J. R. R. Tolkien vs George R. R. Martin. Epic Rap Battles of History


Season 5 Epic Rap Battles Of History George R. R. Martin VERSUS J. R. R. Tolkien BEGIN! Brace yourself gather up your trolls and your soldier elves and your ents and your orcs and your wargs and your Stings your dwarves and Glamdrings cause there’s a new literary Lord in the Ring my readers fall in love with every character I’ve written then I kill ’em and they’re like “no he didn’t” all your bad guys die and your good guys survive we can teel what’s gonna happen by page and age five tell your all seeing eye to find some sex in your movies ditch the Goonie and cast a couple boobies there’s edgier plots in that David the Gnome your hobbit hole heroes can’t handle my throne Kings Queens dragons dragons horses, fortresses, magic and swords you Hob-bit my whole shit you uninspired hack you want a war George? welcome to Shire-raq in book sales you’ve go nothing to sav I’m number one and two you’re under Fifty Shades of Grey I got the prose of a pro your shit’s subpar you’re a pirate you even stole my R.R. we all know the world is full of chance and anarchy so yes it’s true to life for characters to die randomly but news flash the genre’s called fantasy it’s meant to be unrealistic you myopic manatee I conscientiously object to what you’re doing on these beats I’ll cut you like my teeth on Beauty and the Beast you went too deep Professor tweed pants we don’t need the back story on every fucking tree branch I cut my teeth in the trenches of the Somme you LARPed your Santa Claus ass through Vietnam and it’s hard for me to take criticism on clothes from a dude who sends a raven to say hi to his toes Man your fat jokes are worse that your pipe smoke my show’s the hottest thing on HBO! I’m rock and roll, you’re a nerdy little nebbish and I may be dirty but you got a hairy foot fetish dog even the names of your characters suck you got Boffers and Bofurs and Brandybucks I got a second breakfast for all them goofy fucks lift up my gut and tea Baggins my nuts C.S. Lewis and I were just discussing how you and Jon snow both know nothing! because the backstory of my box office is billions got my children making millions off my Silmarillions and I’m more rock and roll than you’ve ever been don’t believe me? ask Led Zeppelin! you can’t reach this fellow shit, I’m too Towering every time I battle it’s return of the King!!! WHO WON? WHO NEXT? YOU DECIDE! Epic Rap Battles Of History //Ich hab mein bestes versucht, allerdings ist es teilweise sehr schwierig, eine gute Übersetzung zu finden, die sich auch für Untertitel eignet. //Verbesserungsvorschläge sind gerne gesehen! 🙂 //Untertitel von: Chrintario

100 thoughts on “J. R. R. Tolkien vs George R. R. Martin. Epic Rap Battles of History

  1. At least Tolkiens story ending was satisfying and made sense! Martin's ending was contradictory, confusing, rushed and depressing! ("Bitter sweet ending" (My Ass!))

  2. Actually Martin hit his own self here when he said that all the good guys survive and the bad guys die😂🤣💓Tolkien #forever

  3. All my favorite lines come from George R. R. Martin so he wins it for me

  4. 1.) I would like to see (scooby doo) Shaggy Vs Sherlock holmes.

    2.) (Twlight) Edward Vs Jacob I would love to see.

  5. Tolkien finished one series at least. Grr martin can fuck off for the indulgent bullshit

  6. Martin is a mere whisper in the wind compared to the granite mountain that is Tolkien.

  7. Tolkein won overall, but that "backstory on every fucking tree branch" killed me. lmao.

  8. Tbh it looks like Martin is having a stroke every time he moves in this video

  9. JRR Tolkien got this guy from the nuts the whole battle… return of the king ya'll

  10. "your characters have dumb names." true, Frodo, son of Drogo, is pretty ridiculous. who the fuck names a fantasy character Drogo? the only thing that could possibly make that worse is if dragons were involved.

  11. dude, i re watch this 100500 times but only now noticed that on 0:42 Jon Snow is Alive

  12. Surely the writer for the rap is Tolkien's fan… tolkein is surely the winner

  13. "all your bad guys die and your good guys survive", that's why r.r martin can't finish his book.

  14. I think its funny, because Martin is trying to make a "Tolkien-esk world" and is creating a history for every tree branch, this is why he has not, and will not, complete a song of ice and fire.

  15. god damn. its like watching Eminem taking the mic in a rap battle. its just one-sided. theres NOTHING George can hit Tolkien with.

  16. You can't reach this FELLOW

    shit I'm too TOWERING

    and everytime i battle it's RETURN OF THE KING

    come on, how come no one is picking up on this??? it's literally the best and most underrated line in ERB History

  17. Is Game of Thrones still a thing? I barely remember it these days, has it died yet?

  18. Tolkien laid the entire groundwork for Martin .
    Might as well have Man v.s infant son

  19. Tolkien.
    Better rapper.
    Better writer.
    Better movies.
    Better endings.
    And the Amazon LOTR will probably be a better series.

  20. We really need a Champions season: All the winners of each battle face off to decided the most epic rap battler of history!!!

  21. There should be one where George rr Martin battles DB Weiss and the other one

  22. In terms of book sales, you've got nothing to say. I'm number one and two. You're under Fifty Shades of Grey. LMAO. Tolkien's verses are d bombs!

  23. It says here this epic rap battle was made in 2016. How the hell could I miss this? 🤔

  24. I think we can all agree here that Tolkien's the real winner of this epic rap battle. He knows he's worth millions, knows the weaknesses of his opponent's arguments, and even has the patience and the confidence not to attack first. So, clearly, in light of all that Tolkien is the clear winner of this epic rap battle.

  25. Me and C.S. Lewis were just discussing how you and Jon Snow both know nothing. The sickest bar in the whole damn thing.

  26. "All your good guys survive"
    Boromir: Ahem
    "Okay except him"
    Thorin, Fili and Kili: Hello?
    "Okay and them"
    Theoden, Haldir, Gandalf sorta: …
    "Fuck, fine."

  27. this entire video revolves around the idea that Song of Ice and Fire is Martins only work. and that is so far from the reality. hell martin has done fanstisy, sifi, thriller, horor, and short stories. tolkien did one world in one style. now thats not to say he didnt do that one thing great.

  28. I feel like with the ending of game of thrones. Tolkien won in both raping and endings

  29. holy shit i just realised how good tolkeins last couple of lines were… "fellow" "towering" and "return of the king"

  30. i would love to see owen oyston karl oyston and sam oyston vs donald trump lol

  31. Next do John Gotti vs Al Capone. in the epic rap battles of history

  32. Tolkien… Definitely. Martin absolutely did well but… It just isn't a contest. Not even being biased, but legacy to legacy… Holy shit is Martin out of his league.

  33. In my opinion this is the best one. Such good flows. Only second to hawking vs Einstein because of Hawkings diss.

  34. So freakin' glad Tolkien won. There's no other literary lord in the ring, except Tolkien. 👌

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