And I may show you what’s between my thighs.
Vulgar! Oh, it’s ok. So, Kevin just wrote to us. Oh. Unprompted. Kevin says, hey Mary.
Oh, smooth talker that one. Only two pictures, not smiling, very bearded. We have to write
a whole poem about beards. You’d be a great father to my cat. Steve Martin and Cat Stevens
deserve better than Kevin. Especially because your hair is not flat. In fact it is voluptuous.
Our love will be tumultuous. Gaze at me with your glaring eyes and I may show you whats
between my thighs. Because my dear, it’s not what you expect. I invite you to come down
and inspect. I don’t know what’s between my thighs that someone wouldn’t expect. Maybe
a little, a little, it’s a party! It’s a party. That’s good, it will make him feel good about
himself. Turns out it’s a surprise party just for you! I hope you didn’t have a clue. We’ve
been planning it for quite some time. We’ve got balloons, a cake, and a mime. Your family
is here, and our cat child too, all gathered to say, we love you. Oh, that’s nice. He’s
gonna be so happy. Ok let’s send it. Kevin wrote back. Yeah. Hmm? That’s it? We wrote,
we took a lot of time to write him a beautiful poem that made him feel good about himself
and all he wrote was hmm question mark. Kevin I took the time to throw you a surprise shindig.
Talk about how he’s not appreciating. And that’s your only response you pig! Yeah I
like that, that’s beautiful. Bam. Mic drop. Kevin. He said I’m so sorry Mary, the surprise
overtook me. Oh, he’s not an unappreciative pig after all. Say, that’s okay Kevin, I’ll
see you in heaven! All caps. Oh wait, and he wrote I don’t even get visitation rights
for our cat child? Oh I’m not gonna write back to that. It’s my cat, it’s my cat. To
Kevin, the father of our cat child.