Pam Ayres – A Poem About Physical Exercise

well mother did I make a fool of myself last night on the bathroom floor I'm so out of shape so I put on the tape that I sent to the TV for while on came Felicity Kendal with advice to be careful and slow but I thought I knew best I flung off me vest and I've got to miss out right let's go I bought I bought me John McEnroe trainers my how expensive they've grown but the thing with this pair is if I'm not there they can run round the block I borrowed your leotard mother the one that enhances me charms thanks very much but it went at the crutch when I say I did I did bicycling exercises flat out a furious pace all that went wrong was the dog came along and licked up the side of his face I bought Jane Fonda's book of aerobics I read it all morning in bed she said go for the burn there was so much to learn I went for a hot dog instead I bought my dear husband a tracksuit he said Terry towel in his best with a curl of his lip he did at the zip and took all the air off his chest we thought we thought we might go on a fun run we went we went with a very nice bloke he'd not run before and he went burn no more because they carted him off with a stroke but but my dance record had novel methods they had special workouts and routines it said I would get a superb silhouette where I'm walking away me jeans yes the music was truly inspiring you wanted to give it what for flat on your back with your knees going crack as the draft whistled under the door thanks but mother I have to admit it I went like a bullet again I did it too fast and me legs couldn't laugh and now I am sorry too late I'm stiff and I'm overextended it's this agony getting about well thanks for the chance to be in the next dance but I think I might sit this one out

16 thoughts on “Pam Ayres – A Poem About Physical Exercise

  1. Pam, you are truly a delight, absolutely love you.
    You prescribe the medicine of laughter, followed you from your first appearance on Opportunity Knocks.

  2. She's a funny, funny cutie pie. I wou!d still be watching TV if this type of fresh, clean, clever humor was on it.

  3. There is another verse but it may be from another poem of Pam's. It goes something like this;

    I bought my husband a exercise cycle,
    The price of it would make a man wince.
    He never got off for a fortnight,
    He hasn't been on the thing since.

    She is priceless, if you haven't seen her live do yourself a favour and do so. It's money well spent.

  4. SO funny; really miss seeing her on the TV. Where is Pam nowadays?

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