The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 59 – Full Episode – 21st July, 2019

Ms. Archana, you look
dazzling today. I look all pink today,
only for you! My eyelids are twitching. It’s an omen that means
someone is coming today. – Who? I am worried..
– Postman.. Postman.. Look. Kapil Sharma..
You have a telegram. No one uses telegrams
these days. That’s exactly what I told her. But she didn’t listen. She was
adamant I should give it to you. What? – Telegram?
– Sir, a monetary incentive.. Give me. Aunt Kammo from Delhi!
– Your aunt! Ms. Archana, I’ve never shared
my address with anyone. I wonder how people still
find it out. – That’s funny. Don’t laugh. We never told you
the shooting location as well. I wonder how people.. Where is he? Where is he? Where is Chandu?
– What happened? I won’t spare him.
I definitely won’t! Hello, Crime Patrol?
Come here immediately. I am going to murder Chandu. Come and shoot it. It’d save you
the expenses of shooting. Come here soon. – Sapna,
what did Chandu do to you? You are the one
who spoiled him! He was even afraid to talk to me but he has opened
an eatery now. Are you going to murder him
for a trivial matter? What else can I do?
Dance? I have fallen sick
after eating his food. I am running a fever!
– Poor thing. Ever since the eatery
was opened I don’t have any customers. That’s nothing. Read this
and you will gasp in horror! What does it say?
– Ms. Kammo! The doom is here! Ms. Kammo is coming!
– Yes. Kapil, let’s go
to Superstar Singer. What if she comes there? Let’s go
to ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’. What if she comes there? If she comes there,
w-we will go to CID. I will ask Daya
to take care of your aunt. I mean it!
Come, Kapil. But before dealing with her,
I will finish him off! Chandu, come out. I swear I will beat the living
daylights out of you today. Come out! Ma’am, only the photos
of the dead are garlanded. Do you want me
to die now? I meant someone else
will garland your photo after your death.
– No.. I can’t be sure if someone would do it.
We have to respect ourselves. Yes. Hey.. Once you are dead I will hang a garland
made of footwear instead of one made of flowers
on your photo! Mark my words! Hey! You shameless woman!
– Shameless woman! I will run you down. That way,
one of you will be dead and the other will be
sentenced to death. I will perform a veneration
at the temple. – Wow! Oh, Lord!
I have only one request. Please take her life! Then I will feed a poor person.
I promise. Which poor man?
– Chandu! He was saying that he has been
yearning for ‘Kheer-Puri’. Hey! – Get lost!
– You caw more than a crow! If you speak further nonsense,
I’ll break your legs! Rather you keep quiet!
If you speak nonsense I’ll hit you so hard that you’ll
go higher than the Sensex! Hey! You, who is more lowly than the GDP
of our neighbouring country.. Oh.. Lovely! You can’t hit me. I have hired women like you
at my eatery to deal with rats. And you, Kapu Sharma..
– What have I done? Had you done something good,
you’d have steered clear of her. Ma’am, listen, first remove him
from the footpath. We trip on him while walking.
– Do you mean he is like a rock? No problem. In coming days,
stones will be worshipped. Yes. – Not in future, but stones
are worshipped even now. But only a few are venerated.
The rest are used as rubbing stones. Mind it!
– Yes. Besides, those who pick up black
magic totems from the streets and eat them
are not worshipped. You better be quiet! Women
like you come asking for gifts when a baby is born in a family,
in Punjab. – Gosh! Yes, I do ask for gifts.
But let me tell you when Chandu was born, we had
observed a mourning for 12 days. Right!
– Listen to me.. One can’t just abandon
their baby if it’s not normal. For instance, has Govinda
stopped talking to you? If he bumps into you
in a wedding or party he does greet and talk to you,
right? – Hey! Don’t you dare say his name
with your filthy mouth! I’ll light you
like a firecracker! Got it? No problem! You can call
whoever you want to. I left the stove on.
Let me turn it off. I’ll call them right away. Oh.. Wow! What a crowd! Does he feed you all Rotis? Oh, my darling!
My child! Come. My nephew! Wait a minute. What have you done to yourself? Is the channel
not feeding you properly? Bless me!
– To heck with you. Look at you! It seems, you are
the one hogging all the food. Hey, Archana!
– Greetings, ma’am! Are you fine? – Yes.
– Do you have my other bag? She? Why will she
have your bag, Aunt? Why not? When she can
sit on another’s chair why can’t she
have another’s bag? Anyway, I wanted to give you
some advice, Archana. – Yes? Mr. Sidhu may return anytime,
so spend carefully. Aunt! You didn’t tell me
that you were coming. Really? Who had sent
that telegram? I had. Telegram is outdated, Aunt. You could have phoned
or mailed me. – No, dear. Why would I mail you?
Whenever I send any males here you transform them into females.
You never let them be. Lovely!
– Aunt, leave all that. Okay.
– Didn’t uncle come along? Your uncle didn’t even come
to our wedding, so forget.. Gosh! He didn’t come to his own
wedding? I don’t understand. Did you get married
all by yourself? I even completed my MBA
all by myself. Aunt. – Yes? – A marriage
and an MBA degree are different. No, dear, they aren’t. After
marriage, we have to sit at home and also after
completing an MBA. Aunt.
– Yes? – He means to ask how did you get married?
– Online. Well, nothing to laugh about. I was really online. We met on Facebook
for the first time and fell in love over a ‘like’.
– Okay. And by the time we wrote the
seventh comment, we got married. Really? Then uncle must have ‘shared’
and ‘subscribed’ you, as well. No, dear, he’s always buffering. There is no network, so he just
keeps going around in circles. Get back! My baby! My darling!
You work so hard. Tell me, are any guests
coming over or not. They will, Aunt, in a while.
– So good. – You are, too. Oh, my!
Call me when they arrive. I have bought five kilos
of peas. – Yes. When guests come over,
they shell peas while gossiping without even realising it.
– I see. Do you mean,
when the superstars come over they will shell peas here?
– Yes. Gosh! Do you think
superstars don’t work? Doesn’t Deepika Padukone
dust her fan at home? And doesn’t Shah Rukh Khan
wash his underpants? Seriously!
Come here, my darling. Tell me something.
Shah Rukh Khan.. – Yes? How much does he
charge for a film? How would I know that, Aunt?
– He knows nothing. He focuses only on greeting
and welcoming them. Learn from Archana.
You are getting the best.. It’s good that you are here,
Aunt. Wait. Chandu’s mom! Come out! You went in to turn off the
stove! Now I’ll make you starve. My aunt is here. Come!
– Who is it? Hey, ma’am! How are you?
Have a biscuit. Hold on.
These are dog biscuits. You eat dog biscuits.
I’m sure you bark well. Ma’am..
– Yes. She’s Chandu’s mother
and she frightens me. Hey! The young ones
of witches are afraid of you. How can I frighten you? Why are you lying? Your son was never
frightened of her. Hold on, ma’am. Are you that guy’s mother? Ma’am, listen to me. You can talk about anything
but don’t talk about my son. I was going to say
that your son is talented. People brought cars and mansions
through this show. Her son started a ‘Dhaba’. Ma’am, you are right.
Thank you! Why are you thanking me? You have been living off
my charity since you were a child. Look, she’s so grown up now. You know, Sri Lanka
is a littler smaller than you. I’d like to say something
to you. – Go ahead. Do not snatch biscuits
from the stray dogs. Look at your face, you’re
starting to look like a dog. Hey! I will punch you
and impair your memory. Warn her. Hold on.
Why would they warn me? Archana, people are fond
of collecting cars. My nephew is fond
of collecting beggars. All the beggars.. Aunt, forget about this.
Please be seated. Would you like
to eat something? What will you give me?
He has looted everything. Why are you involving me? How could you?
Don’t you regard me as your daughter? You’re an ill-mannered child. I want to say something to you. People like you enact the
monkeys during the plays about Lord Ram and Lady Sita,
in my neighbourhood. Oh, yes! You know.. People like you wash dogs
of the British people. Women like her would get punched
in the face as babies while being given
polio drops. Oh, yes! Women like her
wear tons of make-up and yet they fail to attract
any man. She feels happy when
the pressure cooker whistles. That’s all right. At least the pressure cooker
whistles at my house. The pressure cooker at her house
doesn’t whistle in her presence. It starts cursing her. Women like her collect change
from the sewers during the wedding processions.
– Oh, dear! Beggar! Yes! I am a beggar. Her maxi dress was designed
by Manish Malhotra. What’s wrong
with my maxi dress? I wore this dress during
Khurana’s daughter’s wedding. I attracted more attention
than the groom. I have an idea. Make time
and go to the zoo. You’ll get more TRP
than the bear. Kapil, dear.
– Yes. My dearest nephew!
Don’t be so serious. You’ll make me cry. Aunt, she said,
you look like a watermelon. No, I called her a bear,
not a watermelon. Hold on. Kapil, it took me six hours
to reach here by Shatabdi but I just need six minutes
to disfigure her face. Yes.. I have an idea. Stay here for three days
and on the fourth day it will be your funeral. Look at her. Women like her hold
the hands of vegetable vendors and steal tomatoes. She’s a freeloader. Wow!
Come up with a comeback. You are dealing
with a blunt person. I am not dealing
with a blunt person. I am dealing with a hag. Come on!
I am ready. So, what?
Kapil! – Yes. I am a student of science,
but when I get angry I change
the geography of people. I want to put an egg on it and hit you with this footwear. Hold on.
Let me make this clear. I can’t differentiate
between your face and footwear. Hey! Calm down, Aunt.
Aunt, please be seated. Dear, I don’t sit down
like Mr. Sidhu. I am from Delhi.
I only sit at Jantar Mantar. Well.. Kapil, I charge
my mobile phone everyday but after seeing her face I feel like carrying out
a lathi charge. Hey! Don’t you dare speak ill
of my aunt! Is she your aunt?
– Is that clear? Is she your aunt? It would have been better,
had you got cursed. Oh! So, what? You have been cursed
with Chandu. If you had adopted a chicken it’d have grown up
and provided you with eggs. I am so funny! Aunt..
– I think I won! You insulted her very nicely.
It was fun! You are talking too much
about eggs. So, I think I should teach
everyone a lesson. Hold on. Do you really
think you can do that? I am Kapil Sharma’s aunt
from Chandni Chowk. I will beat you up
black and blue! – Hey! Hey!
– You have crossed the line! Now, it’s time for a face-off.
Come here.. Come here! Oh, dear! Hey! Hey! Oh, God! Ms. Archana, it’s been
raining outside. – Right. And today, our atmosphere
is going to be poetic. – Wow! Wow! Because two famous poets
are going to be here today. First and foremost, I would
like to invite that powerful personality who is not just
well-known for his poetry but who has also penned
many memorable songs for Hindi movies. So, please welcome famous
Urdu poet and lyricist Dr. Rahat Indori. Please give a big hand
for Mr. Rahat. Let me tell my viewers that
Mr. Rahat was supposed to come here a few days ago.
But he was unwell. So, he couldn’t make it. But today, at our request as well as yours, he is here. Mr. Rahat,
how is your health now? I am absolutely fine
by the grace of God. This reminds me of a Lucknow
poet’s poem. – Fine. – Fine. ‘When my eyes were treated’ ‘I started acting proud again.’ ‘Post my operation,
I started seeing the beauty.’ Ms. Archana, you can see that he got the eye surgery done
for your sake. He had seen Mr. Sidhu
with his blurry eyes. Lovely! Listen, Kapil.
– Yes. There’s a big difference now.
– Yes. When Mr. Sidhu was around,
he would get up and come to me and hug me every time. This is a big difference. I feel that this
is an invitation for me. Mr. Rahat, you mentioned
about him hugging you. Let me also hug you. Even you are looking
like Laila today, Ms. Archana. Amazing! You said Majnu while
looking at me? – My Majnu.. On his last visit, Mr. Sidhu
was around, and he had recited many political poems. His romance hadn’t
come out completely. Mr. Rahat, even the inspiration
is in front of you. Please recite a few lines. He told me that there are many
young people out here. – Right. And to recite a poem for them. But the result was I didn’t
hear their voices. But a few senior citizens
were sitting here. There was a glow
on their faces. Since Mr. Kapil is asking me I’ll recite this in his honour. It’s meant for the youth.
It would be better if the senior citizens
don’t act upon it. Please listen..
Whatever the secret is.. Whatever the secret is do tell it in gestures. Wow! Whatever the secret is do tell it in gestures. When you shake hands
with her, do press it hard. Amazing! How many hands have you
pressed until now, Mr. Rahat? I’ve never calculated that. But let me tell you a secret
because you are a decent guy. No. – I have still not stopped
pressing their hands. Wow!
Amazing! This way, please, Mr. Rahat. We’ll be discussing
a lot of things with you. Please be seated.
Please come. Often, the poets are considered
as penniless. But his attitude is nothing
less than that of a king. – Yes. When he speaks
in a powerful voice.. ‘Have you brought the sky?’ ‘Bring it here and keep it
on the ground.’ It’s a pleasure to hear that. Actually, we get
a royal feeling, sir. Ms. Archana hasn’t heard it.
She wasn’t around the last time. Yes. – Please recite it for her.
– I am very eager. May you always keep laughing. Seeing you, I feel very glad
that in India, you also find people who smile. The credit goes to him. You’ll find an Urdu word
in this. It’s ‘Hujra’.
– Okay. It’s the hut where saints
and mendicants live. The cottage.. Now enjoy this.
A few such poems. Can I use the hand gestures?
– You may, please. It goes like this..
Not in my hut.. Not in my hut..
– Wow.. You are rushing. They are praising him
in advance. This reminds me of an incident. I’ve stopped reciting. You asked them to join you, so,
they are going on admiring you. In Pakistan,
there’s Quetta City. A poetic symposium
was being held there. Mr. Ahmad Nadeem Qasmi
was presiding it. He’s a great progressive writer.
– I see. He was the president. A man was sitting next to him. Like these are admiring before
I complete the poem.. – Right. He was sitting next to him
and shouting ‘Subhan Allah!’. Whether or not he understood
the poem.. Whether it’s good or bad, he
would shout out ‘Subhan Allah!’. When Mr. Nadeem Qasmi
found his voice annoying he asked
him, ‘Sir, do you’ ‘remember Allah so loudly?’ ‘If Allah remembers you
even softly, this will be your’ ‘last poetic symposium.’
– Wow! These are the ‘Kaun Banega
Crorepati’ audience. As for them, the question and
answer session will be going on. They will be just sitting
and listening to it. – Fine. You asked them to join you.
So, they are admiring you. Enjoy it but don’t let
the poetry die. – Right. Not in my hut,
keep it somewhere else. Not in my hut,
keep it somewhere else. Have you brought the sky? Bring it here
and keep it on the ground. Wow! – Wow..
– Amazing! Where will you go looking
for my murderer? Accuse me for my murder. Wow!
– Wow! Save my poetry. The shelf on which I have placed some
broken lamps.. Kapil, you praise me so that
when I tell the others, I can say that you understand poetry.
– Yes. Please listen.
Accuse me for my murder. The shelf on which I have placed some
broken lamps.. Place even the moon
and stars over there. Amazing!
– Lovely! The shelf on which I have
placed some broken lamps.. Amazing! Thank you.
Thank you so much. Mr. Rahat, you say,
‘Have you brought the sky?’ ‘Keep it on the ground.’ When you finish the poetic
symposium and go back home your wife must be asking you,
‘Have you brought the cash?’ ‘Keep it here.
– Keep it in the wardrobe.’ I want to know, if your
poetry makes your wife happy or you give her gifts
like the normal husbands do. When I recite poem to the others
she becomes happy. – I see. When I recite it to her, she’ll
be wondering what’s happening. She doesn’t understand it. When I come up with fresh and
new Ghazals, first and foremost I recite them to my wife.
– What reactions do you get? The reaction is, if there’s
a smile on her face or if I feel that she has understood it,
I get to know that it would become a hit, the entire nation
would understand it. Amazing! Because I know that when she
has understood it everyone would understand it.
– Lovely! Now, I will
welcome a poet who not only makes
every laugh by his creativity but also gives food for thought
with his comic creativity. Please welcome
critic, writer, comic poet Hindi professor,
Dr. Ashok Chakradhar. Wow.. Wonderful.. Welcome. Everyone clap
loudly for him. Welcome to our show. You are here for the first time. Yes.
I am sad about that. Why are you sad? Why now? Why
didn’t I come before. Sir, I am unfortunate that I
meeting you for the first time. I am very happy.
– Thank you.. The person
whom I love so much who is cute, lovely.
He has naughtiness in his eyes. When his lip rises
on a side the naughtiness
seeps from there. and falls from there. When we see
all his teeth then we can see the
stars and moon play on his lips. Well said. Thank you,
Mr. Ashok. But for your knowledge that just before
you came here Mr. Rahat hugged me. I know that since I saw that on the monitor in
the dressing room. Very good. Mr. Ashok,
you are welcome. Thank you.
– Our audience will enjoy it. You have contributed
a lot to Hindi literature. My team members
informed me that there a lot of things
where you take initiative. Like there was a software
being made for Hindi literature so you were
invited by Google. Please tell
something about that. Google had
invited me later but Microsoft
had invited me first. Okay.
– Okay. I didn’t develop
any software. The software is developed
by teams of young people. Yes. I was their
high-end user – Okay. and used to
give them feedbacks. – Okay. The support that computers have
given to our languages.. – Yes. has been useful
to create many apps. We can write in
Hindi in those apps and.. – Yes. …express our emotions, feelings, about our day
and night and all the
unnecessary things. Very true.
– True. Ashok’s father, Dr. Radheshyam and his father-in-law,
Kaka Hathrasi. Give them a big hand.
They are famous poets. He is himself a poet.
His wife is also a poet. Archana wants to know
if you were married in a marriage
hall or a poets’ meet. I remember getting
married in a hall. – Okay. Kaka Hathrasi,
my father-in-law sent a
four-liner to my father. Okay.
– Okay. – ‘No one knows’ ‘when and what might happen
‘What Lord Ram has’ ‘in store for our future’ ‘Radheshyam, why don’t
you become Kaka’s co-in-law.’ My father was
much younger than him. But my father.. By reminding me about him you have rekindled his memories. I always remember
a few lines of his. I will gift those to you. These lines
are a gift from me. He said that don’t
do anything in the day Don’t do anything
in the day which will make
you sleepless at night. Wow.
– Wow. Don’t do anything in the day which makes you
sleepless at night. Don’t do anything
in the night which will make you
hide your face in the day. Well said. Wonderful. There are few
misconceptions about poets. So, we want to
confirm them with you. It is said that whenever
a poet recites his poem they first praise the audience so that they don’t walk
away when he reads his poem. No.. Excuse me Kapil.
I had praised you first. Yes.
– I praised them later. I didn’t want you
to run away first! I praised you first. and my audience
and my fans are the ones for whom I write
one poem after the other. and write a second
after the first. I write a book, second book,
and then third and so on. The whole world has
appreciated dozens of my books. I did all that
for people like you. There is a strange
thing written here. It says when a
poet applies for a loan and another poet
becomes the guarantor then both are
thrown into jail. No.. You are presenting
this rumour as the truth. Poets don’t take loan because
they believe in envelops. Very good.
They believe in envelops. Greetings! Oh, man! Sir! Bless you..
– Sir.. Sir, this is wonderful!
Such famous poets.. Ms. Archana!
– Greetings! I am fortunate
to be able to meet you. This is wonderful.. I apologise for coming late.
– Apologising! Apologising!
– I am sorry. By the way,
how do you do Mr. Rahat Indori? My apologies, sir. I mixed up
two different languages. But I’ll try
to improve my language. By the way, how do you do
Mr. Ashok Chakradhar? That’s wonderful, Bachcha. The
poet inside you has come out. The poet inside me
is coming out because he likes outdoors,
not indoors. Wow! I just keep cracking such jokes,
sir. I come up with such jokes
to make everyone laugh. ‘I don’t know how I manage
to make the audience laugh.’ ‘The ‘Sony Television’ broadcasts it on
the television.’ ‘The sponsors invest
money on the channel.’ ‘Invest the money..’ ‘And that’s how,
I make a living.’ But, Ms. Archana,
the strange thing is no one from our show
is from army. – Yes. Even then we got
Ashok Chakra for our show. Excellent! He seems to be very
energetic today. But how do I know, sir.. He embodies what
a top poet should be, literally with his top knot. Thank you, sir. But I know
that if I keep talking like this Mr. Ashok will hit me. But, Mr. Archana..
– Yes? I’m really happy today.
– Why? The scholars
and intellectuals are here. On one side, we have scholars and on the other side,
we have a very ignorant person! Ignorant!
– This person is very whimsical. By the way, tell me something? Would you like to have
some tea or water? That’s wonderful.. It kept rhyming
and became a poem. How did I even manage
to do this? It’s magic! Don’t you think
I should organise a poetic conference? There’s so much talent coming out of me.
– Amazing! Sir, I got inspired by you
and wrote a poem. If you give me the permission.. You do.
– Permission granted.. This is not how it is. The atmosphere at
poetic conference is different. We need to create
that atmosphere. I’m confident
that Kapil Sharma won’t praise my poetry. So, I’ve got some people
who’ll praise my poems. Okay!
– If you don’t mind I’ll just call them.
– Yes. Peter and Malcolm! Peter.. Hello. Sir, this is Peter
and that is Malcolm. They are from my locality.
Hi, Peter and Malcolm. We are going to organise
a programme on poetry. I’m going to recite poetry. You both have to praise
my poetry after each line. That’s it!
– Wow.. I haven’t started yet, pal.
It doesn’t mean that you’ve to praise me
for each and everything. You should praise me
once I recite the poetry, okay? It goes this way..
– Please go ahead. ‘Cover your face with a veil.’ ‘It’s not safe outside.’ Oh.. You aren’t praising me! You didn’t ask us to. I just recited the poem, right? You just recited the poem,
but didn’t request us to praise. He is slightly ignorant, sir.
My apologies. They don’t know anything. All right, pal.
I made a mistake. I’ll request you now, okay?
Are you happy? It goes this way..
– Wow.. I’ve not recited it yet! Then why did you say so? This is the way
you begin the poetry, sir. We start by saying so,
and then we recite the poem. You’ll have to praise me
once I finish reciting the poem. Do you understand?
Got it? – Okay. – Good! It goes this way.. ‘Cover your face with a veil.’
– Wow.. Let me finish my lines.. You’re interfering in between! At least, allow me
to finish the lines. You can praise me
once I finish reciting. How will I finish reciting it
if you praise me in the middle? How do we get to know
as to when you’re done reciting? I’ll make a gesture
when I’m done. Yes! You can say.. So, you want me to say ‘Cover your face with a veil.
It’s not safe outside.’ Wow.. Wow.. You want me to ruin my poem
just to make the gesture. Is it that difficult for you
to praise me? Wow.. – You don’t have
to do it now. Wow..
– I don’t want you to praise me. It’s enough!
– Wow.. I’ll give you one tight slap!
– Wow.. Hey you! Your aunt won’t elope
with the guitarist if you praise me
at the right time. Wow.. – Hey, why are you
praising for that? What if your aunt
elopes with the guitarist? Don’t you dare utter
such things about my aunt! You were the one
who spoke about my aunt, first. How dare you speak
about my aunt! My aunt..
– Come outside.. How dare you!
– Come outside! Come..
– I’ll show you.. My apologies, sir.
– No worries. But I’ll surely complete
my poetry. – Okay. – Sure.. ‘Cover your face
when you step out.’ ‘The world is really bad.’
– It’s really bad.. Wow! ‘Cover your face
when you step out.’ ‘The world is really bad.’ ‘If your mother
is like an ice cube’ ‘my father is like alcohol.’ Sir, how did you like my poetry? Very nice..
It’s very nice. A fat poet was dying
to hear praises. You were after them.
Instead, look at these. Wow.. Sir, he has wasted
just five minutes, today. He normally wastes
at least half an hour. Kapu Sharma,
what you just said.. – Yes. Has hurt me. – Really?
– I’m hurt. I’m wounded. Oh.. – I want medicine.
And Mr. Rahat will give me because he’s M.B.B.S.
– Ah! He didn’t do M.B.B.S
but he did Ph.D. But he did ‘Munna Bhai M.B.B.S’. Sir, didn’t you? Sir, I know you wrote
those songs. ‘M’ stands for.. Stands for..
– Wow! Kapu Sharma, don’t you dare
to talk in between us now.. Stands for.. Very nice.. – You’re actually
a humorous poet. You can pull his ponytail
as your daring act. By the way, sir,
there’s one thing common between you and Mr. Kapu Sharma.
– What? You recite a few lines.
He says a few taunts. They get appreciated
when they recite those. So, do we fart
when you say something? Sir, there’s one more thing.
Even you write and so do we. Isn’t it amazing?
– Look at him. Do you even know to write?
– Hey! I know everything, sir. Ghazal, ‘Nazm’, verses,
two liners the poems
and the humorous poems. I write all of these.
I know everything. He’s such a liar.
Look at him lying. – Right.. So many things go inside
throughout the day something will come out
as a result. That’s a universal fact, sir.
– What is it? It’s a universal fact. There’s some other word
for it. What is it called?
– Of nature. – Of nature. It’s a law of nature.
– Look, even he’s not able to pronounce it. That’s why, he found out
some other word. Law of nature.
– Oh! – Law of nature. He did it.
He somehow managed it. By the way, sir,
I’m so fond of poetry that I have written
my own book. ‘Bachcha Yadav’s
favourite poems’. I want to get it released
by you two. – Okay. Shall I tell you one line
from it? – Okay. Here it goes.
– Go for it. ‘No matter what’s the secret,
do gesture at me.’ ‘No matter what’s the secret,
do gesture at me.’ ‘When you shake hands with him,
just press it hard.’ You’re such a liar.
That’s Mr. Rahat’s poetry. Right. – It’s obvious to recite
his poetry since he’s here. It’s obvious to expect
an actor in movies, right? And not some cricket player. Mr. Sidhu doesn’t come here
these days. Well..
I miss him. Ms. Archana, do you also
miss him? No, not at all but you guys
remind me every day. Though I don’t miss him. No, you wouldn’t.
That’s fine. But let’s not create
a sad environment. Though there’s sadness around we’ll not let the atmosphere
be sad. I always have enough jokes
for such an atmosphere. Jokes.. So, on this occasion let me tell you a joke. You know the hole in a needle..
– Yes. How can we stop an elephant
pass through it? Tie a knot on its tail. He won’t be able to pass.
The elephant will pass. Let me tell you one more. A white tiger. What happens when a white tiger
gets into the water? What happens.
– It gets wet. That’s all, sir.
That’s all for today. Thank you very much. – Wow..
– It was glad meeting you. Very nice.. – Sir, thank you
very much. – Very nice.. Kapu Sharma, see you, buddy.
– See you. – See you, everyone. Bye. Well, Mr. Rahat, I had
to ask you something. When someone is newly married
and is in love be it the clouds, the rain or even the lightening
for that matter he finds it romantic.
– Right.. It’s believed you write poems
of a much younger age compared to your age.
– Right. Where do you get inspired
for such romance, Mr. Rahat? Well, the fact
is that when I write poems I don’t aim a particular person.
– Okay. To whoever it is.. I write it straight
from my heart. Whoever likes it
takes it for them. – Wow! I liked that thought. The youth is completely utilised during the young days. People who don’t
make mistakes are making a big mistake.
– Wow! The youth is completely
utilised during the young days. People who don’t
make mistakes are making a big mistake. And if Anarkali
is an example of revolt.. Wow! Salim, I accept
your conditions. Well said.
– Well said. Wow! The one who passed away
had to pass away someday. The one who passed away.. Had to pass away someday.
– Had to pass away someday. Had to pass away someday. I would die
even if I would survive. Oh, wow!
– Wow! Well said. Kapil, don’t feel bad. It was my destiny
that I lost my hands. Otherwise, I would be
anointing your forehead
with vermillion. Wow!
– Very good. Well said. It doesn’t end here. Clap if you like it. I will be very happy
if the youth who were there take part in this too. Yes.
– Yes. Yes. – I
have heard this. Face the storm. Attack the floods. Wow!
– Face the storm. Attack the floods. Forget about the boats.
Swim and cross the shore. Wow! Wow!
Very well said. Wow!
– Well said. Well said.
– Wow! Let me tell you one thing,
friends. The poem that I recited
was good. I’ll try once again. You guys don’t trust me.
Don’t trust me at all. Trust Kapil Sharma. Why would Kapil Sharma
invite me if I was a bad poet? He wouldn’t invite you. I’ll try to recite
some poems by changing my voice.
– Sure, Mr. Rahat. Please, Mr. Rahat. I will meet him in private and hit him. Wow! Enjoy this fight.
– Okay. I will meet him in private
and hit him. I will join him
wherever he is broken. Well said. I will meet him in private
and hit him. I will join him
wherever he is broken. He left me. That is his greatness. He left me.
That is his greatness. I had made up my mind
to leave him. He left me.
That is his greatness. Wow!
– Well said. Listen to this, Mr. Ashok.
– Yes. I had made up my mind
to leave him. He keeps his glass body safe from me. Wow!
– Wow! He is scared
that I will break him. Wow! Very good. Kapil, destiny has been
very kind to you that your innocent face
makes others forget your pain. Wow!
– Wow! Glory to God. – This
is Kapil’s capability. I think Kapil is
the only one who can even make
even the stars and the solar system laugh and not just the country
and the world. Wow! Kapil, I will recite
one part of a poem that had become
world famous. Yes, please. I’ll stand and recite it.
– Okay, please. Wow! A naughty boy sent a SMS to his teacher.
– Okay. Sir, my mind is fried.
– Really? The syllabus is vast
like the ocean. I can study
only as much as the river. I remember
as much as the bucket. I can write
only as much as a glass. I get marks
as much as a hollowed palm. I drown in that and die. Wow! Wow!
– Wow! The teacher wrote back to him. I cannot see anybody
dying like you. Are you mocking
the proverb ‘drowning in a hollowed palm
and dying’? Oh! You are complaining to me
for marks as much as a glass. You act shameless
as much as a bucket. Oh! You tolerate insult
as much as a river and you laugh like a sea
the moment you step out. Very good. He sent the message. And told Kapil that this boy
is fooling me. But I feel bad for the ones
who get depressed and lose their lives.
– Oh! Parents expect
more than the limit. The child loses his life
unnecessarily. This should never happen. Kapil, even you say
something now. Wow!
– Wow! Well said. Students are pressurised
a lot due to studies these days. Yes, there is
too much of pressure. The conditions
have improved now. The conditions
have improved. But there are
many institutions from where we get such
news regularly. – Yes. Let me recite
one more poem. Okay.
– Okay. What do I want to become
for these kids who are under depression? Anybody who has
got distracted and anybody
who has lost his path come running to me. There is a swing
within me. Oh, beautiful!
– Wow! You will not feel tired even if you swing
for a long time. I will push you so high that you can even get
the stars. Wow.. Wow.. ‘You’ll take long swings.
You won’t get tired.’ ‘I will push you so hard
that you can touch the sky.’ ‘I’ll take you to the sky
and will bring you back.’ ‘I’ll sing such songs which
will make you laugh a lot.’ Wow! ‘This world is just mad
in the ocean of sorrow.’ ‘Come, dear. Come running.
There’s a swing inside me.’ ‘Come, dear. Come running.
There’s a swing inside me.’ Very nice. Wonderful! Mr. Rahat and Mr. Ashok,
I want to ask something. People love you so much.
You go to different places and recite your poetry.
Did this ever happen that someone invited you
very respectfully he provided you everything
from flight till good hotel room and even your recitation
was good but as soon as recitation
was over then even the organiser escaped
with the payment? During the beginning
and at the end of a poetry recitation,
people’s character changes friends change
and everything changes. When we arrive, they come
to receive us with garlands. Yes. And when it’s time to leave,
then we have to find transport. Even he faced.. They left us
helpless many times. Yes, but I’ll tell you
something today, Kapil Sharma. Yes. – We don’t have
any threat from you. I even saw the poets taking
a vehicle on rent. – Okay. They took a sound system
on rent. – Okay. And they were roaming in the
entire and were saying this. ‘Mr. Mohanlal Teli, wherever
you are, please come back.’ ‘We, the poets, haven’t received
our payments yet.’ ‘We’re saying this publicly
to the entire city.’ – Oh, God! Mohanlal Teli didn’t come out,
but we suffered a lot. Mr. Rahat, let’s hear something
from you. It’s raining outside. Sure..
– Anything. The people asked me for some
poetry. They’re my old poetry. But they asked me
to definitely recite this. Sure, sir. – I felt very good.
Let me thank you in advance. Even a poor man tried
to say a ghazal. I’ll recite two to three
poetry from that. – Sure. It goes like this.
‘It calls..’ ‘But don’t go.’ Kapil, I am saying this for you.
Even you’re like my son. I dedicate this to you.
– Thank you. Listen.
‘It calls, but don’t go.’ ‘It’s the world,
so don’t go there, my Son.’ ‘Fall in love with someone’ ‘but don’t cross the limit.’
– Wow.. Wonderful!
Wow! ‘My Son..’ ‘My Son, fall in love
with someone’ ‘but don’t cross the limit.’ I would like to recite
one more small poetry. Even this has a word which, I
think, is important to tell. There’s a word in it, ‘deficit’. It means loss.
– Okay. ‘By following every word
of yours in love..’ ‘By following every word
of yours in love..’ ‘I am left in this game of love in deficit.’ – Wow.. Wonderful!
Wow! ‘I am that ocean’ ‘every drop of which
is a cyclone.’ ‘It’s good that you
went away from me.’ – Wow.. Wonderful!
Wow! Wow!
– Wow.. ‘I am that ocean, every drop
of which is a cyclone.’ – Wow. ‘It’s good that you
went away from me.’ ‘He saw a small spark’ ‘in the village.’ ‘He went away by posing
a gesture to the storm.’ Wow..
– Wow.. Wonderful..
– Wow.. ‘He saw a small spark
in the village.’ ‘He went away by posing
a gesture to the storm.’ – Wow! Mr. Ashok, please focus. ‘Many colours come and go’ ‘on my face.’ ‘People have fun
by talking about you.’- Wow.. Wow!
– Wonderful! Wow.. Wow!
– Wow.. Wonderful!
– Really. Wow.. Very good.
– Wow.. Thank you.
Thank you very much. ‘Many colours come and go
on my face.’ ‘People have fun
by talking about you.’ ‘I am waiting’ ‘for the stars to sleep.’ ‘I’ll bring the moon on the
roof by calling it.’ – Wow.. Wow..
– Wonderful. Very nice.
– Wonderful. Very nice. Thank you very much.. Thank you very much..
– Very nice. Wow.. Today, members of Mr. Rahat’s
family has also come here. His son, Mr. Satlaj.
I welcome you. His daughter is here. His son-in-law has come.
I welcome you. Satlaj, I would like to request
you to recite something. I’ll recite a few sentences.
– Yes.. Please. ‘I’ve hardened my heart
like a stone for everyone.’ ‘I’ve hardened my heart
like a stone for everyone..’ ‘I’ve just preserved
my memories like jewellery.’ Who you think is a girl
is really a magician. God knows how many she’s fooled. Who you think is a girl.. Wow..
– Wonderful! Very good.. Thank you very much.. Very good.. Wonderful, Rahat. Yes.. Rahat, all your fans here.. Everyone’s got a poet in them. Ashok, they want
to recite them to you since you are here. – Okay.. Those who want to recite
poetries can do it. Oh.. Okay.. Go on. A broken cup can never..
– Just a minute.. Hello, sir! – Greetings. Hello, ma’am!
Hello, everyone! Where’s the ma’am?
– Archana ma’am. Look at her when
you address her. Hello.. What’s your name? I’m Tanya. Tanya..
– Where are you from, Tanya? I’m from Gorakhpur.
I’d like to recite a poetry. Okay. A broken cup never hold a drink.
A dead soul of love never rests. Those who break hearts,
you should’ve considered that a broken heart
is never of use to anyone. Come on, let’s go home! Wow.. Wow.. Love..
– Yes? Just a minute.. Does the train to Gorakhpur
leave soon? Take it slow.
There’s no need to hurry. Recite another poetry.
Come on! – Take your own.. Even stones melt
to fires of love. Forced by circumstances,
people change. And a fine loving partner makes
everyone a better person. Wow.. The poetry is over!
Watch ‘Crime Patrol’ next! Tanya, the way you
recited the poetries was nice. But they’re not yours, are they? They’re obviously not yours.
I’ve heard them before. They were good. Tanya..
– No, Kapil. They’re mine. I wrote them. You’ve got confidence.
I’ll give you that. It doesn’t matter whose
poetries they are the confidence was yours. Recite move poetries. There are many
stories of heartbreak. What? – There are many
stories of heartbreak. Just a minute..
Recite the first line.. Slowly.. Be slow.. – Recite the first
line again but slowly. There are many
stories of heartbreak. What of hearts? There are many stories
of heartbreak. – Okay. There are many reasons to live.
– Okay. I wish you always smile
because many people are fans of yours smile. Wow.. That was a good one.. If a poet like this gets booked
for a show, she’ll be teaching many poets. Others don’t even get
the chance to praise her. Thank you, Tanya..
– Thank you, sir, everyone. Anyone else? Yes? He’s here..
He’s an outdoor poet. Hello, Kapil. Hello. How are you? I’m fine. I want to recite a poetry.
– Yes, recite a poetry.. You were asked to stand
up and recite one. What’s your name? It’s Neeraj. – Yes, Neeraj? Hair of girls
are traps for boys. – Oh! God know how many they’ve killed
that they’ve got red lips. Wow! I smell violence in the poetry. Is that all? Or is there more?
– There’s more. – Oh, there is.. I thought the matter was over
since the murders were done. Okay then, there’s more
after the murders.. Temples are for Gods..
– Okay.. Wow.. Pray in them. – Wow.. I wait for you. Please visit me. Oh! Where are you from, Neeraj? I’m from UP. People from UP
are being poetic today. Thank you, Neeraj..
– Okay. Is there anyone else
who want to.. Yes? Yes, beautiful? Hi, Kapil. Hi, ma’am.
– Hello. – Hi. My name’s Farheen Shaik. I write poetries.
– Okay. Wow! I hope Rahat likes it. So you’re going to recite
your own works? – Yes. Amazing! Go on. Congratulations for your victory
but the celebration will be for my defeat. Wow.. Congratulations for your victory
but the celebration Many people but I don’t
think anyone has lost like me. Oh! – Wow.. Very good! Amazing, Farheen,
that was a good poetry. Thank you.
– Do you read Urdu? Yes, I do. Do you have more?
– Yes. See, friend, what the world
accuses me of. – Wow.. See, friend, what
the world accuses me of. Your eyes are intoxicating
but I’m being called a drunkard. Wow.. Thank you so much, Farheen,
for coming. – Thank you. Thank you. Anyone else.. Yes, ma’am? Hello, Kapil.
– How are you? I’m good. How about you?
– I’m also good. What’s your name?
– Nisha. “Her name’s Nisha..” Yes, Nisha, were are you from? I’m from Mumbai.
– Okay. What is it that
you want to recite? Tomatoes are red..
– Just a second. You’ve started the poetry?
– Yes.. Who said tomatoes are red.. So you’ve begun the poetry..
I thought.. Listen to her, Rahat.
– Okay. I don’t you’ve ever
heard such a poetry. Go on. Who said tomatoes are red? Who said..
– Tomatoes are red. Yes?
– Your cheeks are red. That mole on your
cheek is my heart. Yes? What else?
– That’s it. Rahat is wishing for
the aeroplane to take him from here and he wouldn’t
have to go to airport. Amazing, Nisha. Did you write that? No, when I was in school,
me and my friends used to mess around. Okay.. – So friends in school
would.. Did you think we wouldn’t
have heard that in school? Thank you, Nisha? Anyone else? Yes, ma’am? Hi, Kapil.
– How are you.. I’m fine. Hello, Rahat, Ashok. I’ve written something for you.
– Okay. Before I recite it,
I’ve got a question for Ashok. Okay, please.
– You’re very popular. You must get lots
of attention from women. How do you handle that when you
attend events with your wife? Oh, Ashok! You’re right. Popularity comes
with its demerits. You get surrounded. When women gather
around me, I request to them. My boss stands some distance
away and I’m her servant. Let it be for now, Sister. But do meet me later. Wow.. Yes, ma’am?
– I’ve written a poetry for you. Please, go on. Kapil, you’re a great existence. You must have your pains,
you must have your sorrows but never spoke of them
or expressed them. You simply brought
laughter to everyone. How do I thank you?
What do I gift you? I have nothing but these words. I pray that you make
us laugh, keep smiling and appear on TV every day.
– Wow.. Because you’re
a great person, Kapil. Wow.. Thank you.
– Wow.. Very nice! One minute.. Today, reputed
gentlemen have come here. I would also like
to present four lines. Sure.
– Sure. One, two, three, four. Hey, how are you?
– Sapna. Wow.
– Wow. A huge round
of applause for them. More for Mr. Ashok. Mr. Ashok, how are you? I’m perfect. Sir, where did you
leave your ‘Chakra’ this time? Tell me, sir.
It will be of use to me. Really?
– Why? If you want it,
then I will give it to you. Yes, sir. Thank you. Hello, sir. How are you?
– Bless you. Mr. Rahat.
I’m a huge fan of yours. I loved the way you talk.
I like your attitude. You say you can
make the sky meet the earth. It’s a huge thing. Those are his beautiful quotes. When did I say it’s not?
I know it’s his. Sir, how is your health? I’m fine. I used to hope for you
to be fit and fine. Thank you.
– Sir, take a breath. Now breathe out.
– What are you doing? I’m taking a breath
of Rahat, which means peace. Great.
Great, wow. Sorry, sir. This is how we have to earn
our bread and butter. Right. We get millions to talk rubbish.
What else will we do, sir? Sir, to be honest. I crave to talk about
something sensible but then we have to think
about who’s sitting next to us. No.. I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about
the fat person sitting there. Yes. I have to say all this for them. Sir, we cover all these
conversations as well. Okay, sir. You had written
songs for ‘Kareeb’? Yes. Why don’t you write
long distance songs? Sapna, ‘Kareeb’ was
the name of the film. Okay, sir.
I wanted to ask something. You take praises from everyone don’t you get itchy? You’ve started talking
rubbish again. Go from here.
– Sir, one more thing. I like the woman who
comes in your phrases. Who? Rhyme scheme. Sir, one last thing.
– How much will you ask? So what? Sir also explains it in a long
way rather than being direct. Did I say anything? Do you know anything
about all this? I know everything
about poetry. What? Sir, when a person
suffers a heart break.. Yes. Then from the inside..
Increase it. When a person suffers heartbreak then only poetry is what
the person thinks about. Okay. Here, if something is broken then only mom’s slippers
come out to hit. Sir, talking about mom
reminds me.. Sir, Kapil had
a question for you both. Sir, if a mother’s
affection is called love then what is
a father’s affection called? Liar. When did I ask this? You also take others names
and ask stupid questions. Wait.. I will take his case. Yes, do it. Whenever he needs to ask
a stupid question he doesn’t take his name.
– Yes. Sir, Ms. Archana
wanted to ask this. Sir, kids wanted to ask. That’s what he does.
– I will take your case. Sir, I have a boyfriend
in Nala Sopara. You understand ‘Chava’? The thing which has a shadow. No, he meets me
under a shed only but ‘Chava’ means boyfriend.
– Boyfriend. Oh. Say ‘Chava’. That’s how we dance there. So my boyfriend also
writes a lot of poems. He writes behind the trucks.
– And.. He gets the slippers which
are hanging for free. That’s what your boyfriend
writes. – Don’t say more. Sir, he writes a lot of poems. So I would like
to present a poem of his. Sure. What is it called? She is asking to allow her. Please.
– Please. Why are you telling them? They are doing that since birth. You are telling them
to say ‘Please’. Yeah, so I will read
out Mukesh’s poem. Rs. 20 for flowers
and Rs. 25 for thread. Rs. 20 for flowers. Rs. 20 for flowers
and Rs. 25 for thread. Give me one crore. It didn’t rhyme. Did I get one crore? Talking about rhyming. Sir, come to Nala Sopara. You will be with me
for four days there. You tell everyone for two days. No, when they will come they will tell us
poems for two days.. Yes..
– …and vice versa. We are very humble.
We don’t keep anyone’s words. That’s how it is.
– Wow. I run a massage parlour
over there, sir. We offer different
varieties of massages. Sir, I have
a ‘Mushaira Massage’ for you. Oh, wow!
– ‘Mushaira Massage!’ What kind of massage is that?
– In that massage we remove the
customer’s clothes, apply oil and we take them to the
gathering without any clothes. When the audience
look at them and praise them then we start
massaging them. The next one is,
‘Mausi ki Massage’. What do you do in this?
– ‘Mausi ki’ In this kind of massage
we apply oil to a man and give massage
to his wife. Then we have ‘Hasyaras Massage’.
– Okay.. What do you do
in this massage? In this massage, we apply oil
on to our finger – Okay. and tickle our customer
and keep massaging him until his ‘hasya’
and ‘ras’ doesn’t come out. That’s wonderful! Sir, let me take your leave. I am going to fleece
a gathering. Are you going
to recite a poem? No.. Mukesh has brought
a new sword. We’re going to loot
the gathering. The way we loot
is totally different. Okay, sir. Give a big hand to Rahat
Indori and Ashok Chakradhar. Please come, sir. It’s now time
to get a good picture. and Ms. Archana will
be taking the picture. Please come, Mr. Ashok.
– Please come. Fantastic!
That’s an amazing photo. Thank you.
Join us, Ms. Archana. Mr. Rahat. The time we
had with both of you was so good that we didn’t realise
how quickly the time has passed. Mr. Rahat, thank you very much..
– My best wishes. for coming to our show.
– It was my pleasure. Thank you Mr. Ashok. It was fun
listening to your poetry live. This was the first time
I heard it. You’ve really won the hearts
of our audience. Sir, thank you very much. Keep laughing and smiling. Keep your surroundings clean. Good night. Good bye.
Thank you.

40 thoughts on “The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 59 – Full Episode – 21st July, 2019

  1. I committed first proud moment for me and my family
    Thank you mom thank you dad
    Thank you god

  2. Maine apne frnd se saart lagaya hai k
    Ek mahina mein 1k subscribe pura karunga
    Plzz guy's support me plzzz😊😊😊

  3. ए कृस्ना को निकाल्दो काम नै है ईश शो मे मसुर गुलाठिको बोलाइ कपिल भाइ

  4. start at 48: 31 – 51-.14 and after this ……………………agrar tumhe smajh mae aaya naihii ye alfaaz ………kassor tumhara nai… kassor khuda ka haaaa………jisne tumhe dihkaya nai vo dard ya vo hakikat.. jisko chord jaati ha kismat tumhein awaara kar k

  5. Abey kutty peso ke liye afni maa ko bejney wale kosry tum ja ke deko tum logo ko kutto ki tarah nechey geradeya

  6. Bc fuddi deo jis episode main chandu aur bacha hai uska specly bta dea kro bharti sapna archana aah thuu ehna de peen de l..

  7. Kapil suvar ki aulad rahat indori there shaw me aake modi ko challange karta he& tum bewcoof wah wah karke taliya bajate ho, ye suvar Dubai& muslim mehfil me modi ko gali deke wah wah leta he , deshdrohi

  8. YouTube ads 😥😥😥😥😥😥😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠

  9. I love to watch Kapil Sharma show, but it becomes tasteless when the annoying n irritating n boring Bharti comes in. Please get rid of Bharti.


    Please subscribe to my channel to view / know more opportunities in Riyadh – KSA

  11. ডাঃ মোসুর গুলাটি, এই এপি সোড গুলাই থাকলে আরো ভালো হতো,,উনাকে আবার শো তে নিয়ে আসলে খুশি হবো,kapil sir

  12. ডাঃ মোসুর গুলাটি, এই এপি সোড গুলাই থাকলে আরো ভালো হতো,,উনাকে আবার শো তে নিয়ে আসলে খুশি হবো,kapil sir

  13. কে কে বাংলাদেশ থেকে দেখছ?
    নিচে লাইক দিয়ে জানিয়ে দাও

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