when my insanity is coming round – a poem

I am running out of ideas stuck in agony trying to find that passion I once had desperately am I who they want to see or just a projection of who I used to be? I’m trying to find a peace of mind that could be described as kind of kind but I always end up in a trench you see my mind is a kind of mess. I break down under all that stress I can’t think of new things to say or why to stay with friends or family and talk to them I don’t know how to talk to them. I’m kind of stuck. I’m running out of luck or so it seems I’m ripping apart at my seams and I do so desperately need a break, but I don’t know how to take myself seriously Don’t know how to speak honestly in a society that sweeps everything under the rug Anything like my mind gets you stuck. I feel like I’m going crazy, going insane, there are too many thoughts in my brain. I am tired of my current life current emotions are non-existent and I feel like I’m going on a pointless rant that I usually only tweet, hit send on my emotions and thoughts I don’t share I would never dare show my true feelings to anyone Do I actually trust no one enough? My pain demands to be felt, to be thought through and over-thought again My brain demands to be heard, especially when I am hurt I’m overthinking isolating Repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat I hate myself, I love myself, I hate myself, I love myself Oh, I hate myself I want to be special want to be enough But all I’m going through makes me rough I’ll never be a diamond, will never shine but whenever asked, I’ll say I’m fine. I can’t stand silence at all It’s the time my health starts to fall down and low The bottom of the universe is where you’ll find me hoping to find who I used to be Before I realized what’s wrong when I heard the song behind the song Behind my thoughts. I’m breaking, I’m shaking, I’m trying, I’m crying for somebody’s attention Stuck in my obsession It’s my only intention I neeed somebody to be there somebody who will dare to try to ease my mind when I can’t find a way out When my insanity is coming round

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