So 2018 Wasn't Great | Life Update, What Happened and New Year's Resolutions [CC]

I'm back so this is like a life update new year's resolution roundup new year's resolution setting kind of video thing so I haven't been around on youtube much this year has been just a big old note for this year doesn't there's been good things you know it has been some really amazing things I got to do or be part of or go to and they've been great just that no bad things have been so so bad they kind of like eclipse a lot of the good stuff some lowlights include I basically had to take someone to court it was their fault I had to go through the whole legal process it took about six months they weren't cooperating so I had to escalate it and escalated until I set a court date then finally he got settled out of court like before we both had to appear I won by the way but that wasn't that was not fun to go through that was really stressful and horrible and also I had to deal with the thing that made me have to take them through the process and like pushing towards court anyway I can't go into details because I don't have a lawyer on retainer it's probably not smart for me to do so so that's kind of kind of all I could say there was some really bad people in my life I'm still upset thinking just thinking about it and like mentioning it because they were so toxic and horrible and they had such a big role to play in my life at the time because like they just had to and they were awful like I'm still I'm still recovering I will probably need to find a therapist to deal with the after-effects because it's been months and I'm still affected then now like completely cut out of my life basically took one of them to cool basically as far as I'm aware I will never have to see them again or speak to them again but it was very bad obviously that affected my mental health a lot a lot a lot I had a couple of breakdowns there was a really bad moment like I have a support network I'm okay I'm fine honestly I got so worn down that my mental health was starting to affect my physical health as well so I've now started passing out on the tube which is not fun I've also had like some other symptoms as well so I'm gonna have a go to a GP soon get myself checked out I'm genuinely doing a lot better you know I've got my support network my mental health being a lot better I'm out off a lot of toxic situations I've got my hopes on so since we're kind of like reviewing this here I might as well watch back my new year's resolution video and review my calls most of which I have failed it's not looking pretty in my defense I had a lot going on a lot I thought too much also my priorities changed a lot for at the year and just watching this video in preparation to record this I'm like a completely different person now so I've got a video here on my laptop same laptop more sticker so let's go I want to learn how to code did I learn how to code I did not I was doing it a beginning of the year I found out it's really hard like really hard to do and it's a great skill to have it's really super valuable to have which is why if I ever had issues arising where I would need like fix or code something I'm a hire someone to do it rather than me being like oh I've done a course or there or mine and then having a tinker around a background that that will probably not turn out well I wouldn't put me in charge or anywhere near any code why would anyone like put me in charge of any code I'm probably gonna like refresh the basics but I'm not gonna make it very high priority and I'm not gonna be like putting it on my CV anytime soon I want to get better at maths again I tried with this one I actually really tried I tried a couple of websites from the one the government issued to one my friends gave me that access to none of them worked with me I mean they were either really badly built or they just weren't applicable maths one of them I used they kept trying me to use the app that they built and I hated it I just wanted about to like learn how to do maps I can apply to my life and so they make me do this like stupid app thing that calculates for you and I was like I'm not into this so that just it was just frustrated me so much that I just kind of like gave up trying another website soon though it's called Khan Academy which was recommended to me so I will give that a go also new discovery so I've always kind of struggled with maths and I was like oh I'm just bad at it I don't have the head for it I'm too creative because that's kind of what you're taught in school however some people have likened a gift from ass and some people don't which is bollocks because it's a skill that's all it's a skill you learn but looking at how I react to having to do maths and thinking about it as well where symptoms I think I have something which I can't pronounce it's called dyscalculia essentially it's dyslexia but for maths a lot of things do check off like difficulty of a mental maths difficulty holding numbers in my head difficulty of playing maps concepts so money I'm very easily lost we're trying to amass problems have trouble understanding place value so with like decimal point it kind of doesn't quite make sense what the number is where the decimal point is I don't quite know how to explain it very slow very anxious about maths and I still I do still count my fingers in order to work something else I'm just there like no currently I'm not sure if I have this I don't know how I would actually be diagnosed and I don't know what value it would have bring to me if I was properly diagnosed but there we go also there's not a huge amount of research into this issue so I don't know what to do now the other language I'm gonna learn is French I'm pushed at it on and off but ultimately it's good to have to become a lower priority or just hit pause and that skill set because as much as I like I genuinely just love the language and I've always wanted to learn it but I don't need it in my day to day life learning French doesn't mean as much personally to me as it would if I was better at Cantonese and Mandarin I only have so much energy and time and need to focus it on Cantonese and Mandarin I really sad to be given up French but it's for the best all they're gonna try and perform at more poetry night because spoken-word scene in London is just beautiful I did before what more poetry nice it's a really big stuff and cool stuff earlier on in the year I had my barbecue on poets showcase so my collective and I we spent like our final end of the six-month program performance show thing and it was one of the most like beautiful experiences because like all these wonderful people you've been around for six months and you're all so close and you love each other so much you're honest operating yourselves and each other and it was just so beautiful and the thing I did which is one of my most favorite memories ever I did a show called a change is going to come it was a collaboration with Barbican young poets and wipe new entertainment who is amazing hip hop dance group who are also based in the Barbican Centre and we collaborated and we kind of like fused our poetry and dance together and really performed at the pit theater and it was great it was so amazing seeing all our work meshed together in such a short amount of time as well and created something really really beautiful and really really special and I'm so proud of it everyone I'm so happy about to be a part of it and it like changed a lot of things for me for the better I also headlined a show called the Jazz and verse jukebox that is one of my like favorite nights in London it's jazz music and it's poetry and form poems you can have the band on with you and that improvised music to go over your poems and what happened was I went to one of the nights I got pulled out of the box for the open mic I've got any open mic Crowley did a really good job so much so that the hosts then came to me and afterwards and said I would love you the headline yeah yeah I mean I think about it and of course I've been doing a couple of open mics here and there I'm now feeling much more confident and I've been starting to ask people are you looking for head liners because I'd love to headline your night so that's been getting some positive responses so far I'm going to and push more and talk to some friends and see how they have managed to do it and he will be headlining more shows life has been terrible poetry great I want to make free pieces of art this year and did not make free pieces of art I made one better than now so I think all new year's day attended some self portrait photography Popham here they were inspired by Robin polka but if that's how you practice any make a pixel pit who is this great animator and his jacksepticeye's video editor he just takes things gorgeous gorgeous photos and there was one that really inspired by and I just really wanted to like create pieces inspired by that those are sound like my favorite photos I've ever taken I took maybe 300 400 photos across two sessions to get these shots but I think they turn out reading really great and I'm really really proud of them I'd love to do more interesting shots like that but I will think about it I think it back to you I want to make more of a youtube channel YouTube that's the thing isn't it so as you have noticed I have been very absent from YouTube sometimes two or three months passed between uploads life got in the way motivations disappeared I just I just also I really fell out love doing booktube videos that is a topic for a different video but I just really wasn't enjoying it I remember I filmed a video I was bored filming it I started editing it and I was bored editing it and I was like why am i doing this why am I making this video why I'm making these kinds of videos and I just stopped I don't we booked three videos overall I mean stuff like you know TBR's wrap ups etc that easy videos to film but they're not fun for me to make so I stopped as you can tell that's a topic for another video here if you have questions or thoughts on that please let me know in the comments I will read all of them I want to actually exercise this yeah exercise um so back in my old place I joined a gym and that was a true really good I was like I don't hate it like I was terrified of the weights all the time we're gonna it may be like five or six times because I don't even know just I'm very small and just tiny me and like this massive machine I look ridiculous and I feel ridiculous and I'm just there like pulling up a little less weight and we're now near a 24-hour ship I've got a membership so I'll be going to that I want to travel more so this was a resolution I for tried to fail but this is the resolution I completely smashed find myself some people close to me I went to Bristol I've been to Exeter I've been to Brighton this year I only needed to travel to three places this year to achieve my goal and I already did that just uk-based and then I also got a job that unfolds a lot of travel so this year I've been to Boston America Singapore and Hong Kong which was pretty awesome it was for work and it had its own issues it's been amazing to go abroad because I wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise but I got it obvious you need to so that was a perk I still haven't made it to Scotland but I really really hope I will in like spring or summer martyr I'm still coming for you I've written down home oh you little I did call home walk so what I did was I set a calendar reminder every Sunday it year it would go off and I would have to call home I didn't call home every single week because as mentioned before sometimes when I wasn't doing very well mentally I just say I don't want to talk to my parents I don't want to call home I don't wanna talk to anyone but generally I haven't caught it home for which has been nice I will fix my sleep this year yes who did not fix their sleep this year I went through a bit where I fought I fixed it so it's going to sleep at midnight and waking up at 6:00 and I was like oh I need six hours sleep then that works out that works out with like the REM cycles and whatnot and I felt fine oh I finally cracked it and then after a while my body started saying like no and then it turned out I needed 7.5 hours sleep actually also sleep patterns are so delicate they're so easy to break they're so fragile and you can just snap him like a glow stick also me he'll of anxiety this year when like going to sleep and when waking up it's just you just wake up and you're like oh Yang's ayat he is here and you go to sleep I got anxiety is back a big symptom was like feeling this before like tightness and in your chest so the only thing that really resolved it once I mean let me make an introduction this is dog so I got this comely toy when I was maybe 12 or so and he's been in the wardrobe for a long time even though I'm in my early twenties I need to sleep with a couple a boy also this toy dog is named dog because this is the kind of child I was okay I just thought it was ridiculous to name your cuddly toys and give him like a real human name so I just didn't I just refused to name it he's been across the world with me and has been helping me sleep and has been providing a softer comfort I will be posting a mid-year update in August to reassess all his resolution mid-year update that did not happen okay so 2018 bonfire trash fire multiple fires but hey 2019 is happening I mean it's just a date it's just a yeah but you know what I need hope okay I need it I've set myself some new goals I think two three big issues I had with my resolutions was that I knew what I wanted but I didn't put work in I didn't know how to I didn't put the systems in place except for et cetera to my mental health played a big factor in 2018 thank you and also I need to just simplify really simplify my resolutions and goals so I actually focus on what I want and Noah it's okay my priorities changed anyway goals for 2019 here we go learn the phonetic alphabet for realsies this time I'm actually gonna make it my screensaver on my foot UMass might actually get better at math in 2019 I don't know we'll find out I'm gonna like go through the Khan Academy website and figure out there like modules and whatnot instead that's a concrete goal of like complete certain amount of miles by whip time etc improve my Cantonese a Mandarin I don't know how to set like concrete goals on this but I'm just gonna like hack at it a few hours per week and see how that goes I will do more poetry notes not just open mic but head painting as well I'm gonna be bold and brave and knock on some more doors I'm gonna get back into my side Instagram for twigged beauty I want to hit mm upwards and her numbers are just numbers and following counts as a master and all that stuff but like I just want to set a goal for myself so 2,000 followers it will be make more art so I finally kind of figured out what kind of art I want to do now basically I painted this back in 2016 2017 I don't know but I painted this you might recognize this from my my difficult relationship with art video that's but I just read enough cityscapes and I love this kind of like floating city on a rock kind of concept thing so I just want to stick with this style and obviously like should make it better and a bit more interesting also big thing was that I didn't want to make art and then just have nothing to do with the art afterwards like I'm not going to hang it up because I don't feel like this I'm uncomfortable doing just painting and then hanging my own artworks everywhere it was a bit obnoxious for me to do no shade artists who do do that because your art is amazing I just don't to do that for my own art pieces I want to start putting prints I can't see because that's something I've never done and it would give me like of purpose to like push the artwork like the art would have a place to go afterwards I've got some amazing friends who do do art and make prints of them and put it up on Etsy so I'm gonna like a message there and see what I can do and if it sells it sells it doesn't sell probably also like to do something like painting time lapses as well to put a channel on YouTube I'm gonna try and get back into it a bit more because I do love filming videos I do love anything I do love putting them out there and just like interacting with responses and things like that that's a huge money for me I love interacting with responses so please do comment that's that's that's kind of why I'm here for all those lots of collaborations coming up which is really exciting for me I want to bake a cake just the one cake one cake and the my resolution is done what kind of cake I don't know I just really want to bake a cake and do the frosting and stuff and just make a cake I'm such a domestic goddess yes seven point five hours sleep at night because that is what my body needs so much listen to it and then maybe finally will sleep will be fixed I'm gonna try and go to the gym twice a week when I get as healthy as I can now because I will pay off in the future the final big resolution I've always wanted to start a podcast I've been thinking about it like all of this year it's time to actually do it because there's not actually a huge amount stopping me it's just me fussing out I don't know when a good time to start would be to do it so podcast it's coming thank you all very much for watching I'm sorry I've been away but you know I have to take care of myself please send me good thoughts and wishes for 2019 because I can't have another year like 2017 or 2018 I don't it's just I can't thank you all so much for watching I wish you all a very very happy New Year and all the best to you thank you

5 thoughts on “So 2018 Wasn't Great | Life Update, What Happened and New Year's Resolutions [CC]

  1. Sorry to hear you had a tough year, mine wasn’t great either :/ but I think 2019 will be much better 😀 Oh and I totally know the feeling of morning anxiety, i find meditation, deep breathing and lavender oil capsules help a lot. Looking forward to the cake, podcast, art and more vids!

  2. Oh man. There was some melancholic energy in this video. I also had no idea you had such struggles. I hope things really brighten up this year. Great video! I watched the whole thing 🙂

  3. Lots of love to you, I had no idea you went through this hard time <3. I know therapy is becoming (well, it always kinda was) a luxury but I'd recommend finding a therapist you really connect with. I really hope you can find some more peace of mind very soon <3.
    I know very well what you mean about life getting in the way, I've personally only succeeded in learning skills when they were my main focus for a minimal definite period. If they were a side thing, they never got done. I think that might be because, in order to get the flow of positive feeling from learning the skill, I needed to spend a considerable amount of time on it, and once that was the case, it was a lot easier to keep it going.
    There's a bunch of websites like Khan Academy, and I have to say it is pretty good. I usually use it to better understand a concept I saw in class or need for a project.
    For better understanding maths I found a website that looked like it had everything needed for a fun experience learning maths & other science concepts, but I have yet to use it. Maybe give it a try and tell me if it works for you: Brilliant dot org
    What kind of podcast are you looking to do?

    Also, I went back and looked at my comment on your 2018 video and I thought I'd review my own goals:

    "I've started learning German for my semester in Austria and that's still going very well."
    And it is still going very well! I can understand most conversations (In both standard German and Austrian dialects) and sometimes I even feel comfortable enough to participate in conversations in German.

    "I've continued learning the piano, but it's going to be difficult to keep that up in a foreign country without my keyboard."

    Turns out I met some locals (oh yeah and one of them being the best human ever and my girlfriend btw) who owned a piano and other instruments so I did continue to learn although not very diligently. It's been however almost impossible since September as Uni requires all of my time.

    "I am going to start vlogging about my Austrian journey to learn stuff about filming and editing.
    Nope, I wrote a cringy introduction script, got a cheap mini-tripod and phone microphone on Amazon and never ended up filming or editing anything.

    "I am going to continue reducing my environmental and other unethical impacts."
    Yeah, I guess that holds true although it's harder to notice the improvements when they are not very radical, and when in some aspects I still feel very guilty.

    And I guess I should say something about 2019 as well. This is the year that I graduate with a Master, that I do an internship in Austria with the aim of living here for the foreseeable future and potentially start a PhD. So I guess my one resolution would be to figure out what's next. Find the ladder I want to ascend and put my feet on the first step.

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