“My Mirror” – A Bipolar Awareness Spoken Word Poem (Mania)

He holds up the mirror and I shy away. Am I hiding from my reflection, or simply
trying to deny the darkness that I see there? I don’t know, but rather I feel. I feel awake. I feel alive. Standing in the sunshine with all the motivation
to move forward and seize control of my life. I hold onto these dreams like they were a
lifeline leading me towards salvation. I cling to my sense of self like I was going
somewhere. And that’s because maybe it is. But I live my life in perpetual optimism,
knowing that if I want it I can have it, if I need it I can take it, because this is MY
life, and I choose to live it however I like. There’s a path between here and there that
I can see as clearly as I see all the mirrored surfaces along the way. Metal, water, glass. I know that I can make it to the other side
if I can just manage to avoid looking into anything that can show me that stranger disguised
as my reflection. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know where I’m going. Success is inevitable, and failure is not
an option, but the problem is him. He stalks me along the path, hiding in plain
sight, which is to say that, no matter how full of life I feel he’s always on the edge
of my thoughts ready to remind me that I’m only half a person. And he is my other part. My dark little secret that I keep locked away
behind a door of sweatpants and ice cream, that I shield from the world like a fragile
porcelain doll, because that is exactly what he is. I am like the Batman villain Harvey Two-Face,
perfect in every way, skin that seems to glow from within, and the charisma to take over
the world. As long as I don’t look in the mirror. Because once I do that, I can’t help but notice
my other half. Less attractive, burns across 50% of his body,
the slightest touch, wind gust, or ounce of criticism can cause immense pain, so I protect
him. Shield him from the elements of society by
locking him away in the mirror. And as long as I don’t look there, it doesn’t
exist, right? But the issue comes with the fact that he
lives his own life, hiding behind fake smiles and isolation. He enjoys the darkness because it means that
he doesn’t need to see himself, and, more importantly, he doesn’t need to see me. Because I am what he will never be. I am his antithesis. I am his opposite. I am happy. And so, just like I keep him locked away for
fear that his darkness will swallow everything around me, he keeps me locked behind his own
mirror for fear that my light will blind him. He shoves me in a dark chest and locks it
in the back of an old closet, afraid to confront the hard truth of his condition: That he is
light and darkness trapped within the same person. He is me and I am him, and just as he is afraid
of me I am afraid of him. I constantly fear that he will come back. That I will accidentally look into the bathroom
mirror and see him staring back at me. That he will lock me back in that chest and
this feeling will go away. That I will be dragged back from the sunlight
and shoved back into the darkness, only this time the chemicals will shift, the balance
will tip, and we’ll no longer have the elements to recreate another key to unlock it and set
me free. So, no matter how happy I may be, there’s
always a voice in the back of my mind that says, “Maybe they prefer the other one.”

6 thoughts on ““My Mirror” – A Bipolar Awareness Spoken Word Poem (Mania)

  1. Thanks for watching! Please let me know if you can relate, and if you liked it please click that red SUBSCRIBE button above (it's free, and it'll let you keep up-to-date with my videos). 💙 Also, check out the companion poem to this here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjHnUcEmRms&t=5s&list=PLce2on2Dwa89ilq_6U2GVzMgSBvcOqiUJ&index=3

  2. "So I protect him." I loved that line and the way you build up to it was amazing. This was beautifully written and the way you performed it was on point. Well done.

  3. Thanks A.S. for the wonderful performance, the expression of how you experience bipolar disorder is on point.

  4. I’ve never been able to describe what I feel so eloquently. Although you are a complete stranger, you have quite literally described my brain to a T. Thank you so much for creating this beautiful piece ❤️

  5. İt's fucking awesome really awesome. İm watching this video when i can't describe my reality. Loves from Turkey 💕

  6. Right on A.S.! Bullseye. Your consciousness was present and focused. It flowed with your open heart spewing vulnerable and courageous truth. Your energy is present a (in the now) as you share expression of presence and a wonderful intention to help others. That's awesome man, as presence and mindfulness can run amuck to many of us who share your similar experience of emotional state(s.) Being Here Now is a gift and the best way to honor our life experience. I appreciate your artistic treat shared with your reflections of an open – hearted and understanding and possibly suffering audience. You duly educated those who lack compassion or personal experience with the intense reality of the bi-polar journey, and also relating to and helping heal your kindred Empathic tribe. A sincere wish of inner peace and endless abundance of self love to you, as well as to all of us living this moment to moment truth; you eloquently manifested. Most of us beings born on this journey with bi-polar attributes can understand aspects of the Universes gift to you of your personal truth expressed as integrity – driven, spoken word. Sharing is caring. Kind Regards : )

    {Your gifts of "Reflection" and "My Mirror" have inspired me to share my personal version.}

    An honest expression, and heart – felt representation of a manic – self battling for face time with the authentically depressed self. Possibly an internal reflection of Yin and Yang? Both co – created and co- existing with in cycles, endlessly chasing one another. Chasing and fighting for the moment either the light or the dark – self wins and subsequently projects with zest into the public eye; {or} isolates into lonesome darkness. A daily mary go round of intending and aching for balance between our internal selve(s.) Which one wins the most recent battle to take control of our; thoughts, words, habits, and actions. Relentlessly over analyzing insomnia moments. Which self will merging into the looming sun rise?

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