Miss Leading – Sex Pest, at Any Woman, Anywhere poetry evening


Next up we’ve got Miss Leading, she is going to take a few seconds to set up, but we’ll also give her an excellent round of applause. Thank you. [Applause] I’ll talk about what I’m going to do while I’m setting this up. So I wrote this poem after a night drinking and chatting with a friend. We were talking about things that happen at parties and boys. And we weren’t really astonished when we were talking about…but the fact that the amount of times that people would leave a party and talk about the guy, And we talked a little be more about how the other things that happen at parties… and say things like “yeah, he’s a bit of a jerk for doing this and that.” But when you really think about it, the kind of things that this and that were, were sexual assault. And it’s funny how we call things…we would dismiss things like sexual assault as something that’d just be a bit of an irritation. Something that should be avoided. And that the person is a bit of a jerk. And we talked a little bit more about the other things that happen at parties. We’d feel unconscious or too drunk to move. And then we went onto talk about how almost all of our friends had either been raped or attempted rape. And how none of us had ever reported it to the police. And most of us hadn’t even told our family or friends. So after that night I decided to write a poem but I wanted to talk about sex…about violence and sex and originally I wanted to write about where violence and sex happens it… and it shouldn’t ruin our love of sex because sex is great. I like sex. And sex is also funny and fun. So this poem is about that, but it’s also funny and fun and I encourage you to laugh along if something is funny. So I’m playing one of the synthesisers. It’s called the deluge. It’s made by a guy in a shed in New Zealand. Oh, before I start, I need your help with this. So with the chorus, when I say the word “sex”, I need you to say the word “pest”. So, are you ready? So sex… [Audience]: pest Sex [Audience]: pest Great. So I’ll let you know when the chorus is happening, and we’re all going to do it together. Can you all hear the sound? I didn’t have sex with David, because his penis was too big, it reminded me of the trunk of a baby elephant So despite the delight of feeling naked flesh against your own for the first time…at 15 years old you might understand why I was hestitant I didn’t have sex with Simon because I had my period But then he kept asking if I was sure As if maybe I wasn’t serious Like maybe it was strange for girls to get periods or that recreating a scene from a Taratino Film in a strangers bedroom at a party was a perfectly normal thing to do Sex [Audience]: pest Sex [Audience]: pest It’s been fun but I’m getting dressed Put your cock away You’re a sex pest and you’re making a mess Sex [Audience]: pest Sex [Audience]: pest Zip it up and give it a rest I’m not trying to make you guess If I wanted to I’d just say yes I didn’t have sex with Tom because I wasn’t drunk enough Well at least that’s what he told me But, personally, I think he was being far too rough As the weight of his body Pressed my back into the cold rain soaked dirt I felt his blundering hands inside me Grabbing everything ungraciously Tearing my skirt While I lay placid Anticipating any opportunity to escape Without being hurt I didn’t have sex with Gavin because I didn’t love him So I felt like an asshole, when he stared into my eyes and said …but ‘I love you’ So in my guilt and satisfied with head But I obviously overrated my fellatio talents because two days later he said he loved Amber instead Sex [Audience]: pest Sex [Audience]: pest It’s been fun but I’m getting dressed Put your cock away You’re a sex [Audience]: pest and you’re making a mess Sex [Audience]: pest Sex [Audience]: pest Zip it up and give it a rest I’m not trying to make you guess If I wanted to I’d just say yes I didn’t have sex with you because I didn’t want to I didn’t feel like it I wasn’t in the mood I don’t think that is inconsiderate or rude I wouldn’t ask you to pierce your body, or get a tattoo or attend dance classes if it wasn’t something you wanted to do or feel like the same logic applied here too I really like you I think we should see this through Perhaps if we felt a certain spark Or went on a date or two Then my vagina…oh it might take a different view But in the meantime Understand that my excuses are few I just don’t want to have sex right now And that decision Has nothing To do With you Sex [Audience]: pest Sex [Audience]: pest It’s been fun but I’m getting dressed Put your cock away You’re a sex [Audience]: pest And you’re making a mess. Sex [Audience]: pest Sex [Audience]: pest Zip it up and give it a rest I’m not trying to make you guess If I wanted to I’d just say yes

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