Watsky- Leopards & Horseshoes [Poetry]



what makes humans different than the rest of the food chain is not that we're at the top of it when I got my first pet ever a leopard gecko back from the pet store I was distressed don't do this to me don't do this to me what do you mean that leopard geckos don't climb walls the whole freakin point of getting a cat go is later you can send them on spy missions [Applause] I learned to love him for what he was not I named him sizzler after my favorite restaurant where you could get chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs let me tell you there is no more inspiring a buffet item than a lump of reconstituted chicken parts that styles itself as a Stegosaurus so sizzler was a fitting name for a leopard gecko a truly aspirational Beast the earthbound gecko that lives its life not as some played out green want to be reptilian spider-man but as a vicious jungle cat following and the glorious tradition of the whale shark the catch fish the egg plant and of course the horseshoe crab the crab that dreams of being a horse's shoe I fed sizzler crickets that sat in a terrarium that sat in a bathtub so in case they somehow managed to escape the cage they'd struggle fruitlessly against the impossibly high slick porcelain prison walls I'd shake the crickets up in a paper bag full of protein powder like some fucked-up death maraca until sizzler [Applause] until sizzler crunched in a wing or a spare leg hanging out his lower jaw like salad greens I couldn't figure out why I was feeding my pets to each other I had this little secret sometimes I'd slip into the bathroom and whoops glance the terrarium roof and slided a crack to grant the crickets that could climb that granite slab a fighting chance in case they made it over they were honorary geckos a few of them escaped into the wall paneling where they played their tiny violins as long as they had music in their legs I gave sizzler back to the pet store I stopped eating at his namesake restaurant I started thinking that if chickens wanted to be dinosaurs then maybe we should allow them that privilege while they were you know still alive it was years before I came to the conclusion that you can't stop the brutal beauty of the food chain by removing yourself from it there's no life without death there's no way to live perfect so flush that dream down the toilet anyone who's ever and owned a teakettle knows that even water screams when you boil it anyone who's driven a car on the freeway has committed bug genocide even if you're a vegetarian your supermarket produce is sprayed with a product called insecticide how do you rectify that there are people dying watsky and you're worried about crickets in a world not get rid of rape and murder you're talking beef and pig on bacon burgers when kids still beef with pigs on Hagan burger I'm not saying I'm not saying we don't need to take care of us just that we lose nothing by expanding our definition of us what makes humans special is not our ability to oppress those weaker than ourselves it's our willingness to protect them to empathize and no motherfucker is not an excuse to dress your dog up like a sailor on shore leave that's just obnoxious I'm aware that catco's don't want to be leopards and crickets don't dream of being lizards that those are human projections onto animals that are simply out here trying to function a dune I do however believe in the horseshoe crab the crab that dreams of being a horse's shoe and maybe you've never seen four living crustaceans glue themselves underneath the thoroughbreds hoofs go ahead and tell me there's no way that'd be an exoskeleton could support the weight of a two-ton Clydesdale man come at me bro I've seen it and I believe Brave New Voices do you believe in the horseshoe crab [Applause] I looked at that horse and I said hey horse nice shoes and that horse said I'm really touched I didn't realize that humans were capable of feeling you know I'm not naive dude I know that those horse shoes underneath me are no horse shoes at all hell don't tell him but he's not even a horseshoe crab if you lean in close you can tell by the shell he's actually a hermit crab the genuine article and I'm no horse bitch I'm a barnacle thank you very much [Applause] bitch try this you can't keep them Square to bitch

40 thoughts on “Watsky- Leopards & Horseshoes [Poetry]

  1. Saw this man in concert a couple days ago, and I can say now he just does this same thing but to music

  2. this is… an apt description of how leopard geckos eat. though crickets aren't the healthiest option for leos as a staple diet

  3. I'm absolutely unbelievably in love with you you're so amazing, intelligent, and innovative 💗

  4. "Anyone who's ever owned a tea kettle knows that even water screams when you boil it"

    Can we just

  5. I love Watsky, but dude. Animals are not water. And just because you can't be perfect doesn't mean you shouldn't do what you can to reduce harm.

  6. What does he have on the bottom of his shoes cause they don't look like hellies

  7. I could make such pretty babies with you Watsky…
    You make me nostalgic for 10th grade computer class with my best friend.
    Narin if your out there I miss ur crazy ass! We made Paris and Nicole Richie look like amateurs 😘

  8. whenever im having a bad day i love to watch old watsky poetry. it always leaves me awe that someone can seemingly string words together to create something that is just so fucking awesome.

  9. do you believe in the horseshoe crab? heelies away this man is a myth

  10. Here we witness a Bananna Legged Sky Wat in his natural environment, priming a predominately carnivorous audience (as calculated by laughter analysis) to the creative sound frequencies of switching to plant based eating – which are just below their levels of combative social strain… Watsky lends himself to become a pre-conscious vessel for the Vegan movement by innocently and intelligently massaging the debate into a greater degree of order. Watsky is a great voice of the Awakening. Kudos Brother! Go Vegan!

  11. You can't stop the beauty of the food chain by removing yourself from it, there's no life without death.
    there no way to live perfect,so flush that dream down the toilet.
    Anybody who has ever owned a tea kettle knows even water screams when you boil it.

  12. I finally think I get the last line. The idea is that the thing we thought was the horse, the one to whom the horseshoe crab stuck, over which it domineered, was never the one in power. Rather is was the horse that clung to the 'shoes' and relied on them.

  13. "I'd shake the crickets up in a paper bag full of protein powder like some fucked up death maraca." lmfao funniest thing I've heard in a long time. that's original as fuck

  14. This was such a joy to watch, I really want to go to a live show.

  15. This is fantastic but that sassy women in the crowd is annoying as hell…

  16. for people looking for the shoes watsky is wearing in this, theyre heelys with the toe cut out and his size shoe overtop, but they do sell adult size on their website

  17. I'm part of an unknown rap group which will be releasing songs soon, but we believe in giving people a voice. Do u have a story that needs to be told that u want us to tell through our music? If yes , reply it back!

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