I like to think that my videos, for the most part, have greatly improved in quality from the past year. Let’s watch a clip of my first video, roll the clip. So you know those books you make in elementary school, that you write as a class, and some publishing company makes them into a real book? “So you know those books you make in elementary school?” Man, I don’t think I could sound less insecure. And I was eighteen when I made that video, I was legally old enough to…get married. So I’m always trying to improve the quality of my videos. I’ve gotten a better microphone, I’ve learned to level up my audio. I like to think my drawings are more lively and move more. But sometimes when I record, I tend to… * delicious lip smacking sounds* Smyack my lips *Seductive lip smacking* But I always thought it was because my mouth was dry. So then I would chug an entire water bottle, but I would still sometimes have smacky lips. *Lip smacking sounds* So I thought, is it possible I could be drinking too much water? Is that even a thing? Maybe I should drink Gatorade. So no big deal, right? First I Google “How to stop lip smacking.” And since I couldn’t find anything that had pictures– “How can you read this? There’s no pictures!” –I decided to ask Youtube instead. I dunno, maybe someone out there makes voice acting tutorials. But instead, I stumbled upon something…indescribable. So…tonight…is the return of the beloved…lip smacking *pop* *pop* *pop* So there was this, about fourteen-year-old girl just gettin’, just gettin’ real close to the microphone, an’ smacking her lips * tasty lip smacking* And apparently there’s a lot higher demand for people who smack their lips than people who don’t. Jeez, I don’t even know why I tried to fix that problem. But you’re probably thinking. James, this is just one video, right? This is just one person making a YouTube video, right? There’s not like an entire community dedicated to- *Paper smack* Autonomous sensory meridian response, ASMR. This is the entire Wikipedia page printed out with notes. You know I bet at least some people watching this already know what it is. And you didn’t tell me about it. What, you think I wasn’t going to find out? *Crash* In my college charge is 5¢ to print a page. So I spent 65¢ printing out this Wikipedia article. Money I’m never getting back. So what is ASMR? Basically, it’s a video of someone whispering into a microphone and making certain sounds. For about, 20-60 minutes. Now you might be thinking, why? Why do they do this? The Wikipedia article says that “the purpose of ASMR is to give listeners sort of a tingling sensation in the head.” And some people describe it as akin to a mild electric current. The best way I can think to describe it is… You know those Bob Ross videos? Remember how you just loved to watch them, even though you couldn’t paint? Why did you watch ’em? Yeah, you watched them because you loved his soft gentle voice. And the sounds of the paintbrush on the canvas And then when he beat his paintbrush on that little thing. yOu can beAt ME bObBY ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ❤ I think thats what ASMR is trying to create. It’s basically supposed to give you the same feeling when you watch a Bob Ross video. Man, you were watching those videos a lot differently than me! Now since I read the Wikipedia page let me tell you some useless facts about it. The first case of ASMR was in a book written in 1925 that said: “With a roughness in her voice like a grasshopper, which rasped his spine deliciously and sent running up into his brain waves of sound.” The frick? In this part about evolutionary history David Huron states that: “The ASMR effect is clearly strongly related to the perception of non-threat and ‘altristic-‘” Faith, what is this word? ‘Altrustic’? Faith: Wait, let me look it up for you. Computer: AL – TRU – IS – TIC James: AL – TRWO – IST – IC Faith: No. AL – TROOOOO – IS – TIC James: AL – TROO – IS – KIT “The ASMR effect is clearly strongly related to the perception of non-threat and al – tru – is – tic attention, and has strong similarities to physical grooming in primates.’ who derive enormous pleasure, bordering on euphoria, when being groomed by a grooming partner, not to get clean, but rather to bond with each other.” So that begs the question: do dogs like it? So…tonight…is the return of the beloved…lip smacking *pop* ASMR was officially created in 2008, but it didn’t get popular until a Facebook group along with a subreddit was created in 2010. Now, it wasn’t always called ASMR. Instead, people used phrases like ‘brain massage,’ ‘head tingle’, ‘brain tingle,’ ‘spine tingle’ and my personal favorite ‘attention induced head orgasm.’ What’re you doing with those grasshoppers ma’am? But a lot of people didn’t want to use orgasm in the name. Because then people would think that: uh, this ASMR stuff is pretty sexual (Like James) Which it totally isn’t, you guys…… Except in 2015 when people started making a new genre of ASMR videos, called ASMR-otica *giddy laughter* And something else thats worth noting on the Wikipedia page: “The popularity of ASMR videos featuring women does substantially exceed those created by male performers. However, there are some popular male ‘ASMRtists’ and not all video creators are heterosexual.” So can I not make ASMR videos, is that what it’s saying? So if the creator of the Facebook group back in 2010 coined the term Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. Autonomous meaning that it’s spontaneous; Sensory meaning–the senses or sensation; and Meridian…meaning orgasm. I’m not making that up. Now, the word Meridian doesn’t mean orgasm at all. But in the Wikipedia article it says: “Allen chose the word ‘meridian’ mistakenly believing that it was ‘a kinder way of saying orgasmic” If you look it’s even on their blog! So you’re telling me this whole time, people have been using ASMR to mean climax, and that’s not even what it means! Okay, some other things in the Wikipedia article I want to talk about is that apparently not everyone experiences ASMR. There is also a type of ASMR called binaural recording, where performers use two microphones and place them where your ears would be. (In right audio source) So it’s extra creepy. Another popular- *lip smack* look I’m lip smacking right now. Another popular ‘theme’ is that these videos do a lot of roleplaying. Specifically: clinical roleplaying. Now I’m someone who never really got into the whole roleplaying experience. Except when CaptainSparklez does it. C’mon where’s part five? Let’s read the wiki! “The ASMRtists provide clinical or medical services, including routine general medical examinations. The creators of these videos make no claims to the reality of what is depicted, and the viewer is intended to be aware that they are watching and listening to a simulation, performed by an actor.” Yeah, I don’t think we can really use the word “actor” Wikipedia O-kay what else? There’s little scientific work done on it. Some people say that it’s great for fighting insomnia and anxiety. But others say: no, it’s not. But I mean, it’s not like it’s bad for you. And there has been one song made to trigger ASMR. But I listened to it; I don’t think song is the best word for it. It’s more just normal ASMR audio. Just because it was released on an album doesn’t make it a song, Wikipedia! And there’s one comment on this video that I think sums up ASMR pretty well. “I’m extremely uncomfortable” I had no idea that ASMR was even a thing. Did you know it was a thing? I didn’t. Heck, even CollegeHumor made a parody ASMR video. I just want to make things clear, I’m not hating on people who make ASMR videos, or even people who like to watch it. And I’m certainly not jealous that some of these people have hundreds of thousands of subscribers and a-millions of views and all they’re doing is just (laughing) brushing a microphone for twenty minutes. *Brush sweeping noises* But guys, I think this ASMR thing is getting a little out of hand. Keep in mind that all these videos are about 15 minutes to an hour long. We have this girl with a Southern accent singing “I’m Blue” and “Numa Numa” to remove a curse from you; *Soft singing* inaudible whispering and tongue clicking; a couple of dentist roleplays; a library book return roleplay; eating Chinese food; a couple of Yu-Gi-Oh card readings; a Minecraft let’s play; a Five Nights at Freddy’s tribute; Undertale; a Mario Maker let’s play; evening with a vampire; The Joker; SATAN; alien abduction; alien abduction for men; *Inhales* aaaand torture roleplay. *Exhales* Really? You can type ASMR and then type anything after that and you’ll get something. “You think…God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he’s created?” And what’s doubly weird is that all of these videos are recent. Like, they were made in 2015 or even 2016. Well, obviously Undertale and Mario Maker are recent. But Shrek? SHREK?! (whispering) Shrek… But just to finish things up, I just want to get something off my chest. This Undertale ASMR was pretty good–compared to the other ones! You still might be thinking: yeah, that’s pretty weird James. Yeah, it IS pretty weird! We’ve gotten pretty deep in the weirdness with those alien ones! And they have almost a million views! I just think this one deserves more views. You know, I just want one ASMR video to be like forty minutes long, and then in the middle somewhere the person just screams. Like, really hardcore screams. Yeah. Oh, and I never did find out how to prevent lip smacking. If anyone knows can-can you tell me? Does Gatorade work? I read somewhere that Gatorade works. What if I only have Powerade? *Phone ringing* [James’ dad, over the phone]: JAMES! [James]: Hey dad, I kind of have a weird request. [James’ dad]: ‘Kay? [James]: Um, can you film the dogs with headphones in them? And then send me the-the-the video? [James’ dad]: You mean, dogs wearing earbuds? [James]: Yeah. [James]: Make sure to film it horizontally. [James’ dad]: I don’t think– they won’t keep earbuds in their ears.