Jay’s Wedding Poem for Sharif and Rosie


Jay Dixit! Jay Dixit! That’s… hey, thank you. “Runway Jay,” to Sharif. Say that one more time? I said Sharif calls you “Runway Jay.” “Runway Jay?” That’s crazy. Cause he’s handsome, he’s handsome! That makes no sense! That’s a crazy nickname! OK… But not to his face! I just think that’s amazing. Alright, alright. Alright, Beanie. We’ll… we’ll come to that. OK. I want to hear more about that after. I wrote you guys a… poem! Here’s a poem that I wrote. About being friends with you…
and then getting to know you… As someone who’s known Sharif for many years. OK. My good friends Rosie and Sharif,
The following is my belief: When you’re friends with a guy as unique as Sharif, It regrettably comes with its own special grief. Cause he’s brilliant and manic and hyperperformative, Yeah, that’s true. And being his friend has been pretty transformative, But for ages the question that tormented me is: Could he ever meet someone as awesome as he is? Thank you Jay. But THEN something happened I hadn’t foreseen: He Encountered the woman he’s since nicknamed “Beanie.” She was funny and active and filled with ideas,
And as thoughtful and loving and caring as he is! And since that fateful ice cream cone
With Rosa L.K. Goldensohn, Wow!
Yeaaaah! Damn! When I pondered the number of mismatched romances,
I couldn’t help wonder: “Like what are the chances?” Amazing! And then a disclosure that made me feel stupid:
He told me he’d basically hacked OkCupid? It turns out the secret to being a good suitor is: It helps if you’re some kind of genius computer whiz. Wow! That’s good! Sharif, and Rosie Goldensohn:
This is my little wedding poem. So here’s to your matrimonial oath
Goodnight, good luck, I love you both. And now I request of the whole fucking room:
Please repeat after me: “To the bride and the groom!”

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