Old Friends, Essays in Epistolary Parody | Andrew Lang | Epistolary Fiction | Sound Book | 2/2



chapter 12 of old friends essays in epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in epistolary parody by Andrew Lang from Montague ticky Squire to mr. David crimp read by Peter Kegel the falling letter needs no explanation for any who have studied the fortunes and admire the style of that celebrated and sanguine financier mr. Montague tick in Martin Chuzzlewit his chance meeting with a romantic comp de Monte Cristo naturally suggested to him the plans and hopes which he unfolds to an unsympathetic capitalist one five four two Park Lane May the 27th 1848 my premium pomegranate Oracle's are not in it David with you my Pippin has auspicious councillors of ingenious indigence the remark which she uttered lightly when refusing to make the Trump really advance of half a crown on a garment which had been near to the illustrious person of my friend Chevie slowed him that remark was inspired go to Holborn you say and the longest bearded of early prophets never uttered or more pregnant with destiny I went to Holborn to the humble establishment of the tuneful tonsor tweedle pipe all things come the poet says to him who knows how to weigh especially I may add to him who knows that to wait bill and thin partitions with a chink in them ensconced in such an ambush in fact in the back shop abided my time intending to solicit pecuniary accommodation from the barber and studying human nature has developed in his customers there are odd customers in Kings great Street Holborn foreign gents and refugees such a Cove my eagle eye detected in a man who entered the shop wearing a long black beard street with the snows of age and who requested Paul to shave in clean it was a sailor man to look at but its profile David might have been carved by a Grecian chisel out of an iceberg and that steel gray eye of his might have struck a chill even through a chink into any heart lest out the beats behind the vest of Montague Teague the task of rasping so here a suited customer seemed to sit heavy on the sole of pole and threatened to exhaust the resources of his limited establishment the barber went forced to command as I presume a fresher strop or more keenly tempered steel and glittering cans of water heated to a fiercer heat no sooner was the coast clear than the street door open a more stranger was joined by a mental form that glided into pols Emporium the newcomer dr. Swartz sombrero and disclosed historic features that were not unknown to the concealed observer meaning me yes David that aquiline beat that long and wax mustache and impossible mask of a face I had seen them Sir conspicuous though their owner be of alien even hostile birth among England special chivalry the foremost he had charged on the eyes of April I mean against the ungentlemanly charter is strong and in the storied lists of Eglinton the newcomer in short was the nephew of him who ate his heart out in an English jail like our illustrious chip in fact he was Prince Louis and be gliding to the seat where half loved the more or less Ancient Mariner awaited Cole's return the prince muttered in the French lingo for me to me from long exile in bellowing hissed all goes well magnificently sire says the other chap our passage is taken I am private cabins pay for taboo in the case of the storms in clemency the prince nodded and seemed pleased then he asked anxiously the bird have you been to jam rocks on me summer so the man was waiting to be shaved I can slip from your Jessie's no mercenary eagle these limbs have yet the Pistor climb and this heart the daring to venture to the area's crag of Monte d'Oro and I have ravished from his Eyrie true Corsican eagle in the omen of our expedition wherever this eagle is your uncle's lesions will gather together tis well in the gold trust Monte Cristo says the bearded man and then David began I knew I had them we meet at Folkston pier the 7:45 tidal train or shall be there without fail says the prince and sneaks out of the street-door just as paul comes in with the extra soap and strop well David to make it as short as I can the man of the icy glance was clean shaved at last and the mother who bore him would not have known him as he looked in the glass when it was done he chucked Pollard Dimond worse have had a million piasters and remarking that he would not trouble him for the change he walked out by this characteristic swagger of course he more than confirmed my belief that he was indeed a celebrated foreigner The Count of Monte Cristo whose name in history even you must be acquainted with but you may not be what I have heard my friend chilly slime call himself the most literary man alive a desperate follower of the star of Austerlitz from his youth a martyr to the cause of the Chateau d'If Monte Cristo is not deserted it now that he has come into his own or anybody else's of course always after him like a shot he walked down Kings great Street and took a fall whether that was loitering at the corner I followed on foot escaping the notice of the police from the fact made only to natural by fortunes curse in sport and under the toga like simplicity a Montague teach costume these millions merely guests at a cab count well David he led me along chase he got out of the four-wheeler it was dark now that the travelers trying a cabman a purse of sequins no doubt at the door of the tram as he entered a Bruin and driving to the French Embassy and Albert kite he alighted in different talks quite the swell and let himself in with his own latchkey in fact sir this conspirator of barbershops this prisoner of the Chateau d'If this climber of Corsican Aires is today the French Minister accredited to the course and James and now perhaps David you begin to see how the land lies the promised land the land where there is corn and milk and honey do I hold those eminent and highly romantic parties in the hollow of my hand a letter from me to Monsieur Lee a of the root guru Salem and their little game is up their Eagle most the history of Europe is altered but what good would all that do to Montagu Teague but it so much has put that delightful coin a golden sovereign into the pocket of his nether garments no TIG is no informer a man who is charged at the head of his regimen on the coast of Africa is no focus by there was more to be got by making the count pie through the nose as we say chanter as the French say sing a song of sixpence to a golden tune but as fortune now uses me I cannot personally approaches xnc powdered menials would urge me from his portals and advance a small advance say thirty pounds is needed for preliminary expenses for the charges of the clothier the boot maker the hozier the barber give me thirty pounds for the restoration of Teague to dissembler the Montagues and with that somewhat concur millions the Diamonds of Monte Cristo the English the rubies and golden crowns from the image in superscription of Pope Alexander the six all are mine or mean our hours more David more my premium tulip which will make the counter richer man than ever he has been we should promote new companies which would put him on the board of directors I see the prospectuses from afar universal international treasure recovery company chairman His Excellency the Comte de Monte Cristo kg KCB Knight of the Black Eagle directors Chevy's Lima Squire Berkeley Square Montagu Tiger Squire Park Lane Monsieur Vautrin Legation he played it along Monsieur Jean Valjean the Chevalier strong would he come in vulnerable Secretary David crimp Esquire archaeological adviser dr. Spiegelman Berlin then the prospectus in treasure hunting too long left to an individual and uneducated enterprise need of an organized and instructed effort examples of treasure easy to be had grave of Alaric golden chain of Cusco galleons of Vigo Bay loot of Delfy straits of Salamis advice of most distinguished foreign experts already secured paid up capital a6 and as many zeros as the resources of the printing establishment can command the public will rush in by the myriad and I am also sketching a disinterested association for securing the rights of foundlings again with Monte Cristo in the chair David you have saved the few pounds in the confidence of unofficial moments you're confessed as much though not exactly how much to me will you neglect one of those opportunities which only Genius can discover but which the humble capitalists can help to fructify is 39 with 20 pounds I can master this millionaire and tying this earthly Providence behind us lies penury and squalor the four as glitters jeweled opulence you will be at 1:42 part line tomorrow with the dibs yours expectantly Montague Teague from mr. David crimp to Montague TIG Esquire the Golden Balls May 28th dear mr. TIG you always were full of your chaff but you must have been drinking when you wrote all that in a bull gammon thirty pounds no nor fifteen nor as many pens I never heard of the party you mentioned by the name of The Count of Monte Cristo and as for the prince he's as likely to be setting out for Bologna with an eagle as you are to start a monkey and a barrel-organ in Jericho or maybe that's the likeliest of the two so stow your gammon and spare your stamps is my last word yours respectfully to command d crimp end of chapter 12 chapter 13 over old friends essays in the postal era parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in a postal era parody by Andrew Lang from Christian to biscuit or read by Christine G Walton and Bunyan were men who should have known each other it is a pleasant fantasy to me that they may have met on the banks of Oz while John was mediating a sermon and Isaac was attentive of his trembling quill sir being now come into the land of Biola hair once I cannot so much as see doubting castle here where I am solaced with the sound of voices from the city my mind that is now more at peace about mine own salvation miss gives me sore about thine thou wilt remember me perchance for him that met the by a stream of delectable mountains and took T to be a man fleeing from the city of destruction for beholding be from afar me thought that thou didst carry a burden on thy back even as myself before my deliverance did bear the burden of my sins and fares yet when I drew near I perceived that it was but a fisherman's basket on thy back and though they'd Strether seek to add to the weight of thy burden than to lighten it or fling it away but when we fell into discourse I marvelled much how thou camest so far upon the way even among the sheep and the Shepherd's of that country for I found that thou hadst little experience in conflict with apollyon and that thou had never passed through the slough of despond nor wandered in the valley of the shadow nay thou hadst never so much has been distressed in thy mind with great fair nor hadst thou fled from thy wife and children to save if it might be thy soul for thyself as I have done nay rather thou didst parley with the shepherds as one that loved their life and I remember even now that sweet carnal song the Shepherd's wayne's shall dance and sing for died delight each may morning if these delights I mind may move there live with me and be my love these are not the songs that fit the delectable country nay rather they are the math of a wantons yet did stout take pleasure in them and therefore I make bold to ask how did stout flee at all from the city of destruction and come so far upon thy way beware lest when thou witness to that Brook wherein no man casts angle even to that flood where there is no bridge to go over and the river is very deep beware I say of one vain hope the ferryman for I would not have the lost because thou art a kindly man and a simple yet for ignorance there is an ill way even from the very gate of the city thy fellow traveler Christian from Pisgah toward to Christian sir I do indeed remember thee and I trust though at amended offer these gripping switch caused V to groan and moan even by the pleasant streams from the hills of the delectable mountains and as for my burden twas pleasant to me to bear it for like not the least of the Apostles I am a Fisher and I carried trout but I take no shame in that I am an angler for angling as somewhat like poetry men are to be born so and I would not be otherwise than my maker designed to have me off the antiquity of angling I could say much but i misdoubt me that though dust not heat the learning of ancient times but art a contemnor of good learning and virtuous recreations yet at mail move thee that in the book of Job mention is made of fish hooks and without reproof for let me tell you that in the scriptures angling has always taken in the best sense touching my flight from the city of destruction I love that place no more than thou dust yet I fear not its evil communications nor would I so hastily desert it as my wife and children behind therein nor have I any experience of conflict with the evil one wherefore I thank him that hath set me in Pleasant fields by clear waters where come no wicked whispers be they from apollyon or from our own hearts but there is calmness of spirit and a world of blessing attending upon it and hence can no man see that how eyes of doubting castle for the green trees and the hedges white with may this life is not wholly vile yes some of their friends declare thou who makest Ave pilgrims dance to the lute knowest better and for myself I own that I love such mirth as does not make men ashamed to look upon each other next morning let him that bears a heavy heart for his ill deeds turn him to better but not mourn as though the Sun were taken out of the sky what was the song Nate Issus get balm for the Soul as many a hymn a merry heart goes all the day your sad one tire's in a milah he that made the world made man to take delight in it even as though sauce to me joyful with the Shepherd's eye with gordly mr. Richard Hooker he being then tending his small allotment of sheep in a common field as I recount in a brief life of a good man as to what awaits me on the other side of that River I do expect it with a peaceful heart and in humble hope that a man may reach the city with a cheerful countenance no less than through groans and sighs and fears for we have not a tyrant over us but a father that loveth a cheerful liver no lesser than she a full giver nevertheless I think of thee for thy kind a thought of one that is not for thy company nor no nonconformist but a peaceful Protestant and lest thou be troubled with apparitions of hobgoblins and evil spirits rate that comfortable sermon of mr. hookahs too weak believe us on the certainty of adherence though they want the inward testimony of it but now false here sweet shower is singing shower seth old George Chapman and methinks I shall have sport for I do note that the mayfly is up and seeing all these beautiful creatures playing in the air and water I feel my own heart play within me and I must out and deep under yonder sycamore tree wherefore privy pardon me a longer discourse at at this time thy friend biscuit or end of chapter 13 chapter 14 of old friends essays and epistle Airy parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in epistle airy parody by Andrew Lang from truthful James to mr. Bret Hart William nice experiment angels dear Bret Hart I'm in tears and the camps in the dust or with anguish adheres as poor William may bust and the last of the nice is in danger of sleeping the sleep of the just no revolver it was interfered with his health the convivial glass did not harm him by stealth it was nary he fell by a scheme which he thought would accumulate wealth for a Moki came round to the camp Injun Joe and the dollars was found in his pockets to flow for he played off some tricks with life's makes as was reckoned with a competent show they was Rattlers a pair in his teeth he would hold and another he'd wear like a scarf to unfold his neck with them dangerous critters as safe as the sate was of old says William that same is as easy as week I am fly to his game for them Rattlers I think has had all their incisors extracted they're harmless as a southern to drink so he bedded his pile he could handle them snakes and he tried with a smile and a rattler he takes feeling safe as they'd somehow been doctored but bless you that serpent awakes waken snakes and they did and they rattled like mad for it was not a kid but some medicine he had Injun Joe for persuading the critters but Williams bit powerful bad so they've put him outside of a bottle of rye and they've set him to ride a Mustang as kin shy to keep up his force circulation and that's the last chance for Bill Nye but a near thing it is and the camps in the dust he's a part as we'd miss if poor bill was to bust if the last of the knives were sleeping the peaceable sleep of the just end of chapter 14 chapter 15 of old friends essays in epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in epistolary parody by Andrew Lang from Professor forth to the Reverend mr. cassabaum read by Amelia Chesley the delicacy of the domestic matters with which the following correspondence deals cannot be exaggerated it seems that Belinda whose memoirs we owe to miss Rhoda Bruton was at Oxford while mr. and mrs. Cassie bond were also resident near that Pleasant City so famed for its and library professor fourth and mr. Casas bond were friends as may be guessed their congenial characters their kindred studies at tres ecology and mythology combined to ally them their wives were not wholly absorbed in their learning pursuits and if mr. Ladislaw was dangling after mrs. Casa bong we know that mr. rivers used to haunt with mrs. fourth the walks of Magdalene the regret and disapproval which mrs. Kassebaum expresses and her desire to do good to mrs. fourth our it is believed not alien to her devoted and exemplary character bradmore Road Oxford May 29th dear mr. Kazu bond in the course of an investigation which my researches into the character of the etruscan in veloute have necessitated I frequently encounter the root CAD k2 odd or Cod dessler's recent an epoch-making discovery that D in etruscan equals B 2 has led me to consider it a plausible hypothesis that we may convert CAD or cut into cab 2 in which case it is by no means beyond the range of cautious conjecture that the involute e are identical with the cavalry though you will pardon me for confessing what you already know that I am not in all points and adherent to your ideas concerning a key to all mythologies at least as briefly set forth by you in Koons sighting yet I am deeply impressed with this apparent opportunity of bridging the seemingly impassable gulf between a turian religion and the comparatively clear and comprehensible systems of the palacio Phoenician peoples that CAD or cab can refer either as in couture to a four-footed animal quadruped ed quad or to a four wheeled vehicle a seda Celtic cab I cannot for a moment believe though I understand that this theory has the support of Schrader penka and Bhandar any information which your learning can procure and your kind courtesy can supply will be warmly welcomed and duly acknowledged believe me faithfully yours James forth PS I open this note which was written from my dictation by my secretary mrs. forth to assure myself that her inexperience has been guilty of no air in matters of so much delicacy and importance I have detected no mistake of moment and begin to hope that the important step of matrimony to which I was guided by your example may not have been a rash experiment from the Reverend mr. Kassebaum to James 4th Esquire professor of Etruscan Oxford dear mr. forth your letter throws considerable light on a topic which has long engaged my earnest attention to my thinking the cabin khabiri equals curved hollow as in covers and refers to the Ark of Noah which of course before the entrance of every living thing according to his kind must have been the largest artificial hollow or empty space known to our adamite ancestors thus the khabiri would answer naturally to the Pataky which as Herodotus tells us were unusually Figg yet on the prowess of ships the Cabiria Potocki as children of Noah and men of the great vessel or a cave men a wonderful anticipation of modern science would perpetuate the memory of our kite circumstances and would be selected as the sacred tradition faded from men's minds as the guides of navigation I'm sorry to seem out of harmony with your ideas but it is only a matter of seeming for have no doubt that the Etruscan and veloute are also our kite and that they do not as Max Miller may be expected to intimate represent the veiled or a cloudy Dawn's but rather the our kite patriarchs we thus from different starting places arrive at the same goal the our kite solution of Bryant I am aware that I am old-fashioned like you maius I dwell here among the swine and go not often to the city your letters with little numerals as k squared may represent the exactness of modern philology but more closely remind me of the formulae of algebra a study in which I at no time excelled it is my purpose to visit Cambridge on June 3rd to listen to a most valuable address by Professor Tesh of born on hittite and aztec affinities if you can meet me event accept the hospitality of my college the encounter may prove a turning point in mythological and phil illogical science very faithfully yours Jay Casa bond PS I opened this note written from my dictation by my wife to enclose my congratulations on mrs. fourths scholarly attainments from Professor forth to Reverend mr. Casas bon telegram read by Amelia Chesley we'll be with you at Cambridge on the 3rd from mrs. fourth bred more Road Oxford to David rivers Esquire month of Yorkshire read by RIE he goes on Saturday to Cambridge to hear someone talk about the Hittites and the Asiatics did you not say there was a good sunday train they sing all rest in the Lord at Magdalene I often wonder that Edison's walk is so deserted on Sundays he stays over Sunday at Cambridge from David rivers Esquire to mrs. fourth Oxford read by unassuming dear mrs. fourth Saturday is a half-holiday at the works and I've proposed to come up and see whether our boat cannot bump Bella how extraordinary is that people should neglect on Sundays the favorite promenade the short-faced humorous I shall be there the old place believe me yours ever D rivers from mrs. Casa bond to William Ladislaw Esquire stratford-on-avon dear friend your kind letter from Stratford is indeed interesting ah when shall I have an opportunity of seeing these and so many other interesting places but in a world where Duty is so much and so always with us why should we regret the voids in our experience which after all life is filling in the experience of others the work is advancing and mr. Casa bond hopes that the first chapter of the key to all mythologies will be fairly copied and completed by the end of autumn mr. castle bond is going to Cambridge on Saturday to hear professor tush lecture on the Pitt Heights and some other party I really forget which but it is not often that she takes so much interest in the mere modern history how curious it sometimes is to think that the great spirit of humanity and of the world as you say keeps working its way ah to what wonderful goal by means of these obscure difficult politics almost unworthy instruments one is tempted to think that was a true line you quoted lately from the Vita Nuova we have no books of poetry here except a Lithuanian translation of the Rigveda how delightful it must be to read Dante with a sympathetic fellow student one who has also loved and renounced yours very sincerely Dorothea Casa bond PS I do not expect mr. Kazu bond back from Cambridge before Monday afternoon from William Ladislaw Esquire to the Honorary Secretary of the literary and philosophically Mechanics Institute Middlemarch read by Karishma My dear sir I find that I can mean your neighbourhood and Saturday and will gladly accept your invitation to lecture at your Institute on the immutability of morals faithfully yours w Ladislaw from William Ladislaw Esquire to mrs. Castle read by Karishma dear mrs. castle only aligned to say that I am too lectured the Mechanics Institute on Saturday I can scarcely hope that as mr. Castle boners away you'll be able to attend my pool performance but on Sunday I may have I hope the pleasure of waiting on you in the afternoon very Sincerely Yours W Ladislaw PS I shall bring the white Innova it is not so difficult as the Paradiso and I shall be happy to help you with a few of the earlier sonnets from mrs. Castle bond to mrs. fourth June the faith dear lady you will be surprised at receiving a letter from a stranger how shall I address you how shall I say what I ought to say our husbands are not unknown to each other I may almost call them friends but we have met only once you did not see me but I was at modeling a few weeks ago and I could not help asking who you were so young so beautiful and when I saw you so lonely among all those learning men my heart went out to you for I too know what the learning are and how often when we are young we feel as if they were so cold so remote ah then there comes the temptations but they must be conquered we are not born to live for ourselves only we must learn to live for others oh not for another someone we both know a lady has spoken to me of you lately she too though you did not know it was immortal him walk on Sunday evening when the bells were chiming and the birds singing she saw you and you were not alone mr. rivers I am informed that is his name was with you ah stop and think and hear me before it is too late a word I do not know a word of mind may be listened to though I have no right to speak but something forces me to speak and to implore you to remember that it is not for pleasure we live but for duty we must break the dearest ties if they do not bind us to the steak the steak of all we owe to all you will understand you will forgive me will you not you will forgive another woman whom your beauty and sadness have one to admire and love you you will break these ties were you not and be free for only in renunciation is there freedom he must not come again and you will tell him that he must not yours always Dorothea kasib on end of chapter 15 chapter 16 of old friends essays in epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in a bacillary parody by Andrew Lang from you Furies to sir a measly night read by Anna Simon this little controversy on the value of the herb tobacco passed between the renowned you few ease and that early but a sidious smoker sir a measly well known to readers of Westward Ho he decided him from drinking the smoke of the Indian weed sir amias take it not unkindly that a traveler though less wide a wanderer than thou this way it be from a newfound novelty the wanton misuse or rather the miss useful wantonness of the Indian herb it is a blind goose that knoweth not a fox for a fern bush at a strange temerity that mistake of smoke for provender the sow when she is sick Edith the sea crab and is immediately recovered why then ship man being whole and sound haste to that which maketh many sick the lobster flight not in the air north of the salamander wanton in the water wherefore then will man betake him for nourishment or solace to the fire Vesuvio bring it not forth speech from his mouth but man like a volcano will utter smoke there's great difference between the table and the chimney but thou art for making both alike though the rows be sweet yet will it prove less fragrant if it be read about the skunk and so an ill weed from the land where that beasts have it's a habitation defy earth a courteous night consider if this practice delights thee that the apples of Sodom are outwardly fair but inwardly full of ashes the box tree is always green but a seed is poison Mithra date must be taken in wordly not spread on plasters of his nature smoke goes upward and outward why will thou make it go inward and downward the manners of the cannibal fit not the Englishman and this thy poison is unlike love which maimie 'the every part before it killed a liver or as tobacco doth vex the liver before it harm ahthe any other part excuse this my boldness and force where thy weed and i lovest you few ease from sir a measly to you few ease whereas thou bringest in a rabble of reasons to convince me I will answer the in nine own kind now art like those that prefer a man physic before he be sick and because his pleasure is not theirs call him foolish that is but early advised nature maketh nothing without an end the eye to see with the ear to hear the herb tobacco to be smoked as wine strengtheneth and meat maketh full tobacco maketh the heart at rest Helen gave Nepenthe to them that sorrow and heaven hath made this weed for such as lack comfort tobacco is the hungry man's food the wakeful man's sleep the weary man's rest the old man's defense against melancholy the busy man's repose the talkative man's muzzle the lonely man's companion indeed there was nothing but this one thing wanting to man of those that earth can give wherefore having found it let him so use as not abusing it as now I am about doing thy servant a muesli end of chapter 16 chapter 17 of old friends it says in epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in epistolary parody by Andrew Lang from mr. Pohlman delay to the very Reverend Dean Maitland that Dean Maitland should have taken the political line indicated in mr. Honda lays letter will amaze no reader of the silence of Dean Maitland that mr. pol on delay flew from his penny paper to a paradise meat for him is a matter of congratulation to all but his creditors he really is now in the only true Monastery of Philemon and is simply dressed in an eyeglass and a cincture of pandanus flowers the natives worship him and he is the first aesthetic beach Comber TLT the Pacific dear Maitland as my old friend and tutor at Lothian you asked me to join the Oxford Home Rule Association excuse my delay in answering your letter was sent to that detested and long deserted newspaper office in Fleet Street and from Fleet Street to TLT thank heaven it is a long way where I at home and still endeavoring to sway the masses I might possibly accept your invitation I dislike crowds and I dislike shouting but if shout I must like you where would choose to chime in with the danger and the larger and the more violent assembly but having perceived that the masses were very perceptibly leaning to sway themselves I have retired today Alti you have read epicycle Ian my dear Dean and in your time no doubt you have loved well this is the Isle of love described as in a dream by the rapt fancy of Shelley urged perhaps by a reminiscence of the great onion wave of migration I have moved westward to this paradise like Oberman I hide my head from the wild tempest of the age but in a much dearer place than chalets near the alpine snow long ago I said to one who would not listen that all the religions of the world are based on false foundations resting on the family and fatally unsound here the family in our sense has not been developed here no rules trammel the best and therefore the most Devon essent of our affections and as for religion it is based upon me on horn delay of Lothian here nobody asks me why or how I am superior the artless natives at once perceived the fact recognized me as a god and worship me do not shudder my good Dean with floral services in t LT vain to look for it on the map I have found my place a place far from the Babel of your brutal politics a place where I am addressed in liquid accents of adoration you may ask whether I endeavor to raise the Islanders to my own level it is the last thing that I would attempt culture they do not need their dainty heretic Precision's of ritual are a sufficient culture in themselves as I said once before it is an absurdity to speak of married people being one here we are an indefinite number and no jealousy no ambitious exclusiveness Mars the happiness of all this is the higher life about which we used ignorant ly to talk here the gross temporal necessities are satisfied with a breadfruit a roasted fish and a few pond anus hours the rest is all climate and the affections conceived my dear Dean the undisturbed Felicity of life without newspapers empires may fall perhaps have fallen since I left Fleet Street Ellen Dunlop may be a deterrent good earnest on an estate no longer his but here we fleet the time carelessly as in the golden world and you asked me to join a raucous political association for an object you detest in your heart merely because you want to swim with the turbot Democratic current you are an historian Maitland did you ever know this policy succeeded did you ever know the respectable to prosper when they allied themselves with the vulgar I keep out of your secondhand revolutions keep your hands clean whether you keep your head on your shoulders or not you will never I fear be Bishop of wing come with all your historical handbooks and all your Oxford liberalism but I'm losing my temper for the first time since I discovered TLT this must not be yours regretfully Paul rondalee PS don't give anyone my address some of these Oxford harpies are still unappeased the only European I have seen was not a university man he was a popular scotch novelist and carried shorter catechisms which he distributed to my flock I only hope he won't make a copy out of me and my situation PR end of chapter 17 chapter 18 of old friends essays in epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in epistolary parody by Andrew Lang from Harold skimpole Esquire to the Reverend Charles honey man ma the letters tell their own tale of genius and virtue indigent and in Chains the eloquence of a honey man the accomplishments of a skimpole lead only to curse at her street Colvin's 'as curse at her street may one my dear honey men it is may day even when the chimney sweeper developing the pleasant unconscious poetry of his nature forgets the flues reads the flowers and persuades himself that he is jack in the green Jack who was he Jack Sprat or the young Swain who mated with Jill who knows the chimney sweeper has all I ask all that the butterflies possess all that common-sense and business and society denied to Harold skimpole he lives he is free he is in the green I am in Colvin's 'as incur Cedar Street I cannot hear the streams warble the birds chant the music roll through the stately Fane let us say of Lady Whittle sees Colvin's is as Co Vince's man says is a else but how unlike for example the hospitable home of our friend jarndyce I can sketch Co Vince's but I cannot alter it I can set it to music on Co Vince's piano but how melancholy are the jingling strains of that dilapidated instrument at gern dices house when I am there I am in possession of it here Collins's is in possession of me of the person of Harold skimpole and why am I here why am i far from landscape music conversation why merely because I will follow neither Fame nor fortune nor faith they call to us in the marketplace but I will not dance fame blows her trumpet and offers her shilling the Queen's faith peels her bells and asks for my shilling fortune rattles her banking scales they call and the world joins the waltz but I will not march with them go after glory Commerce Creed's I cry only let Harold skimpole live the world who's the jangling music but in my ear sound the pipes of pan the voices of the river and the wood yet I cannot be in the playground whether they invite me Harold skimpole is fettered by what by items I regret my incapacity for details it may be the tinkerer or the tailor at whose suit I am detained I am certain that it is not that of the soldier or the sailor or the plough boy or the thief but for the apothecary why yes it may be the apothecary in the dawn of life I loved who has not I wet it I said about surrounding myself with rosy cheeks these cheeks grow pallid I call for the aid of science science sends in her bill to the mixture as before so much to the tonic so much the cheeks are rosy again I pour forth the blessings of a father's heart but there stands science inexorable with her bill her items I vainly point out that the mixture has played its part the tonic has played its part and that in the nature of things the transaction is ended the bill is unappeasable I forget the details a certain number of pieces of yellow and white dress are spoken of I see it as 15 and some odd shillings and coppers let us say 20 my dear honey men you who as I here are about to follow the flutes of Aphrodite into a temple where hymen guilds the horns of the victims you I am sure will hurry to my rescue you may not have the specie actually in your coffers but with your prospects surely you can sign something or make over something or back something say a post obit or post VIN Cola or employ some other instrument excuse my inexperience or I should say excuse my congenital inability to profit by experience now considerable of difficulties and a friendship let not the son of may date go down on Harold skimpole in Covent yours ever HS PS a youthful Myrmidon of covin zzz's will wait for a reply shall we say while we are about it 25 from the Reverend Charles honey man to Harold skimpole Esquire Kazuto straight may 1st My dear skimpole how would have joy that Providence placed it within my power to relieve your distress but it cannot be like the Carthaginian Queen of whom we read in happier days at dear old bore Hembree I may say that I am how to ignore us Molly but alas the very evils in which I am not on land make it impossible for me to add miseries suku ha ha Disko rather am i myself in need of Sekar you My dear Harold have fallen among thieves I made to truly add that in this I am your neighbor the dens in which we alleged are contiguous we are separated only by the bars your note was sent on hither from my rim sand Walpole straight since we met I have known the utmost that woman's perfidy and the rich man's contumely can inflict but I can bear my punishment I loved I trust it she two's hand I aspired she on whose affections I had based hopes at once of happiness and life and of extended usefulness and the clerical profession she was less confiding she summoned to her council a minion of the law one breaks his estimate of my position and prospects could not possibly telle with that of one whose hopes are not set where the world Ling places them let him and such as he take thought for the morrow and chafe about settlements I do not regret the to which you so delicately elude I sorrow only for the bloom that has been brushed from the soaring pinions of a pure and disinterested affection Santa like Lamia rerum and the hunt chief and which I bury my face is dank with them Norris this disappointment my only cross the carrion birds of commerce have marked down the stricken deer from their iris and bond straight and German straight to know how Solomon's has behaved and the black colours in which Moss of what a strait has shown himself is to receive a new light on the character for people chosen under a very different dispensation detainers flock in like a Ravens to a feast at this moment I have endured a humiliation of meeting a sneering child of this world mr. Arthur pendennis the emissary of one to whom I gave in other days the sweetest blossom in the garden of my affections my sister of one who has indeed behaved like a brother-in-law my word distrusted my statements received with a chilling skepticism by this nabob and you come I am urged to make some composition with my creditors the world is very since aureus the ear of a bishop is easily one who knows how those who have envía talents not misused may turn my circumstances to my disadvantage you will see that far from aiding another I am rather obliged to seek succor myself but that's saying about the sparrows abides with me to my comfort could ought he done thank you with the bill backed by our joint names on July 12th my pure rents will come in I swear to you that if they have not been anticipated yours afflicted Lee Charles Honeyman PS would jarndyce lent his name to a small billet three months you know him well and I have heard that he is a man of benevolent character and of substance but how hardly shall rich man you remember the text ch end of chapter 18 chapter 19 of old friends essays an epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays an epistolary parody by Andrew Lang from Miss Harriet – Monsieur Guy de Maupassant read by Karen savage this note from one of the English damsels whom miss yogi de Maupassant is like so much is written in such French as the lady could muster it explains that recurrent mystery why English woman abroad smell of gutta-percha the reason is not discreditable to our country women but if monsieur de Maupassant asks as he often does why english women dress like scarecrows when they are on the continent miss Harriet does not provide the answer miss Pinkertons Stratford at Beau ma news Monsieur vous Devane me cuneta Caucasian avec on Apollo monument ill-made I found you dolly of Ohama Giroux said hope aqua nebula notice Monsieur Henri James Hawkins a clay than the fortnightly review a votre mob let alone moon amoeba a skillpa hey Neela Salonga ter nila field super amoled ja figure more mem Don Bahama more ma'am Carla soundly in a convener panel set for Nam Kham Luna memoized on most her mmm historic the New Zealand we miss Harriet sir risk assess to Van Dam votre count as a risky Epis a Monsieur the Shiblon problem Kumasi pregnant le dimos el anglaise Basanti to Jacques Schuch to smell of india-rubber traduction Henry James unfamiliar Monsieur a new smell of india-rubber can tell set whooshes el down the booze effect gonna bail a stately homes of England footnote no Monsieur Genesis new Wordsworth me LaVere Williams and footnote Cecil ma a little J canoe happened on lüdersen Arish we saw the cow shook up aqua pascal Monsieur miss Harriet en thozhan tub ooh table La Raza danglies separ me porta and gallant on dampen on cellar nam khan river ooh caliper Oh can tell voyage miss Harriet who've excessive our killer tub between institutions to toffee uncle new asses odd cafe tell doc Alport Dan sam'l on top the couch shook patent compressible India rapid tub in noodle idea case if it mal set hoof untenured you smell of india-rubber bossy Monsieur la solution natural mm for hallo habla Jim Christian gear feet board SS perilous oven de la France vous Monsieur get on still East accompli vo vo me pardon le doc KJV and affair a labelled long Frances damn infest compare commanded only home on policy a poet intelligible necromancy celebra King no liquor gamma potata Lydian Bob our email so non de la salon litter mushiya pol Buzzelli ma'am newly blue Greg non omnia posthumous omnis a glare Monsieur Musante male blue distingue miss Harriet end of chapter 19 chapter 20 of old friends essays an epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in a facility parody by Andrew Lang from s ganda SH Esquire to the Newcomb independent the Royal Academy it appears that mr. GaN – at a great age though he was not older than several industrious academicians withdrew from the active exercise of his art and employed his learning and experience as art critic of the Newcomb independent the following critique appears to show traces of declining mental vigour in the veteran ganda SH our great gallery has once more opened her doors if not to the public nor even to the fashionable elite at least to the critics they are a motley throng who lounge on press stays in the sumptuous halls ladies small boys clergymen are there and among them but few perhaps who have received the training in high arch of your correspondent and have had their eye through a lifetime more than commonly prolonged on the glorious antique and what shall we say of the present academy in some ways things have improved a little since my boy disha came back on my hands 1839 at a time when high art and the antique would not do in this country they would not do as far as the new exhibition shows they do better now than when the century was younger and portrait of the artist by s Candace at 33 years of age was offered in vain to the jealousy papist clique who then controlled defeat see foreigners are more affable now they have taken mr. pointers of himself to return to the antique what the president's captive Andromache must have cost in models alone is difficult to reckon when times were cheaper in fifty years since my ancient Britain in Boadicea stood me in 30 pounds the central figures however were members of my own family to give everyone his due Andromache is high art yes it is high and the antique has not been overlooked about the back view of the young party at the fountain mr. Horsley may have something to say for my part that seems a want of muscle in vigorous action where are the biceps where are the fuse of Michelangelo the president is a touch too quiet for a taste framed in the best schools as to his color where is that nutty brown tone of the flesh but a designs on the Greek vase are carefully rendered though I have heard it remarked by a classical scholar that these kind of vases were not a news about home as time still the intention is good though the costumes are not what we should have called ancient Roman when the president was a boy a or earlier then mr. alma-tadema he has not turned his back on the glorious antique the Roses of Helio caballus are not explained in the catalog as far as I understand there has been an earthquake at a banquet of this unprincipled monarch the king himself and his friends are safe enough at a kind of high table though which is Helio caballus he being a consumptive looking character in his coins in the classical directory your critic has not made out the earth having opened down below the heads of some women and of a man with a beard and his hair done up like a girl tossing about in a quantity of rose leaves which had doubtless been thrown on the floor as Marshall tells us was the custom dome with Eknath holes are so I overheard a very erudite critic remarking the composition of the piece would be thus accounted for but I cannot pretend that mr. to Deema reminds one of either Pusa or Annibale Carracci however rumour whispers that a high price has been paid for this curious performance to my thinking the Friends of Helio Gabbana's are a little flat and leathery in the handling of the flesh the silver work and the marble will please Myra's of this eccentric artist but I can hardly call the whole effect hi but mr. Armitage siren will console people who remember the old school this beautiful girl somewhat careless in her attitude there she has been sensible enough not to sit down on the damp rock without putting her drapery beneath her would have been a true gem in one of the old books of beauty such as the Honorable Percy popjoy and my old friend miss bunion used to contribute to in the palmy days of the English school mr. Armitage Juno standing in mid-air with the moon in the neighborhood is also an example to use and very unlike the way such things are generally done now mr. Byrne Jones who does not exhibit never did anything like this poor Hayden with whom I have smoked many a pipe would have acknowledged that mr. Goodall's David's promised to Bathsheba and by the Sea of Galilee proved that his aspirations are nearly fulfilled these are extremely large pictures yet well hung the picture of Abishag is a little too much in the French taste for an old-fashioned painter Alice longer knew DeVita's I hope and so will the liberal readers of the Newcomb Independent that it is by an accident the catalogue reads the traitor old Spencer cagey the moonlighters number is 220 221 225 some Tory wag among the hanging committee may have taken this juxtaposition for which our readers will adopt a different view there is a fine dog in mr. Brighton Liv years like he has come but how did the relations of the date night in plate Armour acquire the embroidery at least three centuries later on which he is laid to his last repose this destroys the illusion but does not diminish the pathos in the attitude of the faithful hound mr. Long's large picture appears to exhibit an oriental girl being tried by a jury of matrons at least not having my Diodorus scribbly respite I can arrive at no other conclusion from the number of models engaged this picture must have been designed quite regardless of expense it is a study of the antique but I doubt if Smee would have called it high art speaking of Smee reminds me of portraits I miss portrait of a lady portrait of a gentleman the names of the cities are now always given a concession to the notoriety hunting proclivities of the present period few portraits are more in the style of the palmy days of our school just after Lawrence then a study of a lady by mr. Goodall 687 on the other hand young mr. Richmond goes back to the antiquated manner of Reynolds in one of his representations I must admit that I hear his work much admired by many to me it seems old-fashioned and lacking in blankness and affability mr. Waterhouse has a study of a subject from a poem that mr. pendennis the novelist whom I knew well was very fond of when he first came to town the Lady of Shalott it represents a very delicate invalid in a boat under a counterpane I remember the poem ran it was by young mr. Tennyson they crossed themselves their stars they blessed night minstrel Abbot Squire and guests they lay a parchment on her breast that puzzled more than all the rest the well-fed widths of Camelot the web was woven curiously the charm is broken utterly draw near and fear not this is I the Lady of Shalott I admit that a wandering dismay of their well-fed widths if the lady was like mr. Woodhouse's picture of her do not surprise me but I confess I do not understand more than poetry nor perhaps modern painting where is historical art where is all Freud and the cake a subject which as is well known I discovered in my researches in history where is Udall pho in the tower or the Duke of Rothesay and the fourth day after he was deprived of his victims or King John signing Magna Carta they are done with the red curtain the brown trade a storm in the background art is revolutionary like everything else in these times when trees in itself in the form of a hoary app estate and review of contemporary fiction glares from the walls and is painted by Royal Mark Royal academicians from Thomas Potts Esquire of the Neukom independent 2s garnish ask are read by Anna Cemal Newcombe May 3rd My dear sir I am truly sorry to have to interrupt a connection with so old and respected a contributor but I think you will acknowledge on reading the proof of your article on the Academy which I enclose that the time has arrived when public criticism is no longer your province I do not so much refer to the old-fashioned tone of your observations on modern art I know little about it and care not much more but you have entirely forgotten towards the end of the notice at the nuclear independent has becomes its name is a journal of Liberty and progress the very proper remarks unload Spencer's portrait elsewhere show that you are not and acquainted with our politics but at the close expressing I fear your true sentiments you glide into language which makes me shudder and which if printed in the independent would spell ruin send it by all means The Sentinel if you like send your Tory views I mean as for your quotation from the Lady of Shalott I can find it nowhere in the poem of that name by the author you strangely style young mr. Tennyson I enclose a cheque for a quoted salary and while always happy to meet you as man with man must get the notice of the Academy written up in the office from the Daily Telegraph standard and times faithfully and with deep regret yours Thomas Potts end of chapter 2 chapter 21 of old friends essays an epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in epistolary parody by Andrew Lang from mr. Laycock will show his alum pari to inspect a bucket Scotland Yard read by Yuri Niedermayer this correspondence appears proof that mistakes may be made by the most stood officers of police and that even so manifest at Britain as mr. Pickwick my chance to find himself in a toys of international conspiracy translated May 1918 52 sir and dear fellow brother confer the so cordial understanding between our countries ought to expand itself into a community of the political police but the chaste acceptable ''tis of the old England forbid at this moment the restoration to a friendly power of political vendors in the name of the French police of surety I venture to present the famous officer bucket a prayer that he will shut his eyes for once on the letter and open his heart to the spirit of the laws no one needs to teach Monsieur bucket the de foreign miscreant can be given up and all resolves to de justice a small vial of harmless Soper if ik a closed carriage a private cabin onboard a tunnel steamer with these and a little of their dried nuts so remarked in a celebrated bucket the affair is in the back Dola sack all these things are in the courts Dhoni called of my esteemed English fellow brother will you not employ them in the interest of a devoted colleague and a friend administration we seek a malefactor of the worst species lisanna paw will appear aspis this funny fellow wall caused himself count of Fosco and he resides in wood road 5 cent chance forest worth abode of a miscreant fit for the forest of bani he is a man bold stout fair and paying well incontinence ill paid him in conceiving himself to assemble the crate napoleon at the first side you would say a flam drop a friend of men on his right arm he bears a small red mark round the brand of a society of the most dangerous dear sir you will not miss him when one sees in our hands faith of Lacock you shall tell us your news as to whether france can be grateful of no worse there is no need i remain all to you with the assurance of my most distinguished consideration the cook from inspector bucket to monsieur la coke may 22 dear sir you're polite favour to hand and contents noted you are a man of the world I am a man of the world and proud to deal with you as between man and man the little irregularity shall be no consideration all shall be squared and the man wanted run-in with punctuality and dispatch expect him at Calais on the 26th current faithfully yours see bucket from count Fusco – Samuel Pickwick Esquire DCM PC gospel Road read by Alice evil five forest roads in Jones wood May 23rd dear sir when we met lately at the hospitable bold of our common friend Benjamin Ellen Esquire lately elected professor of chemistry the University of London our conversation turned if you can pass me the intoxicated favor of remembering it on the glorious signs of chemistry for me this knowledge has ever possessed irresistible attractions from the enormous power which it confers of heaping benefits on the suffering race of mankind others may rejoice in the advantages which our knowledge of its toes the power which can reduce a Hannibal to the level of a German boy or an all-pervading Shakespeare to the intellectual estate of a vestry man though it cannot at present reverse those processes the consideration of the destructive as compared with the constructive forces of chemistry was present as I recollect to your powerful intellect on the festive occasion to which I refer yes he said permit me to repeat your very words yes count Fusco Alexander's morning draught shall make Alexander run for his life at the first sound of the enemy's trumpet so much chemistry can achieve but can she help as well as harm nay can she answer for it at the lemon with professor Ellen from the best and purest of motives has blended with his milk bench shall not disagree with me tomorrow morning can chemistry count fosco thus the word malign constitutional tenancy these were your words sir and I am now ready to answer your deep searching question in the affirmative prolonged a sidious application to my art has shown me how to preserve the lemon in milk punch and yet destroy or disengage the deleterious elements will you so greatly honor signs and fosco her servant as to sup with me on the night of the 25th at nine o'clock and prove you need not get the test whether a true follower of knowledge or vain Babla signs in exile the name of easy dote Ivo Bal desire Fusco from mr. Pickwick to the count fosco read by Mike Harris May 24 My dear sir many thanks for your very kind invitation apart from the interests of science the pleasure of your company alone would be more than enough to make me gladly accept it I shall have the enjoyment of testing your milk punch tomorrow at 9 with the confident expectation that your admirable studies will have overcome a tendency which for many years has prevented me from relishing as I wish I could one of the best things in this good world lemon in fact has always disagreed with me as Professor Allen or so Robert soya will be able to assure you so your valuable experiment can be put in my case to a crucial test 30 faithfully yours Samuel Pickwick from inspector bucket to Monsieur la coke may 26 1 a.m. My dear sir we have taken your man without difficulty bald benevolent looking stout perhaps fancies himself like Napoleon if so is deceived we nabbed him asleep over his liquor and alone at the address you meant to give five forest road st. John's Wood the house was empty servants out not a soul but him at home he speaks English well for a foreigner and tries to make out he is a British subject was rather confused when took and kept ejaculating cold punch apparently with the hope of persuading us that such was his name or alias he also called for one Sam probably an accomplice he travels to Calais today as a lunatic patient in a strait waistcoat under charge of four keepers belonging to the force and I trust that you have made preparations for receiving your prisoner and that our management of the case has given satisfaction what I like is doing business with a man like you we may not be so smart nor so clever at disguises as the French profession but we flatter ourselves we are punctual and cautious faithfully yours see bucket from mr. Pickwick to mr. perky solicitor Gray's in red by Mike Harris st. Paulo G May 28th dear polka for heaven's sake come over here at once bring someone who can speak French and bail me out or whatever the process of their law may be I've been arrested illegally and without warrant at the house of a scientific friend Cal Fusco where I had been supping as far as I can understand I'm accused of a plot against the life of the Emperor of the French but the whole proceedings have been unintelligible and arbitrary to a degree I cannot think that an English citizen will be allowed to perish by the guillotine innocent and practically unheard please bring linen brushes etc but not Sam who would be certain to embroil himself with the French police I am writing to The Times and Lord Palmerston Cecilia's Samuel Pickwick for Monsieur Le Coq to inspect a packet read by EULA Niedermayer may 27 so there has arrived that frightful misunderstanding the man you have sent us is not fosco a Fosco he has only their boldness the air benevolent and the girth the brand in his right arm is no more than the mark of vaccination brought before the Commissioner of Police the prisoner who has not one word of French was heard for an interpreter he gives himself the name of peak week quanti english and he appeals to his ambassador a papers he had letters bearing the name of Samuel Pickwick and on his buttons the letters PC which we suspect are a batch of a secret society but this is not to the point for the certain that whatever the crimes of dispar go he is not fosco but an Englishman he should be found in a domicile of fosco when the drawer had evaded his suspicious louche and his explanation not commit itself to be understood I have fear did we enjoy bad luck and atmosphere Palmerston will make himself to be heard on this matter except Monsieur the assurance of my high consideration lococo PS our comrade the current small talk of the police of manners police dunno has come to present himself confronted with the Bandit he gives him reason and offers his faith that the man is pick weak with whom he encountered himself went on a mission of secrecy to England it is now some years what to do he fear end of chapter 21 chapter 22 of alter Friends essays an epistolary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays an epistolary parody by Andrew Lang chapter 22 from mr. Alan Quartermaine to Sir Henry Curtis read by Carolyn mr. Quatermain office the correct account of two celebrated right and left shots also an adventure of the stranger in the story of an African farm dear Curtis you asked me to give you the true account in writing of those right and left shots of mine at the two lions the crocodile and the eagle the Brits are stuffed now in the hole at home the Lions eat on the pedestal and the alligator on the floor with the Eagle in his jaws much as they were when I settled of em and saved the stranger all sorts of stories have gotten to the papers about of the business which was simple enough so though no hand with a pen I may as well write it all I was up on the knob carry River prospecting for diamonds in Oman Boram bunga's country I had nobody with me but poor Jim Jim who afterwards met with an awful death otherwise he would have been glad to corroborate my tale if it needed it one night I had come back tired to camp when I found a stranger sitting by the fire he was a dark fat Frenchified a little chap and he won't believe me but it is a fact that he wore gloves I asked him to stay the night of course and in spun and the wagons and lager for Oman Boram bunga's impass were out swearing to wash their spares and the blood of the greater white liar a Portuguese traveler probably if not I don't know who we can have been perhaps this stranger he gave no name well we had our biltong together and the stranger put himself outside a good deal off the very little brandy ahead left we got yearnings so to speak and I told him a few of the curious adventures that naturally fall to the lot of a man in those wild countries this stranger did not say much but kept playing with a huge craft walking-stick that he had presently he said look at this stick I bought it from a boy on a South African farm do you understand what the carvings mean hanged if I do I said after turning it about well do you see that figure and he touched a thing like a Noah out of a child's Ark that was a hunter like you my friend but not in all respects that hunter pursued a vast white bird with silver wings sailing in the everlasting blue everlasting Bosh said I there is no Bert of the kind on the felt that Bert was true set the stranger and judging from the anecdote you tell me about the baby and woman and the Zulu medicine man it is a bird you don't trouble yourself with much my friend this is a pretty cool thing to say to a man whose veracity is known like a proverb from Sheba's breasts to the Sun busy Fordham Akuma's on the Zulus sigh meaning as true as a yarn of Allan Quatermain well my blood was up no man shall call Allan Quatermain a liar the fellow was going on with their prodigious palaver about a white feather of truth and mount Sanai II into the land of absolute negation and I don't know what but I signified to him that if he did not believe my yarns I did not want his company I'm sorry to turn you out I said for there are lions about indeed they were roaring to each other and you will have a parity time but you apologize or you go he laughed his short thick laugh I am a man who hopes nothing feels nothing fears nothing and believes nothing that you tell me I got up and went for him with my fists and whether he feared nothing or not I don't know but he scooted dropping a yellow French novel by one colludes Mendez that I could make neither head nor tail off I afterwards heard that there was something about this stranger in a book called this story of an African farm which I once began but never finished not being able to understand most of it and being vexed by the gross improbability of the girl not marrying the baby's father he being ready and willing to make her an honest woman however I am no critic but a plain man who tells a plain tale and I believe persons of so let Maya the book very much anyway it doesn't say who the stranger was an allegorical kind of bagman I fancy but I am not done with him yet out he went into the dark where hundreds of lions could be plainly seen making love at which season they are very dangerous by the flashes of lightning it was a terrific yet beautiful spectacle and one which I can never forget the black of night would suddenly open like a huge silver flower deep within deep till you almost fancied you could see within the gates of heaven the hills stood out dark against the illimitable splendor and on every copy you saw the huge lions the kittens at play roaring till you could scarcely hear the Thunder the rain was rushing like a river Olga littering like diamonds and then in the twinkling of an eye all was black as a wolf's mouth till the next flash the lightning coming from all quarters appeared to meet above me and now was red now golden now silver again while the great cat-like beasts as they leaped or lay looked like gold red and silver lions reminding me of the signs of public houses in old England far away meantime the Donga beneath roared with the flooded torrent that the rain was bringing down from the heights of umbopo mecha-tanks you I stood watching the grant spectacle for some time rather pitying the stranger was out in it by no fault of mine then I knocked the ashes out of my pipe eight Emilio two and crept into my cartel and slept the sleep of a just about dawn I woke the Thunder had rolled away like a bad dream the long level silver shafts of the dawn were floating the heights raindrops glittered like diamonds on every copy and Kariba leaving the deep dongha bathed in the solemn power of mysterious night my thoughts went rapidly over the millions of reliefs of london see where life that perpetual problem was now awaking to another day of struggle and temptation then the golden arrows of the day followed fast the SIL event blue sky grew rose 8 with that white wild blush which testifies to the modest delight of nature satisfied and grateful for her silent existence and her amorous repose I breakfasted went down into the dongha with a black boy poor Jim Jim who was afterwards as I said to perish by an awful fate otherwise he would testify to the truth of my plain story I began poking among the rocks in the dry basin of the Donga and had just picked up a pebble I knew it by the soapy feel for a diamond uncut it was about three times the size of the cookie nor say 1,000 carats and I was rejoicing in my luck when I heard the scream of a human being in the last agony of terror looking up I saw that on either side of the dongha which was about 20 feet wide a great black lion and lioness were standing with open jaws while some fifty yards in front of me an alligator in a deep pool of the flooded dongha was stretching his open snout and gleaming teeth greatly upwards overhead flew an eagle and in mid-air between as I am a living and honorable man a human being was sleeping the chasm he had been pursued by the lion on my left and had been driven to attempt the terrible beep but if he crossed he was certain to fall into the jaws of the lion on my right while if he fell short in his jump do you see the alligator was ready for him below and the great Golden Eagle watched the business from above in case he attempted to escape that why all this takes long to tell though it was passing in a flash of time dropping the diamond which must have rolled into a crevasse of the rock for and never saw it again I caught up my double barreled rifle one of wesen and Smith's aimed at the lion on the right hand off of the Donga with my right barrel into then hastily fired my left at the alligator when the smoke cleared away the man had erased the right side off of the Donga safe and sound seeing that the alligator was dying i loaded again balled over the lioness on the Left settled the eagle's business he fell dead into the Joseph for the dying alligator which closed on him with a snap I then climbed the wall of vedanga and there lay fainting the stranger of last night the man who feared nothing the blood of the dead lion trickling over him his celebrated allegorical walking stick from the African farm had been broken into two pieces by the bullet after it the bullet had passed through the head of the lion and as the Ingoldsby legends say nobody was one penny the worse except the wild beasts the man however had had a parity time and it was a good hour before I could bring him around during which he finished my brandy he still wore gloves what he was doing in Omo Boram bunga's country I do not know to this day I never found the diamond again though I hunted long but I must say that to better right and left shots considering that I had no time to aim and that they were really snap shots I never remember to have made in my long experience this is the short and the long of the matter which was talked of a good deal in the colony and about which I am told some inaccurate accounts have gotten to the newspapers I hate writing as you know and I don't pretend to give a literary colour to this little business of the shots but merely tell a plain unvarnished tale as the Ingoldsby legends say as to the stranger what he was doing there or who he was or where he is now I can tell you nothing he told me he was bound for the all mighty mountains of dry facts and realities which he kindly pointed out to me among the carvings of his walking stick he then sighed wearily very warily and scooted I think he came to no good but he never came in my way again and now you know the yarn of the two stuffed lions and the alligator with the eagle in his jaws ever yours Allan Quatermain end of chapter 22 chapter 23 of old friends essays in a bacillary parody this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org old friends essays in epistolary parody by Andrew Lang from the Baron Brett Bodine – Edward Waverly Esquire of waverly Honor read by oh no Simon the Baron explains the mysterious circumstances of his affair with his third cousin say you Hobart Waverly chapter 14 tally Vale on May 17 1747 son Edward touching my quarrel with sir you Hobart and then which I told you no more than that it was settled in a fitting manner you have long teased me for an emperor explanation this I have withheld as conceiving that attended rather to vain colloids and jesting than to that respect in which the duello or single combat should be regarded by gentlemen of name and code Alma but see are you being dead and buried with his father's the meta may be broached as among friends and persons of honor the ground of our dispute as you know was an unthinking scoff of sir use he being my own third cousin by the mother side and their son of Ettrick Hall having intermarried about the time of the solemn League and covenant with endless enough to sheilo both of which houses are connected with a halbert's of Denny woody and with the Bradford Dean's but their mods are great fashioned sir you being a young man and the mouth as the vulgar say above the meal after a funeral of one of our kin in the Cathedral Kirk out of st. Andrews we met at glasses in we're in the presence of many gentlemen occurred our unfortunate dissension we encountered bit times next morning on a secluded spot of the sands heart by the town at the eden mouth the weapons were pistols sir you by slight passing infirmity being disabled from the use of the sword inch grab it was my second a stress term did the same office for my kinsman sir you the pistols being charged and primed and we aligned foreign and each other by the convenient distance of 12 paces the word was given to fire and both weapons having been discharged and the smoke having cleared away so you was discovered fallen to the ground poor goombahs who me and xamot the blood was flowing freely from her face wound and my unhappy kinsman was senseless at this moment we heard a voice as a one Clementis in a limo cry for to which paying no heed in the natural agitation of our spirits we hurried to lift my full an opponent and examine his wound upon a closer search it proved to be no shot wound but a mere klauer or bruise or if the reason was now apparent he having been struck by the bowl of a golfer from us concealed by the dunes or bunkers of sand and not by the discharge of my weapon at this moment a plebeian fellow appeared with his Armour Campostella or clubs clicks irons and alike and there is own you without paying any attention to our situation struck the wall wherewith he had felt my kinsmen in the direction of the whole reflexion directed us to the conclusion that both pistols have missed their aim and that say you had fallen beneath a chance blow from this fellow's golf ball but as my kinsman was still or dicamba had incapable of further action being unwitting two of the real cause of his disaster inch Gravatt and stress theorem in their discussion of seconds or bellick judicious deal it better that we should keep a still cell and that say you should never be informed concerning the cause of his discomfiture this resolution we kept and say you wore till the day of his late lamented disease a bullet among the seals of his watch he being persuaded by stress theorem that had had been extracted from his brainpan which says and he was of the thickest but this was all a balm or bite among young men and explore to laugh over by our three selves nor would I have it to go abroad now that sir you is dead as being pleaded ischl to the memory of a worthy man and an honorable family connected with our own wherefore I pray you keep her still so urine and as you love me who remain a loving good father Bradford Dean end of chapter 23 end of old friends essays in epistolary Perry Andrew Len

1 thought on “Old Friends, Essays in Epistolary Parody | Andrew Lang | Epistolary Fiction | Sound Book | 2/2

  1. Old Friends, Essays in Epistolary Parody | Andrew Lang | Epistolary Fiction | Sound Book | 2/2
    13: [00:00:00] – Chapter XII
    14: [00:11:02] – Chapter XIII
    15: [00:18:50] – Chapter XIV
    16: [00:21:27] – Chapter XV
    17: [00:33:46] – Chapter XVI
    18: [00:38:13] – Chapter XVII
    19: [00:43:55] – Chapter XVIII
    20: [00:53:46] – Chapter XIX
    21: [00:57:45] – Chapter XX
    22: [01:08:56] – Chapter XXI
    23: [01:20:49] – Chapter XXII
    24: [01:34:51] – Chapter XXIII

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