Why I Cut Myself | Cut

– I went into my room, and I used part of the blade on the scissors, and I scratched my wrist three times. And, that’s when I was
like, “Oh, I get it now.” (solemn guitar music) – My name is Shannon. I’m a mom, and I do stand-comedy. – My name is Faith, and I am a student. – I haven’t started it
yet, so I can’t tell you. – We’re to talk about
cutting, self-injury. – I did, and it’s weird because I have really never talked about it before. – I started when I was 14, and
I guess about four months ago was my last time that I actually cut. – One day clean. So, I mean, I gotta start somewhere. – Yeah, so I was 13, and a friend of mine was talking to me about cutting, and, to be honest, I thought
it sounded kinda stupid. – I was hanging out with my best friend. We found some broken glass on the ground, and I really thought my best friend and I were the only two people on
the planet that had done that. – I was nervous at first to do it, and then I think the overwhelming
voice in my brain of, “You’re not worth it, and
you should be doing this,” kind of overcame that
fear of cutting for me. – In middle school, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. – It feels like the end of the world. – There’s a lot of anger
with my depression. I tend to lash out at people, and then I feel really guilty, and then it’s this constant wheel of you did this to this person, so you’re a really bad person, you shouldn’t be here,
you shouldn’t be alive. – When I would cut, I all
of a sudden felt like, well I’m taking matters into my own hands, and then it would kind of
make me feel in control again. – My thoughts leading
up to cutting have been, “You are really shitty, you
don’t deserve to be here, “you deserve to have
these marks on your body. “Everything that has happened in “your past, that is all your fault. “Everything is your fault.” And, then when I do cut, then
for about five or 10 minutes, I’m just sitting there and
it is quiet in my brain. – For me, it toned down my mind. So, it was like being somewhat sedated. – I kind of felt in a trance. – But, that euphoria only lasts for about five or 10 minutes. – So, you have to redo it and redo it, and it becomes an addiction. – I wanted the voices to stop, I wanted the memories to stop,
I wanted the pain to stop. – Being abused by family members was something that stuck with me, still sticks with me, to this day. – My mom was big into meth, and we would be left for days without
a parent or anybody, and my mom would bring over
random boyfriends to the house that would sexually abuse
both my brother and I. So, I actually got to
see a lot of his abuse, and a lot of my abuse I don’t remember, just because of how traumatic it was. – I was sexually molested by my father. And, I was also beat up by my grandfather. And, that’s what kind
of started my anxiety, and that’s also when I
started self-harming. – This one on this arm’s
probably my worst one. I was in the depths of an
unstable, toxic relationship. I bought a really sharp knife for chopping vegetables or whatever. And, I just went huh, and
it was like, “Whoops!” – I had a very abusive boyfriend, and I found myself alone in this big house and just having all my thoughts to myself about this relationship. I think in those moments, those were definitely my deepest cuts that I’ve done. So, those were the ones that showed up pink and stayed over over time. – When I first started,
what my friend told me is that it’s a way to
alleviate of thoughts. But, the thing is, the
thoughts are still there, they just move to the back of your mind. But, once you push something away, it comes back ten times stronger. – It helps with the pain you’re feeling, but then you start feeling other pains, like the guilt from it, if
people are gonna find out, when people see it,
what’re they gonna think. – For a long time, I wore long sleeves, like pretty much everywhere I went. It felt like it was a
deep, dark, dirty secret. – When my sister was 11,
she did see my wrists. And, she grabbed my
wrist and she said, “No.” She said, “You’re a good Desi.” She’s like, “You’re a good sister.” And, she was like, “No, no.” Just having her have that reaction, it was like, I don’t wanna do this. – The last time I did it,
I usually cut on my thighs, but this time it was on my arm. Sorry. – I was looking at my mom, ’cause she doesn’t know about that. But, the time I cut my
arm, which was yesterday, or two days ago, sorry. It was probably one of the scariest times because I cut a vein, and my hand was semi-paralyzed for a second, and it bled so much that
I thought I was dying. And, that was the deepest cut I’ve cut. – I had so many cuts on
my arm, my arm was numb. There was some that would still bleed, there was, yeah, it
was not pretty, at all. – Here’s my arm, and it’s right there. It was the deepest one. And, still, my hand isn’t
working right, I don’t know. It gets a little numb when I move it. – My friend decided to step in and turn me into the school
counselor at that point. – I hated them for a long time. And, I think today I do appreciate them for caring enough about me to actually say something to somebody. – I haven’t thought about
doing it in a really long time, and I do think that was the help of going to therapy and just kind of unloading sometimes is really helpful. – I started going to a recovery group. The validation of
knowing that someone else went through the same thing or is going through the same thing,
that’s what helps me a lot. – I have habits now that I do, like go out or go for a walk or go for a drive, listen to really loud music. – I would carry a pen or a sharpie, and anytime I wanted to cut,
I would just start drawing, so that you can see it visually, but you’re not doing any harm to yourself. – No. They’re little markers to
remember that part of my life. – Yeah. – Definitely, definitely. – I do like to wear bathing
suits out to the beach, and I do have scars on
my side and on my legs that people want to look
at and they stare at. – I do worry that at some point, my kids are gonna know why
my arms look like this, and they’re gonna think
differently about me. And, I don’t want my kids to be disappointed in me.

100 thoughts on “Why I Cut Myself | Cut

  1. Not laughing at 0:17……….. Even back then I can't remember the first part of this video. I always stopped and clicked it off…………..

  2. Am I the only dude, man/boy that cut themselves? Is this something that dudes don't open up about or don't do?

    My arms and lower legs are mangled(?) with scars and I just can't get over how this video seems sexist…

  3. My friend told the police that I cut Bc I told them I secretly hated them for awhile. She then ditched me a few months later.

  4. ๐™ธ๐š๐š” ๐š ๐š‘๐šข ๐š™๐šž๐š ๐™ธ ๐š๐šŽ๐šŽ๐š• ๐šŠ๐š— ๐šž๐š›๐š๐šŽ ๐š๐š˜ ๐šŒ๐šž๐š ๐š–๐šข ๐š•๐šŽ๐š ๐šŠ๐š—๐š ๐š›๐šŽ๐šŠ๐š•๐š’๐šŸ๐šŽ ๐š–๐šข ๐šœ๐š๐š›๐šŽ๐šœ๐šœ ๐šŠ๐š—๐š ๐šœ๐šŠ๐šข ๐™ธ ๐š“๐šž๐šœ๐š ๐š๐šŽ๐š•๐š• ๐š’๐š— ๐šŠ ๐š‹๐šž๐šœ๐š‘…

  5. I promised myself to not grab a knife towards my body again
    but it doesnโ€™t mean i canโ€™t do it w my nails

  6. gotta start somewhere
    my exact thought two years ago! really chilling how open and honest these people were. I hide my wrist subconsciously and never wear short shorts cause the scars are embarrassing. much love to everyone struggling ๐Ÿ–ค

  7. If ur gonna do this just do it softly with a razor from a razer then it probably wont hert as bad

  8. Anyone else feel like if they arenโ€™t hurting themselves, they are hurting others.

  9. I was maybe.. 1 year clean? My best friend helped me through it.. but then this month she left because of personal problems and now iโ€™m not clean. I really need help.

  10. Guess what you do not grow out of this…40 and still self-harming. It's hard to get help.

  11. ใ€Šโ€ขScars dont mean you failed they mean you survivedโ€ขใ€‹

  12. I cut because i feel as if im not worth life.
    If you knew me irl you'd know why
    I look hideous, my voice is annoying, and im too fat for a 12 year old (160 pounds)
    And acne also my teeth are crooked.
    SO RIP ME.
    And here i am nagging on the internet…
    (im trying and I WILL lose weight btw so dont worry abt my health)
    idk if im depressed like i can feel peRfExtLy FiNE but sometimes i feel nun or sad
    Im not bipolar bc i never feel on top of the world..
    I also sometimes get anxious around ppl
    (not to serious anxiety tho)
    I just deserve to die. Like if i were to die i wouldnt care and neither should you bc loving me is a waste.
    (pretty harsh) oof have a good day bye

  13. GUYS This is MK Ultra mind control do not fall for it blaze your bud daily and be stronger ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿป

  14. came here because the urge to cut was really strong and now im crying (barely one month clean and trying to stay away from relapsing)

  15. I'm 2 years from when I was 13-14 till now I'm 22 clean and this is a addictive thing it's a way of coping and it's not ok

  16. I just messed up one and a half years clean of cutting.
    I feel like the worst kind of person. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

  17. thanks for the trigger warning for self-injury at the beginning of the video. it would have helped, though, to add a tw for suicidal thoughts as well.

  18. Oh god somebody help Iโ€™m a bit stressed and I feel like cutting my self and bleeding but Iโ€™m to scared to try and it seems like nobody cares if I do or not I havenโ€™t tried yet but I may try soon so before I do is there anyway that I would stop feeling like citing my self cuss I donโ€™t want to get addicted pls.

  19. I've also been molested multiple times I'll pray for the red haired girl, Guys cut too, I'm almost a year clean

  20. Talking about depression and when someone hears, they call me an attention seeker. I'm free now and I would NEVER get back it.

  21. I wanna hug them and Iโ€™m depressed too I try not to hurt others… I hate being sad๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ช๐Ÿ’”

  22. I'm crying a lot ๐Ÿ˜ข this video's relatable, and the girl with red hair breaks my heart.

  23. I started cutting at like 11 and Iโ€™m 13 now and I still do it sometimes not I scratch my wrist with my nail until it bleeds but it doesnโ€™t look like self harm so idk

  24. How the fuck do you get to the point of cutting yourself?? Never once have I thought that. If some one hurts me or abused me, my first reaction is to harm the MF

  25. i cut from the ages 10-15 and i am now 2 years clean. also i want to say im proud of everyone that is trying to stop, its a big step and its very difficult. the amount of time you've been clean doesnt have as much meaning as your mental health and true happiness. i hope everyone can stay strong and keep fighting <3

  26. I almost cut myself when I was 7 but I was too scared to but yesterday (9-5-19) I did it for the first time and it helped but I just donโ€™t want to put my mom through pain if she sees them …

    Oh yeah and Iโ€™m 12 which is worse but I guess this is my life

  27. I have had this problem for a while now I have a supply of razor I use to cut myself . I cut myself to relieve the pain. I don't want to have to feel pain no more. I want it to stop . I can't get no help they see me and I know it. I tell for help. I get drunk to relieve the pain. I also cut I want the pain the stop. I feel no on feels what I feel. I drink to curb the pain it doesn't help. I'm tired let it please stop

  28. Today I cut myself for the first time.It actually happened way easier than I thought.So.…I hope I donโ€™t continue.

  29. I was a year clean and relapsed last week. The woman in the burgundy shirt is the one I related to the most.

  30. I've been clean for 2 weeks.
    depression feels like dying inside, but over and over again.
    I have PTSD, I'm a sexual abuse survivor.
    cutting for me was an escape from the pain and shame that I felt. Not for attention.
    There's such a stigma around mental health, we (people who struggle with mental health), aren't any different. We're just struggling.

  31. I feel so sad for these people, especially since the girl with red hair said she normally doesnโ€™t go for her arm but theyโ€™re was so many deal cuts and scars on her arm I canโ€™t imagine her legs, I understand these people, Iโ€™m over 3 months clean but Iโ€™ve been wanting to relapse for some time now ๐Ÿ˜•

  32. Sorry, I know some (keyword:' 'some') of you guys didn't cut for attention, but I feel like there's a shit ton of attention seekers in the comments rn lying or not being legit, or just saying they cut for attention.

    This will probably offend someone but it's the truth, shit ton of faking attention seekers up in here.

  33. Damn I wish I could help some of these people in the comments ): I hope they stay clean as long as possible while being at least a little emotionally stable.. Iโ€™ve been clean for some time now, after I had depression &an eating disorder. I think itโ€™s been like half a year since I last hurt myself purposely. Tbh itโ€™s a surprise cuz they gave me meds that I never took and Iโ€™ve been getting better by myself, still in therapy but yeah, Iโ€™m feeling stable for now and hopefully for the future too (:

  34. I started cutting when I was 11 years old.
    I'm 24 now and clean for about a year now ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’•

  35. I would scratch myself when I had anxiety attacks.

    The โ€œvoiceโ€ kept saying โ€œwhat ifโ€ I would scratch my legs and arms and I would bleed a lot I have a few scars on my legs and arms. I started to scratch my face. Iโ€™m a week clean from scratching but before that I was like 4 months without scratching

  36. The ressin I started was wen i was 3 or 4 i sew my dad try to kill himself and I trapped that memery down but wen I was 13 I was I class and my psa techer was talking abute suasid then I started remeber i started crying histericly and got sent home so I just tolk my widdling knife and sat on my bed and cut my uper ankill

  37. Ive cut once. One big one. Across my arm, i want to do it again but i know its bad and im paranoid about people in school seeing and my mum and dad and family. I don't know what to do, please help

  38. iโ€™m reading all these comments and i just want to say I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU. SO PROUD.

  39. i used to ask my self ยฟwhy people did that to themselves and why didnโ€™t they just not?
    and now that i go through that i just remember my old self and think โ€œthat was was a dumbass question itโ€™s kinda obviousโ€
    and iโ€™m scared to tell my mom because she thinks that people who do that either do it for attention or want to kill themselves and just fail
    and i get her point because if you donโ€™t do it its hard to believe that other people do it but yeah also she is very judgy
    she never really means any harm but sheโ€™s just judgy

  40. I'm sorry but im dead ass laughing my ass off about the fact of the videos name and then the name of the chanel

  41. What a diverse group of ppl really appreciate how you contribute to the stigma around men that SH

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