The Nice Guy Trope, Explained

“I’ve just invented a sketch
of a decent, sensitive guy…” “Maybe I’m not nice, you know?” He’s not like other guys,
He’s a nice guy. “Sorry, I’m not like a gross guy
trying to hit on you or anything.” If we look at the Nice Guy onscreen, we can break down
the qualities that define him. He’s a hopeless romantic. “I brought you these
and a poem I wrote for you.” The nice guy can be found
obsessively pining after a girl, making grand gestures or
jumping way ahead in planning the future of a relationship. “I have FOUND the future
Mrs. Ted Mosby.” But much to his chagrin,
he’s often pegged as friend material instead of as a true
boyfriend contender. “You waited too long to make your move
and now you’re in the friendzone.” This obsessive lover-boy
lives in his head. “Well, You know, You’re not
always one to face things.” and frequently struggles
to act on his feelings. “You could just ask her out.” “Don’t be stupid.” But the central irony of the nice guy
is that he’s not actually that nice. “Women never go for the nice guy.” “Please. Men say that,
but you get to know some of these men who complain the most,
you find out they’re not as nice as they like to think they are.” He may be the polar opposite of the stereotypical
male commitment-phobe, but his supposed romantic streak
is really just projecting a fantasy onto the woman he likes. “They do the thing where
they put you on a pedestal and they dote on you even though
you’ve never expressed any interest.” He talks about how girls
go for the wrong type of guys, “He’s going to use your ass
and throw you away.” but this rhetoric is usually just
an empty cover for wishing HE had the ladies man’s
confidence and mojo. [Paolo speaking Italian] [Ross pretending to speak Italian] And while he isn’t intimidating
or threatening on the surface, the unrequited love he’s too scared
to pursue can lead to a toxic build up of resentment or bitterness. “I don’t handle rejection well. Funny, considering all the practice I’ve had, huh?” The wisdom in our culture
has long been that nice guys finish last. So how did we end up
with a whole subgroup of male characters who are
trying really hard to be seen as Nice? Here’s our take on the Nice Guy:
what’s behind his niceness, why he’s his own worst enemy
and why — even if some of these guys are frauds,
the real thing CAN still exist. This video is brought to you
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originals absolutely free. Start listening today! The Nice Guy himself hasn’t
necessarily changed all that much over time, but in recent years
there have been HUGE shifts in the way viewers look at him. For most of history,
the male character who relentlessly pursued his love object regardless of whether
she was sure about him was portrayed as
charming and sweet. “It’s a pity you don’t have
as much charm as persistence.” “But I have. You’ve only seen
the aggressive side of me.” “What do you say, c’mon?” (Laughs) “Alright you win.” In Fred Astaire movies like
Top Hat and The Gay Divorcee, the male lead’s intense
infatuation with and pursuit of a woman he doesn’t
know well is presented as normal, because he’s so in love. “Peekaboo.” “Stop this cab at once.” One of the most definitive examples
of the Nice Guy trope is Duckie in 1986’s Pretty in Pink. “He’s a really nice guy.” He harbors an unrequited crush
on his best friend Andie, and most of the time
is an obnoxious pest, constantly badgering
her for attention. “6:15. Duckie Dale again. Call me, OK? Andie, where are you? This is the Duck. Give me a call, OK? Uh, it’s 6:28…” Duckie consistently overlooks
what Andie wants, instead thinking
he knows what’s best. “I won’t take no for an answer.” “Try, please.” When he finds out that she’s interested
in dating rich guy Blane he tries to shame her out of her crush. “You can’t do this and,
and-and respect yourself.” “Well, I’ll make that decision,
all right?” So ultimately, Duckie’s kindness
is contingent on a woman living her life on his terms. “So-so when you get your heart
splattered all over hell and you’re feeling
really low, and dirty, don’t look to me to
help pump you back up ‘cause ‘cause maybe for the first time in your life,
I won’t be there.” But in spite of all this bad behavior,
the original movie ending that writer John Hughes wanted brought
Andie and Duckie together at the prom. Test audiences booed this conclusion,
suggesting that our culture already had a lower tolerance for the nice guy
than filmmakers may have thought. “Listen, may I admire you again today?” 90’s and 2000’s shows
featured nice guy characters pining for their dream woman, but struggling to
express this in a healthy way. Take Brian Krakow on
My So-Called Life — when he’s jealous
about Angela’s relationship with dreamboat
Jordan Catalano, he starts a spiteful rumor
that the two had sex. “Her and Jordan?” “At Brian’s house.” “Oh my God.” “Can you believe it? Right in the front yard. Brian watched
the entire thing through his kitchen window.” Ross Gellar on Friends
and Ted Mosby on How I Met Your Mother begin their respective series wanting
to find “the one” as soon as possible. “I’m done being single.” “I don’t want to be single, okay? I just- I just want to be married again.” Both men fixate on a woman
they feel is perfect, developing an out-of-control
infatuation even though she’s not quite on the same page. “I don’t want to get married
right now, maybe ever.” After Ross wins his “lobster” Rachel, things go sour when
she starts establishing a new independent identity and career,
leading him to act out in jealous, controlling ways. “Can’t a guy send a barbershop quartet
to his girlfriend’s office anymore?” “It was like you were
marking your territory. I mean, you might as well
have just come in and peed all around my desk.” When these shows were on the air,
we were still meant to sympathize with Ross and Ted,
and root for them to get the girl. So in many of these cases,
it’s only in looking back that some viewers start to
find the nice guy’s behavior creepy. “Now, if only I knew her schedule,
I could arrange a chance encounter.” “That’s great, Ted. You’ll be the most
casual staIker ever.” More recently, though,
our culture has turned on this character type,
even coining the term “nice guy syndrome” to describe the wolf
in sheep’s clothing who performs niceness
with ulterior motives. “You pretend to be nice
and that’s worse.” It follows that modern “nice guys”
onscreen are viewed through a more critical, self-aware lens. “Everyone says
he’s a really nice guy.” “Good point.” “That’s exactly the problem. Because he’s so nice,
people don’t wanna think he’s capable of awful things
so they let him off the hook.” If you look back,
you can find subtle critiques of the Nice Guy scattered
throughout film history. In 1951’s A Place in the Sun,
our seemingly nice hero wants to be with Elizabeth Taylor’s
rich beautiful Angela so badly that he plots to murder his
poor pregnant girlfriend to get her out of the way. “…and there was a moment
when you might have saved her. Who were you thinking of,
just in that moment? In your heart
was murder, George.” In 1958’s Vertigo,
the apparently harmless Scottie (played by Jimmy Stewart,
subverting his own Nice Guy persona) is so fixated on the idea
of a perfect, non-existent woman that he obsessively controls
an actual girlfriend. “The color of your hair.” “Oh, no.” “Judy, please. lt can’t matter to you.” and inadvertently
causes her death. In 1965’s Repulsion,
an exploration of female fear of men nice guy Colin aggressively
pursues Carol, even though she
doesn’t engage with him. “Are you playing hard to get?” When she won’t open
her apartment door to see him, Colin breaks it down justifying this threatening,
violent behavior as an expression of
his romantic passion. “I had to see you that’s all.” But when it comes to our
modern skepticism of the Nice Guy, the tide started to turn
with 2009’s 500 Days of Summer which was meant to be
a deconstruction of the trope. The story looks at how
the idealistic Tom projects onto his dream girl Summer,
ignoring all the times she tells him that she’s
not looking for love. “I just don’t feel comfortable
being anyone’s girlfriend.” “I just don’t
want a relationship.” “Well, you’re not
the only one that gets a say in this! I do too! And I say we’re a couple,
goddamn it!” Director Marc Webb said, “The movie is very intentionally
told from the perspective of the guy, and we wanted to
identify his shortcomings. He wasn’t observing
the inner life of the Summer character. He projected on her…
we think of that as romantic, but really it’s just
intellectual laziness.” “It’s Tom’s fault. I think that if you really pay attention,
Tom’s not listening to Summer. When you hear something
that doesn’t fit into what you wanted to hear, you still have to
update your thinking.” Still, the movie’s
intended message didn’t stop many viewers
from seeing Summer (who herself is
a deconstruction of the manic pixie
dream girl trope) as the villain who coldly
breaks Tom’s heart. This popular misreading
reveals that, at the time 500 Days
came out, culture was still biased
in favor of the nice guy. That same year,
Inglourious Basterds gave us Frederick Zoller who presents himself
as a polite, smitten suitor. (In French) “It’s been a
pleasure chatting with a fellow cinema lover.” But the film subverts this —
because this guy is a literal Nazi who snaps when Shoshanna
turns him down one too many times. (In French)
“Frederick, you hurt me.” “Well it’s nice to know
you can feel something, even if it’s just physical pain.” Love, Simon’s antagonist Martin
also sees himself as a nice guy,
though no one else does. He cruelly blackmails Simon. “He told me that
if I didn’t help him get with Abby,
he’d out me.” But when his romantic
grand gesture for his crush Abby bombs,
he does out Simon after all. “We should all probably
be talking about this instead of Martin Addison’s
homecoming debacle which was actually
kind of sweet, and romantic, if you think about it.” Netflix’s You
is the darkest subversion of the trope yet. Bookstore manager Joe creates
a perfect nice guy image to win Beck. “I mean, you’re a Nice Guy
with the ‘You are remarkable’ stuff.” but he’s actually stalking her,
tailoring his personality to what he knows
about her, and killing off anyone
who poses a threat to their relationship. “Everything I do,
I do to protect you, Beck.” 2020’s Promising Young Woman
offers a full-on revenge fantasy, in which vigilante
Cassie targets fake nice guys she knows will try
to take advantage of her. “I go to a club,
I act like I’m too drunk to stand. And every week,
a nice guy comes over to see if I’m okay.” “You okay?” Thus the movie’s takeaway
is similar to You: these men who tell themselves
they’re protecting a woman from the bad people
out there are really the ones she needs protection FROM. “You are the bad thing. You are the thing that you should have killed.” “I’m a nice guy.” “Are you?” Ultimately, the nice guy
has evolved from the underdog romantic
into the villain of our times. “I used to think
it was something else. That you wanted me
to be yours. That you wanted
to possess me, but no this is so much
simpler than that. You hate yourself.” This shift in popular opinion is largely due to the
Me, Too movement and a growing awareness
of the nuances of male entitlement. As Rebecca Pahle
writes for Mashable, “You used to be able
to shrug aside the Nice Guy’s more stalker-y tendencies—
so the media they appeared in told us because they were
just so damn harmless. What can a socially awkward
nerd really do? The answer, we now realize,
is ‘a lot.’” “If it’s ‘creepy’
to use the internet, military satellites,
and robot aircraft to find a house
full of gorgeous young models so I can drop
in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I’m ‘creepy.’” “I’m a nice guy. ‘Cause I tell ya if you say no,
I’m gonna be there every day at the coffee shop
having breakfast until you say
yes to me.” The nice guy is largely
defined by his romantic side. But this character’s
infatuation frequently takes the woman’s
desires out of the equation. “I just don’t
think of you that way.” “Well, try. I’ll wait.” Romantics like Ross,
Ted, Tom and Duckie are so single-minded
and sure they’ve found their soulmates that
they don’t pause to consider whether their love object
feels the same. “I’d like to marry her.” So ultimately, the nice guy
needs to accept that you can’t will someone
into feeling what you feel “You can love Andie,
but that doesn’t mean she’s gonna
love you back. What I’m trying to say
is you can’t make it happen.” Downton Abbey offers
one of the most interesting cases of this phenomenon: Daisy never feels anything
remotely romantic for kind, gentle William
yet she’s pressured into marrying him
to make him happy. “You always said
I wouldn’t have to marry him when it came to it.” “Daisy, he’s dying. What difference does it make?” Nice guy stories
tend to send the troubling message that a man’s
relentless persistence will reward him
with the woman in the end. “I mean, sometimes
persistence pays off. I said ‘yes’ eventually.” This is reflective
of a culture where “no” is often interpreted
to mean “convince me.” “What could she mean
when she says no? I don’t know,
it is totally cryptic.” “This is far from over.” On How I Met Your Mother,
Ted’s whole guiding philosophy is that you should
never back off and move on, even when it’s completely
inappropriate (like when the woman
you love is engaged to your friend). [Enthusiastically] “And when
you love someone, you just,
you don’t stop, ever. Even when people roll
their eyes or call you crazy. Even then. Especially then! You just — you don’t give up!” The nice guy
is the kind of person who bemoans that
chivalry is dead. “We’re a couple of nice guys
which stopped being a desirable character trait
about half a century ago.” But this passion for respecting
women may not be all that it appears. “Sometimes, I swear,
I’m the only real feminist you know.” “I’m wearing this shirt
and you won’t even let me nut?!” The nice guy often
makes romance into a moral issue, so that if a girl
doesn’t like him, she must just not
like being treated well. “She rejected romance,
honesty and respect.” He expects the woman
to be interested in him because of his inner goodness,
or because he’s so in love with her. But this idea is hypocritical
because the nice guy is usually drawn to his crush
at least in part out of physical attraction… he’s not exactly looking around
for an awkward girl on his level of the social hierarchy and
falling for her just because of the intensity of her feelings. Finally, this character type
often builds up a fantasy of his love interest that isn’t representative
of who she really is. “I guess I’m no longer
the virgin queen of Dawson Leery’s hand-held fantasies.” You emphasizes how
the nice guy lives in his head through Joe’s creepy narration. “A proposal: why don’t
we spend the day together tomorrow,
just you and me?” The way his internal
monologue refers to Beck as “you” makes it seem
as if he’s carrying on a conversation with her…
except that, of course, she’s not really a part of it. So in many of these cases, as in Vertigo’s early subversion
of the trope, the nice guy is in love
with a phantom. And as soon as the woman
shatters that illusion and asserts her individuality
it’s no more Mr. Nice Guy. “Either, she’s an evil,
emotionless, miserable human being
or she’s a robot.” The nice guy may feel
victimized by more confident men or beautiful women. “Why is it pretty girls
think they can treat people like crap and get away with it?” “Centuries of reinforcement.” But the truth is that
he is his own worst enemy. The character frequently dims
his own light through self-sabotage. “You’re deliberately flunking
your courses so that you can stay in high school… You run yourself down. Why do you do that?” In the finale of
My So-Called Life, Brian writes a romantic
letter to Angela for Jordan to pass off as his own,
Cyrano de Bergerac-style, and she’s blown away
by its heartfelt contents. “It’s, like, the most
incredible letter I’ve ever gotten.” Show creator Winnie Holzman said,
“it wasn’t the Brian that was walking around in life
who wrote that letter. He went to this really
deep place inside himself, and he wrote from there. That’s what spoke to Angela.” Holzman’s words reveal
how Brian has done himself a serious disservice by
not showing Angela his true self before this point. Even then, he’s
hiding behind Jordan. “You’re using him too,
to like express your true
feelings toward Angela.” And when Angela
directly confronts Brian to ask if he wrote the letter,
and it’s implied that she’s developing feelings for him too,
he still won’t take credit for it. “I have to know, because–” “Know what? There’s nothing to know.” The Perks of Being a Wallflower
makes a similar point in the way Charlie sells himself
short by not pursuing his crush, Sam. “Then why didn’t you
ever ask me out?” “I just didn’t think
that you wanted that.” “Well, what did you want?” On 13 Reasons Why,
Clay never musters the courage to tell his classmate Hannah
how he feels about her. The show implies
that there’s a chance it could have helped
Hannah to know someone cared. “Why didn’t you say
this to me when I was alive?” which gets at the point
that it’s not just HIMSELF the Nice Guy hurts
by withdrawing. “You can’t just just sit
there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours
and think that counts as love.” And because he’s not able
to express himself, he may be lacking
in emotional intelligence or empathy for
those around him. “You don’t understand
people, Krakow.” The nice guy has
a tendency to take a passive role in his own life. “The pity thing? Not good. If you want crappy things
to stop happening to you, then stop accepting
crap and demand something more.” But by being so self-protective
and risk-averse, he lets his feelings
fester into self-loathing and ensures that he
doesn’t get any closer to what he really wants. “She probably wouldn’t
go out with me, anyway, but how do l know that
for sure, if l don’t ever ask?” So the nice guy needs
to develop the courage to face the possibility
that his feelings aren’t reciprocated and in confronting this fear,
discover that he can survive rejection
and move on. “If she laughs, she laughs. And if she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t love me,
but if I don’t find out…” In Pretty in Pink
once Duckie gets over his infatuation with Andie,
we discover that this guy IS genuinely sweet. “You look stunning. Really. It’s-it’s breathtaking.” And encouraging his
friend to follow her heart. “If you don’t go to him now,
I’m never gonna take you to another prom ever again,
you hear me?” makes Duckie feel good, too. So what does a true nice guy
look like in our modern world and how does he differ
from the faux nice guy? To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’s
true Nice Guy Peter Kavinsky is that total unicorn who,
besides possessing the expected love interest qualities
of good looks and self-assurance, is unusually romantic and thoughtful. “I even packed the snacks. I asked Kitty where to find those yogurt drinks
you like so much.” “The Korean grocery store
is all the way across town.” “I know.” Rather than falling in love
with an idea of Lara Jean, he takes the time to listen
and get to know who she really is. “You’re a good listener.” Peter respects his partner’s
desires and boundaries “I don’t want to rush you.” And he treats her not as the subject of his adoration but as an active participant
in the relationship. “If you want me to read that,
then you need to give that to me.” On Parks and Recreation,
real Nice Guy Ben Wyatt supports his partner’s
aspirations 100%. “I love how
independent my wife is.” championing her instead
of trying to control or limit her out of fear she’ll slip
away from him. “Indiana native, supremely qualified,
and she wrote that she wanted to be governor in her
kindergarten dream journal.” These modern examples
of true Nice Guys call back to authentic
ones of the past, too. Jimmy Stewart’s
George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life
is the quintessential Nice Man audiences love because
he cares about others, has a sense of community,
and makes sacrifices to help people. “I got two thousand dollars. Here’s two thousand dollars. This’ll tide us over
until the bank reopens. Alright Tom,
how much do you need?” Tom Hanks has made a career
of playing actual Nice Guys, and in movies
like Splash, that coincided very naturally
with getting the girl he loves. So really, it’s always been
great to be a Nice Guy, and it still is. What differentiates
a real nice guy from the knock-off version
is simply authenticity. The faux nice guy’s grand
gestures can come off as cringeworthy and
even manipulative. “You’ll receive Cliff Notes
versions of his thesis length emails listing the things
he sees in you that no one else sees.” Or he may expect a prize
for acting like a decent person. “I went to a lot of trouble
to solve your dress problem, and I think I at least
deserve to see it on you.” But while fake niceness
abounds in our world, true kindness sets you apart
like a diamond in the rough… and in the end,
real nice guys finish first. “I need you to know that I like you,
Peter Kavinsky. And not in a fake way.” This video is brought to you by Audible,
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100 thoughts on “The Nice Guy Trope, Explained

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  2. I am dating a Nice guy and guess what, it's nice. I've always wanted to have a nice boyfriend, but alot of men mistake themself as one because they are not overly attractive. You can be unactractive ánd have a bad personality, same goes for girls/woman. (Sorry english is not my first language)

  3. I like this channel more and more super interesting stuff and a new light on the movies and series I love. Just want to say that ❤

  4. Being nice is manipulative. Being flat out real, truthful and having loving nature and high self-esteem are a lot better traits.

  5. I always thought that ted from how I meet ur mother was a psychopath.. playing nice to get what he wants.. even at the end of the show his wife dies and he still goes for the girl from years ago..

  6. Calling ROSS GELLER 'nice guy' is plain stupid. He STARTED hate club, coz girl didn't liked him back. He was cheating wife after wife, girlfriend after girlfriend. He got into fight with his 'beloved' Rachel and was in a bed of OTHER ONE in couple hours. His history of guardianship over Ben is questionable…
    Ross is pretentious, arrogant, ASS pretending NICE GUY and how many labeled him that is just HILARIOUS.
    After all, if girl is shallow and just looks, like Rachel, no 'nice guy' will stay just for that. They maybe had a kid, but just on another whim, they soon WILL be on a break.
    True 'nice guy' of a serie is CHANDLER. 🤔

  7. I don't know if I've met the first kind of nice guy as portrayed here. Maybe it only happens in the movies

  8. You forgot When we first met great movie, where nice guy turns from fake to the real one.

  9. As someone who was fooled by a “nice guy” and experienced complete transparency with a “bad guy”…I know where I stand on this. Nice guys hide their flaws, bad guys are up front with it🤷🏾‍♀️

  10. Just realized Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice might also be a commentary on the nice guy trope. Of course Mr. Darcy projects his desires and entitlement (though he's not exactly a nice guy, quite the opposite of surface "nice guy" Wickham) on Elizabeth when he proposed the first time but eventually learns to back off and let her live her life, even helped her family without any expectation of reciprocity from Elizabeth. And eventually he wins her love because he has learned to listen and change his ways without any expectations of reward.

  11. This is a legit creepy trope that's played for romantic movies and I hate it. Someone who blatantly tries to show how "nice" he is and does kind gestures just to get the girl he's obsessed over and to hide his manipulative, self-centered and superficial nature. Jack Dunkleman from Tall Girl is by far the WORST example: He's downright creepy about his pining and "flirting" with Jodie even if she says no a hundred times, pushes her away from dating others by either butting his ugly ass in and ruining her date on purpose andor outright manipulating the guy to go and fall in love with someone else so Jodie will be all for him, WATCHES HER WHILE SHE SLEEPS (I can't stress enough how much of a big red flag it is) and overall dropping "subtle" hints that he is the guy for her because she won't have the perfect guy coming out of nowhere, AKA "no one will date you, I want to date you, so let's date". The worst part of it all is that in the end, SHE FALLS FOR HIS SHIT.

  12. Ok this is my opinion on this. I know romance, moonlight and roses may not exists but my opinion is that I should do as much as I can to find it. I will always try to go for girls I like, but as soon as I see that she feels uncomfortable and/or rejects me, I'm out. I will provide emotional support when asked but further I don't interact at all. I try to better myself(gym/work hard) and try again with a new girl. Is that considered being a nice guy. Is there something I'm missing? I haven't found love yet and I think I have accepted that I maybe never will and I hope that I accepted that it isn't the girls fault as well, but I have to till the day I die respectfully try.

  13. I've dealt with a nice guy before, it's not a joke. He saw me crying in the corner at work and hugged me. When I rejected him, he angrily asked if it was because he wasn't white. Sir, no. It's your attitude and shitty personality.

  14. So many “nice guys” defending themselves in the responses haha. Classic nice guy

  15. There is one thing that bothers me about this video though. And that is that men or "nice guys" are portrayed as "creepy stalkers" while women as well love to "stalk" you on your social media before they go on a date with you. Or after they went on a date with you. Or when you date a woman, you often secretly date her girlfriends as well, without you realize it. With which I mean that they pretty much make a plan on how she should behave around you. Or take screenshots of the conversation between the both of you, and come up with things to say. I know women who brag about this, while at the same time complain about being single….

  16. I don't get nice guys and the friendzone. If you have romantic interest for a girl, express it and accept whatever her response may be bc we can't force others to feel a certain way. Not expressing your true feelings and instead of that being nice/fake a friendship for a long period of time in hopes to manipulate the other person into falling in love with you and getting mad when the other person just thinks you guys are friends is ridiculous and freaking disrespectful. You can't expect them to read your mind and friendship isn't a dark "zone" it's a special gift of love and trust. Sure it's understandable if you're hurt that your feelings aren't romantically reciprocated and need some time away from that person but don't get angry bc you are not entitled to it. Think about the other person who had no idea that you were faking being nice and a friend just to get something from them. They loose a close person and get painted as the bad guy

  17. Anyone else notice how most of these film theories on various sites only seek to denigrate men? Not very often to you see an analysis of tropes that criticize a particular type of female, unless that criticism is less directed at that type of woman and more at the male artist that created the trope. Do you mean to tell me there are no toxic female characters that exemplify certain negative behaviors many women have? Gold digging? Sexual and emotional manipulators? Liars? Users?

    . . . funny how that seems to work

  18. Duckie is not an example of a nice guy even as a troupe, that's toxic and annoying

  19. This may come as a random …But Jake Peralta from Brooklyn Nine-Nine can also be a ideal "nice guy" example …right ?

  20. Nice guy symptoms in a man:
    -only chases out of his league women
    -Super look-oriented
    -judges other women and call them ugly

  21. If 'nice' is a tactic you are using to get what you want from women, you are MANIPULATIVE, not nice.

  22. There are too many media portrayals of men performing generous gestures to women and being rewarded for it with love. This needs to go away as well as the lack of strong male characters in TV and movies. We are programmed as kids that the "bad boy" she falls for is not who you should be and that if you keep persisting and showing her how much you care, she will one day appreciate all that you do for her. It is hard to watch when I see this in my University every day, and I just wish I could pull guys aside and tell them the truth. Now we tell them "don't be nice" and leave them hanging, so they are confused. Boys, don't watch anything made after the year 2000 and see how men are supposed to act. Watch The Godfather, James Bond movies, 80s action, and other classics. See for yourself how rarely you should show your emotions and how calm and cool you should be in social situations.

  23. once I had a date with guy with all these characteristics, put me on a pedestal with just a few days talking, said I was the love of his life, that he wouldn't hurt me or want just for sex. and that lots of girls rejected him… I still rejected him because I couldn't bring myself to like him and I found all of that so weird… even months after not talking he messaged me asking for a selfie, out of the blue, now I have a boyfriend who studied with him I Highschool and told me that the way he remembers him, all of that are just lies. I dodged a bullet I guess lol

  24. I'm surprised Jim from The Office didn't come up in this. I'm not saying he's a fake "nice guy", but he does display a lot of the tropes in this video, especially in the earlier seasons before he ends up with Pam.

  25. I am not happy to say there are MANY men who base their mask personality on this trope, then get extremely aggressive when turned down.

  26. Chris mastronardi cult has tryimg to take bronx and wants abc to make bronx dangerous has story that I can only live in shelter wants to proove that I have to live in shelter to argue with me dont want to talk to these t

  27. I wonder why the cool girl is never a thing when forced smiles can pass as a nice guy? What is it that men and women cannot face AND love the ugliness inside their partners as well as the good parts too? Maybe I'm asking too much, seriously, maybe I am.

  28. You do know nice guys never actually say they’re nice guys right? It’s like if a crazy woman says she’s crazy, she’s probably not. All these characters always say they’re nice guys, just saying.

  29. I think this is less of a "nice guy" trope and more of a white male entitlement trope. I would actually say that this is built off of Don Quixote, how a lot of people misunderstood the mentally ill protagonist and took is violent and crazy actions as romantic. The nice guy is a subversion of old tropes where a male version of Cinderella gets a happy life due to his virtuous nature.
    In You, the main character even talks about Don Quixote as a hero, foreshadowing that the guy is clearly insane.

  30. There was a time the nice guy trope was that they eventually got the girl in the end if they stayed themselves … but this created generations of entitled losers and now they are called incels

  31. Thank you for this video. This perfectly describes the tragedy of my younger years. Whenever I met a group of guys I would never have a chance to be with the one I actually liked because before I even got the chance to talk to each of them and know their personalities someone – usually the so called nice guy of the group – would decide I was their property and mark me like a dog marking his territory. He would tell everyone in the group to keep their hands off me because he was 'in love' and trying to get with me so the guy I actually would like after getting to know him would not make a move out of respect to his friend. I want everyone to know how wrong this is because most of the times the 'nice guy' didn't even fall for me because he has chemistry with me and the guy who actually has chemistry wouldn't get close because the 'nice guy' has already claimed me as his. In my entire adult dating life I never got with the 'nice guy' and ended up annoyed by him, so the only result this behavior produced was everyone staying alone.

  32. Nice guys are viewed as weak and submissive. Cool guys are basically the guys willing to take a chance and fight for what they want. There. Saved you 22 minutes. No one gives a fuck about the loser and his/her feelings. People care about those who take chances and WIN. Who can provide and protect for their lovers and friends.

  33. Gus is a psycho in nice guy clothing and we really only find out how crazy he is in the latter half of the third and last season wow

  34. I remember watching 500 days of summer, and i thought… SUMMER SAID SHE WASN'T LOOKING FOR LOVE!!! WHAT PART OF THAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?!

  35. I agreed with everything but the last line. Nice guys never finish first. They can't. It's impossible. Nice guys might not finish last, but in a world full of ass holes prepared to do anything to come out on top, truly nice guys don't stand a chance. It's a simple fact of reality people refuse to accept.

  36. Can't strech enough how much I loved the first season of YOU. It was so fucking creepy

  37. Well, hello there. Who are you?

    Based on your vibe, a student.

    Your blouse is loose. You're not here to be ogled,

    but those bracelets, they jangle.

    You like a little attention.

    Okay, I bite.

  38. Ross is an example of a nice guy. Chandler is a guy who is nice. He didn't compliment Monica at the wedding to get with her, just because she was upset and he was trying to make her feel better, not looking for anything in return. Alot of guys need to know the difference

  39. Because of videos like these, when I’m being genuinely nice and called nice I cringe and say to please don’t call me that.

  40. Never check out r/niceguys
    What the hell am I saying, check it out, it's aweseome. They get dunked on for their toyix personality

  41. 17:00 In Clay's defence, he had some reason to think Hannah wouldn't see him that way. Clay had no idea what was going on in her life, and from the outside perspective it easily looked like Hannah was interested about other people. He probably thought telling how he felt could've ruined the friendship they had.

    That's one of the dilemmas of today's nice guy IRL: You can't get into someone else's head, so letting a person know how you feel can be just as risky as keeping it inside. I actually lost one of my friends a year back, when she broke up with her boyfriend. I saw that she isn't feeling well, and I kept checking up on her too much, telling that I'm there for her, which caused her to take distance, cause she thought I was having feelings for her. We did talk it trough, but I pretty sure she didn't believe me, cause afterwards she felt even more uncomfortable with me. Nowadays, everyone seems to think that nice guy always have some hidden agenda…

  42. Let's be honest: society tells women to date nice guys because we don't wanna admit that women are just as horny as men. We silence women about their (physical) attraction to men by shaming them & calling them sexist names 🤷‍♂️

  43. I'm a nice guy. It's hard to realize. I don't know how to change. But I need too.

  44. lmao so many people in this comment section would rather be treated like shit than kindly

  45. This is all BS. Guys please don't buy into all this nonsense. If you interested in a woman/girl just go for it and be yourself and as open and honest as possible. If she like you back then good. If not, tough move on don't let her friend zone you, tell her you have enough friends and that you not looking for more friends. Move on, as in a couple of days later you will meet someone else that you will like. Life is not complicated. Just don't be a jerk, be yourself, honest and open.

  46. Oh bs… nice guys are nice and protective because they want to be with a chick, yes. That's not an ulterior motive, it's just a motive. It's not them trying to get the chick to live on their terms, it's them wishing the chick would be with them. They become friends because of trying to get to know a chick that they like; it's not some evil plot (stories where it actually is an evil plot asside). Liking someone doesn't make someone bad. If being nice is wrong… then how is a guy supposed to approach and get to know a chick he's interested in?

  47. If she knows she can have you, she won't want you, don't show all your interest at once. She'll value your interest more if she's earned it rather than getting it automatically

  48. ANYONE with a hidden motive, be they nice or mean, is suspect.
    However, if a guy is nice just because all other options are less appealing to him, maybe we should give that guy a little credit.

  49. Girls aren't attracted to 'niceness'/'kindness' on it's own, anyone can provide that, her family/friends or whatever. Treating people well should be a default. They want to be equal in a relationship, no so high above on a pedestal with you as a servant. She wants banter, teasing, flirting, sexual tension, an emotional experience. If conversations between you are 30 minute talks about the weather, or endless compliments and not disagreeing with her on anything then the conversation will be a chore

  50. Women aren't vending machines that you put niceness coins into until sex comes out. My favorite quote about "nice guys"

  51. I heard that they changed the ending of Pretty in Pink because the actors had awful chemistry?

  52. Something I find interesting is that the Nice Guy isn't just a, well, nice guy that needs to learn a lesson. Early deconstructions in Sit-Coms and such often depicted it like "Oh, I was actually being superficial and self-centered? Sorry!" and it's character developement finished in an episode and they turn into actual nice guys. But even if they were aware of how their behaviour is wrong, they'd still be the self-loathing losers they were before, whereas the True Nice Guys have the defining feature of being secure enough to trust and value their partners, therefore having to reason to be jealous or controlling.

  53. It's not that complicated. Just stop lying to us. If you say "why can't I find a nice guy?", "all I want is a nice guy, is that too much to ask?" etc then funnily enough, guys try to act nice and get upset when we find out that's not what you were actually looking for. When you say "why can't I find a hot guy with a big dick?" then we'll either get plastic surgery or accept reality and move on.

  54. I have always been a bit sceptical of these nice guy traits. it can definitely be seen in Ross for sure. I've had this issue once, met a nice guy at a party had a few conversations and then he became obsessive. Messaging me day and night though I had given no indication of being interested romantically yet. It got really intense and I had to tell him that he needed to stop and ended up blocking him. Really is sad when something like that happens

  55. I am a Roschel stan but this video has too much AMAZING, PROFESSIONAL quality for me to care.

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