The Outside Toilet WAAAAAH! | POEM | Kids' Poems and Stories With Michael Rosen



when I read books in bed at night there are things like demons and ghosts but when mum and dad talk they use words in another language Yiddish that some Jewish people speak so in my parents stories there are people and creatures I never meet in the books there's the schwa what's a schwa how do I know about the SH law because man says oh don't be a schwa it sounds bad she says you don't want people to think you're a sloth so I say what's a shock she says huh it's what you don't want to be at night in bed I start to think about the Shaw I start thinking what the SH law could be like this thing that I shouldn't be but I don't tell anyone because because when I was a boy I had a kind of secret life none of my friends knew that I was worried about the SH law I figured that if I met the SH law I'd be in Souris do you know what in services in Souris is like when you're in trouble believe me you didn't want to be in service none of my friends knew what it was like when I went to see my grandparents for a start I didn't call my grandparents grandma and granddad I called them Boober and zeda no one knew that no one knew what it was like at their place the whole I loved going to visit them apart from one thing just one thing yes this is how it was mum says to us we're going to Boober and say ders come on magic she says to me ah moujik that was another of the words ah this one was a nice one at night she'd kiss me and say good night magic what's some magic I'd say someone nice a little Russian fellow she'd say I'm a little Russian fella Shh go to sleep now moujik uber ins a displace was a flat a ground floor flat weird eat flavor that's a crumbly cake plat sauce freshly baked rolls with sweet chopped herring and latkes ah they're like little bit like hash browns mmm and there was the smell of warm bagels that we called bagels and people are laughing Zeta shows me the ship in the bottle that sits above the fireplace on the mantelpiece and it's as if the ship sails along the mantelpiece on and on and on we play games snakes and ladders Fox and geese if I win Zeta calls me a cracker what's a cracker it means you're clever but you act like you know it if I laugh a lot he tells me how Platz Platz what's that hey you're laughing so much your plots you mean wet my selves a der know like you'll burst like your plots why did I say laugh so much you'll wet yourself now I need to go to the toilet but but that's the problem the toilet the only toilet they had was outside I didn't want to go out there to the outside toilet but I need to go I have to go but I don't want to go out there in the dark and cold all on my own not the outside toilet please what should I do I'll try to hang on yes I'll hang on you're wriggling about mum says do you need to go to the toilet no I say you do says my brother I think you do mum says you're not scared are you she says no you are my brother says I'm not I say so just go he says mmm-hmm he knows I'm scared I'm not gonna admit it he knows and really I am so scared I so don't want to go to the toilet so I hang on hang on I hang on but in the end I have to go my brother watches me as I go out of the room out of the warm living room through the little kitchen shadows on the floor shadows on the walls out through the backdoor into the backyard into the night I don't like this out here the chickens are talking career character the night sky goes on forever the neighbors are groaning into their tea I mustn't stop I must go to the toilet and then there it is waiting for me I've got to go in there but I so don't want to I can't go back over to the dark door open the door and in and inside it's a cave darker than the sky colder than the night this is where the spiders live creeping up the walls creeping across the floor Oh Priya Priya leaving long lines from wall to wall like dusty whiskers that fall in your face yeah the toilet seat is damp I'll leave the door open yeah but who's out there with the chickens who's out there foxes wolves beasts that bite will they come in and get me and then and then into my head comes the SH la here it comes lumbering in no don't come in please go away leave me alone I'll call out for help mad but I said I wasn't scared my brother will say I said you were scared the SH la is right there right in my face what can I do what can I do you know what I am now I'm in service I know I'll think about something else what about that thing mom calls me the muzhik yeah I'll think of him instead the moujik will push the SH la away think music don't think schlong think moujik don't think so I shut my eyes come on Michael hurry up finish come on finish him yes I'm finished and then it's out of the door back to the yard past the chickens open the back door it's getting lighter through the kitchen and are the smell of warm bagels into the light warm living room alright this is mom where are you scared this is my brother no a little bit no not a Bissel says ada mm-hmm I Bissell I say my brother winks does that mean he gets scared in there – am i smile back and look there's Zetas ship-in-a-bottle sailing down the mantelpiece there's the game of Fox and geese waiting on the table waiting vis ADA to say come on Tucker I'll play you and Boober to say have another boggle you must eat you get ill if you don't eat and there on the wall is the photo of the day mum and dad got married now it'd be great if you subscribed that is you become a subscriber look out for the subscribe button what happens you see is that I make new video one a week for a while so if you subscribe you get to see the new ones just as they come hot off the press

21 thoughts on “The Outside Toilet WAAAAAH! | POEM | Kids' Poems and Stories With Michael Rosen

  1. I love your stories about your childhood and your experiences as a Jewish child! We don't have a huge Jewish population where I live, I like to show your stories that pertain to Jewish culture to the kids I work with so they can understand a little bit more about Judaism and ask questions, they love it too!

  2. Can you make a video about your life? I love you ! I believe one day people will make your videos as an interesting subject and of course you become legend like Bob ross.He's getting so much love after so many years from young generation,people recreate what he did (seen many in social media) Your name will be everywhere and many people will inspire by you on many perspectives you've made and have like your passion..As a literature student that also took literature for kids I believe your creation would take place on this kind of courses like a good example for a project or studies..even as adult I was entertained I can imagine how kids love it..

  3. Hi micheal, you're really funny! My class love chocolate cake we watch it sometimes and everyone laughs. We are in year 5 and we still find you funny!

  4. I’ve been watching your stories for a while, and every time I listen to your soothing voice narrating your amazing adventures and tales, I feel just like a little kid again. These stories send me back to when I use to live in Kalamazoo, Michigan, back when I would be sitting in my upstairs bedroom at midday, my mother reading me books and every time I would look outside the window I would see my sisters playing around the Jungle Gym we had and my Dad working in the yard. Whenever I listen to your stories, I am teleported to a safer place, one where the word ‘worry’ was non-existent, and the meaning of stress was unknown to me. Thank you Mr. Rosen for your amazing journeys and quests, and thank you for being kind enough to share your ability of mastery in storytelling with the rest of the world. We all appreciate it, be sure of that.

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