Tinder Experiment #1: Sweet Sweet Love Poems for Guys on Tinder


I’ll lick your nipple… Just swipe, swipe
swipe. The first guy. Cause you know men are sitting there swiping right for everyone.
David seems like a fine young boy. He is 27 years old, went to Duke University, he’s 5
miles away. Software engineer in NYC enjoying life and being spontaneous. Fencer, traveler,
photographer, Blue Devil. What’s a Blue Devil? Bought a skateboard on a whim recently and
I’m trying to learn how to use it without breaking my neck. Ok David, gonna write you
a little ditty. Oh David, you spontaneous software developer. If you have a hot girlfriend
I hope you dump her and travel the world with me instead because I am so good in bed. I
will have sex with you on your skateboard. I hope you agree and we’re in accord. So can
we meet tonight for a fencing match. If you try to run away, you I will catch. And yell
at you David En Garde. Right me or your honor is marred. So shall we duel or shall we make
love. Now you can end it. Dove, above, this is hard. Why is love so hard to rhyme? Why
is love so hard Cailin, I don’t know. Oh my David, oh my dove, my sweet dove, that’s nice.
I sent it. Oh David wrote back. Dove not am I. He who writes back is a hot guy. That’s
true! It is. Very hot, he wrote. Dove not am I. He who writes back is a hot guy. Very
hot. Wait is that a haiku? David, you are a humble man. I’ll lick your nipple fast as
I can. My nipples prefer to it slow and while you’re at it can you go real low. Oh things
are, he’s getting frisky. I can go as low as, your knees, as you knees and only if you
say pretty please. But your feet I shant ever touch. A foot fetish is just much too much.
A foot fetish is a fetish too much. Ya it’s a fetish too much. Nothing against foot fetishes,
but ya we’ll just pretend that when he said go real low he obviously meant his feet. Ya,
what else could he have meant? I don’t know. Oh, he just said not into feet. I guess you
meant your shin in which case, when do we begin? Tonight at 8? Is it a date? Is it a
date? If he says yes then you have to go out with him. He said nah I’ll pass I’m bored.
Burn. I’ll say sad face. Bye David.

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