Tea Talk #1 | Coming out as a Romance Writer to unsupportive family and friends



hi everyone and welcome to the first ever tea talk now tea talks are synonymous with pep talks and they have nothing to do with spilling the tea which is something totally different these are just meant to be a very unscripted personal one-on-one conversation between you me and anybody else who wants to add in the comments kind of the struggles that we have as romance writers so I think that you know as soon as you announce and that's what we'll talk about today sort of coming out as a romance writer and the challenges with that is you end up facing a lot of ridicule a lot of criticism I rollin confuse looks and sort of very unsupportive discouraging questions so let's talk a little bit about that in kind of some solutions that I have to overcome that and not get too discouraged by those situations so if you're a new year my name is Lisa and I'm a romance writer and I just started this channel because I like talking about romance books and writing them so if you're wondering what I am drinking in my tea I just have some mint leaves and this is a corpsicle mug I know a lot of people use like a traditional tea mug when they have tea time with a little handle but quite honestly this is much more functional it is first of all it's just a beautiful rose gold and it's one of those double insulated cups because I sip tea really slowly it takes me maybe like 2 or 3 hours to make it through one of these and it gets cold so the stainless steel helps it to stay warm so it's just a little bit more functional and just in case you're wondering I make no money from course called advertising these these are just my favorite mugs to have around the house to drink warm beverages in and cold beverages it actually keeps cold things cold as well and next week I'm going to try out eating ice cream in them because sometimes I eat ice cream slow and that melts pretty quickly and in fact if you wanted to hang out in a more interactive one-on-one situation where we're talking and chatting Jesse Elliot another romance author and I host ice cream socials randomly I don't know that we have dates Jessie does a lot of travel we're trying to host them on Friday nights or maybe Wednesday nights we haven't really picked today but we will always advertise them on our channels and on Instagram and Facebook so make sure to follow us there now today I was saying we should just talk about coming out as a romance writer because I think the first step in really creating a space and an environment and a world for you as a romance author is letting other people in your life know so you don't have to hide it and a big part of that is making sure that you have the right support and encouragement whether it's your family your friends your roommate whoever is around you so that you have the space to write now I think the first thing you should know is if you've ever had a negative reaction when someone told you when you told someone that you were a romance writer you should know that you're not alone but more importantly you don't have to win everybody over right so you should really 1 define what does support mean to you from that particular person and have you communicated that to them in a positive way so that you've set them up for success to continue being your friend and continue supporting you and are starting to support you in this new endeavor I think a huge part of it is people get disappointed because and again people can't read your mind so if you need your friends to high-five you and say that's awesome that's great that you're writing romance then you need to let them know in case they don't or if you just want them to maybe just say nothing until you're ready to share more details that's ok as well I think the biggest complaint when you go to romance writer conferences or even to a romance writers group for the first time I know the number one thing that all of us bonded over was how little support that we received from our significant others in our lives whether that's your husband or your parents or your boyfriend people were just very confused because you probably had a regular corporate day job or whatever you were doing had nothing to do with romance writing and you probably didn't go to school for romance writing because there's no such thing as a degree in romance and most people who get maybe creative writing degrees or English degrees are usually on the MFA Bound track where they're writing literary fiction which is very different or they're maybe going to be schoolteachers so this could be a shock to the people in your life and I think the biggest problem is that people were worried about financial hardships that writing could incur on the household because quite honestly it does take a long time to learn the craft of writing and you will be doing a lot of work where there may be no results to show for it for quite a long time and I'm when I say quite a long time I mean years so it's very hard for people who don't write to kind of understand that process because they see other passions and endeavors where you start to want to do something you produce some work and then you sell it versus writing I think honestly the longer you can wait before you put out a debut novel the better it will be because writing is just like anything else like playing the piano or learning to paint you need to practice and for some reason people have this misconception that you can just write your first book and it will be a best-seller and if it's not a best-seller that means you're not a good author and I don't think that's true at all I think writing is learned just like every other skill whether it is creative or it is maybe computer science so don't give up and know that everybody in your life doesn't have to 100% support you but and again I've never been married and I don't have any kids so I don't know those kind of struggles but I do know what it means to be your own cheerleader so that's a cute hashtag that I really like and as someone who has been single for her whole life I've pretty much had to be my number one support system so I did make a small list of a couple things that I've done that kind of helped me out and even though I said this is unscripted I too have a list for you I too like listicles the first one is sometimes I would just journal if I wanted so I hate being negative right like I hate complaining but it helps me to at least acknowledge those feelings that I'm having and put them in a journal and whether or not I read them again later it still helped to get them out there somewhere into the world the other thing is I would just send myself subscription boxes and I know that sounds small but sometimes you just need to give yourself like a little gift every month or sometimes I would buy myself cards or flowers or things to send to myself when I reach certain milestones and again you know sometimes unless you published a book it's almost like it's not acceptable to celebrate finishing a first draft because people are kind of like okay great but you still need to revise it and are you going to make any money from it so if you're just doing this for yourself because you're being your own cheerleader then you don't need to explain your actions to anyone else you can just do that for yourself I also kept a support posse on 24/7 and I'm not talking about people to go to I'm talking about videos podcasts recordings that I love listening to Joel Osteen is probably the favorite my favorite motivational speaker right after Brandon Bouchard as well as there are a ton of great motivational videos out there on YouTube I will leave some links below to things that I like into my playlists in case those are helpful to you as well I also have a huge book arsenal of super supportive books there's a really great book about and it's written by 33 romance authors and it talks about their each of them give a story on their struggles because it took them so long to get published and most of these authors I should say most I think all of these authors this book is older we're going for traditional published books because back then self-publishing really wasn't an option like it is today so they talked about the struggles and how long it took and how they kind of kept their themselves motivated another thing I love to do is have a Pinterest board with all of my favorite quotes so I will leave that for you below as well and I love putting up positive affirmation notes to myself all around my apartment next to the bed when I wake up right above the sink I brush my teeth right at my office desk and those always kind of kept me up and I don't have to wait or need a supportive or encouraging word from somebody else because I've already given it to myself so again I love the support that I get from my friends and honestly I have sort of shaved down the people that aren't as supportive or kind of mock and make fun of my romance writing and I didn't cut them out but I just don't talk to them as much and you know whether or not you decide that you don't want those people in your life or want to try to communicate with them on how to support you better is really decision you need to make but I know for me I did try and if they weren't able to sort of get on board that was okay everybody is their own person but I do obviously gravitate more towards the positive people in my life who do support and encourage my romance writing so though I think all of these including a huge list of being your own cheerleader ideas is going to help you to sustain a long productive and positive romance writing careers so if you have other ideas on how to be your own cheerleader make sure to leave them below because I'm sure everybody else would love to hear them alright I hope everyone is having a fabulous Friday and I will see you guys next week and if you like these T talks I'm going to try to do them the first Friday of every month so I will see you back for another tea talk in June I

6 thoughts on “Tea Talk #1 | Coming out as a Romance Writer to unsupportive family and friends

  1. Share your ideas on how to #BYOC – we could all use some self-love tips for Romance Writers!

  2. I’m thinking on setting up a sighing. You have any ideas

  3. Hi Lisa my book is out now MarksOfficial: but for now you can only buy on there website AuthorHouse.com

  4. I’m sorry to hear your friends/family weren’t all very supportive of your writing endeavors. Good for you for pushing through and being your own cheerleader! ❤️

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