Scenes of Clerical Life | George Eliot | General Fiction | Book | English | 5/9

chapter 12 of mr. Gill fools love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 12 pray what is likely to be the next scene in the drama between you and mrs. Artie said missus here – captain why brow as soon as they were out on the gravel it would be agreeable to have some idea of what is coming captain why brow was silent he felt out of humour wearied annoyed there come moments when one almost determines never again to oppose anything but dead silence to an angry woman now then confounded he said to himself I'm going to be battered on the other flank he looked resolutely at the horizon with something more like a frown on his face than beatrice had ever seen there after a pause of two or three minutes she continued in a still haughtier tone I suppose you are aware captain why brow that I expect an explanation of what I have just seen I have no explanation My dear Beatrice he answered at last making a strong effort over himself except what I have already given you I hoped you would never recur to the subject your explanation however is very far from satisfactory I can only say that the heirs miss Artie thinks herself entitled to put on towards you are quite incompatible with your position as regards me and her behavior to me is most insulting I shall certainly not stay in the house under such circumstances and mama must state the reasons to Sir Christopher Beatrice said captain why brow his irritation giving way to alarm I beseech you to be patient and exercise your good feelings in this affair it is very painful I know but I am sure you would be grieved to injure poor Katharina to bring down my uncle's anger upon her consider what a poor little dependent things she is it is very adroit of you to make these evasions but do not suppose that they save me miss Artie would never dare to behave to you as she does if you had not flirted with her or made love to her I suppose she considers your engagement to me a breach of faith to her I am much obliged to use certainly for making me miss Artie's rival you have told me a falsehood captain why brow Beatrice I solemnly declare to you that Catarina is nothing more to me than a girl I naturally feel kindly to as a favourite of my uncle's and a nice little thing enough I should be glad to see her married to guilt all tomorrow that's a good proof that I'm not in love with her I should think as to the past I may have shown her little attentions which she has exaggerated and misinterpreted what man is not liable to that sort of thing but what can she found her behavior on what had she been saying to you this morning to make her tremble and turn pale in that way oh I don't know I just said something about her behaving peevishly with that Italian blood of hers there's no knowing how she may take what one says she's a fierce little thing though she seems so quiet generally but she ought to be made to know how unbecoming and indelicate her conduct is for my part I wonder ladies several has not noticed her short answers and the heirs she puts on let me beg of you Beatrice not to hint anything of the kind to Lady several you must have observed how strict my aunt is it never enters her head that a girl can be in love with a man who has not made her an offer well I shall let miss Artie know myself that I have observed her conduct it will be only a charity to her nay dear that we'll be doing nothing but harm Katerina's temper is peculiar the best thing you can do will be to leave her to herself as much as possible it will all wear off I have no doubt she'll be married to guilt Oh before long girl's fancies are easily diverted from one object to another by Jove what a rate my heart is galloping at these confounded palpitations get worse instead of better thus and that the conversation so far as it concerned Catarina not without leaving a distinct resolution in captain y brows mind a resolution carried into effect the next day when he was in the library with Sir Christopher for the purpose of discussing some arrangements about to the approaching marriage by the by he said carelessly when the business came to a pause and he was sauntering round the room with his hands in his coat pockets surveying the backs of the books that lined the walls when is the wedding between Gilfillan Catarina to come off sir I have a fellow feeling for a poor devil so many fathoms deep in love has Maynard why shouldn't their marriage happen as soon as ours I suppose he has come to an understanding with Tina why said to Christopher I did think of letting the thing be until old Critchley died he can't hold it very long poor fellow and then Maynard might have entered into matrimony and the rectory both at once but after all that really is no good reason for waiting there was no need for them to leave the manor when they are married the little monkey is quite old enough it would be pretty to see her a matron with a baby about the size of a kitten in her arms I think that system of waiting is always bad and if I can further any supplement you would like to make on Katerina I shall be delighted to carry out your wishes My dear boy that's very good of you but Maynard will have enough and from what I know of him and I know him well I think he would rather provide for Katerina himself however now you have put this matter into my head I begin to blame myself for not having thought of it before I've been so wrapped up in Beatrice and you you rascal that I had really forgotten poor Maynard and he's older than you it's high time he was settled in life as a family man Sir Christopher paused took snuff in a meditative manner and presently said more to himself than to Anthony who was humming a tune at the far end of the rim yes yes it will be a capital plan to finish off all our family business at once riding out with missus you're the same morning captain why brow mentioned to her incidentally that the Christopher was anxious to bring about to the wedding between Gil philandkatrina as soon as possible and that he for his part should do all he could to further the affair it would be the best thing in the world for Tina in whose welfare he was really interested with Sir Christopher there was never any long interval between purpose and execution he made up his mind promptly and he acted promptly on rising from luncheon he said to mr. Gill full come with me into the library Maynard I want to have a word with you Maynard my boy he began as soon as they were seated tapping his snuffbox and looking radiant at the idea of the unexpected pleasure he was about to give why shouldn't we have two happy couples instead of one before the autumn is over hey-ya he repeated after a moment's pause lengthening out the mana syllable taking a slow pinch and looking up at Maynard with a sly smile I'm not quite sure that I understand you sir answered mr. GILF all who felt annoyed at the consciousness that he was turning the pale not understand me you rogue you know very well whose happiness lies nearest to my heart after anthony's you know you let me into your secrets long ago so there's no confession to make team is quite old enough to be a grave little wife now and though the rectory is not ready for you that's no matter my lady and I shall feel all the more comfortable for having you with us we should miss our little singing bird if we lost her all at once mr. Gill Phil felt himself in a painfully difficult position he dreaded that Sir Christopher should surmise or discover the true state of Caterina's feelings and yet he was obliged to make those feelings the ground of his reply My dear sir he at last said with some effort you will not suppose that I am NOT alive to your goodness that I am not grateful for your fatherly interest in my happiness but I fear that Katerina's feelings towards me are not such as to warrant the hope that she would accept a proposal of marriage from me have you ever asked her no sir but we often know these things too well without asking poopoo the little monkey must love you while you were her first playfellow and I remember she used to cry if you cut your finger besides she has always silently admitted that you were her lover you know I have always spoken of you to her in that light I took it for granted you had settled the business between yourselves so did Anthony Anthony thinks she's in love with you and he has young eyes which are apt enough to see clearly in these matters he was talking to me about it this morning and pleased me very much by the friendly interest he showed in you and Tina the blood more than was wanted rushed back to mr. Gill fools face he set his teeth and clenched his hands in the effort to repress a burst of indignation Sir Christopher noticed the flush but thought it indicated the fluctuation of hope and fear about Caterina he went on you're too modest by half mannered a fellow who can take a five-barred gate as you cannot not to be so faint-hearted if you can't speak to her yourself leave me to talk to her Sir Christopher said poor maynard earnestly I shall really feel it to the greatest kindness you can possibly show me not to mention this subject to Caterina at present I think such a proposal made prematurely might only alienate her from me Sir Christopher was getting a little displeased at this contradiction his tone became a little sharper as he said have you any grounds to State for this opinion beyond your general notion that Tina is not enough in love with you I can state none beyond my own very strong impression that she does not love me well enough to marry me then I think that ground is worth nothing at all I am tolerably correct in my judgment of people and if I am not very much deceived in Tina she looks forward to nothing else but to your being her husband leave me to manage the matter as I think best you may rely on me that I shall do no harm to your cause Maynard mr. Gill fell afraid to say more yet wretched in the prospect of what might result from Sir Christopher's determination quitted the library in a state of mingled indignation against captain why brow and distress for himself and Katerina what would she think of him she might suppose that he had instigated or sanctioned to Christopher's proceeding he should perhaps not have an opportunity of speaking to her on the subject in time he would write her a note and carry it up to her room after the dressing Bell had rung no that would educate her and unfit her for appearing at dinner and passing the evening calmly he would defer it till bedtime after prayers he contrived to lead her back to the drawing-room and to put a letter in her hand she carried it up to her own room wondering and their read dear Katerina do not suspect for a moment that anything Sir Christopher may say to you about our marriage has been prompted by me I have done all I dare do to dissuade him from urging the subject and have only been prevented from speaking more strongly by the dread of provoking questions which I could not answer without causing you fresh misery I write this both to prepare you for anything Sir Christopher may say and to assure you but I hope you already believe it that your feelings are sacred to me I would rather part with the dearest hope of my life than be the means of adding to your trouble it is captain why brow who has prompted Sir Christopher to take up the subject at this moment I tell you this to save you from hearing it suddenly when you are with Sir Christopher you see now what sort of stuff that dastards heart is made of trust in me always dearest Catarina as whatever may come your faithful friend and brother Maynard GILF Oh Catarina was at first too terribly stung by the words about captain why brow to think of the difficulty which threatened her to think either of what Sir Christopher would say to her or of what she could say in reply but her sense of injury fierce resentment left no room for fear with the poisoned garment upon him the victim writhed under the torture he has no thought of the coming death Anthony could do this of this there could be no explanation but the cruelest contempt for her feelings the basest sacrifice of all the consideration and tenderness he owed her to the ease of his position with miss Asher no it was worse than that it was deliberate gratuitous cruelty he wanted to show her how he despised her he wanted to make her feel her folly in having ever believed that he loved her the last crystal drops of trust and tenderness she thought were dried up all was parched fiery hatred now she need no longer check her resentment by the fear of doing him and injustice he had trifled with her as Maynard had said he had been reckless of her and now he was base and cruel she had caused enough for her bitterness and anger they were not so wicked as they had themed to her as these thoughts were hurrying after each other like so many sharp throbs of fevered pain she shed no tear she paced restlessly to and fro as her habit was her hands clenched her eyes gleaming fiercely and wandering uneasily as if in search of something on which she might throw herself like a tigress if I could speak to him she whispered and tell him I hate him I despise him I loathe him suddenly as if a new thought had struck her she drew a key from her pocket and unlocking an inlaid desk where she stored up her keepsakes took from it a small miniature it was in a very slight gold frame with a ring to it as if intended to be worn on a chain and under the glass at the back were two locks of hair one dark and the other Auburn arranged in a fantastic knot it was Anthony's secret present to her a year ago a copy he had had made especially for her for the last month she had not taken it from its hiding place there was no need to heighten the vividness of the past but now she clutched it fiercely and dashed it across the room against the bare hearthstone will she crush it under her feet and grind it under her high-heeled shoe till every trace of those false cruel features is gone aha No she rushed across the rim but when she saw the little treasure she had cherished so fondly so often smothered with kisses so often laid under her pillow and remembered with the first return of consciousness in the morning when she saw this one visible relic of the two happy past lying with the glass shivered the hair fallen out the thin ivory cracked there was a revulsion of the overstrained feeling relenting came and she burst into tears look at her stooping down to gather up her treasure searching for the hair and replacing it and then mournfully examining the crack that disfigures the once loved image alas there is no glass now to guard either the hair or the portrait but see how carefully she wraps delicate paper around it and locks it up again in its old place poor child God thinned the relenting may always come before the worst irrevocable deed this action had quieted her and she sat down to read me nerds let her again she read it two or three times without seeming to take in the sense her apprehension was dulled by the passion of the last hour and she found it difficult to call up the ideas suggested by the words at last she began to have a distinct conception of the impending interview with Sir Christopher the idea of displeasing the baronet of whom everyone at the manor stood in awe frightened her so much that she thought it would be impossible to resist his wish he believed that she loved Maynard he had always spoken as if he were quite sure of it how could she tell him he was deceived and what if he were to ask her whether she loved anybody else to have Sir Christopher looking angrily at her was more than she could bear even in imagination he had always been so good to her then she began to think of the pain she might give him and the more selfish distress of fear gave way to the distress of affection unselfish tears began to flow and sorrowful gratitude to Sir Christopher helped to awaken her sensibility to mr. gills tenderness and generosity dear could Maynard what a poor return I make him if I could but have loved him instead but I can never love or care for anything again my heart is broken end of chapter 12 of mr. Gill Phil's love story chapter 13 of mr. Gil fools love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 13 the next morning the dreaded moment came Katerina stupefied by the suffering of the previous night with that dull mental aching which follows on acute anguish was in lead each Averell sitting-room copying out some charity lists when her ladyship came in and said Tina Sir Christopher wants you go down into the library she went down trembling as soon as she entered Sir Christopher who was seated near his writing table said now little monkey come and sits down by me I have something to tell you Katerina took a footstool and seated herself on it at the baronet's feet it was her habit to sit on these low stools and in this way she could hide her face better she put her little arm round his leg and leaned her cheek against his knee why you seem out of spirits this morning Tina what's the matter eh nothing patrin shallow only my head is bad poor monkey well now wouldn't it do the head good if I were to promise you a good husband and smart little wedding gowns and buy and buy a house of your own where you would be a little mistress and patran Chawla would come and see you sometimes oh no no I shouldn't like ever to be married let me always stay with you her pro little simpleton I shall get old and tiresome and there will be Anthony's children putting your nose out of joint you will want someone to love you best of all and you must have children of your own to love I can't have you withering away into an old maid I hate old maids they make me dismal to look at them and ever see sharp without shuddering my little black-eyed monkey was never meant for anything so ugly and there's Maynard Gil fo the best man in the county worth his weight in gold heavy as he is he loves you better than his eyes and you love him – you silly monkey whatever you may say about not being married no no dear patron shallow do not say so I could not marry him why not you foolish child you don't know your own mind why it is plain to everybody that you love him my lady has all along said she was sure you loved him she has seen what little princess airs you put onto him and Anthony – he thinks you are in love with Gil faux come what has made you take it into your head that you wouldn't like to marry him Katharina was now sobbing too deeply to make any answer Sir Christopher patted her on the back and said come come why Tina you are not well this morning go and rest little one you will see things in quite another light when you are well think over what I have said and remember there is nothing after Anthony's marriage that I have set my heart on so much as seeing you and Maynard settled for life I must have no whims and follies no nonsense this was said with a slight severity but he presently added in a soothing tone there there stop crying and be a good little monkey go and lie down and get to sleep Katharina slipped from the stool onto her knees took the old baronet's hand covered it with tears and kisses and then ran out of the room before the evening captain why brow had heard from his uncle the result of the interview with Katharina he thought if I could have a long quiet talk with her I could perhaps persuade her to look more reasonably at things but there's no speaking to her in the house without being interrupted and I can hardly see her anywhere else with her Beatrice's finding it out at last he determined to make it a matter of confidence with Miss a seer to tell her that he wished to talk to Katharina quietly for the sake of bringing her to a calmer state of mind and persuade her to listen to Gil soul's affection he was very much pleased with this judicious and candid plan and in the course of the evening he had arranged with him of the time and place of meeting and had communicated his purpose to miss Astor who gave her entire approval Anthony she thought would do well to speak plainly and seriously to Miss Artie he was really very patient and kind to her considering how she behaved Tina had kept her room all that day and had been carefully tended as an invalid Sir Christopher having told her ladyship how matters stood this tendance was so urgent Ekaterina she felt so uneasy under attentions and kindness that were based on the misconception that she exerted herself to appear at breakfast the next morning and declared herself well though head and heart were throbbing to be confined in her own room was intolerable it was wretched enough to be looked at and spoken to but it was more wretched to be left alone she was frightened at her own sensations she was frightened at the imperious vividness with which pictures of the past and future thrust themselves on her imagination and there was another feeling too which made her want to be downstairs into moving about perhaps she might have an opportunity of speaking to captain why brow alone of speaking those words of hatred and scorn that burned on her tongue that opportunity offered itself in a very unexpected manner Lady several having sent Caterina out of the drawing-room to fetch some patterns of embroidery from her sitting-room captain why brow presently walked out after her and met her as she was returning downstairs Caterina he said laying his hand on her arm as she was hurrying on without looking at him who you meet me in the Rookery at twelve o'clock I must speak to you and we shall be in privacy there I cannot speak to you in the house to his surprise there was a flash of pleasure across her face she answered shortly and decidedly yes then snatched her arm away from him and passed downstairs massager was this morning busy winding silks being bent on emulating Lady Charles bright airy and ladyasher chose the passive amusement of holding the skeins lady several had now all her working apparatus about her and Caterina thinking she was not wanted went away and sat down to the harpsichord in the sitting room it seemed as if playing massive chords bringing out volumes of sound would be the easiest way of passing the long feverish moments before 12 o'clock Handel's Messiah stood open on the desk at the chorus all we like sheep and Catarina threw herself at once into the impetuous intricacies of that magnificent fugue in her happiest moments she could never have played it so well for now all the passion that made her misery was hurled by a convulsive effort into her music just as pain gives new force to the clutch of the sinking wrestler and as terror gives far-sounding intensity to the shriek of the feeble but at half-past eleven she was interrupted by lady several who said Tina go down will you and hold miss asters silks for her Lady Astor and I have decided on having our drive before luncheon Katarina went down wondering how she should escape from the drawing-room in time to be in the Rookery at 12 nothing should prevent her from going nothing should rob her of this one precious moment perhaps the last when she could speak out the thoughts that were in her after that she would be passive she would bear anything but she had scarcely sat down with a skein of yellow silk on her hands when Miss Esther said graciously I know you have an engagement with captain why brow this morning you must not let me detain you beyond the time so he has been talking to her about me thought Katerina her hands began to tremble as she held the skein miss Astor continued in the same gracious tone it is tedious work holding these schemes I am sure I am very much obliged to you know you're not obliged to me said Katarina completely mastered by her irritation I have only done it because lady several told me the moment was come when Miss a seer could no longer suppress her long latent desire to let miss Artie know the impropriety of her conduct with the malicious anger that assumes the tone of compassion she said Miss Artie I am really sorry for you that you are not able to control yourself better thus giving way to unwarrantable feelings is lowering you it is indeed what unwarrantable feelings said Catarina letting her hands fall and fixing her great dark eyes steadily on Miss aster it is quite unnecessary for me to say more you must be conscious what I mean only summon a sense of duty to your aid you are painting captain why brow extremely by your want of self-control did he tell you I pained him yes indeed he did he is very much hurt that you should behave to me as if you had a sort of enmity towards me he would like you to make a friend of me I assure you we both feel very kindly towards you and our Suri you should cherish such feelings he is very good said Catarina bitterly what feelings did he say I cherished this bitter tone increased massagers irritation there was still a lurking suspicion in her mind though she would not admit it to herself that captain why brow had told her a falsehood about his conduct and feelings towards Catarina it was this suspicion more even than the anger of the moment which urged her to say something that would test the truth of his statement that she would be humiliating Catarina at the same time was only an additional temptation these are things that do not like to talk of mrs. arti I cannot even understand how a woman can indulge a passion for a man who has never given her the least ground for it as captain why brow assures me is the case he told you that did he said Katerina in clear low tones her lips turning white as she rose from the chair yes indeed he did he was bound to tell us me after your strange behavior Katerina said nothing but turned round suddenly and left to the room see how she rushes noiselessly like a pale meteor along the passages and up the gallery stairs those gleaming eyes those bloodless lips that swift silent tread make her look like the incarnation of a fierce purpose rather than a woman the midday sun is shining on the armour in the gallery making mimic suns on bossed sword hilts and the angles of polished breastplates yes there are sharp weapons in the gallery there is a dagger in that cabinet she knows it well and as a dragonfly wheels in its flight to a light for an instant on a leaf she darts to the cabinet takes out the dagger and thrusts it into her pocket in three minutes more she is out in hat and cloak on the gravel walk hurrying along towards the thick shades of the distant rookery she threads the windings of the plantations not feeling the golden leaves that rain upon her not feeling the earth beneath her feet her hand is in her pocket clenching the handle of the dagger which she holds half out of its sheath she has reached the Rookery and is under the gloom of the interlacing boughs her heart throbs as if it would burst her bosom as if every next leap must be its last wait wait o heart till she has done this one deed he will be there he will be before her in a moment he will come towards her with that false smile thinking she does not know his baseness she will plunge that dagger into his heart poor child poor child she who used to cry to have the fish put back into the water who never willingly killed the smallest living thing dreams now in the madness of her passion that she can kill the man whose very voice on sir but what is that lying among the dank leaves on the path of three yards before her good God is is he lying motionless his hat fallen off he is ill then he has fainted her hand let's go the dagger and she rushes towards him his eyes are fixed he does not see her she sinks down on her knees takes the dear head in her arms and kisses the cold forehead healthy hen 'funny speak to me it is Tina speak to me O God he is dead end of chapter 13 of mr. gills love story chapter 14 of mr. Gill fools love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 14 yes Maynard said Sir Christopher chatting with mr. Gill fool in the library it really is a remarkable thing that I never in my life laid a plan and failed to carry it out I lay my plans well and I never swerved from them that's it a strong will is the only magic and next to striking out once plans the pleasantest thing in the world is to see them well accomplished this year now will be the happiest of my life all but the year 53 when I came into possession of the manor and married Henrietta the last touch is given to the old house Anthony's marriage the thing I had nearest my heart is settled to my entire satisfaction and by-and-by you will be buying a little wedding ring for Tina's finger don't shake your head in that forlorn way when I make prophecies they generally come to pass but there's a quarter after twelve striking I must be writing to the high ash to meet Markham about felling some timber my old oaks will have to grown for this wedding but the door bursts open and Caterina ghastly and panting her eyes distended with terror rushed in threw her arms round Sir Christopher's neck and gasping out Anthony the rockery dead in the Rookery fell fainting on the floor in a moment Sir Christopher was out of the room and mr. Gil full was bending to raise Katharina in his arms as he lifted her from the ground he felt something hard and heavy in her pocket what could it be the weight of it would be enough to hurt her as she lay he carried her to the sofa put his hand in her pocket and drew forth the dagger Maynard shuddered did she mean to kill herself then or or a horrible suspicion forced itself upon him dead in the Rookery he hated himself for the thought that prompted him to draw the dagger from its sheath no there was no trace of blood and he was ready to kiss the good steel for its innocence he thrust the weapon into his own pocket he would restore it as soon as possible to its well-known place in the gallery yet why had Caterina taken this dagger what was it that had happened in the Rookery was it only a delirious vision of hers he was afraid to ring afraid to summon anyone to Catarina's assistance what might she not say when she awoke from this fainting fit she might be raving he could not leave her and yet he felt as if he were guilty for not following Sir Christopher to see what was the truth it took but a moment to think and feel all this but that moment seemed such a long agony to him that he began to reproach himself for letting it pass without seeking some means of reviving Caterina happily the decanter of water on Sir Christopher's table was untouched he would at least try the effect of throwing that water over her she might revive without his needing to call anyone else meanwhile Sir Christopher was hurrying at his utmost speed towards the Rookery his face so lately bright and confident now agitated by a vague dread the deep alarmed bark of Rupert who ran by his side had struck the ear of mr. Bates then on his way homeward as something unwanted and hastening in the direction of the sound he met the baronet just as he was approaching the entrance of the Rookery Sir Christopher's look was enough mr. Bates said nothing but hurried along by his side while Rupert dashed forward among the dead leaves with his nose to the ground they had scarcely lost sight of him a minute when a change in the tone of his bark told them that he had found something and in another instant he was leaping back over one of the large plant mounds they turn decide to ascend the mound Ruppert leading them the tumultuous cawing of the rooks the very rustling of the leaves as their feet plunged among them falling like an evil omen on the baronet's year they had reached the summit of the mound and had begun to descend Sir Christopher saw something purple down on the path below among the yellow leaves Rupert was already beside it but Sir Christopher could not move faster a tremor had taken hold of the firm limbs Rupert came back and licked the trembling hand as if to say courage and then was down again snuffing the body yes it was a body Anthony's body there was the white hand with its diamond ring clutching the dark leaves his eyes were half-opened but did not heed the gleam of sunlight that darted itself directly on them from between the boughs still he might only have fainted it might only be a fit Sir Christopher knelt down unfastened the cravat unfastened the waistcoat and laid his hand on the heart it might be syncope it might not it could not be death no that thought must be kept far off go Bates get help will carry him to your cottage send someone to the house to tell mr. Gilfillan Warren bid them send off for dr. Hart and break it to my lady and Miss a seer that Anthony is ill mr. Bates hastened away and the baronet was left alone kneeling beside the body the young and supple limbs the rounded cheeks the delicate ripe lips the smooth white hands were lying cold and rigid and the aged face was bending over them in silent anguish the aged deep-vein hands were seeking with tremulous inquiring touches for some symptom that life was not irrevocably gone Rupert was there too waiting and watching licking first the dead and then the living hands then running off on mr. Bates's track as if he would follow and hasten his return but in a moment turning back again unable to quit the scene of his master's sorrow end of chapter 14 if mr. Gil feels love story chapter 15 of mr. Gill Phil's love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 15 it is a wonderful moment the first time we stand by one who has fainted and witnessed the fresh birth of consciousness spreading itself over the blank features like the Rising Sun light on the Alpine summits that lay ghastly and dead under the lead in Twilight a slight shudder and the frost bound eyes recover their liquid light for an instant they show the inward semi consciousness of an infant's then with a little start they open wider and begin to look the present is visible but only as a strange writing and the interpreter memory is not yet there mr. Gil Phil felt a trembling joy as this change passed over Caterina's face he bent over her rubbing her chill hands and looking at her with tender pity as her dark eyes opened on him wonderingly he thought that there might be some wine in the dining room close by he left to the room and Catarina's eyes turned towards the window towards Sir Christopher's chair there was the link at which the chain of consciousness had snapped and the events of the morning were beginning to recur dimly like a half-remembered dream when maynard returned with some wine he raised her and she drank it but still she was silent seeming lost in the attempt to recover the past when the door opened and mr. warren appeared with looks that announced terrible tidings mr. Gill fell dreading lest he should tell them in Caterina's presence hurried towards him with his finger on his lips and drew him away into the dining room on the opposite side of the passage katarina revived by the stimulant was now recovering the full consciousness of the scene in the Rookery anthony was lying there dead she had left him to tell Sir Christopher she must go and see what they were doing with him perhaps he was not really dead only in a trance people did fall into trances sometimes while mr. Gil Fuller was telling moron how it would be best to break the news to lady several and massager anxious himself to return to Katerina the poor child had made her way feebly to the great entrance door which stood open her strength increased as she moved and breathed the fresh air and with every increase of strength came increased vividness of emotion increased yearning to be where her thought was in the Rookery with Anthony she walked more and more swiftly and at last gathering the artificial strength of passionate excitement began to run but now she heard the tread of heavy steps and under the yellow shade near the wooden bridge she saw men slowly carrying something soon she was face to face with them Anthony was no longer in the Rookery they were carrying him stretched on a door and there behind him was Sir Christopher with the firmly set mouth the deathly paleness and the concentrated expression of suffering in the eye which mark the suppressed grief of the strong man the sight of this face on which Katerina had never before beheld the signs of anguish caused a rush of new feeling which for the moment submerged all the rest she went gently up to him put her little hand in his and walked in silence by his side sir Christopher could not tell her to leave him and so she went on with that sad procession to mr. Bates's cottage in the moss lands and sat there in silence waiting and watching to know if Anthony were really dead she had not yet missed the dagger from her pocket she had not yet even thought of it at the sight of Anthony lying dead her nature had rebounded from its new bias of resentment and hatred to the old sweet habit of love the earliest and the longest has still the mastery over us and the only past that linked itself with those glazed unconscious eyes was the past when they beamed on her with tenderness she forgot the interval of wrong and jealousy and hatred all his cruelty and all her thoughts of revenge as the Exile forgets the stormy passage that lay between home and happiness and the dreary land in which she finds himself desolate end of chapter 15 of mr. Gill Phil's love story chapter 16 of mr. Gill love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 16 before night all hope was gone dr. Hart had said it was death Anthony's body had been carried to the house and everyone there knew the calamity that had fallen on them katarina had been questioned by dr. Hart and had answered briefly that she found Anthony lying in the Rookery that she should have been walking there just at that time was not a coincidence to raise conjectures in anyone besides mr. Gill thought except in answering this question she had not broken her silence she sat mute in a corner of the gardeners kitchen shaking her head when maynard entreated her to return with him and apparently unable to think of anything but the possibility that Anthony might revive until she saw them carrying away the body to the house then she followed by Sir Christopher's side again so quietly that even dr. Hart did not object to her presence it was decided to lay the body in the library until after the coroner's inquest tomorrow and when Katerina saw the door finally closed she turned up the gallery stairs on her way to her own room the place where she felt at home with her sorrows it was the first time she had been in the gallery since that terrible moment in the morning and now the spot and the objects around began to reawaken her half stunned memory the armor was no longer glittering in the sunlight but there it hung dead and somber above the cabinet from which she had taken the dagger yes now it all came back to her all the wretchedness and all the sin but where was the dagger now she felt in her pocket it was not there could it have been her fancy all that about the dagger she looked in the cabinet it was not there ha no it could not have been her fancy and she was guilty of that wickedness but where could the dagger be now could it have fallen out of her pocket she heard steps ascending the stairs and hurried on to her room where kneeling by the bed and burying her face to shut out the hateful light she tried to recall every feeling and incident of the morning it all came back everything Anthony had done and everything she had felt for the last month for many months ever since that June evening when he had last spoken to her in the gallery she looked back on her storms of passion her jealousy and hatred of Miss a seer her thoughts of revenge on Anthony oh how wicked she had been it was she who had been sinning it was she who had driven him to do and say those things that had made her so angry and if he had wronged her what had she been on the verge of doing to him she was too wicked ever to be pardoned she would like to confess how wicked she had been that they might punish her she would like to humble herself to the dust before everyone before Musashi or even Sir Christopher would send her away would never see her again if he knew all and she would be happier to be punished and frowned on than to be treated tenderly while she had that guilty secret in her breast but then if Sir Christopher were to know all it would add to his sorrow and make him more wretched than ever no she could not confess it she should have to tell about Anthony but she could not stay at the Manor she must go away she could not bear sir Christopher's I could not bear the sight of all these things that reminded her of Anthony and of her sin perhaps she should die soon she felt very feeble there could not be much life in her she would go away and live humbly and pray to God to pardon her and let her die the poor child never thought of suicide no sooner was the storm of anger passed than the tenderness and timidity of her nature returned and she could do nothing but love and mourn her inexperience prevented her from imagining the consequences of her disappearance from the manner she foresaw none of the terrible details of alarm and distress and search that must ensue they will think I am dead she said to herself and by and by they will forget me and mean and will get happy again and love someone else she was roused from her absorption by a knock at the door mrs. Bellamy was there she had come by mr. gills request to see how Miss Sarty was and to bring her some food and wine you look sadly my dear said the old housekeeper and you're all of a quake were cold get you to bed now do martha shall come and warm it and light your fire see now here's some nice arrowroot we'll drop a wine in it take that and it'll warm you I must go down again for I can't a while to stay there's so many things to see too and miss a skiers in hysterics constant and her maids ill Abed at pork Ricci thing and mrs. sharps wanted every minute but I'll send Martha up and do you get ready to go to bed there's a dear child and take care of yourself thank you dear mammy said Tina kissing the little old woman's wrinkled cheek I shall eat the arrowroot and don't trouble about me any more tonight I shall do very well when Martha has lighted my fire tell mr. Gilfoyle I'm better I shall go to bed by-and-by so don't you come up again because you may only disturb me well well take care of yourself there's a good child and God sends you may sleep Katerina took the arrowroot quite eagerly while Martha was lighting her fire she wanted to get strength for her journey and she kept to the plate of biscuits by her that she might put some in her pocket her whole mind was now bent on going away from the manor and she was thinking of all the ways and means her little life's experience could suggest it was dusk now she must wait till early dawn for she was too timid to go away in the dark but she must make her escape before anyone was up in the house there would be people watching Anthony in the library but she could make her way out of a small door leading into the garden against the drawing-room on the other side of the house she laid her cloak bonnet and veil ready then she lighted a candle opened her desk and took out to the broken portrait wrapped in paper she folded it again in two little notes of Anthony's written in pencil and placed it in her bosom there was the little china box two door cases present the pearl earrings and a silk purse with fifteen seven shilling pieces in it the presents Sir Christopher had made her on her birthday ever since she had been at the manor should she take the earrings and the seven shilling pieces she could not bear to part with them it seemed as if they had some of Sir Christopher's love in them she would like them to be buried with her she fastened the little round earrings in her ears and put the purse with Dorcas box in her pocket she had another purse there and she took it out to count her money for she would never spend her seven shilling pieces she had a guinea and eight shillings that would be plenty so now she sat down to wait for the morning afraid to lay herself on the bed lest she should sleep too long if she could but see Anthony once more and kiss his cold forehead but that could not be she did not deserve it she must go away from him away from Sir Christopher and Lady several and Maynard and everybody who had been kind to her and thought her good while she was so wicked end of chapter 16 of mr. Gill Phil's love story chapter 7 of mr. Gill Phil's love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 17 some of mrs. sharps earliest thoughts the next morning were given to Katarina whom she had not been able to visit the evening before and whom from a nearly equal mixture of affection and self-importance she did not at all like resigning to mrs. Bellamy's care at half past 8 o'clock she went up to Tina's room bent on benevolent dictation as to doses and diet and lying in bed but on opening the door she found that the bed smooth and empty evidently it had not been slept in what could this mean had she sat up all night and was she gone out to walk the poor things head might be touched by what had happened yesterday it was such a shock finding captain wibro in that way she was perhaps gone out of her mind mrs. sharp looked anxiously in the place where Tina kept her hat and cloak they were not there so that she had had at least the presence of mind to put them on still the good woman felt greatly alarmed and hastened away to tell mr. Gill fo who she knew was in his study mr. Gill fo she said as soon as she had closed the door behind her my mind misgives me dreadful about mrs. RT what is it said poor maynard with the horrible fear that Katarina had betrayed something about the dagger she's not in her room and her bed's not been slept in this night and her hat and cloaks gone for a minute or two mr. Gill fool was unable to speak he felt sure the worst had come Katarina had destroyed herself the strong man suddenly looked so ill and helpless that mrs. sharp began to be frightened at the effect of her abruptness well sir I'm grieved to my heart to shock you so but I didn't know who else to go to no no you were quite right he gathered some strength from his very despair it was all over and he had nothing now to do but to suffer and to help the suffering he went on in a firmer voice be sure not to breathe a word about it to anyone we must not alarm Lady several and Sir Christopher miss RT may be only walking in the guard she was terribly excited by what she saw yesterday and perhaps was unable to lie down from restlessness just to go quietly through the empty rooms and see whether she is in the house I will go and look for her in the grounds he went down and to avoid giving any alarm in the house walked at once towards the moss lands in search of mr. Bates whom he met returning from his breakfast to the gardener he confided his fear about Katarina assigning as a reason for this fear the probability that the shock she had undergone yesterday had unhinged her mind and begging him to send men in search of her through the gardens and park and inquire if she had been seen at the lodges and if she were not found or heard of in this way to lose no time in dragging the waters round at the Manor god forbid it should be so Bates but we shall be the easier for having searched everywhere truth too may truth too may mr. Gill foe and but I'd have worked for day wage all the rest of my life rather than anything should have happened to her the good gardener in deep distress strode away to the stables that he might send the groom's on horseback through the park mr. Gill Phil's next thought was to search the Rookery she might be haunting the scene of captain why browse death he went hastily over every mound looked around every large tree and followed every winding of the walks in reality he had little hope of finding her there but the bare possibility fenced off for a time the fatal conviction that Caterina's body would be found in the water when the Rookery had been searched in vain he walked fast to the border of the little stream that bounded one side of the grounds the stream was almost everywhere hidden among trees and there was one place where it was broader and deeper than elsewhere she would be more likely to come to that spot than to the pool he hurried along with strained eyes his imagination continually creating what he dreaded to see there is something white behind that overhanging bough his knees tremble under him he seems to see part of her dress caught on a branch and her dear dead face upturned oh God gives strength to thy creature on whom thou hast laid this great agony he is nearly up to the bow and the white object is moving it is a waterfowl that spreads its wings and flies away screaming he hardly knows whether it is a relief or a disappointment that she is not there the conviction that she is dead presses its called weight upon him nonetheless heavily as he reached the great pool in front of the manor he saw mr. Bates with a group of men already there preparing for the dreadful search which could only displace his vague despair by a definite horror for the gardener in his Restless anxiety had been unable to defer this until other means of search had proved fain the pool was not now laughing with sparkles among the water lilies it looked black and cruel under the sombre sky as if its cold depths held relentlessly all the murdered hope and joy of Maynard gills life thoughts of the sad consequences for others as well as himself were crowding on his mind the blinds and shutters were all closed in front of the manor and it was not likely that Sir Christopher would be aware of anything that was passing outside but mr. Gil Phil felt that Caterina's disappearance could not long be concealed from him the coroner's inquest would be held shortly she would be inquired for and then it would be inevitable that the baronet should know all end of chapter 17 of mr. Gill Phil's love story chapter 18 of mr. Gill fools love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Bruce Perry chapter 18 at 12 o'clock when all search and enquiry had been in vain and the coroner was expected every moment mr. Gill Phil could no longer defer the hard duty of revealing this fresh calamity to Sir Christopher who must otherwise have it discovered to him abruptly the baronet was seated in his dressing room where the dark window curtains were drawn so as to admit only a somber light it was the first time mr. Gil Phil had had an interview with him this morning and he was struck to see how a single day and night of grief had aged the fine old man the lines in his brow and about his mouth were deepened his complexion looked dull and withered there was a swollen Ridge under his eyes and the eyes themselves which used to cast so keen a glance on the present had the vacant expression which tells that vision is no longer a sense but a memory he held out his hand to maynard who pressed it and sat down beside him in silence Sir Christopher's heart began to swell at this unspoken sympathy the tears would rise would roll in great drops down his cheeks the first tears he had shed since boyhood were for Anthony Maynard felt as if his tongue were glued to the roof of his mouth he could not speak first he must wait until Sir Christopher said something which might lead on to the cruel words that must be spoken at last the baronet mastered himself enough to say I'm very weak Maynard god help me I didn't think anything would unmanned me in this way but I'd built everything on that lad perhaps I'd been wrong in not forgiving my sister she lost one of her son's a little while ago I've been too proud and obstinate we can hardly learn humility and tenderness enough except by suffering said Maynard and God sees we are in need of suffering for it is falling more and more heavily on us we have a new trouble this morning Tina said Sir Christopher looking up anxiously is Tina ill I am in dreadful uncertainty about her she was very much agitated yesterday him with her delicate health I am afraid to think what turned the agitation may have taken is she delirious poor dear little one god only knows how she is we are unable to find her when mrs. sharp went up to her room this morning it was empty she had not been in bed her hat and cloak were gone I have had search made for her everywhere in the house and garden in the park and in the water no one has seen her since Martha went up to light her fire at seven o'clock in the evening while mr. Gil Phil was speaking Sir Christopher's eyes which were eagerly turned on him recovered some of their old keenness and some sudden painful emotion as at a new thought flitted rapidly across his already agitated face like the shadow of a dark cloud over the waves when the pause came he laid his hand on mr. Gil Phil's arm and said in a lower voice Maynard did that poor thing love Anthony she did Maynard hesitated after these words struggling between his reluctance to inflict a yet deeper wound on Sir Christopher and his determination that no injustice should be done to Katharina Sir Christopher's eyes were still fixed on him in solemn inquiry and his own sunk towards the ground while he tried to find the words that would tell the truth least cruelly you must not have any wrong thoughts about Tina he said at length I must tell you now for her sake what nothing but this should ever have caused to pass my lips captain why brow won her affections by attentions which in his position he was bound not to show her before his marriage was talked of he had behaved to her like her lover Sir Christopher relaxed his hold of me nerds arm and looked away from him he was silent for some minutes evidently attempting to master himself so as to be able to speak calmly I must see Henriette immediately he said at last with something of his old sharp decision she must know all but we must keep it from everyone else as far as possible My dear boy he continued in a kinder tone the heaviest burden has fallen on you but we may find her yet we must not despair there has not been time enough for us to be certain poor dear little one God helped me I thought I saw everything and was stoned blind all the while end of chapter 18 if mr. Gill feels love story chapter 19 of mr. Gil's love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 19 the sad slow week was gone by at last at the coroner's inquest a verdict of sudden death had been pronounced dr. Hart acquainted with captain why browse previous state of health had given his opinion that death had been imminent from long established disease of the heart though it had probably been accelerated by some unusual emotion miss Astor was the only person who positively knew the motive that had led captain why brow to the Rookery but she had not mentioned Catarina's name and all painful details or inquiries were studiously kept from her mr. Gilfillan sir christopher however knew enough to conjecture that the fatal agitation was due to an appointed meeting with catarina all search and inquiry after her had been fruitless and were the more likely to be so because they were carried on under the prepossession that she had committed suicide no one noticed the absence of the trifles she had taken from her desk no one knew of the lightness or that she had hoarded her seven shilling pieces and it was not remarkable that she should have happened to be wearing the pearl earrings she had left the house they thought taking nothing with her it seemed impossible she could have gone far and she must have been in a state of mental excitement that made it too probable she had only gone to seek relief in death the same places within three or four miles of the manor were searched again and again every pond every ditch in the neighbourhood was examined sometimes Maynard thought that death might have come on unsought from cold and exhaustion and not a day passed but he wandered through the neighboring woods turning up the heaps of dead leaves as if it were possible her dear body could be hidden there then another horrible thought recurred and before each night came he had been a game through all the uninhabited rooms of the house to satisfy himself once more that she was not hidden behind some cabinet or door or curtain that he should not find her there with madness in her eyes looking and looking and yet not seeing him but at last those five long days and nights were at an end the funeral was over and the carriages were returning through the park when they had set out to heavy rain was falling but now the clouds were breaking up and a gleam of sunshine was sparkling among the dripping boughs under which they were passing this gleam fell upon a man on horseback who was jogging slowly along and whom mr. Gill ful recognized in spite of diminished rotundity as Daniel not the coachman who had married the rosy-cheeked Dorcas ten years before every new incident suggested the same thought to mr. Gill fell at his eye no sooner fell on not then he said to himself can he be come to tell us anything about Caterina then he remembered that Caterina had been very fond of Dorcas and that she always had some present ready to send her when not paid an occasional visit to the manor could Tina have gone to darkest but his heart sank again as he thought very likely not had only come because he had heard of captain why browse death and wanted to know how his old master had borne the blow as soon as the carriage reached the house he went up to his study and walked about nervously longing but afraid to go down and speak to not lest his faint hope should be dissipated anyone looking at that face usually so full of calm goodwill would have seen that the last week's suffering had left deep traces by day he had been riding or wandering incessantly either searching for Caterina himself or directing inquiries to be made by others by night he had not known sleep only intermittent dozing in which she seemed to be finding Katarina dead and woke up with a start from this unreal agony to the real anguish of believing that he should see her no more the clear gray eyes looked sunken and restless the full careless lips had a strange tension about them and the brow formerly so smooth and open was contracted as if with pain he had not lost the object of a few months passion he had lost the being who was bound up with his power of loving as the brook we played by or the flowers we gathered in childhood are bound up with our sense of beauty love meant nothing for him but to love Katharina for years the thought of her had been present in everything like the air and the light and now she was gone it seemed as if all pleasure had lost its vehicle in the sky the earth the daily ride the daily talk might be there but the loveliness and the joy that were in them had gone forever presently as he still paced backwards and forwards he heard steps along the corridor and there was a knock at his door his voice trembled as he said come in and the rush of renewed hope was hardly distinguishable from pain when he saw Warren enter with Daniel not behind him not his come sir with news of Miss Sarty I thought it best to bring him to you first mr. Gill fool could not help going up to the old coachman and wringing his hand but he was unable to speak and only motioned him to take a chair while Warren left the room he hung upon Daniel's moon face and listened to his small piping voice with the same solemn yearning expectation with which he would have given ear to the most awful messenger from the land of shades it were Dorcas sir would have me come but we know nothing of what's happened at the Manor she's frightened out on her wits about miss Artie and she would have me saddle Blackbird this morning and leave the plowin and come and let Sir Christopher and my lady know perhaps you've heard sir we don't keep the cross keys at slaughter now uncle Aman died three years ago and left me a legacy he was bailiff – Squire rambilas had them there big farms on his hands and so we took a little farm of 40 acres of their boats because Dorcas didn't like the public when she got my third with children as pretty a place as ever you see Sir with water at the back convenient for the cattle for God's sake said maynard tell me what it is about missus RT don't stay to tell me anything else now well sir said not rather frightened by the Parsons vehemence she come to our house of the carrier's Carter Wednesday when it was really 9 o'clock at night and Dorcas run out for she heared the cart stopped and mrs. art he throwed her arms around door kisses neck and says take me and Dorcas techne in and went off into a swoon like and Dorcas calls out to me dan all she calls an IRA notion carried the young miss in and she come round art her a bit and opened her eyes and Dorcas got her to drink a spoonful of rum and water we've got some capital rum as we brought from the Cross Keys and Dorcas won't let nobody drink it she says she keeps it for sickness but for my part I think it's a pity to drink good rum when your mouth so to taste you may just as well have doctor's stuff however Dorcas got her to bed and there she's lay I ever sinned stupid like and never speaks and only takes little bits and sups when darkest coaxes her and we begun to be frightened and couldn't think what had made her come away from the manor and Dorcas was afeard there was somewhat wrong so this morn and she could hold no longer and would have no name but I must come and see and so I've rode 20 mile upon Blackbird as thinks all the while he's a plough one and turns sharp round every 30 yards as if he was at the end of a furrow I've had a sore time with him I can tell you sir god bless you not for coming said Mr Gil full ringing the old Coachman's hand again now go down and have something and rest yourself you will stay here tonight and by-and-by I shall come to you to learn the nearest way to your house I shall get ready to ride there immediately when I have spoken to Sir Christopher in an hour from that time mr. Gill fool was galloping on a stout mare towards the little muddy village of Callum five miles beyond slop at her once more he saw some gladness in the afternoon sunlight once more it was a pleasure to see the hedgerow trees flying past him and to be conscious of a good seat while his black kitty bounded beneath him and the air whistled to the rhythm of her pace Catarina was not dead he had found her his love and tenderness and long-suffering seemed so strong they must recall her to life and Happiness after that week of despair the rebound was so violent that it carried his hopes at once as far as the utmost mark they had ever reached Catarina would come to love him at last she would be his they had been carried through all that dark and weary way that she might know the depth of his love how he would cherish her his little bird with the timid bright eye and the sweet throat that trembled with love and music she would Nestle against him and the poor little breast which had been so ruffled and bruised should be safe forevermore in the love of a brave and faithful man there is always a strain of maternal tenderness he gives out again those beams of protecting fondness which were shed on him as he lay on his mother's knee it was Twilight as he entered to the village of Callum and asking a homeward bound laborer the way to Daniel knots learned that it was by the church which showed its stumpy Ivy clad spire on a slight elevation of ground a useful addition to the means of identifying that desirable homestead afforded by Daniel's description the prettiest place ever you see though a small cow yard full of excellent manure and leading right up to the door without any frivolous interruption from garden or railing might perhaps have been enough to make that descript unmistakeably specific mr. Gil Phil had no sooner reached the gate leading into the cow yard than he was described by a flaxen-haired lad of nine prematurely invested with the toga virilis or smock frog who ran forward to let in the unusual visit her in a moment Dorcas was at the door the roses on her cheeks apparently all the redder for the three pair of cheeks which formed a group round her and for the very fat baby who stared in her arms and sucked a long crust with calm relish is it mr. Gill full sir said darkest curtseying low as he made his way through the damp straw after tallying up his horse yes Dorcas I've grown out of your knowledge how is Miss Artie just for all the world the same sir as I suppose Dan'l's told you for I reckon you've come from the manor the way you're come uncommon quick to be sure yes he got to the manor but one o'clock and I set off as soon as I could she's not worse is she no change sir for better or was will you please to walk in sir she lies there taken no notice and nothing no more Nora baby as is only a week old and looks at me as blank as if she didn't know me Oh what can it be mr. Gothel how comes she to leave the manor house is honour in my lady in great trouble darkest captain why browse or Christopher's nephew you know has died suddenly miss Sarty found him lying dead and I think the shock has affected her mind dear that fine young gentleman has was to be the heir as Daniel told me about I remember seeing him when he was a little and visiting at the Manor well-a-day what a grief to his honour and my lady but that poor miss Tina and she found him a lion dead oh dear oh dear Dorcas had led the way into the best kitchen as charming a room as best kitchens used to be in farmhouses which had no parlors the fire reflected in a bright row of pewter plates and dishes the sand our deal tables so clean you longed to stroke them the salt coffer in one chimney corner and a three-cornered chair in the other the walls behind handsomely tapestry dwith flitch 'as of bacon and the ceiling ornamented with pendent hams sit she down sir do said Dorcas moving the three corner chair and let me get you something after your long journey here Becky come intact the baby Becky a red armed damsel emerged from the adjoining back kitchen and possessed herself of baby whose feelings or fat made him conveniently apathetic under the transference what will you please to text her as I can give you I'll get you a rash or a bacon in no time and I've got some tea or be like you take a glass of rum and water I know we've got nothing as you're used to eat and drink but such as I have sir I shall be proud to give you Thank You darkus I can't eat or drink anything I'm not hungry or tired let us talk about Tina has she spoken at all never since the first words dear darkus says she Tek me in and then went off into a faint and not a word has she spoken since I get her to eat little bits and substance but she texts no notice and nothing I've took up Bessie with me now and then here Dorcas lifted to her lap a curly-headed little girl of three who was twisting a corner of her mother's apron and opening round eyes at the gentleman folks will take notice the children sometimes when they won't – nothing else and we gathered the autumn crocuses out of the orchard and Bessie carried him up in her hand and put him on the bed I knowed how fond miss Tina was of flowers and them things when she was a little on but she looked at Bessie and the flowers just the same as if she didn't see him it cuts me to the heart to look at them eyes or hers I think they're bigger no River and they look like my poor babies as died when it got so thin oh dear its little hands you could see through him but I've great hopes if she was to see you sir has come from the manor it might bring back her mind like Maynard had that hope too but he felt cold mists of fear gathering round him after the few bright warm hours of joyful confidence which had passed since he first heard that Katarina was alive the thought would urge itself upon him that her mind and body might never recover the strain that had been put upon them that her delicate thread of life had already nearly spun itself out go now darkest and see how she is but to don't say anything about my being here perhaps it would be better for me to wait till daylight before I see her and yet it would be very hard to pass another night in this way Dorcas sat down little Bessie and went away the three other children including young Daniel in his smock-frock were standing opposite to mr. Gill foe watching him still more shyly now they were without their mothers countenance he drew little Bessie towards him and set her on his knee she shook her yellow curls out of her eyes and looked up at him as she said as who tom to tease a lady sue maker P what's to do to her tis her do you like to be kissed Bessie that said Bessie immediately ducking down her head very low in resistance to the expected rejoinder we've got to pups said young Daniel emboldened by observing the gentleman's amenities towards Bessie Sheila Shaw Emmure one's got white spots yes let me see them Daniel ran out and presently reappeared with two blind puppies eagerly followed by the mother affectionate though mongrel and an exciting scene was beginning when Dorcas returned and said there's never any difference in her hardly I think you needn't wait sir she lies very still as she always does I've put two candle in the room so as she may see you well you'll please to excuse the room sir and the cap as she has on it's one of mine mr. Gil Phil nodded silently and rose to follow her upstairs they turned in at the first door their footsteps making little noise on the plaster floor the red checkered linen curtains were drawn at the head of the bed and Dierkes had placed the candles on this side of the room so that the light might not fall oppressively on Katarina's eyes when she had opened the door Dorcas whispered I better leave you sir I think mr. Gil fool motioned assent and advanced beyond the curtain Catarina lay with her eyes turned the other way and seemed unconscious that any one had entered her eyes as darkus had said looked larger than ever perhaps because her face was thinner and paler and her hair quite gathered away under one of Dorcas thick caps the small hands to that latest Leslie on the outside of the bedclothes were thinner than ever she looked younger than she really was and anyone seeing the tiny face and hands for the first time might have thought they belonged to a little girl of 12 who was being taken away from coming instead of past sorrow when mr. Gil Thal advanced and stood opposite to her the light fell full upon his face a slight startled expression came over Catarina's eyes she looked at him earnestly for a few moments then lifted up her hand as if to beckon him to stoop down towards her and whispered Maynard he seated himself on the bed and stooped down towards her she whispered again Maynard did you see the dagger he followed his first impulse in answering her and it was a wise one yes he whispered I found it in your pocket and put it back again in the cabinet he took her hand in his and held it gently awaiting what she would say next his heart swelled so with thankfulness that she had recognized him he could hardly repress a sob gradually her eyes softer and less intense in their gaze the tears were slowly gathering and presently some large hot drops rolled down her cheek then the floodgates were opened and the heart easing stream gushed forth deep sobs came and for nearly an hour she lay without speaking while the heavy icy pressure that withheld her misery from utterance was thus melting away how precious these tears were to Maynard who day after day had been shuddering at the continually recurring image of Tina with the dry scorching stare of insanity by degrees the sobs subsided she began to breathe calmly and lay quiet with her eyes shut patiently Maynard sat not heeding the flight of the hours not heeding the old clock that ticked loudly on the landing but when it was nearly ten Dorcas impatiently anxious to know the result of mr. Gill false appearance could not help stepping in on tiptoe without moving he whispered in her ear to supply him with candles see that the cowboy had shaken down his mayor and go to bed he would watch with Katerina a great change had come over her before long Tina's lips began to move Maynard she whispered again he leaned towards her and she went on you know how wicked I am then you know what I meant to do with the dagger did you mean to kill yourself Tina she shook her head slowly and then was silent for a long while at last looking at him with solemn eyes she whispered to kill him Tina my loved one you would never have done it God saw your whole heart he knows you would never harm a living thing he watches over his children and will not let them do things they would pray with their whole hearts not to do it was the angry thought of a moment and he forgives you she sank into silence again till it was nearly midnight the weary and feeble DiSpirito seemed to be making it slow way with difficulty through the windings of thought and when she began to whisper again it was in reply to me nerds words but I had had such wicked feelings for a long while I was so angry and I hated miss Astor so and I didn't care what came to anybody because I was so miserable myself I was full of bad passions no one else was ever so wicked yes Tina many are justice wicked I often have very wicked feelings and am tempted to do wrong things but then my body is stronger than yours and I can hide my feelings and resist them better they do not master me so you have seen the little birds when they are very young and just begin to fly how all their feathers are ruffled when they are frightened or angry they have no power over themselves left and might fall into a pit from mere fright you were like one of those little birds your sorrow and suffering had taken such hold of you you hardly knew what you did he would not speak long lest he should tire her and oppress her with too many thoughts long pauses seemed needful for her before she could concentrate her feelings in short words but when I meant to do it was the next thing she whispered it was as bad as if I had done it no my Tina answered Maynard slowly waiting a little between each sentence we mean to do wicked things that we never could do just as we mean to do good or clever things that we never could do our thoughts are often worse than we are just as they are often better than we are and God sees us as we are all together not in separate feelings or actions as our fellow men we are always doing each other injustice and thinking better or worse of each other than we deserve because we only hear and see separate words and actions we don't see each other's whole nature but God sees that you could not have committed that crime Katharina shook her head slowly and was silent after a while I don't know she said I seemed to see him coming towards me just as he would really have looked and I meant I meant to do it but when you saw him tell me how it was Tina I saw him lying on the ground and thought he was ill I don't know how it was then I forgot everything I knelt down and spoke to him and and he took no notice of me and his eyes were fixed and that began to think he was dead and you have never felt angry since oh no no it is I who have been more wicked than anyone it is I who have been wrong all through no Tina the fault has not all been yours he was wrong he gave you provocation and wrong makes wrong when people use us in all we can hardly help having ill feeling towards them but that second wrong is more excusable I am more sinful than you Tina I have often had very bad feelings towards captain why brow and if he had provoked me as he did you I should perhaps have done something more wicked oh it was not so wrong in him he didn't know how he hurt me how was it likely he could love me as I loved him and how could he marry a poor little thing like me Maynard made no reply to this and there was again silence till Tina said then I was so deceitful they didn't know how wicked I was pod ran shallow didn't know his good little monkey he used to call me and if he had known oh how not he would have thought me my Tina we have all our secret sins and if we knew ourselves we should not judge each other harshly Sir Christopher himself has felt since this trouble came upon him that he has been too severe and obstinate in this way in these broken confessions and answering words of comfort the hours wore on from the deep black night to the chill early Twilight and from early Twilight to the first yellow streak of morning parting the purple cloud mr. Gil fulfilled a safe in the long hours of that night the bond that United his love forever and alone to Catarina had acquired fresh strength and sanctity it is so with the human relations that rest on the deep emotional sympathy of affection every new day and night of joy or sorrow is a new ground a new consecration for the love that is nourished by memories as well as hopes the love to which perpetual repetition is not a weariness but a want and to which a separated joy is the beginning of pain the began to crow the gates Walla there was a tramp of footsteps in the yard and mr. Gil Phil heard Dorcas stirring the thumbs seemed to affect Catarina for she looked anxiously at him and said a Maynard are you going away no I shall stay here at Callum until you are better and then you will go away – never – the mad hurricane oh no I shall live poorly and get my own bread well dearest you shall do what you would like best but I wish you can go to sleep now try to rest quietly and by-and-by you will perhaps sit up a little God has kept you in life in spite of all this sorrow it will be sinful not to try and make the best of his gift dear Tina you will try and little Bessie brought you some crocuses once you didn't notice the poor little thing but you will notice her when she comes again with not I will try whispered Tina humbly and then closed her eyes by the time the Sun was above the horizon scattering the clouds and shining with Pleasant morning warmth through the little leaded window Catarina was asleep Maynard gently loosed the tiny hand cheered Dorcas with the good news and made his way to the village inn with a thankful heart that Tina had been so far herself again evidently the sight of him had blended naturally with the memories in which her mind was absorbed and she had been led on to an unburdening of herself that might be the beginning of a complete restoration but her body was so and feeble her soul so bruised that the utmost tenderness and care would be necessary the next thing to be done was to send tidings to Sir Christopher and Lady several then to write and summon his sister under whose care he had determined to place Catarina the manor even if she had been wishing to return thither would he new be the most undesirable home for her at present every scene every object there was associated with still unalloyed anguish if she were domesticated for a time with his mild gentle sister who had a peaceful home and a prattling little boy Tina might attach herself a new to life and recover partly at least the shock that had been given to her Constitution when he had written his letters and taken a hasty breakfast he was soon in his saddle again on his way to slop at her where he would post them and seek out a medical man to whom he might confide the moral causes of Caterina's and feeble dishin end of nineteen of mr. gills love story you chapter 20 of mr. Gill fools love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 20 in less than a week from that time Katarina was persuaded to travel in a comfortable carriage under the care of mr. Gil Phil and his sister mrs. heron whose soft blue eyes and mild manners were very soothing to the poor bruised child the more so as they had an air of sisterly equality which was quite new to her under lady severals uncrossing authoritative goodwill tina had always retained a certain constraint and awe and there was a sweetness before unknown in having a young and gentle woman like an elder sister bending over her caressingly and speaking in low loving tones maynard was almost angry with himself for feeling happy while Tina's mind and body were still trembling on the verge of irrecoverable decline but the new delight of acting as her guardian angel of being with her every hour of the day of devising everything for her comfort of watching for a ray of returning interest in her eyes was to absorbing to leave room for alarm or regret on the third day the carriage drove up to the door of Fox home parsonage where the reverend arthur heron presented himself on the doorstep eager to greet his returning lucy and holding by the hand a broad-chested tawny haired boy of five who was smacking a miniature hunting whip with great vigor nowhere was there a lawn more smooth shaven walks better swept or a porch more prettily festooned with creepers than at fox home parsonage standing snugly sheltered by beaches and chestnuts halfway down the pretty green hill which was surmounted by the church and overlooking a village that struggled at its ease among pastures and meadows surrounded by wild hedgerows and shadowing trees as yet unthreatened by improved methods of farming brightly the fire Shawn in the great parlor and brightly in the little pink bedroom which was to be Katerina's because it looked away from the churchyard and onto a farm homestead with its little cluster of beehive Rick's and Placid groups of cows and cheerful mountain sounds of healthy labour mrs. Heron with the instinct of a delicate impressible woman had written to her husband to have this room prepared for Caterina contented speckled hens industriously scratching for the rarely found corn may sometimes do more for a sick heart than a grove of nightingales there is something irresistibly calming in the unsentimental cheeriness of top knotted poets unfettered sheep dogs and patient cart horses enjoying a drink of muddy water in such a home as this personage a nest of comfort without any of the stateliness that would carry a suggestion of chair virile manner mr. Gil foal was not unreasonable in hoping that Caterina might gradually shake off the haunting vision of the past and recover from the languor and feebleness which were the physical sign of that visions blighting presence the next thing to be done was to arrange an exchange of duties with mr. herons curate that Maynard might be constantly near Katerina and watch over her progress she seemed to like him to be with her to look uneasily for his return and though she seldom spoke to him she was most contented when he sat by her and held her tiny hand in his large protecting grasp but Oswald alias Ozzy the broad-chested boy was perhaps her most beneficial companion with something of his uncle's person he had inherited also his uncle's early taste for a domestic menagerie and was very imperative in demanding Tina's sympathy in the welfare of his guinea pigs squirrels and door mice with him she seemed now and then to have gleams of her childhood coming athwart the leaden clouds and many hours of winter went by the more easily for being spent in Ozzy's nursery mrs. Heron was not musical and had no instrument but one of mr. Gil fools cares was to procure a harpsichord and have it placed in the drawing-room always open in the hope that someday the spirit of music would be reawakened in Catarina and she would be attracted towards the instrument but the winter was almost gone by and he had waited in vain the utmost improvement in Tina had not gone beyond passiveness and acquiescence a quiet grateful smile compliance with Oswald's whims and an increasing consciousness of what was being said and done around her sometimes she would take up a bit of woman's work but she seemed to language to persevere in it her fingers soon dropped and she relapsed into motionless reverie at last it was one of those bright days in the end of February when the sun is shining with the promise of approaching spring me nerd had been walking with her and Oswald round the garden to look at the snowdrops and she was resting on the sofa after the walk Ozzy roaming about the room in quest of a forbidden pleasure came to the harpsichord and struck the handle of his whip on a deep bass note the vibration rushed through Catarina like an electric shock it seemed as if at that instant a new soul were entering into her and filling her with a deeper more significant life she looked round rose from the sofa and walked to the harpsichord in a moment her fingers were wandering with their old sweet method among the keys and her soul was floating in its true familiar element of delicious sound as the water plant that lies withered and shrunken on the ground expands into freedom and beauty when once more bathed in its native flood Maynard thanked God an active power was reawakened and must make a new epoch Ian Catarina's recovery presently there were low liquid notes blending themselves with the harder tones of the instrument and gradually the pure voice swelled into predominance little Ozzy stood in the middle of the room with his mouth open and his legs very wide apart struck with something like awe at this new power in Tintin as he called her whom he had been accustomed to think of as a playfellow not at all clever and very much in need of his instruction on many subjects a genie soaring with broad wings out of his milk jug would not have been more astonishing Catarina was singing the very air from the Orfeo which we heard her singing so many months ago at the beginning of her sorrows it was hope her due toe Sir Christopher's favorite and it's notes seemed to carry on their wings all the tenderest memories of her life when Chevrolet was still an untroubled home the long happy days of childhood and girlhood recovered all their rightful predominance over the short interval of sin and sorrow she paused and burst into tears the first tears she had shed since she had been at Fox home Maynard could not help hurrying towards her putting his arm round her and leaning down to kiss her hair she nestled to him and put up her little mouth to be kissed the delicate tendrils plant must have something to cling to the soul that was worn anew to music was born anew to love end of chapter 20 of mr. Gil Phil's love story chapter 21 and epilogue of mr. Gill Phil's love story from scenes of clerical life by George Eliot this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by bruce pirie chapter 21 on the 30th of May 1790 of Airy pretty sight was seen by the villagers assembled near the door of Fox home Church the Sun was bright upon the dewy grass the air was alive with the murmur of bees and the trilling of birds the bushy blossoming chestnuts and the foamy flowering hedgerows seemed to be crowding round to learn why the church bells were ringing so merrily as maynard gil pho his face bright with happiness walked out of the old gothic doorway with tina on his arm the little face was still pale and there was a subdued melancholy in it as of one who stops with friends for the last time and has his ear open for the signal that will call him away but the tiny hand rested with the pressure of contented affection on Maynard's arm and the dark eyes met his downward glance with timid answering love there was no train of bridesmaids only pretty mrs. heron leaning on the arm of a dark-haired young man hitherto unknown in Fox home and holding by the other hand a little Ozzy who exalted less in his new velvet cap and tunic than in the notion that he was bride's man to Tintin last of all came a couple whom the villagers eyed yet more eagerly than the bride and bridegroom a fine old gentleman who looked round with keen glances that cowed the conscious scape graces among them and a stately lady in blue and white silk robes who must surely be like Queen Charlotte well that dears what I call a picture said old mr. Ford a true Staffordshire patriarch who leaned on a stick and held his head very much on one side with the air of a man who had little hope of the generation but would at all events give it the benefit of his criticism the young man knew adays their poor squashy things the Luke well enough but they won't wear the won't where there's Naren will carry his ears like that circus for Ciavarella I'll bet she to Potts said another of the seniors as that youngster are walking with a Parsons wife will be Sir Christopher's son he favors him nay he'll bet that way as big a fool as your sin Hayes knew son at all as I understand Hayes the Nephi as his to air the estate the coachman is poot soup at the white house tell to me as their war another Nephi a deal finer chapter look at nor listen has died in a fit all on a student as through this year young uns gotta paw the purchase did at the church gate mr. Bates was standing in a new suit ready to speak words of good omen as the bride and bridegroom approached he had come all the way from several Manor on purpose to see miss Tina happy once more and would have been in a state of unmixed joy but for the inferiority of the wedding nosegays to what he could have furnished from the garden at the Manor God a mate he bless you both ascend G long life and Happiness were the good gardeners rather tremulous words Thank You uncle Bates always remember Tina said the sweet low voice which fell on mr. Bates's ear for the last time the wedding journey was to be a circuitous route to Shepperton where mr. Gilfoyle had been for several months inducted as vicar this small living had been given him through the interest of an old friend who had some claim on the gratitude of the olden port family and it was a satisfaction both to Maynard and Sir Christopher that a home to which he might take Katharina had thus readily presented itself at a distance from several manner for it had never yet been thought safe that she should revisit the scene of her sufferings her health continuing to delicate to encourage the slightest risk of painful excitement in a year or two perhaps by the time old mr. Critchlow director of Cumbre more should have left a world of gout and when Caterina would very likely be a happy mother Maynard might safely take up his abode at Cumbre murmur and Tina would feel nothing but content at seeing a new little black-eyed monkey running up and down the gallery and Gardens of the manor a mother dreads no memories those shadows have all melted away in the dawn of baby's smile in these hopes and in the enjoyment of Tina's nestling affection mr. Gill fool tasted a few months of perfect happiness she had come to lean entirely on his love and to find life sweet for his sake her continual languor and want of active interest was a natural consequence of bodily feebleness and the prospect of her becoming a mother was a new ground for hoping the best but the delicate plant had been too deeply bruised and in the struggle to put forth a blossom it died Tina died and Maynard Gil full of went with her into deep silence forevermore epilogue this was mr. Gil fools love story which lay far back from the time when he sat worn and gray by his lonely fireside in Shepparton vicarage rich brown locks passionate love and deep early sorrow strangely different as they seemed from the scanty white hairs the apathetic content and the unexpected quiescence of old age are but part of the same life's journey as the bright Italian Plains with the sweet addio of their beckoning maidens are part of the same day's travel that brings us to the other side of the mountain between the sombre rocky walls and among the guttural voices of the valley to those who were familiar only with the gray-haired vicar jogging leisurely along on his old chestnut cob it would perhaps have been hard to believe that he had ever been the Maynard Gill falou with a heart full of passion and tenderness had urged his black Kitty to her swiftest gallop on the way to Callum or that the old gentlemen of caustic tongue and bucolic tastes and sparing habits had known all the deep secrets of devoted love had struggled through its days and nights of anguish and trembled under its unspeakable joys and indeed the mr. Gill full of those late Shepperton days had more of the knots and ruggedness of poor human nature than their lay any clear hint of in the open eyed loving Maynard but it is with men as with trees if you lop off their finest branches into which they were pouring their young life juice the wounds will be healed over with some rough boss some odd excrescence and what might have been a grand tree expanding into liberal shade is but a whimsical miss shapen trunk many an irritating fault many an unlovely oddity has come of a hard sorrow which has crushed and maimed the nature just when it was expanding into plenteous beauty and the trivial erring life which we visit with our harsh blame may be but as the unsteady motion of a man whose best limb is withered and so the dear old vicar though he had something of the knotted whimsical character of the poor lopped oak had yet been sketched out by nature as a noble tree the heart of him was sound the green was of the finest and in the gray-haired man who filled his pocket with sugar plums for the little children whose most biting words were directed against the evil doing of the rich man and who with all his social pipes and slipshod talk never sank below the highest level of his parishioners respect there was the main trunk of the same brave faithful tender nature that had poured out the finest freshest forces of its life current in a first and only love the love of Tina end of chapter 21 and epilogue of mr. Gil Phil's love story

1 thought on “Scenes of Clerical Life | George Eliot | General Fiction | Book | English | 5/9

  1. Scenes of Clerical Life | George Eliot | General Fiction | Book | English | 5/9

    22: [00:00:00] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 12

    23: [00:19:37] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 13

    24: [00:33:48] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 14

    25: [00:40:34] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 15

    26: [00:45:39] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 16

    27: [00:54:17] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 17

    28: [01:00:51] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 18

    29: [01:06:24] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 19

    30: [01:36:54] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 20

    31: [01:45:45] – Mr. Gilfil's Love Story – 21 & Epilogue

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