Reading a suicide note (poem)


I’m clutching a frail piece of paper taking in the words of a stranger It’s the letter she left for her parents that night when everything was hollow and falling asleep sounded like a scolding mother counting one, two And waking up was three a smack in the face to remind her that she can’t keep doing this she can’t keep waking up She’s been waiting so long to die And already she’s opened up her wrists like the gates and white picket fences and poured out flowers to prove that not Everything is so perfect. She says it tastes like bile every time she breathes and she’s so fucking tired of smiling when her body’s trying to heave Water goes down like soot, and she’s swearing this is the last time She’s telling everyone she’s sorry wishing she was stronger But her limbs are already too sodden with the paint dripping from her doubts to carry her much farther She didn’t know how close she was to getting out She’s listening all the people she’ll miss and there are so many names you can’t catch your breath because one of them must have known Her sobs are crying out through the strokes left on the page every jagged edge and ending, every point a subtle blade She must not have understood But her words are heavy, and they’re taking brew inside of me She’s writing such a melody my fingertips are quivering with sound, but she’s not listening to the music She’s frantic trying to drown it out. Her pulse has become a burden And it has gotten so damn loud She doesn’t know she has a hope, that her words have wings and with them She could fly that her dole pencil tip could save her if she’d stop to listen She learned she could write beauty as she pinned her suicide note So far from me now, but I’m glad that wasn’t the last thing I ever wrote.

11 thoughts on “Reading a suicide note (poem)

  1. Just wow, the emotion this girl conveys is soo powerful. Anyone who writes like that has a gift.

  2. This makes me cry every time I watch it…
    It touches my heart.
    Its my exact feelings…

  3. I swear I listen to this still at least once every few months. I wish you would record newer videos of your writings, with higher video quality.

    Love you Ashley

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