The reason he didn’t call you back
Is not because mars is in retrograde. The reason you’re not speaking again
Is not because he has gemini in his chart, Or you are twin flames,
Or this is virgo season. There is no one pulling strings
From behind the scenes, Creating just enough conflict
So it reads like a good tragedy. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in us that we’re human. You’re not struggling because of virgo season
Or eclipses. You’re struggling because you made all the
right decisions. You can get rid of all toxicity and find that
Emptiness is worse. You can do everything right –
Leave sad cities And sadder best friends
And wrong job titles – And still want to hurt yourself. Chani Nicholas cannot build you up
Like an arts and crafts project – Glue together your broken bits,
Give you extra support, Make you functional. You can make all the right choices
And still be sad. And still wait for him to call you back.
And still feel like you’re a lone satellite Drifting away into nothing. Even though your mother
Doesn’t raise her hand On your dad
When you’re around, You can still cry into your dinner
When they’re not looking. Kolkata sunsets are beautiful.
Every time, it feels like you have traveled and planned
To catch it At that very moment.
The sky is on fire Like a pink cocktail. He ordered a cocktail once.
And you did brandy. The brandy tasted better.
But not as good as him Ordering a pink cocktail,
And not even realising that There are men who wouldn’t dare. Kolkata sunsets are beautiful.
But upscale restaurants are impersonal. And cheap hotels have thin walls.
Maybe that was the last time I saw him. I said goodbye, one hand on the Uber door,
And he rushed forward to hug me. Kolkata sunsets are beautiful.
Especially when you have time for them. Doesn’t matter if you’re alone
Or watching them with someone who cares, They are always beautiful. You know, when they say you should be happy
alone? How alone do they mean?
Do they mean alone like single? Or alone like no friends?
Alone like alone time? Or alone like the last person on earth? When they say you can’t truly be happy
Unless you can be happy alone, What do they mean?
Like playing-solitaire-on-the-computer-before-bed alone?
Or I’m-having-a-panic-attack-and-I-don’t-have-anyone-to-call alone?
Like I-don’t-talk-to-my-best-friend-and-partner-of-six-years alone?
Or walking-around-the-city-taking-photos alone? I was dancing on my terrace recently,
Alone. It was beautiful.
And it was right around sunset. Kolkata sunsets are beautiful;
Have you noticed?