Rusty Goat The Poet – I Have To Lay In It | Sofar Swindon

I brought a prop along for this one I'm not one for props and poetry but it'll be revealed towards the end it's titled I have to lay in it laying in my pit has never been productive but it stops me being externally destructive a temporary impenetrable shower covers pulled over covered up but under its the gates of hell demons torment in relentless fingernails scraping inside unforgiving in my mind Hosting acts after ACTRA playing the past one fucked up fact after fact questioning the way I did acts a messed up bundle of Bones wrapped up in a paper-thin bag of skin an alcoholic substance abuser no question about it a loser fully prepared to destroy myself how fucking low could one man sink a deliberate unjustifiable selfish acts on a belly full of drink I took an overdose in front of the woman who loved me three days later I was back on the drink a desperate fucked up loser alcoholic substance abuser and a woman the woman who loved me the pain opener through the mother of our son the woman who picked me up physically and emotionally the woman who continually supported me she stayed by my side time after time by my side during those 48 hours holding my hand while I lay in that bed full of tubes poised between life and death full of tubes poised between heaven and hell and I expected her forgiveness she stayed by my side time after time they say sharing can be cathartic but maybe this time I've stepped beyond the line revealed too much should I've kept this confined to the safety of four walls white sticker club group therapy have I gone beyond the bounds travel too far into uncharted territory beyond the bounds of poetic decency me I made the decisions me I destroyed the love me I ignored the caring loving voices me I the self-destructive but I'm squaring ups my actions I'm accepting the punishments laid upon me I've no more the need to hide under covers I'm no longer sheltering behind others I've cleared my vision and make decisions on slowly making amends for my past actions and I live by these words inked upon me each day I will get up and make my bed because each night it is me who are stelae in it thank you very much [Applause] you

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