The International Writers Festival 2019: Tell it to Lolita: Literature in the #MeToo Era

my name is Donna Specter I'm an Israeli journalist in one of Israelis many many dying newspapers because we all know that in newspapers are dying these days and when I got the three of these young lady's books to read I didn't know what was in store for me I was quite happy before I read them actually I didn't know what will happen when I read these three wonderful novels they broke my heart to be quite honest all three of those and novelist they wrote books that broke my heart and made me realise that I'm leaving a really really sheltered privileged life because when you look at their heroines and what they're going through you understand your life is amazing and so let's say go book by book and author by author and then start okay say hello everybody hi Shalom okay so this is Anna oh thank you she's my friend seriously so I'm gonna say are your bum ease ID BIOS name and hope I pronounced it right io balmy ah di bio right from Nigeria yep okay so she wrote a book called stay with me which is a story about a young oh yeah please applause yes thank you thank you for doing this without me asking she wrote a wonderful wonderful book called stay with me which is about a young couple in the 8th in 1980s in Nigeria who is so very much in love the woman is wonderful she's strong she's beautiful she's a feminist and the guy who's named a Kim is crazy about about her and his strength he really loves her so when they start out this couple in this album is a book they start out so in love and I swear to each other that are not gonna have polygamy marriage which was very customary in Nigeria at that time taking a second and even a third woman they swore to each other that the future will be modern and amazing they're just they're in love with each other and everything would be fine and then tradition came in and when they couldn't have children this wonderful couple that she wrote about they found out that his mother and the rest of the village wants him to take a second wife and from then on it goes horribly wrong and the beautiful love beautiful modern love of two strong people is tarnished and ruined so hello are you bumming hi sorry I almost fell down should not warned that high heels I will sit down and explain about Emily Emily mati is an israeli spokesperson journalist TV host and lately of late a politician a wonderful politician she always says what's on her mind she gets in trouble but she's wonderful she's so brave seriously and book is blue marks and it's about a woman young a really really young woman twenty years old who came from a bad bad neighborhood in Israel and came to Paris to find a future and she's so hopeful it's like again a book about hope it begins so hopefully she's so hopeful to find a beautiful for your future in France in Paris and then she meets the wrong man and yeah and then she has to kill the wrong man that she met because he attacked her and raped her and it's about a book about losing hope which Emily didn't let me tell you that give a round of applause for Emily and glue marks tada thank you and this is Donna looks not luxe looks it's very important she won't cook all de Wow that's that book made me get really angry at my husband for no reason because no seriously it's it's it's a book about it's like a little small girl named Samira who's of gypsy origins and she's a beautiful girl she's raised in an orphanage in Ukraine and then she escapes escapes this terrible orphanage because her friend has been adopted and gone to Germany and she wants to come and see this friend in Germany and then she goes out to the streets of Ukraine and it's like Little Red Riding Hood she's a small beautiful girl in a world full of wolves and the guys are just pigs what'd they do to her one grooms have to be his own personal sexual pet the first one okay right I'm right he's also nice okay I see in your face don't tell too much okay doesn't matter she meets a lot of bad guys okay that's it I will not say too much did I spoil you only of your books and it's no I didn't do spoilers wow that's really okay so let's start so you are all young authors this is your first book I'm right yep say yes okay so this is your first books and you chose to deal with pretty heavy painful women issues such as domestic abuse polygamy you know rape prostitution child prostitution why just why that's my first question how did you come lonna start how do you come to be it's a good question and as you can imagine many people asked me that before and as you can imagine I asked it myself because when I started to write this book I was pregnant so it didn't fit into my whole life situation at all I am their idea to the book came to me during a creative writing workshop and it actually was a writing workshop for children books wonderful honor yes so like you know maybe some of you knows this um this way to get creative in writing by picking a photo like randomly photo and then it was it you did in the class photos to choose from right you choose a photo and then you imagine like what could this person be like so I was pregnant and while I was like hmm slow walking in front to pick your photos the best photos were taken and the only photo was there was a very famous one and no nobody wanted to take this very famous foot it was a photo of the Afghan young girl with the green eyes yes yes I know this photo everybody know I forgot everybody knows that white nobody choose it you know what a cliche it was a cliche you can't imagine like something into something you know already yeah but I I took this photo and while I were walking back to my seat this character was in my mind was the whole story familiar yes story of familiar I asked the green eyes what's your name and she told me Sameera and I never heard this name before I was sure I work I was making this name up and I was quite proud but later I told people like yes my character's name was Sameera what do you think and everybody yeah I knew one and yeah my grandmother's name is also Sameera yeah but you I don't know why I picked it you know the character picked me but somehow it related to everything I saw in my life and topics were interesting to me and everything I observed I observed all the homeless children when I grew up in the Ukraine I observed very very young prostitutes in front of my window when I moved to Hamburg and later to Berlin I get always confused by this you know yeah so do I would think it was it a war but it's not a war it's just an ambulance yeah and also I worked for a long time for 13 years as a master are you a masseuse yes okay so you know something about a small scale of interesting yeah you can say read guys yep I met also some good one but yes they're like you know like everywhere you can't just have the one without the other yeah and but I know how it is to be seen as an sexual object let's say this and I never told this anywhere before you know just because I'm not the car I'm just like yeah I thought it wasn't wonderful my career and I just behave how I want and nobody will know when I go back home if we won't tell anybody that you've been a masseuse but thank you for sharing that I understand now you know what it means what it feels like and this is why so many where it's such a brilliantly written every thank you Emily what what about you my friend well with a broken leg blue marks is not a book about rape like Anna Karenina is not a book about a extramarital pregnancy I'm not comparing the two I just wanted to mention something you all know it's a book about the impossibility to go through your destiny to to try to be something you deserve to be something you want to be but you can't because you are in prison of your family of your area of many unjustice issues so it's more than modern book about the power the balance between men and women it's more book about the impossibility to to go out to be someone else to go because it is not from the right class right she's from the wrong she's from the right she she wasn't born to the right class to the right class of course and she never wanted to be there so she was always looking for something else some hope and it's true she met this guy and for her it was like the new life she always wanted to have and unfortunately and likely ten but it's not a book about right I'm sorry okay can you hear me in the back okay why this novel so it began the character the woman's character agent is character as for me many stories begin with thinking about a particular person that I've imagined and trying to fill up what I think to be the gaps in their lives and sort of following them and they tell me more about themselves and then I have a whole novel I know it sounds a little cookie but that's kind of how it works for me I was like a real author okay but with this particular character she was connected to a moment that I had with someone I actually knew who was the mother of a friend who had passed on and I ran into her and about two years after my friend passed away and was just moved by how much she had changed not just in terms of a physical oozing a child yes who was your friend lost a daughter who was your yes really good friend yeah we we grew up in the same community our parents work together so we were I mean our parents were burying us the same backpacks and things like that so yeah we since I was about six we'd sort of been in each other's lives and I remembered seeing this woman and just been observing her I had the opportunity to observe her for about an hour because we were at the same event and we're sitting at the same table for maybe about 15 minutes and was just shocked by how much she had changed the way she moved through the world and there was this expression she had on our face when she looked at me but I couldn't get out of my mind for about two weeks you know and at the end of that period I decided to write about a character who was sort of modeled after her and when I was done with it I sort of realized that a short story wouldn't get out of my mind and about two to three years later I began to work on the novel so there's a sense in which it begins more as for me at least as a book about surviving what might be the greatest loss in your life you know and what kind of person what what does that do to you thing about the disease which is called right yes yes well I have to remember the name of the disease no no doctor this is it's very hard for me in English to remember the name of the disease sickle cell anemia right yeah so yes so I spent a lot of time thinking about what it must mean to love a child who is he'll and then to perhaps lose their child and have to go on leave in your own life yeah there's a lot of things that didn't happen a lot of things happen in the novel but all of that comes later in subsequent years while I'm working on the manuscript it's kind of beautiful cause you wrote a beautiful love story to the moon the woman who gave birth to the friend that you lost to your friend's mother I think it's wonderful did she read it did she find herself in it the mother for your friend good question I had to make all of that hope but I mean she was the inspiration and I think it might be a very difficult book for her to read actually yes maybe we should just leave it between us here in Israel you're right but we are in a panel called the Lolita didn't complain so we have to talk about the connections of your or all of your stories to the mean to movement was this kind of it's a hard question to ask because I don't know if you I believe in the question but I will try and ask it was this kind of a political movement political ideas on your shoulders while you were writing did you think about feminism do you think about your gonna change the world or cause you know cause awareness with this kind of writing about women's issues or did you just write what you wanted and then that gender came you understand X can i yep feminism it's not agenda for me no it's part of my blood so I cannot write as a woman no as a something without being that's amazing to your question and about me too I write this book when I was twenty like eighteen years ago we knew nothing about me too we knew nothing about a relation between men and women when you that we are a sexual object and the look of a man is well it's like something we should live with and not be against it so I'm very glad about me too I think it's a very important movement it changed my life it changed life of many others and I can't separate between me as Emily as a woman as a politician and as a feminist it is a bit of a your book has a bit of autobiographical you know how it feels to be objectified so horribly right in a way yes yes and you didn't complain it was before we were supposed to be good girls I know the feeling I was too young to complain yes I know the feeling so now you're being a politician maybe to even change that maybe you believe the power power of I'm working on it but as you know my party lost they know it's not your fault you lost the election we got a six man that so not yet but maybe one day next election I hope so I believe so so Lana yeah if I would know the word feminism maybe it it had been easier for me to be a girl's a days because I'm I always felt like not the right kind of girl I know that feeling trust me um also I wasn't like this not kind right right kind of girl because I was so I looked like a girl and I looked like a doll like kukukaka and and I knew how to behave and I knew everything about this play but I felt always wrong like always so I played this plane to play perfect you know I was an actress from the youngest age on and I knew how to behave to be treated well to be seen and to get all your stuff together but it felt wrong and I saw so many things in relationship between my parents between their friends between older sisters and brothers of my friends and I hated it I hated the lie I saw the sly always I see I Teleflora since lie about and when people are together but I see they are not but they pretend they are and everybody pretend like they wouldn't see anything and my also my grandmother hated my grandfather you know he was awful she was wonderful he hated him and like he told like she told me quiet before dying and he was already dead like I don't know 15 years or something god bless him but yes she told me she never loved him you know she never loved him and she's still being together with him because yeah why and that was always my question why and when I get older I just wanted to be a boy identify and it was mine never have to deal with those questions volumes manhood what does it mean to be man am I good enough or do maybe yours may be yours but not the others believe me I know them yeah maybe of mom yeah not all of them but some of them do we I don't think it's easy to be a man I think also it's very hard to be a like a man without being an asshole because everybody yeah yeah because because default no now because everybody expects us from you because all your peers are behave flexes and if you as a boy don't fit in so yeah you're a pussy and you get treated like girls get treated I Obama's book the guy started as a wonderful guy right wonderful like the men of my dreams is wonderful he's so gentle and nice and society makes him into an sorry asshole into yeah right yes yes so I think it's it's also hard to be a man but I recognized I want to be a boy and a man because I want to decide whom today I want to ask you were yeah and also I wanted to be somebody asks the girls out so later in my 20s I recognize I'm bisexual but at that moment it wasn't just about this it was also like I don't want to make myself pretty and wait if I'm good enough you know the volumes are also always wrong when you're a woman it's like Alice in Wonderland yeah too loud you too honest she's too talkative your earth sends out in curls who's been personally to be right even you Emily with green eyes in the pearls blue sari you never feel like the right woman right woman women enough right me in general I feel a good with myself in a boy much better than English so you should they thank me for speaking English tonight because you're wonderful yes so I mean working on the novel I I don't necessarily with this book I wasn't necessarily thinking about say issues it inevitably begins with the character but because characters don't I mean at least my characters don't exist in a vacuum or in space you have to deal with your material reality and what are the consequences of the kind of hot bringing they have what are the consequences of the expectations that society has of them for instance and I mean for you today's character and for a number of the women in the novel I feel like there is a keen awareness of how they're supposed to perform being female and how they're supposed to perform motherhood for instance and femininity and how that expectation strips them of not just the individuality but their humanity and we ta today's character one of the things that I was really really mattered to me was later on in the novel after sort of suffering a lot of loss she kind of comes to the hint of herself and cannot be the kind of mother that everybody expects her to be and I'm yes and I'm fascinated by how people judge that character for those moments and by how Ashley we judge women do you think you've been judged as a single woman not not being girly or sleeping with too much men when your mother you learn what judgment is all about that's for sure motherhood is the yeah the most horrible judgment of women that exists for me yeah things that sort of instigated that was observing since I was a teenager Wow I don't know how it happens in other countries but you know I think the nightdress we refer to ourselves sometimes as the nation of unsolicited advice you know like everybody knows how you're supposed to live your life and they are willing to tell you and I feel like with women it is so wonderful how someone you met five minutes ago knows how you should dress you know and is happy to inform you and one of the things that I always found troubling was with mothers particularly when women were carrying babies was you should do this you should do that you should do this and I always wondered what must it feel like you know to constantly be told that you're not doing this right yes mother's here and they were tell you first we start with the baby right put a blanket on him he's cold he's warm and maybe you know other judgments as mothers you want to share a girl so women Zoe yeah you know I I don't think I think I had a lot of problems in life but that wasn't part of it because i i i just told the world to fuck off now really i I know the feeling I mean I have many others issues but my motherhood I'm very proud of my girls the proud of me I hope so I want him them to be proud but I'm not asking those question and I don't care about what I think about my motherhood with all due respect I'm speechless well done I stopped with the talkbox since yes the last stop no actually I don't feel like maybe that's also part of it which doesn't put me into this category and the problem but if I ask myself why don't I feel like a mother or also do not want to feel like one and be called like one and so I get to the point yeah because being mother is a very touchable topic it's obliging yeah and my my daughter oh she's five now and she told me I'm like I don't know two three months ago something like you don't I don't feel like you're my mom you're more like my sister I was like cool it's like my honor once she told me I want to be when I go out I want to be a simple woman like you isn't it wonderful I mean she see me as someone some nice and simple it's wonderful I felt so good I doesn't speak to me cause she's 13 and I envy you but let's move on I was talking to this guy about this panel I'm gonna be simple about this it was talking to this guy about this panel this morning yeah so upset with me no don't say the radio because then he would know it's him and then I would feel a guy on today and he got so mad he told me you women with the mid-to movement you're such victims you speak like every man is a rapist and you're victims and it's panels like this did that just make women like victims that are you know so weak in a sense and I got really mad and I told him I will talk to you about what he said and always also will tell you that loan and Shriver who wrote actually she's a wonderful author she wrote say let's talk about Kevyn Orr we need to talk about kevin louder Shriver and author she also said the same thing guys actually she said I don't like the me to movement I like it's the beginning but now I don't like it because it's all about women victimizing and and saying what horrible things been done to him and they never talk about strength and I want to Nobel Prize for science you know what I mean so what is your point and to take about those kind of feelings anything or should we move on I I don't see what is the problem with us saying we stopped being an object and y'all look it's it's yours it's not mine and I'm not part of it I don't see myself as a victim but I don't want to be an object anymore I don't want to to be asked about my clothes about my eyes about my my motherhood my whatever it's very simple and this is what me too is about I think also yeah I think and again I get the point you know because at the beginning it was actually about let's make the world see how many women experience rape and I was one of the first people in my bubble you know who posted me to be without any story just a hashtag on my Facebook days before it got viral um and when I read this I was like it's very important because just if every single woman will just I I wasn't expected that every woman will like tell the story and I don't think it was necessary I don't think so I think this sign your brief you say in could you say like I experienced it but I'm not here to like tell everybody all the details about my experience to make me victim or something it belongs to me it's my experience but I just show up and give a short sign meet you yeah and that what it was about that was about the hashtag the hashtag wasn't tell me the story about your rape experience like you know so and then it got like very yeah like worse and worse and then it was all mixed up people who who get raped told their stories and people who just get the wrong compliment told their stories and they were fighting against each other and it wasn't about what it should be so it got a very flat out of control body and the same plane but I think what's important about me – and why I don't regret the movement is so we can't speak about topics I want to be I don't want to be an object and I don't I want me and also other people like nan not depend on the gender wear whatever they want to wear and have makeup on no makeup or whatever like they want you and I want all the compliments and all the talk about appearance be private I don't want it in a professional context I want to get compliments by my friend by my husband by my lovers by my daughter by anybody but I don't want to go like to choose to discuss my contract and just be at first told like my shoes are nice and my eyes are sparkling and what's about my hair now how to send my dress and my braces no no your business and that's all and that's it yeah yes I mean I think one of the important things that the meter movement did was to question the ways that we had normalized predatory behavior you know and how I mean some of the things that Lena talks about the terrain within a professional context and someone who's talking to you about the way you look and you're supposed to be grateful for that you know you for your kind of ice boss yeah you know supposed to be a good girl you know and um I feel like one of the things that has happened it's recontextualizing some of these things and the way they were have been normalized and we meant speaking about how it has affected them because I mean you mentioned about I don't know if that's a direct quotation but that way no talking about you know winning the Nobel Prize in science one of the questions we need to ask why last year I was at my sister my younger sister she's a doctor and I went for a graduation ceremony and he was a very fascinating experience for me because in the class I think there were about twenty prizes to be warned in the class 19 were won by women and he was the same in pharmacy and this will cause Sciences and I was having this conversation with my mother who's also a physician and we're talking about what happens in 20 years who is showing up and gets into Nobel Prize in 20 years and what happens between this moment when we can see that some of the brightest I mean he not that very class the brightest students were girls and somehow I mean I don't know what's going to happen in 20 years but at least from the experience my mother had had in that field she knows that he doesn't know which translates into who's at the top of their career in 20 years time and these are some of the questions that we need to ask about what happens between this moment and that moment and the experiences that women have that make it almost untenable for them or impossible rather to be all that it can be they win the Nobel Prize for Literature one of the stories that came out of the me to movement in Nigeria was from the university that I had gone to and it was coincidentally from a medical student who eventually graduated but I'd been so sexually harassed by one of our lecturers that she had to repeat a couple of years and there were people in that class who had to leave medical school because of this man so when we are I don't think that they're totally unrelated you know the idea that we're not talking that's not what we're talking about and this is what we're talking about I feel like they're in in some cases there's a direct connection between why some girls say in that class where the woman was talking about I experienced with this lecture I was got into medical school and even though they could have graduated they could not because they were in a system and there was nobody they could talk to because this man was protected by the system and I think so I think that this movement and and the moment was important and is important for those reasons that in a sense in which some of these experiences have been so normalized and their impact on on the women who have to go through this experiences I have to think about how am I dressed we'll just invite somebody that you know invest in some energy in all of that that could be put to breath productive use and if we have a conversation about it and systems change and the way people approach things change I think that it can make quite a difference and I another thing I wanted to talk about is that a lot of stories came out of the movement and I feel that storytelling particularly for in this instance can be a form of regaining agency and and taking control of your own narrative and at least have any voice you know it's into not being ashamed yes it's it's a it's a an act of strength in a way not not to be ashamed yeah okay okay and you left Ukraine right when you were 10 years old your book stills with a girl who was left in the Ukraine and and you will have to add Ukraine at the age of 10 years old and became a refugee right at Germany yeah was this book that she wrote about the girl that remained behind in Ukraine some kind of trying to understand what would happen if you stayed in a worse place than Germany or more chauvinistic place like Ukraine please tell us how you left your family with your family that's more important to Emily's right let's ask about the personal experience yep it's not a prop refugee way it's it's a political way to to to categorize the Jews is Europe and Jews who who were allowed to move to Germany like a couple of them and they needed like to give the child a name so they called it refugees but in fact we were not refugees you know we were more like immigrants because we were allowed to to come and there was also like a period of time a short period of time we should arrive and it's not how it goes with refugees but still the refugee feeling because we were living in a refugee camp for a while and later lived in a refugee house also with refugees like all the people from Yugoslavian was there at this time so it was a refugee experience in Germany but the travelling wasn't in refugee traveling because we had time to pack our stuff and to buy tickets for a bus yes it was a bus it was very awful 60 hours by four hours by 60 hours by bus Wow yeah that's amazing yeah Wow in a bad way I mean yeah yeah I know it was horrible but yeah that'sthat's why and that's because my parents didn't want oh my father decided not to go to Israel anymore so we should migrate to Israel and then he was here and four days still left or we should take the plane but he called my mom and told her to not to take the plane and to stay there yeah early 90s early nineteen been injured and yeah did you remain contact with your friends in the Ukraine or you wondered what happened to them just stand behind um because the Constitution in Ukraine child prostitution is massive massive amounts if I understand correctly I'm not sure if I'm right there's a prostitution part i I didn't research a lot about children's prostitution in Ukraine I researched about local homeless children and organized children criminality in 90s so I remember it as I experienced it I remember them I remember all those children I remember all the news about them I remember how they looked like and how many they were and what was a tricks and everything and I remember my mom telling me like stay away from them because I was always observing and people who who were like the poorest or the like outside like behind the social border yeah I don't know if you say this so in English it's maybe just a one-to-one translation from German and sounds funny but all these people and they're actually sounds good behind its social borders yes interesting for me I always ask myself why attach this children there and I'm here what make me be here and why I deserve this it was always my question since I was 3 years old or 4 years old I always ask myself why I deserve to be here and what happened to them like they were born yeah somebody was pregnant and then what happened then what was like all the small steps and that what is this book about so it's all the Ukraine part in this novel which is the most part it's about all the tiny steps somebody goes and what do they make to this person like all the small experience all the words we get told make sense and make our understanding of life and when somebody in my novel a boyfriend who is 22 tells a fourteen-year-old I need your help and there is a friend he is like amazed by your beauty and he would pay to go out with you and she's asking like for fucking and he's like yeah of course and she doesn't want but actually she knows okay so I just have to help him out and why is she doing this so quickly you ask yourself maybe now but if you read the book till then you wouldn't ask yourself because you know all the tiny steps and then it just natural she asked she answers yes very quickly so and this book is more about all this day and it's not about the girl I left there is just in general like growing up and also being behind the social border it's like a reality right so realistically it's like Dickens story of operation of you know being ruined it's I feel or not yeah you did it well you did I think today the law against prostitute customers in Israel passed am i right was it today Emily yes it's a law that may it it says that if you if you go to a sex worker and you pay her you are the offender and you should be punished and not the sex worker that you you went to come out of the guy's the men are responsible and I was wondering Emily what is your take on this floor do you like it not like it what do you think about it if you have thoughts if not we will move on I was to 10 years ago I was part of the group who create this a low so of course I'm I'm proud of it and I think it's very important and you know no woman choose to become as you say sex worker but to become a victim of this society it's not a question about you put it no you didn't have the possibility to become a doctor in Oxford either Oh a hook excuse me yes so I don't think any one of us could choose something like this to sell part of you wanna join the discussion but I'm very proud of this law and I'm with the police to to take care of it because they don't do it yet you want to I don't know I think it's actually a very difficult topic because I myself is I myself know some of like sex workers in different kinds and also most of them went very unhappy like one friend of my Anu from from the massage company her whole sexuality was destroyed you know and she it was awful and she just did it for some months because she was lack of money and she studied and you know all the stuff but in certain balances oh yeah but also I know personally one person and she is from a very rich house she is okay with her parents she studied it's like the doctor everybody know who smoked non-stop and drink drink I'll call don't stop and he's like a hundred already yeah yeah so it's I'm not like yeah I would tell my daughter please become a prostitute I worry cuz she won't because she's your daughter because I don't know but I don't want to be the person who would tell this one woman who really just enjoyed because it's kind of her King and kind of her sex performance or I don't know what it is but I would feel bad to tell her she isn't allowed to do this you know I think most of us deserve to choose our partner and it's very it's very simple but we don't wanna get it's complex because I think Lana and me we met women that said it was their own free will and it's hard to just yes but it depends you know for my in my neighborhood many people of my class became a hooker because they didn't have enough money to buy for so with all the respect they didn't choose it it's not it wasn't the question of being something or do something you wanted to do all all sleep with me with a 20 minute a day I'm sorry yeah but also there are women like this one separately and also they need to be decriminalized right so that's my point you know I would like to have a world which would be just where we find a way to to manage and to deal with this a low but for okay for all the others I think it's very I really you just took out the a new so I will use this because you took sound no it's great I like the Tigers he knew you took it out and I will use this opportunity to ask you why the woman in your book revenge's I mean it's not a sport no she kills it no no because the rape was the ongoing event she got pregnant and you have to understand she she doesn't trust the police or the authorities for her for from a personal history police it's not something it's not you trust they don't they never took care of her and offer family so she didn't even think about called the police so it's not a revenge that's the only way out from the motherhood she never chose she didn't want this baby and from a situation that she had to lie to everybody around oh like what kind of fluffy this is why she decided to kill him do you know this kind of feeling that you don't trust police you don't come forward oh I can you share with us no okay so don't know I would love to but it's too complicated and I understand it I told you any boy much better and I'm not I'm not enough I don't feel comfortable enough to share it but you you know my story I I know those people I'm part of those people who never trust the police and this is why she decided to to kill him and to go and to spend their life in the prison alone alone lonely said and but at least she got control on their life so this is also important can I tell the audience that you wonderful in English also and ask for an applause for her effort now come on come on both people speaking it's harm and you do it wonderfully I think it's important to applause I love you I do I obey me about polygamy I'm probably gonna sound like somebody doesn't understand but this habit of taking a second third fourth wife is it still pretty much going on in Nigeria or are you just modernized and I'm talking nonsense I mean it's it's a complicated question because it's good oh yeah because Niger is 200 million people and it's very difficult to explain that approaching 200 million people so so there's several Nigeria's in Nigeria but I mean what I would see for sort of the part that I'm from is that it's it's not as fashionable as it used to be and it doesn't happen as often I think so yeah I think it still happens but it's not the norm anymore you know so I mean times have changed people have changed young generation like you're changing it no we I mean I feel like even in my mother's generation he sort of changed like I can't really think of any of my parents friends where it was a polygamist situation but we say my grandfather's of course I could really think about that so yes that that's the short you mentioned your mother and you gave me this kind of will it wasn't written on the script but I would like to ask you what what can you share with me the lesson that you learned for your mother one lesson that you remember I learned from her that a lady doesn't sit like this that I remember but I do sit like this sometimes and give me something that you learn from your mother I thought it would be nice wait I wanted to have a nice thing but the first thing coming to my mind is you are such an actress it's amazing oh the one did the guys no no no your neck okay so she told me like four series the man is a head but the woman is the neck and it yeah and the Hat sings said it moves by itself but it's not true there is a neck do you think it's true I hated it with my ten years so badly I didn't want to be well as an egg nor is the head you know my whole human being I got a neck and another head I'm just every I hated it yeah so you feel freer than your mother you're not supposed to be a lady anymore it's it's a relief isn't it you know it sounds actually was a really lady kind of woman you know prim and proper you know I think she's quite regular fit in woman like from the from the Soviet Union so she studied she was an engineer but also she was the one who cooked and she was also the neck you know like something my father said and I was like mom but it was your idea and she and she was like he needs to truly want us to fight that was like but it was your idea and I was like hey it was your idea and she was mad at me so you know I I think I I can I can deal or no I can't I can't deal with and but but I can't play every role I know every existing role for a woman and I could fit in I could play no I don't want to but zip the set pattern it is because I know all the roles I don't really know who I really am that's to be honest because I switch between all of them I can play everything I'm like a piano but I do not know which note it's my actually inside I do not know it I just know how to play identify with you right now I really understand what you're talking about saying it's like the too many identities for a woman and you lose your music and your voice and your song you don't know what your own song is so that's why I'm sexual sometimes like to be on my own on and need to be on my own like for yeah because then I hear and my voice like really like also the physical voice so I start to speak to myself loud like the crazy people do um it's actually healthy I think you know and then I I kind of find to myself and to my body just walk naked and just feel myself and but this feeling I get there in this week's or days when I'm on my own finding back to myself they get lost immediately when I go back to the society I actually walk not like myself because I wear heels and I try to walk that I will look attractive it's horrible it's and sometimes I noticed that I'm not walking for myself what am I on a catwalk I'm old enough not to walk anymore I understand this loss of authenticity I really understand it I get it and also it can be very fun to look to walk like on a catwalk you know it's just about knowing yep when do I want what it's my desire to whom wears lipstick now or do I wear it for somebody else it's just about this decision it's not about the lipstick itself and not about the heels themselves just about why do I do this yep women are so versatile they're like rapper girls we have so many roles we can play and I dialed everything and I would like to include man's I sing for man it's very also very difficult to be themselves because there are so many male male creatures who are very creative and they would love to wear heels and they would love to wear makeup but they are not allowed last week one day before I left to Israel I saw a little boy like this three years old Turkish boy Mohammed with his mother and he like picked some pink hair stuff and what like and his mother told him it's for girls and I hated her for this he should look at this yes why not it doesn't hurt anybody it's just hair style it won't cut his penis or something no Emily can we move to your lessons because my mother she's wonderful person very simple and educated unfortunately and after she after she with my book she told me okay this is you and this is me and only now I know that you understand how much I love you and how deep is my feeling about you as my daughter so it's not that deep what I said now but my mother always said to me that everyone have a mother that was happy to see him born so I take it with me everywhere even in politics even everywhere the reason I have everybody have this moment to someone was happy to see him for the first time can't hate him because you remember he's got a mother absolutely actually did portrayed beautifully because in the book I was Irish she has a mother who is like you described and and the relationship with Windom made me cry and know you know in a good way so thank you I obey me Yes Mother yeah I'm trying to distill it into one thing because hard yes she's just probably definitely the most influential person in my life which is a very very brilliant woman there's this story I'm gonna bore you with some Nidoran story there's a story about Nigerian parents and how every night grandparents came first in class actually interesting because anointing a German parents and I would like to read that I mean he's the story Niger and parents know their children like when I was in school I was the best in class and you know after a while you sort of think all of you couldn't have been the best thing it's not possible there's something fishy going on here but the thing about my mom was that she never she never said this thing to us I remember the first time I met someone who had been in school with her and she said to me I hope you're as smart as your mother because she was the best in the class and so she was actually the best in class but she never talked about it but the gift I think that she gave us was that she I don't know I think she just believed so much in us that it was I remember going I would get nervous about exams and she would be so calm line should be like of course you're going to do very well right now but she just had this confidence in our capacity to sort of figure life out and I think that it's really given me a kind of freedom that I wouldn't have had otherwise a freedom in my mind yes and to try things you know so yeah she she's just oh the other story the other thing that I got from her was that when I told her that I wanted to be a writer I think I must have been 14 at the time when I sort of decided this is what I wanted to do and I said I want to write she went to the University Library at that time and got every book they had and that what was the African writers series and brought their moment said if you're going to be a good writer these are the people you should read and I think that has really had an influence on me thank you thank you so much why don't you share with us your moment with your mother yes share with you privately thank you so much for being wonderful audience and thank you please read their books they're really really really really good books thank you so much thank you

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