The “Unhappy” Habit // Slam(ish) Poem


I’m really nervous. (blowing raspberry) I have a habit. A regressive, repressive, obsessive impediment leaving esteem tattered torn debris and sediment rendering all progress a mere vague sentiment of collected quotes and little notes reminding me that I am worthy of betterment. I am worthy. It’s a notion so often, so kindly repeated to fight against years of self-hate so deep-seated, to remind me of times I could have retreated to reinforce in my heart: I deserve every start, and I have not yet been defeated. But, I have this… habit. A poisonous voice I can’t seem to persuade, A devil’s advocate whose sickness won’t go away, contaminating me as my confidence fades. Abhorring me, ignoring me digging through me with a self-destructive blade. It tells me — no, I tell me because this voice isn’t some unknown beast; it’s me, making me feel less, less, least. On my own self-doubts I prey, catch and feast I’m too late… It says “wait.” So quickly, so cruelly, my resistance is ceased. All my life I’ve proudly loudly proclaimed: “Everyone deserves love, unbridled, untamed!” but when I tell myself the whole idea’s reframed And those positive mantras so repeatedly famed leave me bruised, tattered, torn, and ashamed. I deny my happiness, turn from words I’ve claimed Resigned, I continue to help others while I lie maimed. I…am not worthy. Happiness is reserved only for others as they are, I alone am held up to my own highest bar. I deserve no happiness when I am subpar. I preach the self-love that I have none of. My habit, that voice, has thrown it too far. I’ve thrown it. Time and again, I’ve prolonged happiness a bit until I can feel I’ve completely earned it. When I’m prettier? More accomplished? Maybe more fit? Then I can smile. Then I’m worthwhile. This is my never-ending addictive habit. It hates me. It fills me with disgust for this person, this me, this body I’m in, the reflection I see for things I say and do, have done and will be for all the choices I make, for every last mistake my insecurities will me to hide, to flee. this infection believes my reflection is not perfection no resurrection of worth is mine without deflection Upon self-inspection, I have only negative detection: My complexion needs ejection; my body deserves no affection my life is a collection of rejection and devoid of direction These thoughts continue with disdainful inflection swirling around in cyclical convection Until I have no connection to safety and protection and I am convinced every part of me needs correction and I act as defection… from… myself. It’s quiet. And I’m lost. And I am gone. And I am not me. I am a wrecked ship abandoned beneath the sea That voice who once begged for my honor has silenced its plea. The habit lingers… extends its fingers… and closes the eyes of the dying disguise that I could never be. But — I am not my habit. My habit believes happiness is unrealistic, but I disagree; I’m more optimistic. The habit’s hypocrisy is somewhat sadistic holding joy at a length until I find the strength to challenge a foe so voyeuristic. I. Am. Strong. I am so much stronger than any dark thought, I defeat the enemy that negativity wrought. Whatever it says, I don’t deserve to be fraught with self doubt. Freed, I shout: “Finally I find the value I sought!” You deserve to be happy the way you are now. You should never wait to get rid of self-hate. You will survive all darkness, all pain, somehow. You don’t need your skin to be clearer to look in a mirror You don’t have to be thinner deserve to eat dinner, You are a winner. You are enough. So go out there and be happy and stuff

100 thoughts on “The “Unhappy” Habit // Slam(ish) Poem

  1. Very amazing that someone so young can be so self reflective. Incredible work. : )

  2. I love this poem, as a foreign English speaker this actually learns me some words and it sounds so good. Linguistic art. 🙂

  3. UPDATE: Captions are now available on this video! Feel free to contribute captions or translations into another language on any of my videos, it helps a lot! 😀

  4. Far out, that was wicked!
    I listened to it again straight afterwards just to help process.
    Good stuff 👌

  5. This speaks to me on a very deep level. Very nicely put and such a cute ending too!

  6. I love this, it was so well put together, you're really talented ✨ I personally find sadness to be so addictive. Really happy I came across your channel, new sub x

  7. CAN YOU SING BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY A TWENTYONE PILOTS SONG.
    This was really reallly good.

  8. Absolutely loved this, could relate in so many ways.
    Sending love and positivity! < 3

  9. I'm just starting out and need people who are willing to grow with me. If you subscribe to my channel, I will subscribe to yours and I'll stay active on your channel, watching and commenting on your videos. Just comment Done on any of my videos after subscribing.

  10. THIS IS AMAZING. I AM OBSESSED. Very relatable and your writing is incredible! Thank you for sharing!!! ❤️❤️❤️

  11. This reminds me a lot of Lin-Manuel Miranda's work, the way rhymes overlap within a line. Love it!

  12. AMAZING. I love the massage you portray with your words. I really hope to see more of this 💟 you have so much passion and I can feel it. just subcribed, I make videos too, hope you check them out. xoxo

  13. I don't think it ever happened to me… Being one of the first 500 subscribers of a channel that's going to be huge!
    So when you'll have millions of subscribers, don't forget us
    Keep doing what you're doing and while the first 10,000 subscribers are hard to get, you have the potential of being a huge channel! Don't give up 🙂

  14. Interesting use of lighting / color balance. I don't know if it's intentional, but it's interesting.

  15. this is so good! You're truely amazing.
    I love this title because when I first realized that emotions actually are habits I was kinda mindblown. It's fascinating.

  16. I love slam poetry good job girl! I'm intrigued!

    My Channel: http://bit.ly/2kkrLW2

  17. What is it, that so many womens poems have to be about a serious topic? I visit almost every month the poetry slam in my town. And everytime a woman gets on the stage you can be sure that the poem will be about feminism or her thoughts about life/society.

  18. love it! subscribed !! i also make videos if you'd like to check them out 😀

  19. WOW. A standing ovation. That just woke me up. That was incredible. Thank you. Check out my channel for Spoken word-short films-this not spam- my complexion is olive and so i don't need a tan….i don't drink soda so i don't need to throw away a can….illl just keep writing spoken word because i can.

  20. Excellent poem.. Im no poet or even remotely experienced enough to give advice on life, but I am here and I thought I'd say hi and share my thoughts 🙂
    I like the poem, the end message I think wasnt brought out enough though, another verse could be added there to turn the mood of the poem, I get the suddenness, but the mystery was always pointing to that, maybe divert further away or lead to it to build it up.
    Excellent delivery aswell 🙂

  21. This video is just so …. i can;t even find the words honestly ^^, thank you sharing this with us, really

  22. this is great poetry, a great video and great editing good job 👌👌👏

  23. I love this so much!!!! Kudos for you for being so brave and putting your creativity on the internet for all to enjoy!

  24. That my friend, was brilliant! Thanks God for people like you who still see the value of poetry.

  25. Wow, this is really nice! Going through your other videos now 🙂

  26. I feel like this is a beautiful cross between formal poetry and rap. I feel also that this comes from a very authentic place. I like it – genuinely. I don't always like the content of the people who are on Nick's live streams but I genuinely like this a lot. I think i need the exclamation mark in adjective from to describe what you've written.

  27. great message. incredible to be aware of yourself. was wondering how you came across strange day?

  28. dude your channel is legit!!! you know ill give it a try. thumbs up and sub my friend. keep it up!!! you are doing great

  29. Hi Quin! I just subbed to you back. You are so cute! Your channel looks great. You an I have about the same amount of subs, so I hope things keep going well for you. 🙂

  30. Oh… my..GOD
    Did you write this ?!
    I looooove it!!!
    Wow!

    (I thought I subscribed the last time we talked, idk what happened… anyways I'm subscribed NOW!)

  31. kind of reminds me of some twenty one pilots, I like it

  32. You are so inspiring! thought I'd check you out after seeing a comment you left under a Tim Schmoyer video 😊

  33. I had goosebumps through the whole thing, this was a killer way of describing how we can be our own harshest critics and how the ego can sometimes drag us down when it should be a tool to better ourselves and lift us up. Beautiful 🙂

  34. This is usually not the type of video I watch, but i clicked to your channel to look for a discord or Twitter because of a comment you made on another channel. This video started playing, so I just let it. That being said, this is easily the best thing I've watched this year, as well as some of the best words that could be heard in a lifetime! I know you're happy now, and this was written about the haunting of your past. Because of that I know it was difficult, so thank you for sharing this!

  35. The Poem is quite actually quite heart warming…keep it up 😛

  36. Wow! youre so talented girl..like your poem and your voice…great thumbs up from me!,..i have my channel too appreaciate if you could visit just uploaded my first vídeo last week… hope we can be friends and support each other..Goodluck and Godbless!

  37. Very well written and read! Deep poem! Was browsing randomly today and glad I found this! 👍👍👌👌

  38. Love the poem…with the background music and we'll edited!
    You've got talent!
    Keep being you and being creative! 👍👌👏😀👋

  39. That was an exquisite poem. The best I have ever heard. You just got another subscriber.

  40. Such a beautiful poem! And your delivery is amazing! This articulates something I had felt for such a long time. Thank you for this! Will be sharing 💖

  41. Oh my gosh, wow this is incredible! I'm surprised it's not viral. I love it so much!!

  42. Wow. This is really really awesome and honestly kind of what I needed right now. You are very talented!

  43. Wow! Truly Amazing! Spoke to me on a Whole Different level!💜 I will always be happy! 😀

  44. This may be an old video but it still holds its value, this poem is great! Remember you are great!

  45. I'm learning english and i think i will watch your channel, i like your accent 😀

  46. I love this and I feel the same way . Your really good. I liked shared and subscribed.

  47. I love your creativity. Very nice! I saw your comment on Sunny Lenarduzzi's video on How To Create A Successful YouTube Channel and thought to say hi and give your channel some love. Stop by one of my videos and say hi, especially if you like to get inspired, motivated or just want to laugh with me and my daughter. You are definitely invited. 😉

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