‘Unattractive’ by Mariyam Saigal | English Poetry | YourQuote Handpicked

When you take my glasses off and notice
how my eyes cross, I won’t tell you about hypermetropia where due to long sightedness,
my eyes can’t focus and to avoid a double vision my eyes cross. I won’t tell you it can be treated instead I’ll tell you “My eyes are multi tasking, one eye
looking back at you and another that has been searching for home for far too long.”
When you laugh at my bulgy nose, I’ll tell you, “How it’s one of the very few
things, I inherited from my father, his pride made his nose bulgy whereas I drew
sharp breaths, every time a blow was thrown at me, every time I heard the
sound of belt meeting skin, every time I inhale the smoke that came from
cigarettes, every time I saw that mattress smudged with blood.” I’ll tell
you, “Maybe that’s why my nose is bulgy because it refuses to let go of sobs I
suppressed anywhere but within words.” When you lean in to kiss me and you don’t
find red, full lips rather thin and discolored ones I will quote Milnes to you,
I’ll tell you, “These lips are as thin as a brief forgotten dream and they were
first kissed by a Dementor and he sucked the marrow from my lips and drained it
of color. Lips that hadn’t even learned how to paint wild fantasies.” When your
tongue runs through the gap in my front teeth, I’ll not tell you how they call it
diastema. But rather how I call it the Great Escape where words trapped behind
this cage made of twenty-eight bars created cracks in-between and lashed out,
which on some days, made me a casualty in my own home. When you kiss my cheeks and
a jaw that is more bone than flesh I’ll tell you how, “I’ve bit the insides of my
cheeks swallowing words that still lay undigested, at the pit of my stomach.
Maybe, that’s why, I am skinny. Maybe that’s why there are days I binge eat
and there are days I don’t eat at all.” When you whisper something in the middle
of the night and I cannot hear it, I won’t tell you, how people call me deaf
rather I’ll tell you about 26 continuous slaps that’s still ring in my ear
some nights. And I’ll tell you I know it’s 26. Because that’s the number of
times, I told myself, “It’s going to be okay.” I
tell you, how the insides of my right ear bled, when my father put a matchstick
in it to clean it. Because I clearly wasn’t paying attention when he was
talking. When your fingers do not find long dense hair rather gets tangled in
my short curls, I’ll tell you, “It refuses to grow, maybe because it cannot bear the
thought of being pulled and banged in the walls anymore.” When your fingers do
not find a bosom, that’s too big for your palms. I’ll not tell you, how natural
my breasts are rather I’ll tell you about a 13-year-old chest that has bore
punches as hard as my father’s heart and I’ll tell you, “Maybe this chest is flat
now, but it has always refused to be knocked down.” When you trace the scars on
my knees, I’ll tell you how my knees fell in prayer to God every day, asking, “Ya
Rabb Maddad, Ya Rabb Maddad,” and no help came, until
I stopped asking. When you don’t find smooth moisturized legs wrapped around
your waist rather hairy ones that tickle your back and you laugh at my femininity.
I’ll tell you, how after I discovered I was a woman, I pretended to be a man
because men could get away with anything. But my body could have produced enough
testosterone to keep up with this demand, so I’m left with this as a reminder that
a woman cannot even get away with unshaven legs. When you feel me at parts
I’ve been told carry my dignity, I’ll wince in pain. I’ll tell you, how my dignity
was snatched away from me and I’m trying to grow it back every day, trying to find
my worth in poems and books, trying to find what more can dignify me apart from
my sexuality. And when I get comfortable with you and I overstep your boundaries,
you’ll push me away and I’ll tell you, “I’m sorry I wasn’t invading. I’m nothing
but a refugee and I mistook you as an asylum. And when you tell me that
every conversation with you now just feels like
a hunt for a poem. I’ll wonder, if you noticed that I’ve always been a scared
kid, who hides behind amateur metaphors that have shielded, comforted, accepted me,
unconditionally, like a mother that I wish I had. So when I run out stories to
keep you engaged and you call my plot to his loopholes, you’ll see me as someone
who neither has mystery or a gorgeous body, just someone with words, you’ve
heard, before too many times. And you will leave. Before leaving you will tell me
you loved me but I was too much. You’ll call me beautiful, out of pity.
But discard me away as, “Unattractive.” Unpleasant to, “look at.” In that moment
I’ll know, that you have only been looking, not loving.

100 thoughts on “‘Unattractive’ by Mariyam Saigal | English Poetry | YourQuote Handpicked

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  2. The title 'unattractive' is definitely not suitable here. You look beautiful ❀️. And you have a smile so genuine and rare. And when I say beautiful I don't mean it just for the way you look, I feel your beautiful soul too. MashaAllah ❀️

  3. Aapi! Ain't you just amazing? You just nailed it, I'm gonna share it as much as I can..❀

  4. ❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀ Ur not ugly, ur not pretty , Ur mariyam the person ur….❀

  5. I am extremely sorry it took me this long to finally watch this.
    I love you Mariyam and you are anything but unattractive. <3

  6. Bless u mariyam….may u live a full life and be loved cherished like u deserve to be….i hope your pain subsides sweetheart…..the lord is kind….indeed there is better to come….

  7. You nailed it with the wisest of words girl. Hats off to you Mariyam.. And yes you are beautiful..

  8. "You.. Have only been looking, not loving…."
    WOW.. Just wow..!!!

  9. It's just wow. It's really great. Words that one can feel. Mariyam I really love you for this.

  10. very amazing. i cant express how i like this….
    may Allah bless u always keep it up…
    and best part is we dont need loudly voice but we need is sharp words….

  11. How beautifully u said it all…!!! M speechless.. This is amazing πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

  12. These are truly one of the most beautiful words I have ever seen out of thousands of poetries and stories.

  13. "That you have only been looking and not loving!" My Gosh! Such a deep, touching write-up. How strong you are! I'm hypnotized… Hats off πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘!

  14. ppl now a days are jux looking not loving πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘ŒπŸ»πŸ‘ŒπŸ» great story touched my soul ❀️

  15. This is something I never could hv imagined..!
    Its a tight slap on patriarchal society

  16. you prove how words are powerful ..stronger as steel becuz u have such a powerful words……

  17. God bless you mariyam…Goosebumps… it touched my soul…. it feels like soul to soul conversation… girls accept and love yourself the way you are… you inherit the most beautiful nature and you are the unique creature…art can't be perfect it just beautiful and we are the art of god

  18. Rula diya tumne yaar 😫😫 I think u r the most attractive girl

  19. Had to stop in between. Too much truth for me to handle in a single day.

  20. I took a very deep breathe after the poem ended… because I was so focused that LITERALLY i just forgot to inhale….her words Oh my God her words are so beautiful…. A salute and just…. WOW.

  21. u think u r not attractive but there is a noor in it face. continue maryam u r riseing the Muslim ummah

  22. You are truly beautiful..
    D bulgy nose is not to be ashamed of rather it is d proof of how well reputed you are..
    Remember being beautiful is more important than being pretty!!

  23. Beautiful at the same time powerful.. I hav heard sth so gd after so long…

  24. It just left me speechless…never I have ever heard such a heart touching poem ..salute to this girl

  25. People will die, hopes will die,
    The promises will also be broken,
    People will stop believing,
    Commitments will be Forgotten,
    Lust will end with age.,
    But the love will
    Remain in the heart,
    Because Love is IMMORTAL.

  26. People like you see the world in thier own way which is always beautiful and realistic than others 😊

  27. That is so beautiful, look at the irony β€œpain” is so beautiful , i wish it felt less painful and more beautiful .

  28. Allah gives u everything thing NYC but now a days people thinking is wrost don't think anyone else

  29. Damn ! Ur words left me heartbroken 😭😭😭😭..love ur spirit 😘😘

  30. Listening to it again and again and still got no words to describe what I feel?

  31. Amd the kind of beauty you carry is too damn rare that all the people in world will only see it over you.

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