What’s up. I’m Iggy Manley. And in case you didn’t know, when I’m not busy being a man, seven twenty-four, you know, seven hours a day, twenty-four days a week. And when I’m not busy performing my nurse responsibilities here at Arkham Sanitarium, well, that’s when I like to take up a variety of extracurricular activities. And one of them is the ancient art of calligraphy. But when I’m not busy doing that, I like to take up the timeless art of creating stained glass windows. And when I’m not busy doing that, well, that’s when I like to brew my own, homemade, apple cider. But we’re not here today to talk about any of those. We’re here today to talk about that other art form that I like to partake in. Poetry. That’s right. I’m a poet. And I bet you didn’t even know it. You see that? It jus’ kinda flows right outta me. I don’t even have control over it sometimes. So today, I thought I would share with you Some of the poems that I’ve written over the years, ever since I’ve been a resident nurse here at the sanitarium. So, kick back, relax, and uh, I hope you’ll enjoy. Let me just get out here my little notebook of poems, where I like to keep all my, like to write all my poems in. And I’m just gonna start from the beginning, and work my way through. The first one is called “Bitch, you a clown” You think you’re a man chasing money and fame? You’re so pathetic you give little girls a bad name. You wouldn’t know a man if his junk slapped you in your face. You’re just an insecure boy, wishing a man were in your place. The only real man here, is the one dropping these phat rhymes. So pay strict attention. Like Carl listening to Rick Grimes. Real men don’t brag. And real men don’t boast. Real men like fruit topping on top of their french toast. Real men don’t take selfies to post on social media. Real men use their brains. Like when reading the encyclopedia. Real men don’t respect every person that they meet. Real men only respect persons that eat meat. Real men don’t own and drive fast, expensive cars. Real men don’t get belligerent or drunk,
at sports events, strip clubs, and bars. I could go on and on, but boy, you just ain’t worth my time. So let me finish up, with this one final sick rhyme. Bitch, you a clown, in a circus sideshow. All you’re good for is a laugh. You ain’t anyone worth getting to know. Alright, here’s my next poem. It’s titled: “Meat” I like to eat meat. I like hamburgers. They’re meat. Meat is the best. Yeaaaahhhh… This next poem is called: “Arkham Sanitarium” I know a sick ass place, that’s far away from here. Where the doctors and the nurses will make all your worries disappear. This place cannot be reached by air, land or sea. It is not on any map. And it’s not for all to see. It’s a truly amazing place. Where all of time stands still. Where anxiety and stress melt away without ever having to take a pill. It’s a living, sentient creature. I know that’s hard to believe. Just be warned before you enter: for once you do you’ll never leave. It’s called Arkham Sanitarium for Mental Rehabilitation. It’s the place that you’ll call home. It’s your final destination. Alright, this next one is called: “Video Games Rule” Video games rule. They’re awesome and great. And anyone who disagrees can get eaten by a creepy clown
who lives under a sewer grate. Video games are the best. Of this you can be sure. Because there’s nothing in the world that people would rather do more, then to play video games every second of every day. At home, at school, at work. Even take them to their graves. Pong, Zork, Space Invaders, Asteroids, Missile Command. Joust, Galaga, Donkey Kong, Defender, Pitfall, Pac-Man. Gauntlet, Super Mario Brothers, Double Dragon, Tetris, Contra. Bubble Bobble, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, Ms. Pac-Man, The Legend of Zelda. Prince of Persia, Day of the Tentacle, Another World, Wolfenstein 3D. The Secret of Monkey Island, Wasteland, Duke Nukem 3D. Doom, Quake, Resident Evil, Tomb Raider, Fallout, Half-Life. Thief, Starcraft, System Shock, Baldur’s Gate, Counter-Strike. Skyrim, Bioshock, Call of Duty, Dead Space, Deus Ex, Diablo. World of Warcraft, Portal, God of War, Team Fortress 2, Grand Theft Auto. Left4Dead, Dead Space (oops! repeat),
Assassin’s Creed, Red Dead Redemption, Ico, Demon’s Souls. Minecraft, The Witcher, The Last of Us, Horizon Zero Dawn, Bloodbourne, Dark Souls. The list of games goes on and on, from puzzle solving to action and adventure. Now, if you will please excuse me, I’ve got a video game I’ve got to get back to. Alright, this next poem is called: “Room 241” Of all the rooms I’ve visited, there is one you should avoid. Room 241 of the human ward, resides a horror that should be destroyed. No one quite knows how it got there. It’s like a child misbegotten. But one thing we know is for certain: all who enter are soon forgotten. This next poem is called: “DnD” See if you can guess what it might be about. Dwarf, elf, barbarian, Human, gnome, half-orc. Go ahead and say it. Call me a fucking dork. See I don’t care what you say This is the game for me. It’s called Dungeons & Dragons. And it’s my favorite tabletop RPG. Go on a grand adventure. Seek out glory and fame. Slay an ancient dragon. Let everyone remember your name. Untold treasures await you, in dungeons far and deep. Maybe inside an ancient tomb, or beneath a castle keep. Beware of traps and monsters, that lurk around every turn. Make sure to bring enough rations, and fuel for your torches to burn. Will you be the dungeon master, to guide the players and tell the story? Or will you play a character, to take part in all the glory? Cast a spell, roll the dice,
make a saving throw, Will you survive the battle? Or to the Underworld will you go? It may not be a video game, and it may be hard to learn. But it brings people together. And isn’t that what we all yearn? Alright, this next one is called: “M” There’s a woman I know, who has red hair. She wears a white mask, All the time, everywhere. She got duct tape on her hands, and blood on her nurse’s gown. She’s my favorite reanimated girl, in this sorry ass, weird town. She’s married to a demigod, who came from another dimension. I sure would love to get rid of him, but I’m a lover, not an assassin. So for now I patiently wait, and hope one day she will see, that her and I should be together, for forever and eternity. Alright, this next poem is called: “Metal” Classical, pop, country, EDM, dubstep, trap. Some people may call that music, but to me it’s all fucking crap. Let me tell you about real music, the kind that makes your ears bleed. They call the genre “metal”, and it’s the only music you’ll ever need. Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Gojira, Death, King Diamond. Anthrax, Slipknot, Meshuggah, Opeth, Kreator, Iron Maiden. Motorhead, Tool, Nuclear Assault, System of a Down, Sepultura. Overkill, Prong, Alice in Chains, Celtic Frost, Behemoth, Pantera. Black Sabbath, AC/DC, Dio, Lamb of God, Korn, Rob Zombie. Testament, Exodus, Mastodon, Danzig, Gwar, Arch Enemy. Heavy, Thrash, Death, Progressive, There’s metal for everyone. Now if you will please excuse me, There’s still some moshing left to be done. And this is my final poem
I’m gonna share with you. It’s called: “Nutsack” And this is in the style of Olde English. Kind of, uhh.. how Corvus speaks from time to time. Nutsack, my nutsack, how doth I love thee so. Thou art my faithful companion, No matter wherever I go. Nutsack, my nutsack, Never a day passes by, when thou art there to make sure my nuts stay secure and dry. Nutsack, my nutsack, whenever I doth squeeze thee, thou maketh the finest crinkly sound, and helpeth me to rest easy. Nutsack, my nutsack, how doth I only love you. For as long as thou art with me, To thee I shall always stay true. And uh, still have some other poems, but, I think that’s all I kinda wanted to share for now. So, thank you very much, uh, for listening.
I hope you enjoyed. And I’ll try to make sure I pay you a visit sometime, and, have ourselves a nice little A.S.M.R. (Arkham Sanitarium for Mental Rehabilitation)
treatment session. maybe some more of my nutsack as well. Alright. Until then, uh,
take care of yourself, and uh, see you around here the halls
of the Sanitarium sometime. Maybe in the cafeteria. Peace.