Pages Matam – “How to Properly Cook Rice”


Important things to know before attempting to date an African, or how to properly cook rice. One– You must cook rice. Two– Africans like to speak in metaphors, so I was very surprised
when my mother wanted to disown me after I told her,
“I’m going to become an artiste,” when she’s always saying things like, “The smartest goat in the room is the one who understands
the flow of the river.” I’m like, “What the hell does that mean?” “It means go wash the damn dishes,
you stupid goat!” Three– Whether we’re 3 feet or 300 feet from you, we are always megaphone-parade loud. Our voices project like a howling typhoon, filled with all of the anger
and plight of all of Africa. Whispering is as foreign as we are, our voices molded in accented thunder probably because for so long
history only shamed us into silence. Four– You must cook rice. Five– At one point in life, we’re all supposed to be
doctors or lawyers. If you ever meet the parents,
make sure you uphold this. Do not give them a reason,
reminder of how– insert less-than-stellar
six-figure paying profession here– does not pay the bills. And, “We did not send you to America
to become Cameroonian Shakespeare, shag your pants,
listen to that [Jersey] stuff, or try to make babies
with all of the women.” Six– Don’t call it soccer. Call it football! Real Madrid versus Barcelona.
La Coupe d’Afrique. Tottenham versus Liverpool. When the World Cup is in progress
nothing else matters, y’all, nothing. Seven– You must cook rice. Eight– Africans have no concept of time, for to meet at 10 a.m.
it really means 1 p.m. Make sure you plan everything
at least three hours in advance. Nine– All weddings, parties,
and gatherings involving any sort of music last for at least three days, probably because everybody showed up late. But you will dance
until you grow blisters on your feet the size of African liberation. We dance, and we dance,
and we love to dance because we understand that music
is the undying essence of freedom. Ten– Despite the ugly shade
of calculated misfortune, or the drag of empty
often [railing] from our eyes, we are more than just HIV commercials, more than just, “For 30 cents a day
you can feed this hungry caricature,” more than just a grain
dropped in colonization’s pot with a flame of guilt swaying under. But, like my Momma always said, (speaks in French) If you cannot cook anything else, you must cook rice. Thank y’all so much! Y’all beautiful! (cheers and applause)

10 thoughts on “Pages Matam – “How to Properly Cook Rice”

  1. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š words. Amazing Spoken Poetry like this inspires me to keep on doing poetry using my experiences on my channel

  2. That's why we are Africans๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€. We love music and we love to dance

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