Substitute Teacher – SNL


>>>ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SETTLE
DOWN. THIS CLASS DONE ALREADY RAN OFF
ANOTHER TEACHER! SO WE GOT YOU A SUBSTITUTE
TODAY. ALSO, WHAT IS THAT SMELL IN
HERE? YOUR CHANGING BODIES ARE PUMPING
OUT SO MUCH SWEAT, NOW YOU’RE TRYING TO COVER IT UP WITH AXE
BODY SPRAY. IT’S NOT WORKING!
YOU FAKING LITTLE HOT POCKET! ANYWAY, YOUR SUBSTITUTE TEACHER
IS HERE SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO THIS DUDE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>WHAT UP, FAM?
MY NAME IS DALE SWEEZE. YOU CAN CALL ME DALE.
YOU CAN CALL ME SWEEZE. LET’S TAKE THE “MISTER” OUT OF
THE PICTURE.>>OH, MAN, NOT THIS GUY.
>>HEY, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION, MI HOMBRE.
YOU LIKE HIP-HOP? YOU LIKE DOPE BEATS?
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THE GREATEST RAPPER OF ALL-TIME
ISN’T TUPAC. ISN’T BIGGIE.
IT’S ACTUALLY –>>SHAKESPEARE?
>>IT’S ACTUALLY — SHAKESPEARE.>>YEAH, DUDE, WE KNOW.
YOU’RE NOT THE FIRST WELL-MEANING THUG TO TRY AND
REACH US THROUGH HIP-HOP.>>LET ME GUESS.
YOU WERE ABOUT TO OPEN YOUR LAPTOP AND PERFORM A RAP VERSION
OF HAMLET’S “TO BE OR NOT TO BE.”
>>NO!>>”TO BE OR NOT TO BE, THAT IS
THE QUESTION.”>>NO.
I WASN’T GOING TO DO THAT.>>OH, WOW.
YOU ALREADY RECORDED IT, VERY SAD.
>>THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT INSPIRING BECAUSE I CAME IN HERE
THINKING I WAS THE TEACHER BUT MAYBE YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BE
THE ONES THAT –>>TEACH YOU?
>>DAMN.>>WE’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS SO
MANY TIMES, MAN. THERE WAS THAT DIVORCE LADY WHO
USED HIP-HOP TO TEACH US POETRY.>>YEAH SXSHLGTS AND THAT WHITE
BALLET DANCER FROM LAST WEEK.>>FIRST WE TAUGHT HER HIP-HOP,
THEN SHE TAUGHT US BALLET. BUT FOR SOME REASON SHE COULD
ONLY TEACH US BALLET THROUGH HIP-HOP.
>>NOW I WOULD LOVE JUST LIKE A QUIET MATH CLASS.
>>WELL, LET ME TELL YOU MY STORY.
IT JUST MIGHT SURPRISE YOU.>>NOT LIKELY.
>>I WENT OUT TO HOLLYWOOD, DID THE WHOLE ACTORS THING.
I WAS OUT THERE FOR OVER SEVEN WEEKS.
YOU KNOW HOW MANY PARTS I GOT? ZERO.
KNOW HOW MANY AUDITIONS I WENT ON?
OVER FOUR. [ LAUGHTER ]
ONE DAY I SAID TO MYSELF, WAIT A MINUTE, DALE, WHAT IF THE
GREATEST PART IN THE GREATEST MOVIE IS DALE SWEESE IN REAL
LIFE?>>COOL, MAN, BEFORE YOU EVEN
STARTED TALKING I WROTE DOWN “WENT TO HOLLYWOOD.
FAILED HARD.” [ LAUGHTER ]
>>WHOA, MY MAN. YOU JUST PUT THE SYSTEM ON
TRIAL. AND SO AM I.
WE’RE GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE TODAY.
NOT A MOVIE FOR THEM, A MOVIE FOR YOU.
>>THEM? WHO IS THEM?
AND PLEASE BE SPECIFIC.>>A LITTLE MOVIE CALLED
“STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON.”>>WE’VE WATCHED THAT SIX TIMES,
IN I KNOW IT BY HEART.>>LET’S START OVER.
SEEMS LIKE YOU B-BOYS AND HOMEGIRLS GOT IT ALL FIGURED
OUT, RIGHT? WHAT ABOUT YOU SLUGGER?
YOU’VE BEEN PRETTY QUIET OVER THERE.
MAYBE YOU DON’T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW YOU CAN’T READ?
>>YOU THINK SHE CAN’T READ? THIS IS AN AP ENGLISH CLASS.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>I’M QUIET BECAUSE I’M STUNNED
AND EMBARRASSED FOR YOU.>>OH!
>>WHOA!>>WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON
HERE? ARE YOU TRYING TO TOUCH THE
STUDENTS?>>I’M TRYING TO TOUCH ALL THESE
STUDENTS! [ LAUGHTER ]
>>MAN, GET OUT OF HERE.>>I WILL GET OUT AND I’M TAKING
MY CLASS WITH ME. FOLLOW ME, SCHOLARS, TO THE
FIELDS! QUESTION EVERYTHING!
>>YEAH. THAT’S A HARD PASS.
>>AND IT STILL SMELLS IN HERE, YOU CLAMMY LITTLE BOOGERS!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

100 thoughts on “Substitute Teacher – SNL

  1. I WANNA BE IN THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS

  2. I was so sure he would say that the best rapper was Alexander Hamilton

  3. This reminds me of Happy Tree Friends, Lumpy trying to teach students

  4. Where is President Obama's Anger translator Luther alias Mr. Garvy¿

  5. The fuck is this and why is it in my recommended list, shit isn't funny at all, it's like humour for 9 year olds

  6. Who else noticed That one of the students said “I just want a quiet math class” and later another student said “this is an ap English class”

  7. Dead poets society???? I so heard a quote from that movie "question everything!!!"
    I freaking love that movie 😂

  8. Lin Manuel Miranda walks in
    Me: "Alexander Hamilton,my name is alExANdEr hAMilTon!!"

  9. The accuracy level of everything about this sketch is over 9000!

  10. Kids are teachers 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🥳🥳🥳🥳🤩😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇

  11. LIn you got it wrong
    the best rapper is not Shakespeare it's
    Alexander Hamilton

  12. I didnt even know lin manuel was in this and i already liked this but NOW I LOVE OT

  13. This isn't funny – nothing happened. There was no action – there was no point. It's not funny…..There's wasn't any motion to the script. He couldn't teach because they already knew everything – ok….so what? That's not funny – that's unfortunate. Something has to happen BECAUSE of the fact that he couldn't teach because they knew everything. They were commenting on the portrayal of race and education in movies – I got that part. But what else?

  14. If anyone walks in and says what up fam just close your eyes and sleep

  15. that was so awkard as well i guess snl cast players just smoke you if you dont read the script

  16. Who thought he was gonna teach history.. ALEXANDER HAMILTON WERE WAITING IN THE WINGS FOR YOUUUUU

  17. Am I the only one who just flat out doesn't like Leslie Jones?

  18. I’m expecting some random dude but my man Hamilton busts open that door

  19. The first teacher kind of reminds me of Ms. Applegate from the Kindergarten.

  20. Why do I want to hear Gangsta's Paradise right now? I really don't care, because I love that song…

  21. Starts of with “Alright alright”
    Me, an adoring Hamilton fan: THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT NOW EVERYONE LETS GIVE IT UP TO THE MAIDE OF HONOR ANGELICA SCHUYLERRR

  22. The principal isn’t funny why was the fake laugh put in with the principal

  23. Finish the lyrics:
    I i’m not throwing away my shot I am not throwing away my shot-

    How does a bastard orphan son of a whore and a Scotsman-

    After the war I went back to New York a-a-after the war I went back to New York-

    Pardon me are you Aron Burr sir that depends who’s asking oh sure sir-

    I am not the type to try and grab the spotlight we were at a revel with some-

    I remember that night I just might regret that night for the rest of my days-

    Then boom goes another whip and boom goes another ship and boom-

  24. OMG I LOVE IT! 😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹

  25. My teacher actually did this she did like 5 lessons on how 2pac is a "hip" version of Shakespeare and showed us like 7 video about rap and poetry

  26. It’s weird at 1 point Mikey Day said I just want a quit math class and later they say this is an AP English class

  27. When he said whatd up fam I had to turn off my phone and contemplate my choices for a little bit

  28. The only way to introduce lin Manuel Miranda is with him saying " wadup fam "

  29. 2:06 says its a math class but later the girl says its a ap english class, smh

  30. If they every remake Sanford and sun (please don't) then that black girl at the beginning needs to play aunt Ester.

  31. Sign: Went to Hollywood. Failed Hard.
    Teacher: Are you trying to touch a student?
    Lin: I'm trying to touch all these students! …. /wait/.

  32. Did anyone else thought that the sub looked like the guitarist for System of a Down.

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