Stephen Colbert’s Audience Q&A: Keys To A Successful Marriage


FOLKS, YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS,
BUT I HAVE A NUMBER OF PRE-SHOW RITUALS HERE AT “THE LATE SHOW,”
AND THE HOME AUDIENCE NEVER GETS TO SEE. LET’S JUST SAY, I GO THROUGH A
TON OF GOATS. ALSO, BEFORE EACH AND EVERY
TAPING I COME OUT HERE AND TAKE A FEW AUDIENCE QUESTIONS. WE RECORDED A FEW. TAKE A LOOK. ( APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS I COULD ANSWER BEFORE
I GET GOING? YES, YOUNG LADY.>>Stephen: DO THIS! OSLENDER AS A WILLOW WAND, OH,
CLEARER THAN CLEAR WATER, OH, READ BY THE LIVING POOL, FAIR
RIVER DAUGHTER. OH, SPRINGTIME AND SUMMERTIME
AND SPRING AGAIN AFTER. A WIND ON THE WATERFALL AND THE
LEAVES’ LAUGHTER. ( APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: YOU JUST GOT MARRIED!>>YES.>>Stephen: WHEN A MAN AND A
WOMAN LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH– I KNOW WHAT THE QUESTION
IS– THEY SHARE A SPECIAL HUG– WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION.>>I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAD ANY
MARRIAGE ADVICE.>>Stephen: DO NOT HESITATE TO
SAY, “I’M SORRY.” BECAUSE YOU DON’T LOSE
ANYTHING– YOU CAN’T– WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HIM? SEE, “SEE, I TOLD YOU, I TOLD
YOU, YOU SHOULD SAY.” NOW SAY SORRY TO HER RIGHT NOW. IT WORKS BEAUTIFULLY. I’VE BEEN MARRIED 25 YEARS. DON’T BE AFRAID TO SAY, “YOU’RE
SORRY,” BECAUSE YOU DON’T LOSE.>>Stephen: DO I HAVE A
FAVORITE SOUVENIR FROM THE LAST SHOW? YEAH, CAPTAIN AMERICA SHIELD
RIGHT THERE. ( APPLAUSE )
I GOT A LETTER FROM MASHLE WITH THE SHIELD IN A BIG BOX AND A
LETTER. AND THE LETTER SAID THAT THEY
READ CAPS WILL, AND IN THE WILL HE SAID THAT THE ONLY ONE
PATRIOTIC ENOUGH TO WIELD THE SHIELD WAS MY OLD CHARACTER
STEPHEN COLBERT. I SHOWED IT TO MY WIFE AND HAD
HER READ THE LETTER, AND SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT COMIC BOOKS
OR SUPER HEROES OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. SHE READ IT AND LOOKED UP WITH
TEARS IN HER EYES AND SAID, “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THIS
MEANS, BUT I’M SO PROUD OF YOU.”>>Stephen: IS YOUR OPINION ON
CHICAGO PIZZA THE SAME AS JON STEWART’S? WELL, I KNOW THAT JON STEWART
THINKS THAT CHICAGO PIZZA IS FOR ANIMALS. MY OPINION ON CHICAGO PIZZA IS
THIS, IS THAT I LIVED IN CHICAGO FOR 11 YEARS.>>AND LOVE CHICAGO PIZZA. ( APPLAUSE )
AND WHAT I LIKE ABOUT CHICAGO PIZZA– AND I LIKE A NICE THIN
CRUST. I’M NOT SAYING ONE IS BETTER
THAN THE OTHER. WHAT I DO– I WILL SAY THIS
ABOUT CHICAGO PIZZA– IT IS ALMOST ENTIRELY BUT NOT
COMPLETELY NOT PIZZA. IT IS A BUTTER CRUST BABY POOL
FILLED WITH CHEESE SAUCE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT YOU REALLY NEED A SNORKEL TO REALLY APPRECIATE. AND I LOVE IT. BUT IT’S REALLY– IT’S ALMOST
LIKE YOUTH NEIGHBORRIA TO HAVE A CHICAGO PIZZA BECAUSE IT WILL
PUT YOU DOWN LIKE A TERRIER WITH HIP DYSPLASIA. IT IS NARC LEAPTIC INDUCING. DO YOU LIKE CHICAGO PIZZA?>>I’M FROM NEW YORK. I’VE NEVER HAD A CHICAGO PIZZA.>>Stephen: YES, MA’AM, IN THE
WHITE SWEATER. THAT’S YOU. OR GRAY.>>Stephen: JON? WHERE DID WE FIRST MEET? THAT’S RIGHT, EXACTLY. “THE COLBERT REPORT.” JON WAS A GUEST ON THE SHOW. I DIDN’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT JON. MY BOOKER SAID, “YOU’RE GOING TO
LOVE THIS GUY.” AND YOU CAME ON AND I WENT TO
INTERVIEW YOU, AND I HAD SOME CARDS IN MY HAND, AND YOU WERE
TALKING ABOUT IMPROVISATION IN JAZZ AND YOU SAID…>>Jon: I LIKE TO IMPROVISE,
BUT YOU LIKE TO READ THOSE CARDS, I SEE.>>Stephen: AND I SPENT THE
FIRST 10 YEARS OF MY CAREER AS AN IMPROVISOR AT SECOND CITY AND
I THREW THE CARDS AWAY AND GOT UP REAL CLOSE, WE GOT FACE TO
FACE, AND I SAID, “LET’S TALK.” AND I THREW YOUR ALBUM AWAY TOO. AFTER THE WHOLE THING WAS OVER,
ESPECIALLY AFTER THEY PLAYED AND TORE THE ROOF OFF THE PLACE, I
THOUGHT I COULD SPEND A LOT OF TIME WITH THAT GUY. IT WAS KISMET. IT WAS A VERY HAPPY ACCIDENT. THANK YOU, I THANK ALL OF YOU
ALL. THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: I’LL GIVE YOU A
HINT. HE HAS THE NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

100 thoughts on “Stephen Colbert’s Audience Q&A: Keys To A Successful Marriage

  1. We clearly need more of this!! Wonderful side to Stephen we see in this. Need more of such!

  2. 11 years in Improvisational Theatre shows in The Late Show. Watch Dean Martin's TV program and you can see the results of working with Jerry Lewis: the slapstick, the fall down prat fall, the supposedly unrehearsed chaos,…etc.

  3. We need to hear more about this: https://www.rawstory.com/2019/07/judge-rules-trump-must-face-lawsuit-over-alleged-multilevel-marketing-scheme/

  4. i got it!
    trump must have tried to hit on Colbert's wife!
    that must be it

  5. 5HANKS STEPHEN FOR NOT HAVING DRUMPF- BALLOON -MAGOO ON YOUR SHOW. RATINGS WOULD PLUMMET. 🤣

  6. A guest that never came back could have been one that died shortly after the interview.

  7. Sorry, but Jon Batiste, who seems like a nice guy, is terrible at verbal improvisation. He just repeats what Stephen has said, or painfully explains Stephen's jokes. His musical improv is fine, and I really wish he would stick largely to the music.

  8. I love these! Was lucky enough to see Colbert live last year. He really is very friendly and accomodating to the audience members before the show. Hopefully will make it back there one day.

  9. Whether in character (like "The Colbert Report") or being himself, Stephen never fails to deliver.



    MEANWHILE(see what I did there?), Trump's still trying to figure out what he meant by "nuclear launch codes", & why the staff won't let him anywhere near them.

  10. That caption is wrong on the last question… Should be "Can you tell us a guest that you'd never have back" not "you've never had back"

  11. Well add me to the list of people thinking you need to post these more often.

  12. Stephen Colbert is my hero along with Bernie Sanders. #SandersColbert2020 #NotMe.Us.

  13. I appreciate this bc this is what I was looking for independently before I knew you answered it.

  14. As a straight man I gotta say: That's 5 minutes and 8 seconds proof right there, that intelligence is sexy

  15. saying you are sorry is not the same as actually BEING sorry, ACTIONS speak louder than FAKE NEWS, just sayin

  16. What ever you are doing, pease keep doing it. Respect and appreciation to you and everyone that makes your show so entertaining. As Yogi Berra said “You can observe a lot by just watching.”

  17. Is it just me or was Jon's talking voice much deeper than usual at times here? 😅

  18. 🎶… But if you want to know
    How I really feel
    Get the cameras rolling
    Get the action going
    Baby you know my love for you is real
    Take me where you want to
    Then my heart you'll steal
    More, more, more
    How do you like it, how do you like it
    More, more, more… 🎶

  19. Colbert can just recite the Lord of the Rings by heart. Because of course he can.

  20. Thank you for sharing this behind the scenes. 🥰 And I liked hearing how you and Jon met

  21. He has the new clear lunch codes? Like 3, 2,1, cheeseburger 🍔? 🤔 Greetz from Switzerland Second. Keep Switzerleave Small 🇨🇭

  22. Stephen
    talks to black guy for 2 minutes
    “Thank All of Y’aallll!!!”
    Lmao

  23. And I know a ton of people are gonna look up that interview from the Colbert Report with Jon Batiste now.

  24. I seriously doubt that Donald Trump has the nuclear launch codes. He can barely figure out the code to his phone let alone something as serious as that. haha

  25. He’s living solidly in his geekdom and I for one, am so here for it!!!!!

  26. Colbert is a class act. Little few have the heart, integrity and intelligence he has. He knows how to make people feel at ease. That lord of the rings bit was beautiful

  27. Luckily Trump was an obvious choice there, but sure there’s more … 😉 *curiousity peaked*

  28. I know you're reading this if you keep putting the double commercials on there I will quit watching your YouTube

  29. My brother was the one that asked about Chicago pizza. It's now the highlight for my family for forever!

  30. This should become a daily series like Trevor Noah’s between the scenes

  31. Get you a man like Colbert. 😂

    Also we need more of these videos. They’re great

  32. On a Stephen Colbert related note, I just discovered Ben and Jerry's American Dream ice cream in my local grocery store with guess whose smiling, adorably happy face is on the container! He really looks like he could be part elf, or hobbit, or something wonderful, doesn't he? Check it out. Let's have some ice cream!

  33. "I'll give you a hint. He has the nuclear launch codes"….speechless. We just don't have to guess who.

  34. Terrific! In my opinion the most effective web-site that pays on a daily basis is FunOnlineWork .Com (remove space)

  35. Aww thank you for doing this for your online audience Stephen!! :)) love these Q&A’s!!

  36. I just googled and watched The Colbert Report from 2014 when he met Jon Baptiste. What a connection they had. Great episode and happy for us they met like they did. ♯♫♪♬
    https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6ncjy1

  37. When you have to wear special garments for an extra spicy meal:
    Nuclear lunch coats

  38. See how naturally that heteronormativity trips off his tongue. For Christ’s sake, Stephen, even if you could tell someone’s gender by looking, “young lady” is not remotely equivalent to “sir.” It’s incredibly sexist. “Lady” itself is roughly equivalent to “gentleman” and is a Victorian relic from a time when concepts gender enforced a code of behavior which included concepts – for women – like “be seen and not heard.” “Young” – especially if you only use it for feminine-presenting people – reinforces the sexist idea that women lose value as they age. You can just say “friend” and finally grow up from the 1950s.

  39. We need more of these. I like watching The Daily Show with Trevor Noah segments "between the scene" where he, just like this, takes questions from the audience.

  40. Please. More of this! Q&A’s are always quirky and for the most part non-pandering to anyone.

  41. Oh, that song about Tom Bombadil wife as I remember, it was beautiful. And impressive. I remember just half of all the songs and most of them in translation

  42. Find someone who looks at you the way Joe the drummer looks at Stephen.

    –Dave, they don't even have to be your TYPE

  43. Haha what a nerd! Haha so cute! He knew that off the top of his head so fast!

  44. Wow, that was so great to hear how Jon Batiste and Stephen Colbert met! So, yah, I'm going to bed now, let Sir Stephen whisper sweet Lord of the Ring lullabies to my heart. <3 Really now, if ever a man needed to be knighted.

  45. Was it Trevor Noah that started these authentic personal question clips in the industry? If so, he did a good job. Anyone ever think it’d create that ripple effect?

  46. Put the video back up of him telling the story of how he met his wife! You take all the best videos down!

  47. Love that main networks are seeing what niche networks like Comedy Central y Showtime are doing with their shows and putting the pre-tapes up online now, we see you, you’re not low. Stephen’s still great tho.

  48. I love when he smiles and his whole face lights up, he's adorable.

  49. But you should have 🍊 back here just for fun (repulse) after he leaves office though

  50. I had to Google "who has the nuclear launch code". I thought there had to be more than person who each carried part of the code. But I was wrong.

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