a desi kid.
I’m an NRI and I’m an ABCD. I’m talking about
Indian Elections, like… There were a lot of things that
I had to be aware of going into it. so we tried to address
all of them in the episode. “What’s the one thing you
loved and one that you hated about growing up
in a desi household?” So the good thing is – you get to
live at home as long as you’d like. And the bad thing is – you get to live
at home as long as you would like. So…yeah. You start
hitting the mid-twenties uh, mid-to-late-twenties,
it gets a little real. And I lived at home during
college, which was wild. There was a lot of times where
I had to “go to the library.” “To study.” On a “Saturday night.” This is a crazy story.
So, this is how– this is actually how my parents
found out that I was doing comedy.” So, I used to tell my mom. My mom
was cool with me doing comedy. So I was like, “Hey mom,
I’m gonna ‘go to the library.’” And she’s like, “You’re
gonna ‘go to the library?’” And I’m like, “Yeah, I’m
gonna ‘go to the library.’” Which was you’re gon–
I was gonna go to an open mic. So, we live in Davis. And I’m living at home
and I have to drive to San Francisco. Like, San Francisco
had the best open mics. So, I drove to San Francisco,
but it was raining on the way back, and so when I was driving back,
my car hydroplaned and it hit a median um, on the freeway around Vallejo,
which, if you’re from the area – is really far from Davis.
It’s, like, 40 minutes away. And, I had to call home and
my mom gave my phone to my dad. She did the thing where she
was like, “Talk to your dad.” So, I was like,
“Oh, shit. I’m done for.” I could tell in that
moment, she’s like, “I cannot lie for you anymore.
Talk to your father.” and I’m like, “Mom!”
Gives the phone to my dad and I’m like, “Hey, Dad. Like, uh…I,
uh… I got in a car accident.” And that was really bad. He’s like, “Are you okay?
Is everything alright?” I’m like,
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” “Is the car okay?” And I’m like,
“Yeah, the car– the car’s fine.” “Where are you?”
And I was like, “Vallejo.” And he’s like, “Vallejo.”
And then he just hung up. And I was like,
“Oh I’m… I’m done for.” And I know it’s bad because
my dad is getting me solo. He’s not bringing my mom with him. So I’m like, “Oh, I fucked up,
like…Najme’s rolling out solo.” So he goes. He picks me
up on the side of the road. It was like out of a movie –
it’s raining outside. Like, he’s in, like, a rain slicker.
I’m in, like, a rain slicker. He’s just like, “That’s a really far
distance you went to go to the library. I hear the– Are the libraries
in Vallejo really good?” I’m like, “Alright,
I gotta come clean.” So, uh, I told my dad. I was like, “Dad, uh…
I didn’t go to the library. Uh…I’ve been
doing standup comedy.” And my dad was like,
“Goddamnit, Hasan. I really was hoping that
you were just smoking weed.” And it was the first time, um– that I knew that my dad
was 420 friendly. So… It was a really cool moment. Just like a really cool
rad-brown-dad-dot-tumblr-dot-com moment. So, that’s it. Thank you guys so much for
joining me on this second AMA. Shoutouts to everybody who
came out, uh, on Subtle Curry Traits. Shoutouts to the four dudes underneath
that waterfall. Keep chasing ‘em. Keep chasing your dreams. And I’ll see
you guys next time. Alright, this is how–
this is how Na– This is how Nathan Fielder
would do Patriot Act, here we go. Three, two, [clap] Hi, I’m Nathan Fielder.
Welcome to Patriot Act. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Tonight, I want to talk about an
epidemic that is affecting everyone: Student Loan Debt. Student Loan Debt
affects pretty much everyone I know. And if it doesn’t affect you, congratulations
on being a Kennedy.

100 thoughts on “Hasan Talks The Desi Experience With ‘Subtle Curry Traits’ | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix

  1. 😂😂 the black balls are peppercorns. White people use them, too, they’re just wusses and fish them out before serving the food or cooked them in a sachet to be able to pull them out easily. Hence why you also don’t see a giant bay leaf in American food 😂 you’re a wimp if you can’t handle peppercorns, leaves, and bark (cinnamon) floating around in your rice

  2. I thought "going to the library" was code for dating (someone who isn't of your background). As for living at home "as long as one likes," do Desi parents get frustrated that one is there too long (because one is pushing 30 and not yet married)? Just trying to see the diff between Chinese and South Asian families.

  3. I don’t know about the others, but I just mention that Iv completed my graduation n that’s all.

  4. What is the problem in displaying gpa's as an indian u shud also be not worried.

  5. I got a job via Facebook. It's my dream job! It's been nearly 2 years, and I'm still working there

  6. Can totally relate to the black ball lol…. He's referring to elcha or black cardomom… Green pods are just as lethal in your mouth

  7. Those black balls I guess is uncrushed black paper and I thought I was the only one who hated them but turns out Hassan Bhai isn't a fan too. 😂😂

  8. To those white people who are thinking what the hell is biryani and why does it sound so hard to eat. Biryani is the national dish of most South Asians and desi people. It is an absolute treat whenever it is cooked and no festival is complete without it. It has many varieties but the flavor is the same as are most ingredients but it like a literal war zone in a biryani plate. You have to fight the ingredients added to give the aroma and flavor to this dish but when you get a clean spoon it is like heaven on Earth. My personal favourite Chicken biryani the best one and I will fight you say other wise. ( P.s. the last statement is a joke but Chicken Biryani is the best one)

  9. A fellow Californian! Love you HM- you’re doing good work with a lot of courage and honesty. Keep on going!

  10. yo hasan , my man from state of india are you from . I am from kerala

  11. I don’t list my GPA cause I’ve worked for a while but when I was fresh out of school I did cause that’s about all the clout you have hahah. Gotta use what you got. Also, Hasan Bhai, if you’ve never had to make a LinkedIn you’re already ahead of the game in terms of living the American dream.

  12. Mr. Minhaj, those "Black Balls" are Cardamom seeds and whole Black Papper.. And the sticks are Cinnamon and Colve..
    They're literally used for Aroma…
    And I hate it too

  13. The BLACK BALLS are black peppercorns and if you weren't an American born desi you would fuckin chew through that to feel the heat of the land of India you pussy boi!

    (Sorry i actually really like your show and personalty i just feel really strongly about "black balls")

  14. Hi Hasan. I am a Pakistani who moved to Australia for Higher studies and did my Graduation and Masters their. I wanted to let you know you are amazing and love your take on Desi culture. You are so Right about Uncle and Aunties 😄.
    You are from India (Beautiful country with a majority of lovely people) but please try to include some Paki references in your act cause at the ending the day we are atleast 90% alike if not more. Cheers and have a good one.

  15. Hearing 'goddamn hasan' in that dad voice on youtube was kinda making me instantly feel like 'what did i do??'

  16. I legit had biriyani today and ate like 7 of the black balls… Honestly hasan is so relatable

  17. I looked up "tum paas aaye" on Youtube, and saw that the top comments for "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai" are from Indonesians. Because we Indonesians grew up watching classic Bollywood movies on TV. Even the kind of classic where you'd have a couple frolic in a garden and playfully chase each other around a tree while singing.

  18. Asians and African kids, don't you dare ignore your parents' phone calls 😂😂😂

  19. Oh god my heart was beating way too fast during that story ugh too relatable

  20. In the Philippines we just call those black balls, black peppers.

    Also, my dad told us that when he used to work in Saudi Arabia, his Indian coworkers enjoys eating thos black peppers. So I am today years old when I learned that not all Indians savour every black peppers. LMAO

  21. I'm from the area he's talking about, so if you want context Vallejo is like an hour from Davis, Vallejo has one library and it's terrible, and it's probably like 2 hours from Davis to SF without traffic (and traffic here is world famous).

  22. I feel like we only ever list our GPAs if we're confident with it I guess, or else it'll be all first class, 2nd class upper lol

  23. hasan actually did a prety good job as an ABCD. He hit the right concerns in his episode on indian elections. Unfortunately many ABCD don't have that level of interest and make very biased conclusions

  24. Certain places like Google ask for that GPA and sometimes may just discard a resume based on whatever bias they have going, so I can see why someone would list their GPA to just get in the door.

  25. In Jamaican rice and peas there are sticks and little black balls in it too and they are spicy

  26. If you’re talking about jeera…you’re correct. It’s the worst! I hate when my mom puts it in kadhi 🤢

  27. AsSalamwaliacon, brother Hasan, can you please shed some light on Dr. Zakir Naik, he is a lone worrier facing so many enemies, can you please help in anyway, don't do it for me, do for the one.

  28. That biryani thing is so true..i happen to pick each one of them balls & throw them…

  29. "I would love to be one of the 19 guests, I know you will give me special attention"
    Nailed it👌👌👌

  30. Hasan you look like my sun who just turn 18 and I do the same thing for him as your Mom did for you 😂 and that’s my biggest fear what if he gets into this kind of situation then I will be in big trouble 😅

  31. nooo you're not suppose to chase waterfalls, Hasan! 😂 Listen to the RIVERS and LAKES!

  32. OMG…that coffee almost spilling out of that beautiful cup was giving me anxiety!! Zero waste policy on coffee! P.S. Go Aggies!

  33. Hasan, I also love Nathan Fielder and that impression was awesome hahaha. I'd love to see you get him on the show!

  34. Wth are you talking about? I love black balls. Black ball all day everyday.
    Wake up black balls , sleep black balls. Everywhere I go there are black balls.

  35. Hasan I would stream Nathan patriot act on 24hrs for ad revenue if you found the physics equation that makes it possible for Nathan to speak at your speed and suave

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