psyche (poem)

just because I go outside and brave the world does not mean I am brave inside my nature is whispering to run and hide murmurs jumping synapses in my mind and the reason I don’t is not because I am brave but because I am scared is that strength? to run on the fuel that if you stop the world will crash through you? to do what you’re meant to do and power on because if you don’t, what are you? i am not strong, I am a worry-er not to be seen in shining armour but in plain sight quiet, earphones in, back of the bus face down, pens out, doodling making notes on everything for the exam and stressing at night when the world slows down I am made of something distant and unfeeling, I feel and I feel, I feel, I feel till I’m full don’t look me in the eyes, don’t try too hard don’t lie to me about what I’m not don’t disregard, don’t be caught off guard– don’t be me. don’t show my flaws. be everything that I’m not. I think in incoherence and write it down to understand these words are marks of my mentality do not desire me. do not pretend this is pretty. it is the illusion of the ink on paper these are the words that will end me.

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