“Peanut: The Night Before Christmas” | Jeff Dunham’s Very Special Christmas Special | JEFF DUNHAM


– Twas the night before Christmas – And all the Jews were at the movies (laughter) or eating Chinese food. – Will you- (laughter) – I’m just trying to include everybody! – Twas- – Hold it! – What? – Who the hell says twas? (laughter) – It’s in the story. – It’s old and stupid. – It’s tradition. – ‘Tis it? (laughter) – Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house- – Why’s it always a house? – What? – There’s kids who live in apartments. (laughter) How does Santa Claus get to the kids in the apartments, Uncle Jeffy? (laughter) They have to buzz his ass in. (laughter) (applause) (mimics buzzer sound) Santa Claus. (laughter) (soft guitar plays O Christmas Tree) – And all through the apartments, not a creature was stirring – Except for the ass (bleep) in 2B. (laughter) They’re drunk and hitting
each other with menorahs. (laughter) Oy vey. (laughter) That’s Jewish for holy (bleep). (laughter) Nothing funnier than throwing in a couple of holy (bleep) in the middle of Night Before Christmas, huh? (laughter) – Not a creature was
stirring, not even a mouse – Mouse? You wish. You’re in an apartment, that’s a rat. (laughter) – The stockings were hung
by the chimney with care – And believe me, the room
could use some fresh air. (laughter) Seriously, how the hell
did that tradition start? What? Hanging up dirty laundry, hoping Santa would fill it with goodies. (gags) I’d like to suck on this candy cane, but it smells like Dad’s feet! (laughter) Good thing the tradition
wasn’t jock straps. (laughter) Sally, what’s in yours? Nuts. (laughter and applause) And Mommy says they’re
magically delicious! (laughter) – You are ruining this story. – Well, you’re the pervert eating out of your own jock strap. (laughter) Isn’t this the part where the kids are sleeping with sugar
plums dancing in their heads? What does that mean? I think they’re hallucinating. (laughter) These apartment children are on drugs. (laughter) Santa’s gonna bring me
a G.I. Joe, and a bong. (laughter) And Daddy wants a ho ho ho. (laughter) It’s Daddy and the three hoes! – With Mommy in her
kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled down – For a big snort of crack. (laughter) Oh, Guitar Guy, you’re in this story too! (laughter) Well, you have to get to the part where Santa gets busted
for breaking and entering. Where the hell is that? (laughter) – It’s not breaking and entering. – Oh, keep reading, I think it qualifies. (laughter) – As I drew in my head
and was turning around, down the chimney St.
Nicholas came with a bound. – He fell down. – [Jeff] Yes. – And doesn’t it say his face was all red? – [Jeff] Yeah. – Why does no on one ever see this? He is drunk off his ass! (laughter) This is a horrible, horrible story! – He was dressed all in fur
from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all
tarnished with ashes and soot. – Fat, drinking and driving, in a furry gay outfit, covered in soot. He’s smoking, and you let him in the house because he said he had
something for your kids. (laughter and cheering) What the hell kind of
father are you anyway? If I were you, I’d check his
ID, then taser his fat ass. (laughter) And how fat is this guy anyway? Everyone always leaving
him plates full of cookies, I think he’s a diabetic
too, don’t you think? (laughter) You gotta leave him a plate
full o’ insulin, how about that? (laughter) Can’t wait to hear this story next year. The Night Before Christmas Part Two, Santa’s on dialysis
and he’s missing a leg. (laughter and applause) – Can I finish this story? – Oh please do. – He sprang to his sleigh,
to his team gave a whistle, – Gotta go quick ’cause
there’s a cop with a pistol! (laughter) – But I heard him exclaim
‘ere he drove out of sight – Merry Christmas to all, oh crap, I ran over your bike. (laughter) – You guys have been a great audience. Thanks for coming out (laughter, cheers and applause) (loud swiping and bang)

100 thoughts on ““Peanut: The Night Before Christmas” | Jeff Dunham’s Very Special Christmas Special | JEFF DUNHAM

  1. β€œ…he was drunk off his a**” <β€” that’s from all the Christmas eggnog he’s been drinking

  2. At these stories I relate to peanut that could have bin all my reactions

  3. I remember when I had to do a report on Christmas traditions in middle school and just in case you were wondering about how the tradition of hanging stockings began according to legend…….

    Twas hundreds of years ago

    in a quaint little town Saint Nicholas was feeling extremely generous when he was making his rounds when he got to the village's poorest family's home, when he saw their stockings hung he decided to leave a large bag of gold coins in one of them the family then told their relatives and neighbors who then told their relatives who then told their neighbors etc. Pretty soon family's all over the world were hanging stockings on Christmas Eve hoping St. Nicholas would gift them with some coins like he did with their neighbor's cousin's uncle's sister in law's stepbrother twice removed uncle's wife's neighbor who lived on the outskirts of town

  4. :Jeff is like what the heck peanut can u stop
    :peanut I want to add to the story Jeff
    :me peanut can u go on peanut annoy Jeff yes

  5. The guy is trying not laugh . I am surprised that he is not laughing during this

  6. β€œ And mommy says they’re magically delicious β€œ OML i died 🀚🀣🀣🀣🀣

  7. This be funnnny as hell and I can’t stop laughing! I’m kinda wondering what kind of guitar the guy is using. If u know can u tell me?

  8. shit man that’s funny as hell πŸ€£πŸ˜…πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜†

  9. "Sally, what's in yours?"
    "Nuts. And mommy says they're magically delicious."

    I had to literally stop the video because I was about to fall off my bed

  10. Anyone else used to watch these as kids and now that your older it’s even funnier cause you get the jokes

  11. And believe me that room needs some fresh air packs and mommy took a big snort of crack nestle and we better run because there is a cop with a pistol, sike and oops I ran over your bike

    πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜­πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜­πŸ˜…πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  12. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  13. Mouse u wish this is an apartment that's a rat. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  14. Hi peanut I like you so much I want peanut and I am Matt Flanagan and in Scituate 338 Clapp rd l want peanut in my home I like you so much and I love you so much peanut

  15. πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†β˜ΊπŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†

  16. What if Peanut was the main protagonist of The Nutcracker and the Four Realms instead of Clara?

  17. Jeff: and all thru the apartments not a creature was sturing

    Penut: except for the asshole in 2 b

  18. Oi-Vey. That's Jewish for Holy S**t. Nothing funnier than throwing in a couple of "Holy s**ts" in the middle of the Night Before Xmas, huh? LMAO

  19. This is now part of the Hortons’ Christmas tradition. Watching Jeff Dunham’s Christmas special.

  20. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

  21. Jeff: but i heard him explame as he drive out of sight

    Peanut: merry christmas to all oh crap i ran over youre bike

    LmfaoπŸ˜‚πŸ’€

  22. Love this part "sally whats inn yours nuuuuuts" i tried to grab the table but i fell on the floor lafing

  23. Shoutouts for the Guitar guy for literally backing up Jeff and Peanut.
    Ps. His final 5 chords are divine 5:21

  24. Peanut:Sally what did you get
    Sally:nuts
    Sally:and mommy says their magically delicious
    Me:another fucking penis joke

  25. It’s daddy and the three hoesπŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

  26. Jeff: "it was the night before Christmas"

    Peanut: "and all the Jews are at the movies

  27. There are a couple of combos with Guitar guy and every time he almost cracks, but then Jeff cracks. It makes it extra funny.

  28. This is the raw version of Peanut who Pushed the limits and crosses the line as much as Walter and always funny both Puppets as always

  29. And believe me the room could use some fresh air!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  30. Just love Jeff the way he makes it look like there are 2 people up there talking it's awesome he makes my day

  31. β€œSanta’s gonna bring me a G.I. Joe….and a πŸ…±οΈπŸ…ΎοΈπŸ†–!”

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